life stage

A team of trainers and an empty calendar? A bag of baby carrots and the resolve of a living statue? Good genes? Nope, nope, and nope. The latest research says that the keyto lasting weight loss is all in your head.Here’s how to unlockthe slimmer, healthier you.

Lifestyle shifts like joining a gym and stocking the fridgewith fresh produce aregood,buttoreallymove the needle on the scale,you need to delve deeper, says Holly Lofton, assistant professorof medicine and surgery and director of the medicalweight-management program at NYU Langone Medical Center. “Take a hard look atyour pastweightloss attempts,”she advises.“Thinkabout whatgotinyourway,thenfindsolutions to those issues now.” Ifyou neverwent to the gym because itwas too far away, consider taking briskwalks. Ifyou regainedweight after a strict regimen of lettuce and nutrient shakes because

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO tolose weight: Eat a little less, move a little more, and figure outwhatworks for your body. “No more chocolate,”you declare. “I’ll take up CrossFit,”you promise. “I can livewithout chips for awhile,”youvow. But then one day you’re tired. Or grumpy. Or that lethal combo: hangry. Soyou figureyou deserve the raspberry truffle ball, dammit.And beforeyou’ve polished off that leftover holiday candy,you’ve begun spiraling down a slippery slope that endswith ice cream on the couch atmidnight.

Written by Laura Schocker Illustrations by Guyco

you didn’t knowwhat to eat once the dietwas over,you’ll need a more livable plan from the start.And ifyou don’twant to be known as the “heavy sister” anymore? Reframe that goal so it speaks to the positive thingsyouwant foryourself. It’s more enjoyable, of course, to run toward somethingwonderful than awayfrom something awful. That’s all easier said

All the science in theworldwon’t helpyou loseweightifyour heart isn’t in the game. It’s not enough to knowwhat to do—the secret is understanding how to makeyourself do it.What desires are drivingyourweight-loss efforts? How canyou tweakyour daily routine to make new, healthier habits feel easy? Experts have discovered that shiftingyour mind-set can giveyou an edge. “Dieting books focus almost exclusively onwhat andwhat not to eat,with the assumption that this is just a mechanical process,” says clinical psychologist EdwardAbramson, professor emeritus of psychology at California State University in Chico and the author of Emotional Eating. “It’s like, ‘Ifyou knowyou shouldn’t eat bacon, thenyou just shouldn’t eat bacon.’”That’swhy people fail at diets:They forget to account for moments of boredom,weakness, or sadness, orforanyotherperfectlynormalsituationthatcouldgetintheway. than done.To help, here are a few common pitfalls. Seewhich ones ring familiar—andlearnto sidestepthem once and forall.

If losing weight is kind of an abstract goal…

IDENTIFY YOUR SPECIFIC REASON FOR WANTING TO DROP POUNDS.

It’s no news flash that maintaining a healthyweight is good foryou. Even a small loss can improve blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar.And a large, sustainedweight loss can boost energy, mood, and self-confidence.The trickisclosingthegapbetweenthe knowledge andthe plan—especially when there are french fries between the two.To findyour motivation, create a list of reasonswhyyouwant to lose theweight, says Robin Frutchey, acounselorandbehavioraltherapist for the Johns HopkinsWeight Management Center in Baltimore.The more specific, the better: “Rather than saying, ‘Iwant to be healthy,’write down, ‘I want to loseweight so I don’t have a heart attack like Dad,’” she says. “It’s a bit more salient.”This can help motivate you nowanda few poundsdownthe line,whenyou lose steam. “Refresh your memory aboutwhy this is so important toyou,” says Frutchey. “Seeingthereasonsonpaper is helpful.”

Not a list maker? Create avisual cue. Post the “before” picture ofyourself in a bathing suit or at a family gatheringandlookatitwhenyou’retempted tostay in foranotherNetflixmarathon instead of heading to the gym, says Lofton. Ifyour reason is more internal (“Iwant to have energy for my kids”) than external (“Iwant to fit into my oldjeansagain”),youcanstillfindways to make itvisual—a photo ofyour children running and playing, say, or of the ride theywantyou to take them onatSix Flags.

If you swear off your favorite foods until you just can’t resist…

ADOPT A DIET PLAN THAT INCLUDES YOUR CRAVINGS.

Ifyou ban doughnuts forever, eventually everything starts to look (and maybe even smell) like a doughnut. “That’s one of the problems with dieting,” saysAbramson. “It frequently presents an all-or-nothing mentality.” But deprivation can set youupfor abinge:The momentyourresolve is weakened,you’ll reach for the entire box of doughnuts. So instead of never eating your favorite food again,Abramson suggests thinking of it as a dessert (yes, even ifyour trigger food is barbecue potato chips). Follow these rules for dessert: Eat it only after a meal,whenyou’re already pretty full. Eat a small portion, on a plate. Don’t sneak it.And enjoy it: “Eat it slowly,” says Abramson.“Prolongthepleasure.”Beyondthe happiness that comeswith keeping these treats in yourlife,havingasenseofagencyoverwhatyou eat can actually helpyou eat less. Knowingyou could eat that cookie ifyouwanted to,you’re morelikelyto weigh the pros and cons—and maybe decide it’s not worth it. “Whenyou don’t feel like somebody else is restricting you,you tend to make better decisions,” says Frutchey.

If you find yourself eating without even realizing it…

Maybe you keep up with a diet just fine—until you lose the weight. In that case, try to make healthy changes you can live with forever. Frutchey advises patients who ditch their diet out of boredom to challenge themselves with new recipes or sign up for a 5K run-walk.

SET UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT TO MAKE IT EASIER TO FOLLOW YOUR PLAN.

Theaveragepersonmakesabout200food-relateddecisionsaday, says BrianWansink, PhD, director of the Cornell Food and Brand Lab in Ithaca, NewYork, and author of Slim by Design. It’s not “Should I eat cereal for breakfast?” It’s “CerealA or cereal B? How much should I pour? How much milk do I need?” “Becausewe’re unaware of many of these decisions, the environment can push us to eat more,” saysWansink. Facedwith sugary cereal or bran flakes, you might choose the sugary cereal.Wansink’s radical idea: “Change your environment to helpyou mindlessly eat better.” One strategy is to straighten upyour kitchen. His research found that people in cluttered surroundings (dirty dishes, mail piles) ate 44 percent more snacks than those in a clean environment. “That out-of-control environment primesyou to say, ‘If the rest of theworld is out of control,why try to controlwhat I eat?’” he says. Clutter also raises stress levels, and that can lead to overeating.Another idea: Hide junk food. Research revealed that peoplewho kept fruit on their countersweighed 13 pounds less than their snack-displayingpeers.

If you snack when you’re bored (or stressed, orlonely)…

EAT ONLY WHEN YOU’RE ACTUALLY HUNGRY.

We eat for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to dowith being hungry. Weight loss comes easierwhenyou understandyour motivation. Start by spending aweek or twowriting down everythingyou eat and howyouwere feelingwhenyou ate it, suggests Rachel Goldman, PhD, a psychologist and clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine. Her tip: Pay special attention to the evening hours,which she notes are particularly difficult for many of her clients. “People think they’ve been ‘good’ all day, so they allow themselves to indulge—which could lead to overindulging,” she says. “Or someone may have had a stressful day and come home to take comfort in food.”Then there’s the modern classic: eating mindlessly in front of theTV.

Nexttimeyoufindyourselfabsentmindedly poking around the kitchen for a snack, stop and askwhetheryour body really needs food, suggests Goldman. If it happens often, she recommendstacking a sticky note that reads, “Why am I doing this?” or “Am I hungry?” to the cupboard door or the fridge to stopyou inyour tracks. Or askyourself, “Am I so hungry that I’d eat steamed broccoli?” Emotional hunger is usually for something specific, such as a carbohydrate or a sweet. “Whenyou’re physiologically hungry,you’ll eat anything,” says Goldman. Maybeyou’veidentified thatyou’refeeling,well, a feeling and not physical hunger. In that case, come upwith a list of three to five substitute behaviors for eating (brainstorm them now,when you aren’t hankering for a cookie). Find alternatives thatwill remove you from the situation, distractyou, and hopefully makeyou feel good or productive, says Goldman. Call a friend, take awalk, do a load of laundry,orworkona craft projectwithyourkid.

If you start out with great intentions but, in the moment, really want the darn cupcake…

FREE YOURSELF FROM THE IDEA OF WILLPOWER.

Willpower is an unreliable tool. “It’s a finiteresource,”says Abramson. And that meansyou run out of it as the day progresses. It’s easier to sayyes to exercise or no to a hunk of cheesewhen you’rewell rested than afteryou’ve turned down dozens of temptations all day (you got out of bed,you stopped a Gilmore Girls binge—the list goes on). You don’t needwillpower;you need a new thinking pattern thatyou can put on autopilot. Cognitive behavioral therapy suggests thatwe can train our brains to make better decisions.When it comes toweight loss, CBT explains

that there’s a thought between “I’m tired” and “Give me all the pizza.” It’s the self-sabotaging rationale: “I’m too tired to cook” or “Everyone else is eating pizza.Why can’t I?”The key is to catch that thought andreplaceit,explainsDeborahBeckBusis,alicensed clinical socialworker and coauthor of TheDiet Trap Solution. “In-the-moment decisions are hard,” she says.“Planinadvance.”

So right now—beforeyou findyourself facing mushroom-and-pepperonideliciousness—ask yourselfwhatyouwere thinking the last timeyou ate somethingyou later regretted.Whatwouldyou like totellyourself before it happens again? Maybe it’s “That extra slicewill makeyou feel sick” or “You’re so close toyour goals, andyou don’t really like mushrooms—it’snot worthit.” Then writedownyour reasons on paper or inyour phone and read them daily. It’s about building a skill, says Beck Busis, not about some magical “power”you either have or don’t.

If you stick to your diet—except when you’re out with friends…

STRATEGIZE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE.

If you typically celebrate life’s big and small moments with food, make a go-to list of calorie-free rewards: Splurge on the shoes you pinned to Pinterest. Spend the afternoon in the hammock with the latest Liane Moriarty read.

If you abandon your diet as soon as you “mess up”…

DETERMINE FEEL-GOOD MILESTONES THAT AREN’T ABOUT THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE.

You don’t have to cancel all social events to see progress on the scale;you just need to plan ahead. “Take the thinking out of the equation to make it easy for yourselfwhenyou’re in these situations,” says Goldman. Look at menus and decidewhat to order before you meet at the restaurant—since by then,you’ll be hungry and possibly influenced bywhat others are ordering. In his research at the Cornell Food and Brand Lab,Wansink found that placingyour order first can help, too.You’ll be less likely to cavewhenyour friend orders a bacon double cheeseburger. He also suggests limitingyourself to two “extras” (like a beverage, sides, or complimentary bread) over the courseof the meal.Thisway,you’re not deprivingyourself;you’remakingchoices.

A lot of factors go intoweight— medication, hormones, genetics, and water retention, to name a few.At times, despiteyour best intentions, the scale might not budge (and it might even go up a pound or two). Don’t let it getyou crazy—or makeyou quittrying. “I encourage my clients not to have purely weight-related goals,” says Frutchey. Instead,perhapsyouwantto feelconfidentinasleevelesstopordoallthe “push yourself” variationsinkickboxing class. Ultimately, “ifyou’re meeting your daily calorie and fitness goals,your weightwilllikelyfollow,” shesays. Accept, too, that sometimesyou might eat a cheeseburger.The experts agree: Stop beatingyourself up about it.Think of it as just one of the 200 food decisionsyou’ve made today—then move on. Frutchey tells If you’re prone to post-workout binges… her clients to keep a list of their smallvictories, FOCUS ON WHAT FITNESS CAN DO FOR YOUR BODY RATHER like choosing the apple THAN WHAT IT WILL ALLOW YOU TO EAT LATER. over the chips. “People You might assume that a gym session givesyou a free eating pass focus on the one thing for the rest of the day. In fact, one study published in the journal theydid wrongthis week Appetite suggeststhatjust thinking aboutexercising prompted and forget the 80 things participants to reach for more snacks. But here’s a reality check: they didwell,” says The average 155-pound personwill burn about 300 calories during Frutchey. But it’s those a half hour of running—and a post-gym milkshake cancels that out 80 positive things that fast.Weightloss,after all, is aboutcreating acalorie deficit. really make the differ-

Oneway to rewireyour brain out of expecting a post-sweat binge? ence overtime. Reframeyourworkout as a break. Cornell Food and Brand Lab research showed thatwhen participants thought of an activity as a “scenic walk” instead of an “exercisewalk,” they ate half as many snacks afterward. “Call it a personal break, meditation time, or time away from the kids,” saysWansink. “Thinking of it as a positive indulgence makesyoulesslikelytocompensatebyeating morelater.”

200

That’s how many food-related choices we make each day, the Cornell Food and Brand Lab found. Don’t give up just because you ate two slices of pie this one time.

Amani wasfeeling miserable one night around the holidays. He said to himself, “Iwant tohang with someone cool… with no romantic interest.” So, he says, “I called Corliss.”

Corliss Elizabeth Williams Amani Olu

HAPPY FAMILY: Corliss and Amani, both 36, and baby Amelia Elizabeth live in West Bloomfield, Michigan, where Corliss grew up.