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BALANCING HARD SKILLS AND SOFT SKILLS: A NEW KIND OF LEADERSHIP
BALANCING HARD SKILLS AND SOFT SKILLS: A NEW KIND OF LEADERSHIP
BY DIANA MARIE
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The most terrifying examination I remember taking was my driving test. Silly right? For reasons only known to the universe, I was having trouble pressing the accelerator simply because my feet were shaking uncontrollably; which I still wonder till today. I endured and passed the driving test, because I was determined not to be dependent on neither public transportation nor friends to get to my workplace.
As I grew older, I kind of concluded that learning new skills was not as hard as I imagined, I learnt multiple languages, mastered mental arithmetic, learnt a little bit of sewing, computer literacy and speed typing. I found out the tougher part was building a stable stack of soft skills. Hard skills are teachable and measurable abilities, such as writing, reading, math or ability to use computer programs. By contrast, soft skills are the traits that make one a good team member or leader, such as etiquette, empathy, altruism, interpersonal skills, self-awareness, self-regulation, accountability, hopefulness, responding to the feelings of others, resilience, inspiring and appreciating loyalty amongst others (John Wiley, 2009).
What does leadership have to do with hard skills or soft skills? When asked about research on the skills leaders and other employees are lacking, LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner was quoted as saying, “Interpersonal skills is where we’re seeing the biggest imbalance and communication is the number one skills gap.”
Psychologist and TEDx Speaker Dr Guy Winch PhD., tells the story of how matters of the mind have the capability to make us believe that those around us care much less about us than they actually do. He further describes that research showed; the depth of your connection with those in your community makes a great impact unto your emotional state. He adds, loneliness and depression increase the likelihood of an early death by 14% and, supresses the immune system equivalent to cigarette smoking. Most of us know how to maintain physical health, and perhaps we spend more time taking care of our teeth than our minds but, how are we taking care of emotional injuries such as failure, rejection and fear in our personal or professional lives?
HOW DOES YOUR MIND REACT TO FAILURE, REJECTION AND FEAR?
Paying Attention to Emotional Pain According to Dr Winch, failure suppresses people in the same way that loneliness does and every one of us have a different kind of reaction to failure. We all have a default set of feelings and beliefs which may be triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks. We need to be aware of how our minds react to failure because the mind is quite capable of convincing us that we are incompetent. Sometimes a single failure tells the mind that they would never succeed, and the mind believes it. The danger is that, a convinced mind is very difficult to change. This could be the reason behind team members functioning below their actual potential.
When life sucks and you feel like drowning, lift yourself to the surface and breath again. Try again and do it better.
Stop Emotional Bleeding Our minds and our feelings are not the trustworthy ‘friend’ we thought it is, says Dr Winch; especially when dealing with rejection. Leaders need to understand that rejection can be extremely painful. When facing rejection, we often start thinking of all our faults, our failures, our shortcomings while wishing we were this or that. Dr Guy Winch highlights that when your self-esteem is lowered you are more vulnerable to stress and anxiety.
Whenever facing failure and rejection you should treat yourself with the same compassion that you would expect from a truly good friend. By changing your responses to failure, you will thrive to be better and succeed.
Protect Your Self-Esteem Life can be tough, yet it is also the fact of life that you need to face it. Your boss may call you stupid and resent you just because of one mistake you made and you can’t help replaying that scene for days, even weeks. Dr Winch acknowledges that ruminating on insults and failure can be painful, as one tends to spend so much time on negative thoughts. How do you fight that urge to keep thinking of your mistakes, recover and do your very best again?
You have to fight feelings of helplessness and gain control. Study says that even a 2 minutes distraction breaks the urge to ruminate on failure or rejection. Focus on something else until the impulse of negative thoughts disappears.
Battle negative thoughts By battling negative thoughts, you will be able to build emotional strength and achieve all that you need to be a great team member or even be successful in the position of leadership. Dr Guy Winch emphasizes that the quality of our lives and the extent of our contribution to society would significantly improve once we begin to take a closer care at building our emotional resilience.
Everyone must take the effort to be informed and change a few habits to help make the people working with us and the society that we serve feel empowered, happier and fulfilled.
Issac Lidsky, nick-named the ‘blind CEO’ and the Author of ‘Eyes Wide Open’, explains how FEAR often distort reality, sometimes replacing the unknown with the awful. Fear of public speaking, fear of social involvement, fear of examinations, fear of communications, fear of commitment; whatever your FEAR is. Whenever you face the deepest need to think critically, there is a possibility that FEAR retreats deep inside your mind, distorting your view, drowning your capacity for critical thoughts with a flood of disruptive emotions and, when you are compelled to take action, FEAR lowers you into inaction. His advice is to see through your FEARS, choose to let your FEARS go and create your own reality.
What I learnt through various life experiences is that, every day of our life is precious, and we need to find deeper gratitude in the easy as well as the hard days, both at work and our personal lives. The leadership opportunity is everywhere, whether you are in the role of authority or not, you CAN be successful. Hold yourself accountable for every thought, every detail. See beyond your fear, recognize your assumptions, harness your internal strength, correct your misconceptions, accept your strength and weaknesses while understanding the difference and, always always open your heart to your bountiful blessings. Deep within every single person is the ability to learn and grow. All we need to do is build the muscle of resilience, draw on it each time we need it and become the very best version of ourselves.
“Technology changes many things, yet one thing it hasn’t changed is how love and care feels. The only way the people in your community, society, organization, family and friends feel it is by respecting them, trusting them, sharing laughter with them and making time for them”.
Helen Fisher, Human Behaviour Researcher, Centre for Human Evolutionary Studies, Rutgers University
DIANA MARIE
Diana Marie is a team member at the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service attached with Corporate Affairs who found love in reading and writing whilst discovering inspiration in Leadership that Makes a Difference.
CEO Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service, Ismail Said
Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service KM20, Jalan Kuching Serian, Semenggok, 93250 Kuching, Sarawak.
Telephone : +6082-625166 Fax : +6082-625966 E-mail : info@leadinstitute.com.my
