6 minute read
Stigmatized Losses:
Written by: Nina Rodriguez of Grief + Light Podcast
Grief is already an overwhelming life experience. When it comes to stigmatized losses whether from suicide, overdose, murder, or other socially judged circumstances the burden is exponentially compounded by societal expectations, shame, and silence. These losses don't just bring immense pain; they bring an uninvited layer of judgment, making it difficult to express your grief without fear of misunderstanding, discomfort, or outright stigma, triggering our defense mechanisms to protect both ourselves, and the person we knew and loved.
In a culture that tends to value tidy narratives of life and death, a loss that doesn’t fit the mold can leave you feeling even more isolated. But the truth is that your grief is valid, your pain is real, and despite the social layers added to your loss, peace can be cultivated within.
Why Stigmatized Loss Hits Differently
Stigmatized losses are often met with uncomfortable silences, or whispered conversations. People tend to avoid these topics, not knowing what to say or worse, dumping insensitive remarks, leading with judgment or misplaced assumptions.
The result? You might feel pressured to keep the cause of death hidden or fear being judged when you speak about your person. You may feel pressured to over-explain the circumstances or justify your grief, as though these losses need an explanation to be seen as worthy of mourning.
These types of losses often stir up feelings of guilt or shame in the bereaved. Questions like "Could I have done something?", "What will people think?", or “Will they judge my person?” can plague your healing process, layering guilt on top of sorrow. This is a heavy burden to carry, and it can feel like the world is not just grieving a loved one but is also questioning the life they lived.
Honoring the Fullness of Their Life
When dealing with stigmatized loss, one of the first steps to creating a peaceful space in your heart is to reclaim the narrative of your person’s life, and your own. They cannot be reduced to the addiction, the mental health struggle, or the means of their death. They were complex individuals, like me and you, with love, joy, dreams, and a story far greater than its ending.
It’s okay to acknowledge the difficult parts of their journey, and it’s also okay to speak about the beautiful parts. You are allowed to remember their kindness, their laugh, and their presence. A struggle does not diminish the value of the life they lived or the love you had for them.
It's vital to remember that your person was far more than the way they died. An entire life cannot be reduced to its sunset date.
Navigating Through
When you find yourself in a situation where you must speak of your loss, especially in a world that may not always offer grace, the key is to approach these conversations with intention. Consider these steps to create a peaceful space around the tender parts of your heart before and during these interactions:
Know Your Boundaries: You do not owe anyone an explanation of how your loved one died. Ever. The details of your loss are not for public consumption, and it’s okay to protect your heart by setting boundaries, even with friends, family, and colleagues If asked, respond with what you feel comfortable sharing, or simply say, "I’m focusing on honoring their life right now," if the conversation feels too invasive.
Reclaim the Story: When you speak of your loss, make it a point to talk about your loved one in a way that honors their full humanity. If their death becomes a topic of conversation, be sure to include the joy they brought into the world alongside the pain they endured. Their life, and your love for them, is not defined by the way they died.
Create a Sacred Space for Grief: Create personal rituals or spaces where your grief can exist without judgment This could be journaling, altar building, meditating, or simply spending time with photos and memories that remind you of the love you shared. These private moments allow you to express your grief in its rawest form without the need for explanation or defense.
Lean on Your Grief Tribe: Surround yourself with people who understand that grief is not linear and that it doesn’t follow societal scripts. Whether through grief support circles, therapy, or trusted friends, find spaces where your experience is honored, and your grief can be expressed fully. These spaces can help you feel seen and supported, providing a foundation for peace in your heart as you navigate public conversations.
Transforming Grief Through Compassion
At the end of the day, accessing peace amid stigmatized loss is about offering yourself the same compassion and grace you would give the person you love most. It's about recognizing that your loss is no less valid because society struggles to understand it. Allow your heart the space to feel everything without judgment the love, the sorrow, the anger, the relief. All of it is a part of your grief, and all of it is worthy of tending.
Remember that peace doesn't mean the absence of pain It means creating a sanctuary within yourself where you can grieve freely and fully, no matter what the world may say. It is through this peace that harmony can unfold, one gentle moment at a time.
Nina Rodriguez is founder, podcast host, and certified grief support specialist trained by renowned psychotherapist, Megan Devine. She created the Grief and Light Podcast after the sudden and unexpected loss of her only sibling, Yosef, as an authentic exploration of grief and life after loss. Through each conversation, she aims to give a voice to the griever’s experience, and foster a more grief-informed, hopeful world.
Beyond the podcast, Nina extends her heart-centered support through The Community, monthly circles, 1:1 grief support, speaking engagements, social media, and forthcoming in-person retreats. Get to know more at griefandlight.com.
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