Self-Care: A Guide on How to Obtain True Rest Inside and Out

Gabrielle J. Williams

As today’s busy woman, it can be so hard to find time to prioritize putting yourself first. We take care of so much daily from our careers, our families, keeping our homes together, agreeing to multiple projects, etc. We are usually running from one place to another without even taking a breather and let’s not get started on makeup or hair. Many times, we view self-care as a luxury when it should be a necessity in our lives. We can even find ourselves feeling guilty when we think of putting ourselves before others. According to www.mymindoasis.com, self-care is defined as the deliberate choice you make to maintain your own health and wellness. Self-care can be viewed as indulging in what we want rather than feeding what we need in order to find true rest. We are indulging in what we want in a sense to numb our problems instead of finding a way to rest where you can be energized to face day to day life issues. Self-care is not one dimensional. There are different types of self-care such as spiritual, mental, emotional, social, and physical.

Spiritual

We usually unplug from the world by turning off our TVs, social media sites, and silencing our phones. But what are we plugging into? Is it binge watching our favorite television program or going on a massive shopping spree? I believe we should use that quiet time to plug into God. What I love about decompressing from a long day is that I can cast my stress and problems to the Lord in prayer.

I Peter 5:7 (NLT) says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” Being so busy can make it difficult to pause and make time for prayer but it is so essential and necessary in our everyday lives. Prayer literally lifts the weight of life off you which will allow you to feel healthier in your mental, emotional, and even physical state. The bible is clear about how to obtain true rest through the Lord. Although a nice, long nap is a wonderful form of rest, it can feel like a way of numbing or escaping. True rest is explained in Matthew 11:28 (NLT) where Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” When you keep in company with Him, you will learn to live freely and lightly. You will learn how to handle life stressors better. I find journaling as another great way to release. I like to form my journal entries as a letter. It’s like I’m having a personal conversation through writing. Journaling is a way of becoming more self-aware and reflecting on your life as a whole. You can spend time with God by reading his word, turning on some worship music, cooking a meal, and journaling your thoughts. Watch how you start to feel true rest in your spirit.

Mental And Emotional

Taking care of your mental state of mind is probably one of the most important categories in my opinion. If you are not taking care of your mind, then it can be hard for the other categories of self-care to fall into place. Your brain is the center of all activity in your body and your eyes are the windows. You want to do what it takes to keep your mind in the best shape as well as guarding what enters it. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” There is a heart-brain connection in your body. Both organs are in constant communication with each other. That is why when there is stress, migraines can occur. We must be very conscious of guarding what enters our hearts and minds. If you know that watching too much of the news can put you in a bad mental and emotional state, then it would be good to shut it off and focus on something positive. Philippians 4:8 (NIV) says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Choose to think in a positive light. It is a decision. Whatever it is that makes you happy, be sure to do just that! Proverbs 17:22 (NIV) says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Have you ever felt a negative emotion and felt drained? That is exactly what this scripture means. Now I’m not saying do not be in tune with your emotions but try not lingering there. Find your path to positivity. When you are cheerful and happy, you feel energized and healthy mentally and emotionally. When you experience emotions, such as sadness, frustration, anger, and/or irritability, it is ok to experience them without judgement, guilt, or embarrassment. Grace yourself. Do not bottle your emotions on the inside. It can be unhealthy. Pinpoint your emotional triggers and know your boundaries. It is important to protect your energy. Here are some tips to finding true rest in your mind:

1. Set boundaries. It is ok to say “No”. You are allowed to take time for yourself.

2. Affirmations. Speak positivity over yourself daily.

3. Decluttering. It is impossible to be in a good head space when there is clutter all around. Just as we must declutter our minds, we also must declutter and organize our spaces. I promise you will feel so much peace.

4. Helping Others. I’ve learned that volunteering and helping others in need makes me happier and forget about my own issues. It creates a sense of belonging and a sense of meaning. It is also a way to connect with our communities.

5. Taking Small Steps. Thinking about what must be completed daily is overwhelming. It is ok to take small steps and pace yourself at your own speed.

6. Meditation. Take quiet time for yourself and meditate to ease and slow your mind. It is ok to pause.

Social

It is important to maintain social relationships in our lives. Socialization and having close connections with others are important to our well being according to www.OregonCounseling.com. But being stressed and tired can make that hard to maintain. When I feel burned out or tired, making a phone call to a friend is the last thing on my mind. We must understand that the key in maintaining our social relationships is by creating a balance. We want to be social but make sure we are not spreading ourselves thin. You do not have to make plans with everyone during the week. Even if I do not make a phone call, I find a way to reach out by sending a text message or sharing a funny post on a social media platform. Being in good company is known to lift your spirits and elevate your mental health. Circle yourself around the people who care about your wellbeing. They are your support system and safe space. Social self-care can also mean blocking negativity including people who may drain you or social media accounts. Here are some ways to exercise your social self-care:

1. Reach out to family and friends for support.

2. Schedule an outing with friends.

3. Call a friend.

4. Write a thank you note.

5. Reconnecting with an old friend or family member.

6. Pay it forward to a stranger.

7. Meet new people.

8. Be present.

Physical

Now that we have discussed the different ways of finding true rest on the inside, of course, we cannot forget about our self-care on the outside. I know you have heard the saying “Inner beauty is great, but a little mascara never hurts.” -Anonymous. It can be so hard and even tedious to try to put anything extra into yourself regarding the looks department. Take it from me, I was a full face makeup type of girl. But I started to become so drained and stressed from my job, that I would not put anything into myself. Now, I’m not saying to start wearing a full face of makeup. I’m saying that just like the quote, something as small as a little swipe of mascara can make you feel powerful and confident. It alters your mood to a more relaxed and happier state. For me, it did not just stop there. I was not getting my nails done or making my pedicures either because I simply did not have the time. I just did not have the energy to go.

“If you look good, you feel good…” -Deion Sanders

I’ve found this to be a true statement. When I made the decision that I was going to set some time aside to do what made me feel good on the outside, I started to see the change in my attitude and confidence. Physical self-care can be as simple as getting up and taking a shower or a long bath while listening to your favorite music. It could be as simple as moisturizing after your bath. It could be as simple as combing and brushing your hair back into a simple ponytail to feel “together.” It could be as simple as adding polish to your fingernails and toenails. These are things that made me feel “soft and light.” It’s easy to think of self-care as an expense. Instead, we should view it as an investment that is an intentional and purposeful way of prioritizing yourself. Go schedule that facial or massage. Go schedule a hair appointment with your hairstylist. Try something new. Get a professional mani and pedi at your local nail salon. Buy a few new outfits and schedule an outing with a good friend. Let go of your crazy schedule and put yourself first. Deion went on to say “if you feel good, you play good.” He was talking about his football performances. I find when I look good then I perform my job and life tasks better.

“Loving

-Katrina

Outer self-care does not just stop at appearance. It also means being a healthier version of yourself. I Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) says, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.” Would you treat the temple of God in any kind of way? Or would you treat it with the utmost respect? You would want to do everything you can to make sure you are putting the right things in and carefully caring for that temple. These bodies were created and loaned to us by God. So, we should do our best to take care of them. I don’t know about you, but when I eat foods that are not good for me, I feel just plain out bad. I start getting migraines, high blood pressure, indigestion, you name it. There are times where I will not exercise or even get enough sleep. This just causes me to wake up feeling tired and unprepared for the day which alters my mood. So how do we invest in our “temples”? Here are some tips below:

1. Change your diet. Eat healthier foods such as fruits and vegetables. Leave the chips, sweets, and ice cream alone.

2. Move your body! Find an exercise routine that works for you. This can be walking, aerobics, dancing, cardio, kickboxing, bicycling, etc. Make it intentional to do these at least 30 minutes a day.

3. Go to bed early. Going to bed early or at a proper time will make getting up the next day feel like a breeze. You are more alert and focused which will make it easier to organize your day.

4. Visit the Doc! You will be surprised how many people do not see a doctor or even have a primary care physician set up. It is PRIORITY that you make time to see your doctor for a yearly checkup. That way, we are informed about what is going on in our bodies as well as catching anything that may be wrong in its early stages.

As you can see, self-care is not just limited to one area. Each area contributes to our whole wellbeing. When life gets overwhelming, we should pause, listen to our bodies, and the type of self-care that is needed. Eleanor Brown said, “Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean me first…it means me too.” -L.R. Knosts