Going Underground

Our mole on the ground isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty to bring you the Notts stories you might have missed...

illustrations: Kate Wand

We’ve all been sat in traffic on the M1, wishing you could just get out of the car and run - or, in my case, burrow - home. Yet Notts County fan Jamie Austin took it upon himself to turn those rage-induced daydreams into reality, raising money for tackling diabetes in the process. By using parallel back roads, the 49-year-old headed from London to Leeds via Nottingham - and, if we’re being honest, probably managed the journey quicker than most on four wheels. You’re smashing it, you beautiful madman.

No Work and All Play

Kids really live the life, don’t they? No energy bills. No mortgage. No job. And, as if that wasn’t enough, they now get playgrounds with zip wires and trampolines. That’s right, Colwick Rectory Play Area is set to become an activity-filled haven for the little ne'er-dowells as part of a £100,000 investment project. A zip wire? Give me strength. Back in my day we had a tin can and a plank of wood. Best days of my life. World’s going to pot.

Hotel for Hogs

Step aside, Bella Ramsey. You might be winning over audiences across the globe with your performances in The Last of Us, but there’s a new Bella in town. You see, nine-year-old Bella from West Bridgford won the ‘A Home for Wildlife’ competition, with her design for a fancy wildlife retreat - which includes a hedgehog house, a bug hotel, a birdhouse and a pond - impressing judges of the Nottinghamshire County Council awards. No love for moles, I noticed, but I guess I’ll let it slide.

Kid 1: “You are such a cheeseburger.”

Kid 2: “Well you're a pepperoni pizza!”

"They’ve already done an autopsy but I reckon they’ll need to do an inquisition."

Man to pigeon: "Alright, pidge?"

Woman in Broadway to her friend, waiting for the film to start: “I’d love to be a film critic.” Friend: “How can you be a film critic? You can never remember anyone’s name. You can’t review something saying ‘thingymagig, that was in wotsit’.” your ex missus was a bit not the smartest."

"He got so close to me he condensated my glasses."

Spotted Ilkeston town

Got my wife a new fridge should have seen her face light up when she opened the door

Spotted Eastwood phone found in greggs in kimberley its in the safe waiting to be returned to owner if you are Steve that text the phone calling me a scrote and I best ditch the phone before you get to me well then I'm not a scrote that has stolen your mums phone I'm trying to get it back to her

Retford Information Page

Disgusting if I'd got hold of him I would have battered him

Spotted Ilkeston town

Scrap the lingerie! Get her an air fryer! Like a really good one though.

Arnold Community Group UK

In Sutton in Ashfield you can get mini fish, chips, sauce and either a small battered sausage or fish cake for £4. I’ve genuinely spoke to my partner about moving up there

Spotted: Stapleford

She thinks it’s funny to be jumping infront of moving cars! I’m telling you now, if she thinks it’s funny again, I’ll see how funny she thinks it is when I don’t slam my breaks on next time!

words: Dani Bacon

Nottingham’s most opinionated grocers on...

Nottingham Castle

They should open it back up and charge a minimal amount of money for people to enter, because they got it wrong beforepeople couldn’t afford to go. Let the people of Nottingham enjoy it; it shouldn’t be private, it’s ours. If they put on special events, like beer festivals, then sure, charge for them. But anybody should be able to visit the grounds.

Coffee Shops

Stewarts is the best coffee in the land, it’s gorgeous. And it’s near you lot at LeftLion! We got some Christmas presents for people; ground and unground. They went down very well. The people inside Blend are very charming and helpful too. We don’t have much coffee, though. We have it maybe once a year? We drink loads of tea. Simple. Breakfast. Tea. It’s unbeatable.

Emily Campbell

Do you know what’s so good about Emily? She shows that if you’re keen and put your mind to something, you’ll get on. She’s done a marvellous job for women in weightlifting. And she doesn’t talk posh, she’s a normal person who’s achieving great things. She did Bulwell proud. They need to name a gym after her, or a council building, or a tram!

Carlton Hill Community he looks an interesting character. I hope he didn't poop on your towel

Spotted Ilkeston town

If you want to see some animals, wait until Tesco start putting the yellow reduction stickers on chilled food in the evening.

Spotted Kimberley & Eastwood

I’m just an ordinary Eastwood resident with no ambitions

Retford Information Page you’ve got a popcorn fetish so this would be ideal for you bud

Carlton Hill Community

That potato looks immense!

Arnold Community Group UK

All their family is commenting now inboxing me and threatening me great chippy.

West Bridgford Community (and Surrounding Areas)

Hello, just been out on West Bridgeford area and there is a bad stench every where...any idea what is that about. Plz check.

Sherwood in Nottingham Community Group

The roaring was very loud. So strange.

Retford Information Page

Welcome to Retford, you might get in but you’ll never get out

Hucknall Community Group

Hey is anyone wanting a worker (iam great with my hands).

The Mansfield UK, Community Group they could advertise Mansfield as 'an in town off roading experience' being as all the roads are sooo bad.

Spotted Long Eaton

So I came out the house at 5 am this morning to check if the car was frozen and I saw this bloke leaning on a wall with a walking stick I thought he must be out of breath just came out the door now at 6 40 and he's still there I shouted mate you alright then got no reply I walked down the road to check on him and its a smashed trampoline net hanging over the wall

Spotted Ilkeston town

It was an air ambulance for all the women tripping over and hurting themselves falling for me today

Spotted in Netherfield

I would of followed her and waited till she was inside and posted it return to sender or wiped it on her front door