Wellbeing & Resilience: Three little words can make a world of difference By Zoe Lewis

Three little words can make a world of difference

ZOE LEWIS, LEGAL SERVICES COMMISSION

It isn’t always easy. But the truth is that we all have ups and downs and we need to get better at talking about them.

R U Ok? Day was spawned from some tragic events – someone lost a loved one to suicide and decided that a national awareness campaign was needed. These days, R U Ok? Day is a reminder to us that asking someone how they are going can make such an important difference. And it is a conversation we can have on any day, not just on September 10 th (R U Ok? Day).

Lawyers have the capacity to be pretty perceptive. We are trained to be critical thinkers and to notice details. So, we might notice that a colleague seems more tired or stressed than usual. We might notice them reaching for painkillers or extra coffee, or showing up to work late…

But where we might let ourselves and each other down is in following this up. Sure, maybe the person has something private going on which they won’t want to share with us. And maybe they would prefer to just be left alone. But how will we know if we don’t ask? Perhaps they are soldiering on but would actually really benefit from a bit of human connection. “R U Ok?” was specifically chosen as a non-threatening, non-clinical, easy way to start a conversation. Much like “how are you?” it rolls off the tongue easily. But unlike “how are you?” it actually invites a considered response and reveals that you have noticed something different and that you have concern and interest in this individual. You might start with something like “I’ve noticed that you aren’t quite yourself lately. How are you travelling?”

But what then? What do you do once you get the person talking?

As lawyers, we are natural problem solvers and it can be difficult not to jump in with helpful advice. But the experts remind us that actually the most important part is the listening. It gives the person the chance to be heard, and maybe the chance to disclose some struggle they have been denying they were experiencing. For some people, talking gives them a chance to “think aloud” and it might make them realise how hard things have actually been.

Or they might be feeling quite alone in their struggle and so someone taking the time to just listen makes them feel valued and connected. In any case, listening is hugely important and if it feels a bit awkward, that’s OK too. Here are some phrases you might find useful to encourage the person to keep talking:

“That’s tough. Keep talking. I am listening.” “Have you been feeling this way for a while?” “What else is concerning you?

Once someone has disclosed their struggle, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Maybe they are feeling under the pump at work and this is an experience you can relate to. But maybe they have disclosed that they have considered taking their own life and now you feel really out of your depth. It is important not to panic in that moment. There are lots of tools to keep up your sleeve. It isn’t your job to solve anything – you have done the most important thing of all by connecting with them.

Now is a good time to consider referring them to one of the many support services available: their GP, the Employee Assistance Program if your workplace has one, Beyond Blue, Lifeline or the Suicide Call Back Service. The Law Society also provides some specific support services including free and confidential counselling (LawCare).

An average of eight people die by suicide every day in Australia alone. And many more attempt suicide or know someone who does.

Research has shown that the three biggest risk factors are social isolation, the belief that they are a burden on others, and access to the means to taking their life. R U Ok? is all about addressing the first of these factors – if people feel connected to one another they are somewhat protected from suicide.

This year it is perhaps more important than ever to ask each other “R U Ok?” Lawyers across SA have had all the usual challenges to deal with – high workload, difficult clients, and personal struggles – as well as a whole lot of changes and challenges none of us could have imagined this time last year. In addition, most of us are more isolated than ever before – from our colleagues, family and friends.

Thursday 10 th September is R U

Ok? Day. If you aren’t back in the office with your colleagues, please find another way to check in – perhaps an email or a coffee via Zoom. Remember, it is a conversation which could change a life. If you would like to know more, check out the website: www.ruok.org.au