Five Tips

five tipsfor being a WOW wife

by pam farrel — WWW.LOVE-WISE.COM

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO PUTAND KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR

HUSBAND’S FACE? I’ve had 38 years of marriage, 45 books written and published on relationships, and two of them specifically for wives (“Red Hot Romance Tips for Women” and “52 Ways to Wow Your Husband”). As I reflect on what I have learned over my years of being a wife — and especially what I have seen WORK for wives as I have led online marriage groups for wives and coached individual wives the past five years — I find myself regularly repeating five key principles. These principles will build and bless your marriage, but also have the side benefit of inspiring, encouraging and equipping you, the woman, to live a stronger, healthier, more loving life. Pause this reading for just a moment. Now hold your left hand up, the one with your wedding ring on it. Picture these five tips as the best way to give your marriage a “helping hand” or help you get and keep a grip on love:

1. Fold Your Hands in Prayer: By far, the most powerful activity you can do to empower your husband and bring God’s supernatural strength to your marriage is to pray.

On my night stand is Sharon Jaynes’ “Praying for Your Husband From Head to Toe” (check out her Facebook site, Praying Wives Club) and my list of “26 Days To Pray for Our Marriage, (a part of the 26 Day Red Hot Wife Challenge). The challenge walks you through the 26 traits, A to Z, that can make you a more loving wife. For example, A is for Appreciate Your Husband; it encourages you to ask God to help

you see your husband from heaven’s point of view — as a gift from God to you! In Genesis, God made man, Adam, and said it was not good for him to be alone, to be separated, curtained off or isolated from you, his “Eve.” The word “made” means that God designed and fashioned your husband for YOU! One of the best ways to draw your husband to you is to simply value, appreciate, thank and PRAY for him.

2. Touch Him With a Tender Hand: Nothing carries the power of love like holding a hand, walking hand in hand, reaching out a comforting hand to his arm or shoulder; using your hand for a pat on the back — or both hands for a well-deserved massage. Touch is magic to a relationship. It releases happy endorphins, lightening the mood; touch chemically bonds you to your mate; and touch given through a hug lowers your husband’s stress and raises his confidence!

Recently, in our own marriage, I have seen how powerful a gentle touch can be. My hard-working husband has had several very burdensome years in a row. He was driving 12-hour round trips weekly, caring for his aging parents. Finally, the heaviness of that extra responsibility on top of caring for our home (an acre of property) and our Love-Wise ministry was stretching him to the max.

We decided to sell our home — our office — and move near his folks. This was very emotional for me, but I knew if I wanted him to live, to thrive, I had to embrace the move. Then he said, “Pam, why don’t we sell 90 percent of our stuff and move on to a liveaboard boat?” I had a big choice in that

watershed moment. I shot up a prayer for courage, then answered, “That is a fabulous idea!” and gave him a big hug. I could feel the stress, the angst, the overwhelming load exit with his exhaled sigh of relief.

3. Offer a Helping Hand: Like you, as we were raising our children, our home was a busy mix of year-round sports, church meetings, youth group outings, grocery shopping, laundry and housekeeping, lawn mowing and homework reminding!

While our “divide and conquer” method of tackling chores got more done, sometimes, it was a joy to do tasks TOGETHER! The fun of painting each other’s faces while painting our bedroom, flirting in the aisles of the home improvement store, working a vineyard harvest side by side while we talked, dreamed and shared our thoughts on God as our “vinedresser” — those are all precious memories made only by working hand in hand, side by side to cut the work in half while doubling the joy of accomplishment.

4.Give Him a Hand of Applause: If you are in my world, you will hear me give you the marriage code: Men are wired for success. If you seek to meet his success need first, your husband will be easier to live with and easier to love. This is sometimes called the male ego, but whatever you name it, summarize it as MEN LOVE TO WIN! Your husband loves when you are proud of him, when you brag on him, when you jump in and help him succeed at work, at church, in the community, with the kids — and he especially loves it when he is fully convinced he has succeeded with you! Here are a few ways to give your husband the trophy of your love and validation:

• Write him a love note or set up a congratulatory dinner to mark a victory.

• Brag on him in front of family, friends, coworkers or his boss.

• Laud one of his accomplishments with a public party with family and friends — or a private session of “red hot monogamy.”

• Post a photo of him garnering a victory at a hobby, in the workplace or simply landing that “big fish.”

• Tell or show him your gratitude on his ability to “win your heart.”

• Speak words he longs to hear: “That is so wise, honey!” “Great idea!” or “Yes, dear, that sounds great!”

• 5.Hand Him Over to God: I have walked alongside MANY wives as they have given their best, tried their hardest and worked diligently on their marriage. There are times when ONLY a miracle of God will create the relationship breakthrough that is needed. In that time of waiting for the miracle, I encourage wives to focus on “becoming your best you.” Instead of focusing on what you wish God would do to change him, focus on what you want God to do in and through you. You cannot control your spouse or your spouse’s attitudes or actions, but you can control YOURS! There is no downside to becoming your best self. Your children, your friendships, your ministry will all be blessed as you keep your heavenly focus and allow God to lead you, heal you, grow you and motivate you.

One of my dearest friends prayed more than 20 years for her husband to come to Christ. Then she prayed more years for his emotional healing — and I prayed with her! We prayer-walked weekly, standing on verses from the Bible, praying in faith as we claimed the man he “could become.” And then it happened. God brought a pastor, a counselor, who spoke the truths that finally healed her husband’s heart.