UP & COMING
MAY 2018
EMPOWER HOUR If you are looking for real life solutions, if you have come to that impasse and are seeking real change. Please check out a true solution offered through family Constellations. Edel Moylen family Constellations therapists speaks reality....
NINE YEARS AGO
I had the great privilege of doing my first Family Constellation, an experience that I know has changed my life and I believe may even have saved it! It blew my mind, which needed blowing, and very gently brought me to my knees. At that stage of my life, I was still terrified of people and was an island of one, despite decades of therapy and healing!! What Family Constellations did for me was widen my perspective on life whereby the scales of myopic judgment and injustice dissolved. I was entangled up to the hilt in feelings and responsibilities that were not my own, marinated in victim consciousness. I was traumatized beyond belief and locked in my mind, unable to surrender into my own body; much less to life and love. Two days after my 5th birthday my brother, Killian died of TB meningitis and later it was discovered that both Dad and I had TB too which meant that this 5-year-old was incarcerated for months on end in ‘hell’, abandoned and left to have horrific injections into my buttocks on a daily basis - along with a plethora of other experiences I was unable to digest without the support of my parents. In those days you were left to fend for yourself. It was in 1963 before they discovered that ‘good’ little children, who slept submissively in their cots and beds, had simply succumbed to despair believing themselves to be abandoned and innately bad in some way. At least that was where my active little mind went. Later on, when I was to make my First Holy Communion at the age of 7, we were told by our teacher, who happened to be in the middle of a mental breakdown (she left the convent shortly after), that we had killed Baby Jesus. After weeks of night terrors, I then joined the dots and presumed I killed my brother too. Unbeknownst to me, I was completely entangled in my parents’ grief. My mother had been a nurse and blamed herself for not recognizing her son’s symptoms, so in an effort to ease my
Design by PINCH
mother’s pain, I hoovered up the feelings she was unable to process and ran with them – hence my belief that I had killed my brother – making sense of that awful feeling of guilt that haunted me all through my life. I was also sent away to boarding school later on and again that was given meaning by me through those same entangled filters to mean - get rid of her she’s innately bad and unlovable, it’s all her fault! This is only a tiny glimpse of several entanglements I had that have now been handed back with love to those who came before me and to whom they belonged in the first place. Children, out of blind love, pick up and run with what the system has been unable to deal with – be it guilt, a need to atone for something, grief, aggression, rage, feelings and responsibilities that had nothing to do with them in the first place. Family constellations throw light beneath the radar to reveal what is unconsciously going on in a family system. Bert Hellinger, its founder, discovered that there were natural laws that when infringed disturb the flow of health and love in a system causing pain and frozenness. By exposing the entanglements and exclusions in the system and restoring everyone to their rightful place, order is re-established and love and life can flow unhindered once again. By exclusions I mean where, for example, someone died young and the grief and pain were too much for the survivors to bear, hence that person may not be spoken about or else may be clung to desperately – either way the grieving process is frozen in time. For instance, in my mother’s family, there were 12 people who were excluded – the grief was too much to bear and they were never spoken of again. During my first constellation, it was revealed that there was a huge tragedy behind me – something to do with my granny. I hadn’t a clue until it dawned on me that her mother died in childbirth and thus there was no power coming down the mitochondrial line. Since then each of those 12 people has been honoured and given their rightful place and the family system has been able to relax, freeing the living to get on with their lives with their support and blessing. In all my years of therapy, I had so much pain and was adding to it, that I never thought to look behind me. There was
enough within and all around me. I was a therapist and like a sponge hovered up all pain from my clientele – taking it to therapy and using my ‘story’ to make sense of it; not realising it was not mine in the first place. I have always been a soaker energetically, but now that I am grounded and able to surrender into my heart, it no longer affects me in the way it did. I could go on about this forever. But one thing I need to add is that virtually all of us have been traumatized in some way - personally or through the bonding process – due to the vast traumas behind us. Let’s say I was sexually abused as a child. I may become hyper-vigilant around my own children, were I to have any, ensuring that nothing like that would happen to them. I behave like a little bantam hen clucking protectively around my flock, trying to give them everything that I failed to receive in my own childhood – trying to offset the pain – praise, protection, support, validation,This is all done out of deep love, however, this is exactly how the entanglements are passed down. Because I may never have truly dealt with my own traumas and unfinished business, I have never fully incarnated into my own body, restoring the flow of life and love within, so whenever I am around my children, even if they are infants, they sense my unfinished business and run with it. They sense that I am not fully present and when I am entangled this is definitely the case. They pick up my pain and hence aren’t available for their own. It is my belief that when we are not at home in ourselves, the only game is to manipulate and control, rescue and save as we try to control and protect one another from life itself which in some way we unconsciously assume to be ‘bad’. Family Constellations restore us to Sacred Ground as we accept life as it is and was – a relief to be ordinary and small allowing our greatness to emerge unhindered from within. Should you feel drawn to this deep soul work in any way, please pick up the phone and give me a buzz. I would be only too happy to chat with you about this sacred modality. By the way, it is said that one constellation can be the equivalent to 10 years of psychotherapy and also only one member of the system needs to be present. There is no need to bring family members with you to the process. Edel Moylan, BA MSc Family Therapy “Rustic Haven”, Clooniff, Moycullen, Co. Galway healingcircle@eircom.net 086 4068661 Empower Hour Select, is so excited to feature an Empower Hour exclusive from international author, public speaker and life coach: Eoin Scolard. Who has just released his book ‘The Possibility Exists’ Eoin offers parents tips on how to accept life on life’s terms. 2 | NEWSLETTER MAY 2018
IT IS WHAT IT IS “He has lost his grip on reality. The only way I can help him is to show him the difference between what’s real – and what’s in his mind.” From the movie “A Beautiful Mind” I always use a chair to demonstrate this teaching to a class. I take a simple white chair and say, “This is a white chair. Do you all agree?” They usually laugh, because it’s a silly question! Everyone knows it’s a white chair and so they nod their heads, saying, “Yes, we agree.” Simple. “It is what it is” – a chair, a white chair. “That’s wonderful,” I say. “We have managed to see it for what it is. We don’t need it to change in any way. There’s no need to push it away. There’s no need to grasp for it. There is no attachment to wanting it to be different. There’s no judgment or criticism being passed on. Our energy towards it is balanced and neutral. OK, so far.” Then I change that by saying something like, “I wish it was brown,” or “That chair should have a higher back,” or “I don’t like that chair” or perhaps even stronger, “That chair shouldn’t be allowed to exist!” Now my mind is involved in wanting the chair to be different. BUT IT’S NOT. Nothing has changed and the chair is still the same. All my wishing it was different hasn’t made an ounce of difference to the chair, yet I’ve used up some of my precious energy in a futile war – ONE WHICH I cannot win!! Of course, it’s a ridiculous situation, who want’s a chair to be different? But the concept is valid because this is what we do – with people, with ourselves, with situations, even with our thoughts and desires. We fight with them, we resist them. We tell ourselves, “He should be more understanding” or “She should be different.” We start to form patterns of resistance that become habitual inside, and so our outward behaviour follows suit. Something happens, and we react a certain way. The same thing happens five years later, and we’re still reacting the same way! Who’s in charge of our lives? We can easily become puppets, reacting this way and that to what life brings us, without any inner awareness of our ability to respond rather than react. We’ve forgotten
that we’re creating our own misery - because we’re blind to our reactive habits, unconscious beliefs and internal assumptions. If you watch closely, you’ll find that the vast majority of what you do is conditioned and reactive, rather than responsive or creative. If you want to observe yourself more clearly, then pull back to ‘IT IS WHAT IT IS.’ In other words, we don’t tell ourselves that it should be different, or that the person in front of us should be different, or that life should be different, or even that we should be different. Why? Because it isn’t different – IT IS WHAT IT IS. So here’s the trick. Imagine you’ve just been down to your local tattoo artist and you now have “IT IS WHAT IT IS” tattooed on the INSIDE of your forehead. Walk around practicing this awareness and something changes. Here’s a simple example. You’re stuck in traffic. For most of us, a situation like this leads to a feeling of stress or anxiety, because we want the situation to be different. However, if we spot that tattoo inside our foreheads, we can pull back to “IT IS WHAT IT IS”. It’s a traffic jam. You can accept that or you can fight with it. If you accept it then you’re at peace. If you fight with it –
It has become quite normal to waste all our energy thinking about how life should be, or how others should live their lives - and yet we’re the ones who are unhappy. Perhaps it’s more ‘sane’ to take the emphasis off what’s happening out there, and focus on our internal world, because that’s the only thing we have power over. But while it may seem “easier” to continue to bitch about life, to blame others, and to hold on tightly to self-important opinions and beliefs – it’s also powerless. We’re like the spectators at a football match who get very agitated about what’s happening on the pitch. Life is happening all the time, just like the football match, but we’re not playing. We’re not participating. We’re simply reacting. again. When we don’t look at our reactions, they ‘become’ us. These reactions use up our energy, often leaving us feeling exhausted and powerless. We’ve no energy FOR life itself because we’ve wasted all our energy reacting TO life! So don’t forget that new tattoo on the INSIDE of your forehead. “IT IS WHAT IT IS.” Walk around with it for a while. It’s a really powerful way to look at the world. Why? Because it’s TRUTH.
(a) you won’t win (b) you waste your mental energy (c) you give even more weight to your reactive patterns. (d) you have caused yourself to feel stressed, anxious and frustrated. It’s always your choice. You can resist reality or you can accept it. (By the way, that doesn’t mean we condone everything) But ACCEPTANCE of WHAT IS is the only intelligent response to life, whereas RESISTANCE of WHAT IS could be classified as some form of insanity! But we can’t say that, can we - because we all do it!!
Empower Hour is a single parents and parents support group without stigma. Where parents empower each other in voice, experience, knowledge, expertise networks and life skills. We are parents in similar and different situations supporting other parents through the every day challenges met in parenting. The Extraordinary voice of ordinary people, if not now when!?
Next Share group, 10th May, Angel Times, 7.30 - 9.30 featuring Helen Culhane of the children’s grief project as guestspeaker and Nicola blake of we love Limerick mum’s facilitating the Healing circle. And we recommend Ann McDwyer and Avril O’Sullivan Limerick’s beloved Potentialist for career launch that’s focused, heart based and empowering.
MAY 2018 NEWSLETTER | 3
VEGAN GODDESS Valerie Conway - How ‘Accidentally Vegan’ changed her life. Accidentally Vegan!, A term used for ordinary foods that are unintentionally vegan and I consider myself to be accidental vegan. To elaborate, for more years than I care to mention, I happily and mindlessly munched my way through burgers, steaks and roast dinners; until one day I became very, very ill. It was Christmas time and what I thought was a head cold quickly escalated, on St.Stephans Day, to a situation where I couldn’t catch my breath at all. I presumed it was a chest infection, and continued to go outside and smoke. Yes, I was a 20 pack a day girl for many years. I’d like to say I was young and stupid, but I wasn’t so young and I was what I like to call ‘stubbornly unhealthy’. I knew my lifestyle was hurting me, but I was unwilling to change anything until this moment of awakening. As my symptoms progressively worsened, I ended up in A&E being pumped with all sorts of antibiotics and medications for the treatment of pneumonia. I was in such a weakened state, I couldn’t even walk. I lay in my hospital bed feeling scared and emotional and I promised myself things were going to change from here on in. After all, I knew so much better, I knew how to take care of myself, I had done for years previously, I had studied it and practiced it. I was far too aware to have ended up in this situation and with greater acceptance I knew things had to change. After being released from hospital, I started to make small changes to my lifestyle. The cigarettes were gone and I started to introduce healthier and healthier foods. I made a decision to cleanse my body after all the medication. I gave up meat, processed foods and dairy for 2 weeks. My body felt so good after this detox, I just decided to not eat meat anymore. Simple as that! There was no plan, no agonising decision about it, it just happened, naturally and organically and I was feeling fantastic. It wasn’t always easy, there were times I craved meat so badly but when I felt I was weakening, I watched documentaries such as Forks Over Knives, Fat Sick & Nearly Dead, and The Gerson Miracle. 4 | NEWSLETTER MAY 2018
There are many more amazing documentaries but these are the ones I watched. I reconditioned my mind as I absorbed disturbing scenes on how animals are reared, treated, pumped with antibiotics and chemicals, and then slaughtered for our consumption. After this, there was no going back, I was a convert! That was 5 years ago when a lot of the general public didn’t know, or want to know about veganism. Eating in restaurants I almost had to apologise to the waiting staff for being an ‘awkward vegan’, and I was slow to tell people I was vegan as it was so frowned upon and nearly seen as a sickly cult. Out of desperation to eat some delicious food, began my experimentation and passion with plant based foods. Fast forward to now, where there are vegan options popping up on menus, in supermarkets, corner shops, everywhere, and it is one of the biggest growing trends for 2018 thanks to the Veganuary movement. There are fantastic meat and dairy alternatives now and it can take restraint to not go overboard with all the highly processed options. It is assumed being vegan is super healthy, but not if you eat too much of the packaged foods. All in moderation. I’m far from perfect, it’s a constant learning curve and I’ve had many ups and downs. I must admit though, I am far more fulfilled as a vegan than I ever did was as a meat eater. If you are feeling adventurous, I’ve a lovely natural and incredibly simple, raw vegan carrot cake recipe to whet your appetite for all things healthy and vegan.
RAW VEGAN CARROT CAKE CAKE MIX:
FROSTING:
1 cup almonds 1 cup walnuts 1 carrot grated 1/2 cup dates
2 cups cashew nuts
(soften by soaking in hot water for 10 minutes & drained)
1/2 cup desiccated coconut 1/2 cup raisins 1/4 cup gogi berries 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp nutmeg Juice & zest from 1 orange
(soften by soaking in hot water for 10 minutes & drained)
2 tblsp lemon juice 1 tblsp melted coconut oil 1/2 cup maple syrup Water if needed
GARNISH: 1/4 cup almonds 1/4 cup walnuts 1/4 cup sunflower seeds 1/4 cup gogi berries Zest of orange & lemon
METHOD: In a food processor/nutri bullet, blend 3/4’s of the almonds and walnuts, and roughly chop the rest. Blend the dates into a paste. Mix the blended nuts, chopped nuts & dates together along with all the other cake ingredients, reserving some of the orange zest for the garnish. Press the cake mix into a lined tin of choice and smooth it until well compressed and flat. I like to make this in a round cake tin as it looks luxurious when serving, but if you prefer a loaf tin, then go with that. Put into the fridge to chill.
For the frosting, simply blend all the ingredients together in a clean food processor/nutri bullet until smooth, and spread on top of the chilled cake mix. Refridgerate until set. Garnish with chopped almonds, walnuts, sunflowers seeds, gogi berries & reserved zest. This is even more delicious if refridgerated overnight as the flavours improve with time. Keep chilled until serving.
Valerie Conway 087-6293399 valerieclondrinagh@gmail.com
MAY 2018 NEWSLETTER | 5
EMPOWERMENT Mother and Therapist Andree O’Toole guides us through our self limiting beliefs and encourages us to focus on what we truly want and desire. She offers readers solutions and strategies on how to achieve this. Empowerment is a word we seem to hear lots of in today’s world, but what does it mean? Empowerment involves changing the way we see ourselves and recognising the negative beliefs that stifle us. From my own inner journey of empowerment I have come to realise it is a deeply personal and profound movement towards finding our authentic selves. You may feel you are strong and resilient, but is life moving in a forward momentum of growth and learning about who you are and what you want to achieve? Or do you find yourself worn out and worn down in the cycle of groundhog happenings and behaviours in your life? Self-empowerment is a journey of learning through experience and using those experiences to go inside the self and see where disempowerment lies. Mental empowerment is when you become conscious of negative thoughts, perhaps for the first time in your life, and allow yourself time and space to call out and challenge those thoughts. Let’s take a small example on financial empowerment, focusing on money and abundance. You may feel you don’t have enough money to pay bills or to have a decent amount of recreational time for yourself and your family. If this is the case, then start with a small step towards recognising the deep, hidden disempowerment you feel about feeling unworthy of abundance. Take a week to observe your thoughts about money and your judgements towards those around you who may hold money. You may in fact find that through your speech and thoughts you actually think that money is a bad thing or a hard thing or you are more religious if you are poor. The truth is there is no difference between you and a wealthy person: the only difference is a belief held about abundance. By changing your perceptions and views on abundance, you will in turn invite more abundance into your life.
6 | NEWSLETTER MAY 2018
If you find that power within yourself, that can be a real game changer and you can embark on taking charge of your thoughts, feelings and beliefs about abundance. Then take small actions to empower yourself around the beliefs that block you from abundance. Start perhaps with switching off the lights in the house that don’t need to be on; review eating and shopping habits; find healthy recipes online for dinners that cost less and have no waste of food. Make a daily list of those small steps towards achieving a saving each day of a certain amount of money until you reach your weekly target. When we take these small steps towards empowering ourselves in any particular area, we find our minds open up to a more creative answer to “what more can I achieve to save a bit more and earn a bit more?” You may discover a gift you have to share with the world and how you could start making money through your inner deep hidden true passion! How exciting would that be?! You may feel stuck in how to move forward with these gifts and passions. Being curious and asking lots of questions may reveal the next step you can take. For example, see how others are using social media as a platform for career development just from sharing about their passion. There are many other areas of self-empowerment to achieve, such as emotional and spiritual empowerment, but if we start small in self-awareness, who
knows what could change into a more positive and fulfilled life? Endless possibilities start with opening up our minds and hearts to truthful reflection of where we are at and where we are consistently handing our power over to other people without even knowing it. Awareness allows us to see imbalance in relationships where we may be giving too much and receiving little back, only negativity. Nothing will change unless we are prepared to observe in silence the happenings within and without ourselves. Only then can empowerment take its first step! Empowerment does not come from outside of ourselves, it lies within. The power is already within you; all you need to do is open the door! Andrée O Toole NLP,CBT &and quantum thinking practitioner, Spiritual awareness and self acceptance coach.
EMPOWER HOUR CONFIDENCE Empower Hour Recommends As parents we grow in love and confidence, by waking up and being true to ourselves. Empower Hour mother, nurse and therapist Ann McDywer talks: home truths and how these truths empowered her career choice and direction in motherhood. The gentle touch of Craniosacral therapy creates a sense of stillness which is a creative field for dynamic change. Having witnessed the change in my 3 year old son from being shocked and pale and back to full vitality in just 20 minutes, during a session of CST, 48 hours after a head injury in 2012; I embarked on my journey with Body Intelligence and started to learn Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. Through touch, the listening hands of the therapist can get a sense of the fluid flows in your body and where energy is not flowing as well as it can be. These changes in fluid or energy flow have effects on the muscles and ligaments and some misalignments are naturally corrected as one lets the tension melt away. As we free ourselves from intermeshed patterns in our body-mind it has a knock on effect in how we relate to the people and world around us. Our nervous systems are what guide us in our daily lives. What if the balance is unevenly tipped in favour of fight, flight, freeze/appease? Toxic stress can result. I had the stark realisation of this after watching an Afternoon show, while off work for a period of 4 weeks with back pain. I knew it was time for a change. When I started the journey I had no idea how it was going to unfold. It has seen a lot of change in my relationships with those around me and the most important change is how I relate with myself, growing ever more in self love, acceptance and awareness. During our last Empower Hour share group, I remarked on my greater ease of being and the joy experienced in being myself without the old pattern of people pleasing, which in the past had found me drawing in relationships that were not life enhancing relationships. Having learned to say a very positive “No” to others has been a way of saying Yes to myself. I delight in being able to share openness and expanding awareness with others through Craniosacral therapy. If you are curious to learn more, there is more information on my facebook page 360 Potential Birthing and Beyond 087 9418525 Ann McDwyer RGN RM BCST
techniques that will help relax your body and mind, they are also completely safe to carry out on children. By pressing the following reflex points, you can cause a response from the nervous system that helps relax and balance the entire body!!
Empower Hour Recommends - Reflexology for the subtle adjustments needed to relax into a great life. Here are some lovely free offers and tips on how to do it for yourself and the ones you love at home. Finding life stressful? The solution is at your fingertips!! Having ‘one of those days’ when it all feels too much? When your kids are pushing all your buttons (not in a good way) and you wish you could escape the stress for even half an hour? Next time you feel like you are ready to scream, stimulate the magic buttons within you to restore a sense of calm and peace. The good news is children have these magical buttons too!! These magical buttons are reflex areas that are treated during a reflexology treatment. Reflexology is a holistic treatment, which has been in use for thousands of years. It is based on the longestablished principle that there are energy zones that run throughout the body and reflex areas on the feet that correspond with all the major organs, glands and body parts. Applying pressure to these reflex areas creates overall health and wellbeing. Benefits of Reflexology: - Reduces stress and induces deep relaxation. - Cleanses the body of toxins and impurities. - Revitalises energy. - Improves circulation - Improves nerve function. - Eases digestive problems. - Speeds up healing. - Reduces muscle tension. - Improved pain relief. - Improved immune activity. Here are some easy self-reflexology
Relax the mind: Do this by pressing on the reflex area to the brain – located on the big toe of both feet, in the fleshy part behind the toenail. To calm your mind (and even relieve headaches), pinch both toes with your thumb and index finger for 10 seconds. Release and then press again for 10 seconds. Relax the neck: This is the area where we hold most tension, so it is a good idea to stimulate the reflex area to the neck regularly. This reflex is located at the base of the big toe, underneath the fleshy part on both feet. Make small circles with your thumbs, covering the entire area. Relax the back: To relax your entire back – press along the inner edges of both feet, starting at the big toe and working down along to the heel. This is the reflex area for the spine and treating this promotes total relaxation. Solar Plexus: This is the nerve centre for the body. With your thumb, press right in the middle of the sole of your foot (one foot at a time), hold for 30 seconds, release and repeat. Pressing on this point relaxes the entire body, restores calm, and brings instant stress relief. Avril O’Sullivan Holistic Harmonies, Wellness For body, mind and soul, Market Yard, Newcastle West, Co Limerick. holisticharmonytherapy@hotmail.com Empower your Energy body with mother and therapist Jennifer Wilson. Beautiful soul connection visualisation technique. MAY 2018 NEWSLETTER | 7
SOUL DOOR TO CONNECT TO YOUR OWN POWERFUL SOUL ENERGY Jennifer Wilson - www.sacredtribe-energyhealing.com
Clear and ground your energy, bringing white Light down through and around your Body to clear blocks. Visualize roots growing down from your feet into the Earth to ground. State your Intention to connect to your ‘Soul Energy’ (this being your direct link and immediate connection to and with the Creative Universal God Force Energy within) for the purpose of receiving all you need ‘To Day’ on an Emotional, Mental, Spiritual and Physical Level to live this day in the energy of Joy, Happiness and Abundance. Visualize or verbalize a Beautiful Door in whatever Colour Shape or Design you like suspended in front of a big ball of brilliant light, your Soul Light in front of you. Feel your excitement as you stand outside this Door, knowing in this moment that when you call out to this Door to ‘Open’ it will, and this Divine Love Source Energy will flood into Your Mind, Your Heart, Your Life and Your Dreams!!! Take a moment to really connect with this Excitement and the Joy of feeling that for Today all you need will be magically taken care of in Divine ways!!!
Call out in mind or words to Your Door to Your Soul..… “Open!!!” Open your arms to Welcome and Embrace your Soul Light as it pours into your body, when you feel you are filled up with this Light, give gratitude and the door will close once more. You now have everything you need for this day to Live or Change this day into a day of Love and Blessings. Seek only to see the Good and Positive and Beautiful in this day and you will feel the reactive Joy of your Soul Energy flowing through you, Strengthening Your Energy and Attracting Similar Energies to You. Open the Door (it is your door and belongs to you,) one day at a time, for what you need tomorrow will not be what you need today and as your Soul Light attunes you each day, your Door will draw deeper and deeper from the depths of your Soul, connecting you and bringing forth the wisdom and the magic that is within you. So when You Are Ready, go Open that Door and Let it Begin. Blessings to You and All you Love!!!
8 | NEWSLETTER MAY 2018
Design by PINCH