Big little wins

Solids and first steps are great, but *these* are the milestones that actually make your life as a parent way easier.

WRITTEN BY JESSICA POLL ACK ILLUSTRATIONS BY CÉCILE GARIÉ PY

BIG LITTLE WINS

One day, you won’t have to anxiously race back to locate the precious, discontinued stuffie your kid loses everywhere and won’t sleep without.

Dumping that last poop out of the potty and into the toilet is a huge turning point, though you won’t realize it at the time.

Another bona fide game-changer? When your kids start fetching their own snacks and water (though it will take a while to stop hearing phantom calls of “WATER!”).

ATCHING YOUR BABY scrunch up their face while tasting veggie purée for the first time is adorable, and seeing the sense of accomplishment they feel after taking their first steps is one for the books. These major developmental advances are undeniably memorable and kick off new stages of childhood. But there are so many mini-milestones in between the big ones that vastly improve our daily lives as parents.

Ditching diapers is awesome, but have you ever had your kid go poop and actually wipe themselves, no assistance needed? That first spoonful of solid food is super cute, but what about preparing a meal that your whole family willingly eats, with no complaints? And if you ’ ve recently set out on a road trip in a car bursting with baby gear and toys, you can ’t imagine what a gift it’ll be when each kid needs only clothes and a couple of books or toys.

It’ s not that we ’ re wishing away the younger years, because they go by so quickly and there ’ s a lot to love about our little weirdos. But parenting small kids is hard—why not look for a few extra excuses to celebrate the teeny wins? You deserve it!

THEY ARE THE PACI CAPTAIN NOW

It’ s such a tease for paci-loving newborn babies that they have an obsessive love affair with their soothers but can ’t put them back in their own mouths when they fall out. It’ s pure Montague and Capulet (why must their tiny, useless hands keep them apart?!). Hence the blood-curdling screams in the middle of the night, each requiring a two-second pop of the paci back in their mouth. It’ s relentless! Getting to the point where they can replace their own pacifier is an absolute game-changer. And if you ’ ve ever scattered twodozen pacis around your baby ’ s crib mattress, you know that this is really a two-part milestone—because even more than being able to replace their paci, they have to find it, too.

THEY WIPE THEIR OWN BUTT

There ’ s a time in every parent’ s life when something sinister lurks behind every door and you ’ re acutely aware that it can strike at any moment. “What is it?” you ask? A kid in downward dog shaking their dirty butt while they wait for any willing adult to wipe it. Are you in the middle of a Zoom call? No problem. Doing a bit of rage vacuuming? They ’ll find you. Ditching the diapers is amazing, but what the books don ’t tell you is that you ’ll still be wiping your kid’ s ass for at least another year or two. And then the day comes when they ’ll go to use the bathroom (right in the middle of dinner, most likely) and you ’ll try to shovel as much food into your mouth as possible because you know the call is coming— but before you can get up you ’ll hear the toilet flush and the washing of hands and they ’ll come out fully clothed. You ’ll freak out because there ’ s no way they wiped thoroughly. But after a few racing stripes and wiping tutorials, you ’ll reach that blessed time where they ’ re independently wiping themselves properly—no ifs, ands or butts about it.

Don’t forget to toast having a civilized, tear-free meal in a restaurant where there’s a dish that everyone likes and no one ends up thrashing around on the floor.

THEY CAN DO THEIR OWN THING AT THE PARK

The park offers zero chill to parents of swingloving toddlers and preschoolers who like to climb the most dangerous parts of the play structure. You ’ ve probably gazed longingly at the moms and dads of older kids who park themselves on a bench and scroll Instagram mindlessly, at least in controlled spurts. When does this kind of freedom actually happen? Don ’t get us wrong, most parents are quite happy to help their kids fight the Death Star from the slide or watch their babies squeal in delight as they push them on the swing, but sometimes Mama just wants to sit. Hard.

THEY ACTUALLY EAT THE FOOD YOU MAKE

“I don ’t like the green stuff. ” “It’ s too spicy. ” “The foods are touching each other—ewwww. ”

Hear that? Soak it all in. It’ s the symphony of your children rejecting another meal. When it comes to food, kids really keep us on our toes. One day spaghetti Bolognese is the most delicious food they ’ ve ever had, and the next it’ s literal poison garbage they wouldn ’t serve to their worst enemy. It’ s a fun guessing game! Eventually, their penchant for beige fades and they

try new things. (Some kids especially like to do this only when they ’ ve long finished their beige meals and the exciting, yummy new foods are on their mom ' s plate. LOL.) Then, you develop a roster of recipes that work for your entire brood, and before you know it, you ’ re having a calm, familystyle supper where no one is saying “gross, ” “ yuck” or “I want cereal. ” Pop that champagne!

THEY ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES UNTIL YOU WAKE UP

How many times have you been suddenly roused from a highly enjoyable, mildly sexual dream at 5:30 a.m. to find a kid standing beside your bed instructing you to wake the eff up? Unless your kids are sleep unicorns (bless them), the answer is probably countless. Little kids need their parents for everything: water, breakfast, entertainment. Even if you ’ re cool with throwing on some early-morning Paw Pat rol and catching some more ZZZs, you still have to get out of bed, stumble to the family room and turn the TV on for them. Eventually, though, you ’ll be cut out of the equation, waking at your leisure to find your kids busy and fed. And it. Will. Be. Glorious.

You know what’s not fun? Peeling dirty underwear from inside-out pants over and over in an endless cycle of laundry hell. But it won’t last forever, we promise.

CAR TRIPS WITHOUT ALL THE GEAR

There is no puzzle more brain-bending than fitting all of your belongings into the trunk of your car when you ’ re heading on a road trip with small kids. It’ s the adult version of Tetris that no one asked for ever—now with more impossibly oddshaped pieces! When you have littles, not having all their creature comforts can destroy a vacation. So yes, you do need multiple bouncy chair options, plus a travel crib and a stroller, and no, you won ’t whittle down the laundry basket full of books and toys you ’ re trying to cram in with suitcases, stuffies, snacks and more snacks. Can you even imagine everyone packing their own single suitcase and placing them neatly in the trunk? Dreams.

THEY CAN DO UP THEIR OWN CAR SEAT STRAPS

Car seats are a source of so much frustration and anxiety—from babies who wail for the entirety of car rides to toddlers who use them as food repositories to kids who demand one parent over the other or complain that the straps are TOO TIGHT (they aren ’t). And through all this, there ’ s the constant buckling and unbuckling, tightening and loosening of multiple five-point harnesses day after day after day. It can drive you wild. But once your kindergartener or firstgrader moves into a booster seat, they can finally climb in and buckle themselves with a good oldfashioned seat belt, while you enjoy one minute of quiet solitude in the front seat. You ’ll be feeling so good about it you ’ll take everyone to the McDonald’ s drive-thru, like the fun mom that you are!

THEY THROW UP *IN* THE TOILET

Not in their bed, not on the floor and not even beside the toilet—we ’ re talking right in the bowl! A kiddie hole-in-one. Anyone with easy pukers knows that on top of feeling so sad for your uncomfortable kid, you ’ re also dealing with some of the toughest cleaning jobs of your life, often in the middle of the night. Nothing wakes you faster than being torn from your cozy bed by the sound of retching and finding a big old pile of barf in the middle of your kid’ s carpet. Once they get older and learn to identify the feeling of vomit in the wings, they ’ re usually able to swiftly make it to the bathroom and kneel over the toilet in time for a clean delivery. Mazel tov!