TODDLER

What to do if your toddler bites—or gets bitten by another kid— at daycare

TODDLER

FAIZA VENZANT SAYS her son’s shoulder still bears a small scar from when he was bitten by a playmate at his Toronto daycare four years ago. Qayam was around one and a half when it happened.

When she and her husband were told about the incident by a daycare teacher, they “felt very protective,” she says. “We wondered, ‘Why is this kid targeting our child? Do we need to pull him out of daycare?’ And my husband wanted to know which child was doing the biting.” The teacher did not share the child’s name with them—a common daycare policy that is meant to protect families from unnecessary conf lict.

Their reaction was typical. “Parents on both sides of a biting incident are often horrified—it feels very primitive and wrong,” says Lorrie Huggins, a Toronto-based YMCA general manager who oversees staff training and works on curricula for YMCA daycares across Canada. In Qayam’s case, the teacher explained that biting is a normal toddler behaviour and outlined the strategies they would use to rein it in.

About six weeks later, the wave of biting incidents in the

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toddler room stopped as suddenly as it had started, to everyone’s relief.

A few years later, Venzant and her husband saw this scenario from the other perspective, when it was their younger son doing the biting.

“It really clicked for us when Malik started biting. We got the same reassurance we’d been given on the other side of the experience, about how it was developmentally appropriate.” The teachers encouraged them not to make a big deal out of it.

Despite the strong emotions biting brings on, it’s very common. In fact, in a typical daycare setting with 60 kids, there will probably be about one biting episode per day, according to an article about baby and toddler biting in the journal Paediatrics & Child Health.

Sharon Smile, a developmental paediatrician at Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital in Toronto, says that biting is commonly seen within the first three years. Babies are “oral explorers,” says Smile. New foods and textures make little ones newly aware of their mouths, and for a teething baby, “it just feels good to bite down,” adds Huggins.

As babies move into toddler territory and start socializing with other kids, often around 12 to 18 months, biting may happen due to all those strong emotions they aren’t able to express verbally. Navigating frustrations with new friends, such as sharing a coveted toy, is a sophisticated behaviour that is hard for toddlers. Children might also bite because they are tired or overwhelmed, or they might simply be experimenting (“What happens if I do this?”). Even enthusiasm can contribute. In Qayam’s case, the little girl who bit him was one of his close buddies at daycare, says Venzant, and “biting was her way of showing she really wanted to play with him.”

When a pattern of biting develops at a daycare, staff will try to recognize triggers and intervene. After an incident, staff speak calmly and use simple phrasing that labels the behaviour—not the kid—and its consequences. Try “No biting; it hurts.” (Shaming and punishments don’t help, adds Huggins.)

She also says it’s a good idea to encourage the biter to participate in “making it better.” If the bitten kid is OK with it (and COVID protocols allow), the biter could help apply the cold compress. This way, they contribute to helping to resolve the situation.

Most of the time, biting just “evaporates” as kids get older, says Huggins. If biting continues beyond three and a half years old, talk to your child’s teachers, and then their doctor.

Venzant’s parting advice is to remember that biting often happens just as your child is about to burst with words. “Try to see it as: What are they trying to tell you that they can’t say yet?”—Jen Cutts