FAMILY

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APRIL 18, 2015

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wagons every night. Ask, “What’s new with your friends?” This will (here’s hoping, if he talks) give you a chance to decode what’s happening behind the scenes and offer support.

11

Tackle fears with common sense.

If she’s scared of dogs, don’t hustle her across the street when one is coming. Demystify the fear. (“Oh, a puppy! Let’s ask the owner if we can feel how soft his fur is.”) In tense moments—shots come to mind—be sympathetic but not too emotional, says Atlanta-area pediatrician Roy Benaroch. Say, “It will be OK. It will be over in a few minutes,” not, “I know—it hurts! It hurts!”

12

To get little kids to be quiet, lower your voice instead of raising it.

This forces kids to focus. Got a whole pack to corral? Whisper, “If you want to hear what we’re doing next, hop on one foot.” Goofy jumping is bound to be contagious.

13

Put on your own oxygen mask first.

In other words, take care of yourself or you can’t be a fully engaged parent. Parents who deprive themselves of rest, food, and fun for the sake of their kids do no one a favor. “People feel guilty when they work a lot, so they want to give all their free time to their kids,” says Fred Stocker, a child psychiatrist at the University of Louisville School of Medicine, in Kentucky. “But you risk getting squeezed dry and emotionally exhausted.” A spa weekend may not be realistic, but it’s OK to take 15 minutes for a bath after you walk in the door. (A tall request for a kid, yes, but a happier Uno player goes a long way.) Running ragged between activities? Ask your child to prioritize, says Taylor. She may be dying for you to chaperone a field trip but ambivalent about your missing a swim meet—the ideal amount of time for a pedicure.

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HERE, YOU’LL NEED THIS

Essential questions for aging parents

Think the birds and bees is the most awkward chat you’ll ever have with Mom and Dad? Think again. Adulthood brings other uncomfortable conversations: wills, longterm care, and end-of-life issues. Here’s how to these handle delicate subjects with care.

WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, ASK…

ON THEIR FINANCES…

THE BIG QUESTION

Do you have a will?

A will determines the future of not only money and property but also pets and even token mementos. When someone dies without a will, her estate is divided in probate court, where a judge decides who gets the assets. “This can cost thousands of dollars and take months,” says Christina Lesher, a Houston-based elder-law attorney. “Even if the deceased told a loved one her wishes before she died, a verbal statement won’t hold up in court. The judge will base his ruling on laws and legal precedents of the state.”

HOW TO BRING IT UP

“I don’t want to upset you, but if something happened to you, I would want to know that your wishes were being honored. Do you have a will?”

Have you consulted a reliable financial planner who can help anticipate your needs as you age?

Will you give me or another trusted person power of attorney over your financial affairs in case there’s a time you can’t handle them yourself?

Do you have an authorized user on your bank and investment accounts?

Do you need help handling some of your financial responsibilities, like doublechecking your credit-card statements and reviewing your bills?

Are you willing to have a joint checking account with me so I can help you pay bills if necessary?

ON THEIR LIVING SITUATION…

THE BIG QUESTION

Have you thought about long-term-care insurance?

Most long-term assisted-living or nursing-home expenses are not covered by Medicare, says Joy Loverde, the author of The Complete Eldercare Planner. And long-term care, which includes anything from extended home assistance to a nursing home, is very costly.

HOW TO BRING IT UP

“I read about how much assisted living can cost, and I was stunned. I would want you to have the best care if it ever came to that. Have you looked into insurance?”

WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, ASK…

Illustrations by Eight Hour Day

Do you want to live in your house for as long as possible? Are there things we need to do to your house so it’s safe and comfortable for you as you age? Can we make some of those changes now?

Are you willing to move into a smaller place that’s easier to manage, like a condo? When?

Have either of you thought about whether you would want to stay in the house if you were alone?

Would you be willing to hire someone to help you at home if you can’t do it on your own anymore?

Would you consider moving in with me or one of my siblings if we all agree that you need help with your personal care or aren’t safe at home alone anymore? How do you feel about moving into an assisted-living facility?

Can I help you scout out quality assisted-living facilities and nursing homes now, so we know what’s available and what you would prefer in case you need one in the future?

HERE, YOU’LL NEED THIS

Essential questions for aging parents (cont.)

ON THEIR HEALTH…

THE BIG QUESTION

Do you have advance health-care directives?

Advance health-care directives include a living will (which gives written instructions on the degree of life-sustaining measures that should be taken), a health proxy (which appoints another party to make health-related decisions in the event that a person is unable to do so), and a HIPPA release (a document that allows another person access to someone’s medical records, which is useful for insurance claims). “It’s difficult to make decisions in a crisis, and memories about conversations differ,” says Lesher. “Having clear, written instructions protects families from becoming embroiled in arguments or, even worse, lawsuits.”

HOW TO BRING IT UP

“If you were ever on life support, I would be really torn up and not in the best frame of mind to make a decision. I know we talked about how you feel, but I think it would give both of us some relief if you put it in writing.”

ON A LIGHTER NOTE Go to realsimple. com/askmom for 10 eye-opening questions to ask your mother.

WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, ASK…

Will you consider giving your doctor permission to talk to us in case we have questions about your medical treatment?

Can one of us accompany you to some doctor’s appointments? We recognize your right to privacy, but maybe we can help keep track of everything your doctor says at your visit.

How do you feel about being kept alive with ventilators, feeding tubes, or other interventions? And under what circumstances would you want that? Do we all understand what these terms mean?

If you have advancecare planning documents, where do you keep them? Have you shared them with any family members, doctors, or clergy?

MAKE

BRUNCH BETTER

SAUSAGE BRUNCH CASSEROLE

INGREDIENTS 1 pkg. Jimmy Dean® Regular Flavor Pork Sausage Roll 6 eggs 2 cups milk 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 2 pkgs. (5 ounces each) seasoned croutons (about 6 cups) 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded sharp cheddar cheese, divided

DIRECTIONS 1. PREHEAT oven to 350 F. Cook sausage in large skillet over MEDIUM-HIGH heat 8-10 minutes or until thoroughly cooked, stirring frequently; drain. 2. BEAT eggs, milk and mustard in large bowl with a wire whisk until well blended. Add bread cubes; stir gently until evenly coated. Stir in sausage and 1 ½ cups cheese. 3. POUR into lightly greased 13x9-inch baking dish; sprinkle with remaining cheese. 4. BAKE 40-45 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before cutting into 12 squares to serve.

Go to myrecipes.com/eastersides for additional recipes to make your Easter meal cooked to perfection.