writing the
body Leia Vita Marasovich Writing 300 December 2013
a body of memoirs.
pre body of contents pre face originality is dead ancestry sausage fingers f*ck it me to them body temple gender trouble seduction dumb blonde inked traced dissillusioned flying swami bridging the gap silk kimono confessional about writing
001 002-004 005 006 007 008-011 012 013 014 015 016 017 018 019 020 021 022 023
Writing the body. Writing on the body. Writing about the body. Writing with the body. Thinking about my body. Judging my body. Deconstructing my body. Feeling my body. Embodying my body. Hating my body. Being some body. Understanding my body. Loving my body. This portfolio is a collection of memoirs. Intertwined within the required assignments, workshop responses, and in class assignments, lay a story of unfiltered bodies. They are not my body, nor are they yours, but we can both relate to them. They are stories of the physical human experience through the lens of a particular body that has been conceived and perceived through spatialization. The history of each
face body is embedded within the individual’s body position and facial expression. These emotions and feelings can only be expressed through means of our physical beings. The drawings are interpreting symbolic represenations of identity and culture whose existence comes to life through the physical body. The three memoirs of my different body parts mark three distinct features of mine. They are honest and raw and the first time I have reflected or written about these personal peices of myself.
I intend for this portfolio to be enjoyable and thought provoking for you. As for me, it was a personal journey to discover the relationship I have with my own body by exploring how the world has come to categorize, label, and understand the inherent mysteries of the physical bodies that frame us. I was inspired to design my portfolio as a collective body instead of a monotonous series of blank pages splattered by words. This is the whole that manifested after class theories, discussions, contemplations, and realizations. Although each peice has a different specified purpose and feel to it, each is part of the bigger system- just like all the organs that come together to create a functioning body. Welcome to my body.
Originality is Dead.
wait, it never existed! Culture and Genealogy Determine Our Identity. I am who I am because of every single past event that has led up to this exact moment. Every random interaction and planned or incidental encounter has birthed my line of ancestors that I ascended from. How is it that I even exist right now? History has preserved me… I am who I am because of every single past event that has led up to this exact moment. Every random interaction and planned or incidental encounter has birthed my line of ancestors that I ascended from. I don’t want to exist right now. History has destroyed me…. We are all derived from the same human factors; we all come from somewhere and from some two people. However, our experiences have been colored and dressed by a sequence of cultural and genealogical factors that lead us to evolve into our own personal identity. Identity, according to James D. Fearon of Stanford University, can be refered to as either “(a) a social category, defined by membership rules and (alleged) characteristic attributes or expected behaviors, or (b) socially distinguishing features that a person takes a special pride in or views as unchangeable but socially consequential (or (a) and (b) at once.”
Our identity is ineluctably shaped by political interests and has been planned and manufactured by our historical genealogy and current culture. According to Judith Butler, the amount of freedom we have to actually authenticate ourselves in a way that is completely disconnected from our present society and past history is very limited. In her own words, Butler boldly states that “there is no self that is prior to the convergence or who maintains “integrity” prior to its entrance into this conflicted cultural field” (Butler 185). Before the “I” has been named, stamped,
If this is true, are we ever original
or responsible for our own labeled, and sexed, there is no preexisting and truly authentic personal identity; the self is created only within the contexts of language and the patterns of culture. Ironically, the way humans come to create their own self-identity can be accredited to everything but themselves; our identities have been imprinted by history and inscribed by culture (Butler 164). Although we may choose the way we portray our identity- such as the way we react to a situation or the clothes we wear- history and society have pre-constructed a rubric where we select these seemingly “individual” and “unique” expressions. But we are not to blame for our delusional belief that humans create their own personal identity. Freud argued how history/civilization is the “destruction of the body” (Butler 165). First, the body must be understood as solely a surfaceliterally a skin bag- that has been constructed through a history of cultural significations. Thus, you and I are not responsible for any current norms and stigmas such as gender categorizations, except for the responsibility we have assumed by perpetuating them. The historical terms used to help categorize and organize the constellations of unexplainable differences of the body were merely established through a chasm of human-manufactured
events and beliefs, many which are far away from your and my immediate space and time. The unfamiliar void of everything had to be categorized into the illusion of an organized chaos so that our microcosmic bodies could at least pretend to have a grasp on its relationship with the macrocosmic world that encompasses it. Freud reasons that the body is a void, or blank slate that humans themselves dress, decorate, design, and accessorize. It is merely a way to organize the unknown mysteries of the human body so we are not left with an inherent emptiness of self-identity. How is it that humans cannot be given credit for the creation of their own identity? The answer is simple: originality does not exist. In Gender Trouble, Judith Butler explains how “‘the original’ is revealed to be a copy,
identity?
and an inevitably failed one, an ideal that no one can embody” (Butler 176). Ultimately everything and everyone is an immitation and made up of a conglomeration from some derivative. Just as I thought I was “so original” in the way I prepared this essay in a creative style, I realized this is definately not the first time I’m turning in a paper this way, nor is it the last. We won’t always be able to pinpoint what we are copying or how we came up with an “original” idea, but to refer to our identity as this only convinces us of a false reality. I always thought my originality and identity stemmed from extrapolating different aspects from various subcultures and integrating them in a unique and explicit way. This is shown in the above picture of my altar where I have accumulated
symbols, pictures, malas, instruments, oils, and artifacts from a variety of cultures, traditions, and religions. So no, I am not original because I have taken things that already exist, but I combine these subcultures in ways that may have never been done before- can’t at least that be defined as original? As I reflect upon the white pages that delicately explore the ideas of identity and originality according to Butler, I understand the logic behind her statments, but struggle to accept them. I WANT TO BE ORIGINAL. But I guess that very desire in itself is a contradiction; essentially every individual is striving to transcend above the blatancy of a monotonous identity.
References Butler, Judith. Gender Trouble. New York: Routledge, 1999. Print. Thinking Gender. Fearon, James D. What Is Identity (As We Now Use the Word)? Draft. Stanford University, 3 Nov. 1999. Wed. 8 Oct. 2013. <http://www.stanford.edu/~jfearon/papers/iden1v2.pdf>.
Assignment 1 Leia Marasovich 9 October 2013 Aneil Rallin Writing the Body
I didn’t do it. The color of my skin didn’t do it. I want to be set free. Layers of ancestry define me- proudly. Not the dissonance of intoxicated perseption . Accept me with compassion , as I have done so for you. I am not just me, but part of you.
Thelatinaladywhoworked in the elementary school playground would call me over. she had painted eyebrows
that were brown and thin, hot pink lip liner, plastic nails, and perfectly plump bangs.
chubby.
1 9 9 8
As I approached her I knew what to do: stick out my hand so she could play with my “cute” fingers.
they were Chubby.
2006
SAUSAGE FINGERS. Thank you sister’s ex boyfriend for this lovely nickname. I have sausage fingers.
2012: born again baker’s hands. “No, your hands are not like that. They are strong, sturdy, and beautifullike that of a baker!” brazilian bikinis, brazilian waxes, and brazilian.... bakers hands? Born Again Baker’s Hands. In Brazil. Thank You Jean.
Fuck it. I’m done with the bullshit. Stop the abuse, stope the rape, stop the judgements. My body is mine, don’t lay a finger on it. I’m done. Let me be at peace, me with my cigarettethe only one who understands me.
jazzy
Jasmine started her paper with an excellent poem she wrote which I thought was a great way to feed the reader into her essay. This creative opening makes her paper more personal and intrigues the audience to read more into what is yet to come. Throughout the essay Jasmine uses personal examples. For this class and subject manner, I found it very appropriate for Jasmine to use first person and bring in her life experiences without being too intrusive. Halfway through the essay Jasmine refers back to the poem that opened the essay, which I thought was an excellent way to tie everything together. In terms of content, I only have two suggestions. The first has to do with the sentence that is at the bottom of page four: “The culture imposed on this generation’s child is the culture experienced by the enforcer.” From this sentence I get the negative connotation that the parents are completely responsible for the children’s gender conformity. I agree with this statement, but earlier in the essay you seem to compliment the parents who raise their children in a gender-free environment, as you criticize the “non-accepting” families: “the guardians and models that give their child the freedom to discover themselves on their own without forcing upon them the gender stereotypes let their seeds of creativity breathe, take in what they need for nourishment, and grow comfortably.” So to maybe sound less hypocritical or misleading, since the enforcer can be a positive enforcer, make it clear that the enforcer is not always
a negative thing, because some parents are raising their children in a more liberating environment. For example, this can be done as simply as adding: “The culture imposed on this generation’s child is the culture experienced by the enforcer, whether they promote gender-conformity or not.” Or something along those lines because otherwise it sounds like you are not considering the gender non-conforming parents. The second thing is in the sentence: “For instance, the beliefs of the guardian who forces the gender non-conforming child into conforming may come from a non accepting family.” I would recommend either defining or changing the word “nonaccepting family”. I did not know what you meant by that. Overall, I was very impressed with Jasmine’s fluidity in the way she expressed her thoughts. Jasmine did an excellent job with drawing visual pictures for the reader. I really enjoyed reading her paper. I also really loved how beautifully she worded these two sentences: Maybe I am crazy to have believed myself to be immune to whatever history and culture has coughed up onto our biology. AND: the guardians and models that give their child the freedom to discover themselves on their own without forcing upon them the gender stereotypes let their seeds of creativity breathe, take in what they need for nourishment, and grow comfortably. Jasmine, overall great paper! 1 October 2013
Rachel- I really liked how you compared the importance of word usage in gender identity with everyday commonly used vocabulary. When I first read your title and first sentence, I was a bit taken aback how explicit you were with the word shit. Something in me naturally reacted in an almost defensive manner, and I thought to myself “what will the professor think?” (Then I realized it’s Aneil and all is good). I believe our immediate reaction shows the power of the word, which proves the point you make in your essay. I like the word choice of Shit, but at the same time it may have been good to incorporate other examples such as words with a multiplicity of meaning. I like shit because it really breaks the barrier and categorizations of what’s proper essay lingo. I thought you could maybe have a smoother transition in the first paragraph when you switch from gender to words. I think the strongest part of your paper was how deep you went with your thoughts. You didn’t resort to “on the surface” thinking, but really delved deeper to help the reader see the true implications of your statement. For example, I liked your explanation of the “human filter” and these parts: And it’s not always the dictionary definition of the word itself that we focus on, but rather the connotations and representations that have grown attached to it that we recognize. And if something is defined as part of one context, naturally it is defined as NOT part of another context. I also thought you raised great questions. For the conclusion, I think you could have been a little less abstract, and maybe posed a few concrete examples of what you mean by changing the way we use language. Overall, good job! 7 October 2013
katy
Hey Katy, your blog is awesome. It’s inspiring to see how much of yourself you have poured into it for the sake of others struggling with cerebral palsy. Your personal experiences, honesty, and willingness to express your fears and insecurities are very courageous and brave. I think your posts are raw and real- you admit problems and struggles but you always end with such hopeful conviction and optimism. I really see your inner strength and beauty shine through your posts. I don’t really have much critique other than maybe considering switching up the layout/design of the blog. I think it would be exciting for your dedicated followers who have been reading your blog for months or years to have a different visual aesthetic. Consider changing the colors, pictures, and fonts- essentially giving the blog site a retrofit or “face lift.” I like that you have other contributing writers and different categories. I think your blog is very organized and detailed. An idea that you can write about, if you haven’t already, can be talking about celebrities/famous people who had/have cerebral palsy. I don’t intend for this to heighten or put them on a pedestal, but it would be interesting to read about those who have struggled and still succeeded. Also, I don’t know if you are into poetry or art, but it would be cool to have some more artsy reflections from yourself or others. Maybe encourage people to submit drawings, photographs, or poetry about cerebral palsy. This would bring a different emotional feel and break up all the writing. Good work Katy and thanks for spreading your light! 13 November 2013
rachel
wing Hey Wing this is a really dope idea. I honestly never looked at those dress-up games in that way, so I think you chose a very unique concept whose theme is familiar to many. I like the idea of mixing animal parts- I’m just thinking, what implications will that have on children/ what is this telling children? Personally, I get the impression that humans and nature can be intertwined entities. We share similar parts and functionalities, despite the fact that they look and are shaped very differently. This deconstructs the separation between humans and animals (which I associate with nature) and shows the similar patterns that can be found in both nature and humanity. I think Haraway would incorporate technology in the picture as well. I would recommend that under all the options of the different body parts to also have parts from technology. For example, include options like a vacum sucking device for the mouth, or a computer chip for the brain, or a blender as the stomach. I think this would really expand a child’s awarenness and creativity. Having options of technology as body parts would help children see the relationship between the similarity’s of the intellegence of both nature and the human body. It is almost as if technology can be used to serve as functions of the human body OR technology is mimicking the patterns found in nature. Altogether, I think this will be a great project. 30 October 2013
cassie u b r e y
You guys, this was awesome! I can TOTALLY relate. I think you did a great job with portraying the body as a machine, because that is essentially the mentality that athletics portrays of the body. The more you polish it, the better, quicker, and more efficient it will be. The body is used as the medium to success through toning and essentially re-forming the body structure. This has a lot to do with Haraway and her point about the original structure of something. I would maybe elaborate a bit more on this idea of how athletics morphs the human body from it’s “original” form; but wait, is there an original form of the body or are toned human bodies inherent from the getgo- I think of cavemen who I envision to be very fit and machine like since they were in survival mode. Basically, it is interesting to mention the obsession of athletics with perfecting the human body. It creates this container of how the body should look and perform to enhance overall performance. I think it would be cool to add a section of photos of different SUA athletes’ bodies. You can focus just on soccer and show the diversity of body types that ensentuates different body parts. Or you can do different sports and show the characteristics and preferences different sports impose on the body. For example, a swimmer’s typical “v-shape” compared to a runner’s slim and slender shape to whatever a soccer players typical body shape is. I know it’s the beginning stages, so you might want to consider elaborating a bit more on the sections because I think you have some really good material to work with. Maybe include a Haraway quote somewhere to make the direct link. Overall, I’m impressed and look forward to seeing the final product. As an athlete, it was very inspiring to read!
Of the various claims that Judith Butler makes in this excerpt from Gender Trouble, which do you find to be most significant or interesting? Why?
themselves dress, decorate, color, and accessorize. It is merely a way to organize
the unknown mysteries of the human body so we are not left with an inherent emptiness of self-identity.
Another concept I have been pondering after Gender Trouble is the There are two things that struck practical question of what happens if society were to dissuade gender norms me during the reading and discusand categorizations as Butler dabbles sion on Butler’s theories on gender at? For example, if I were raised in a and the body. First is the concept of society where it was normal to one day the limitations of classifica- feel like being with a woman and the
tions. Butler states how “history,”
next day with a man, that
categorize and organize the con-
was raised with that norm as a child, I would know nothing else. So if we were to live in a gender-free society as Butler would probably have liked, what implications would this have on human beings? What would a fluid and de-categorized society look like? Are there benefits to it? Or does it
or understood as “civilization,” is the “destruction of the body” (165). To break this concpet down, everything we understand as “real” and “true” in the present is based entirely on every single past event, dialogue, experience, and interaction. Thus, the terms used previously in history to help
stellations of differences
My body is a temple. She shall stay protected & preserved.
in life were merely established by nothing other than a human-manufactured layer of events. So, to still refer to gender and the body with the same categorizations is very limiting to what truly encompasses gender and the body. Rather, the body is a void, or blank slate that humans
would
not be strange at all because if I
sound ideal because it is so
different from what we are comfortable with today?
My body is here to please you. Let it seduce you into temptation ...
20 12
MY parents aren’t from here! is the default. Fuck if I know who John Wayne is. I swear, my Slovenian mother wouldn’t know who he was either.
call to mom
“Leia, of course I know who John Wayne is.” -mother.
insert dumb blonde here actually no, because it’s all naturale!
Hold me. Just love me......
it’s blonde and long and is the only way i get to live vicariously as my alter ego- the california surfer chick. actually it’s gold. confessions told at lunchbox cubbies aren’t lies. it’s my farthest memory I have. i will never forget when she whispered in my ear “your hair is like gold”
1997
My body is strong. I’ am tough. Don’t cry, you’re a grown man . Why won’t the ink etched in my skin stop the tears from flowing? They’ve taken my culture but they can’t take away my pride.
wrecking
the first person
f ly i n g swa m i
I am not my body and my body is not me. Don’t be disillusioned by the physical , for we are much more than that.
I am Swamaji and I went paragliding. I went paragliding atop the Andes Mountains of Ecuador I flew between the blues and greens mixed with a fragrance of mist The plastic wings- extensions of my arms, my spirit encapsulating me To the furthest depth of my inner being I saw the world at the macro level But I am Swamaji, don’t I always see the world from atop? I’ve reached the point where the wind decides my destiny; I can either spiral down, deep down to the bed of my eternal death If that happens I remain motionless Death is nothing more than a transitional state from one realm to another I am ready to transcend! But I am Swamaji, aren’t I already transcended? If the wind decides to favor me, then it shall send me to space To the Mercury of Venus and the Venus of Mars My physical being shall match my spiritual meditative state of enlightenment Dualities of the physical and spiritual meet while flying in between constellations of stars And soaring beyond realities of interpretation But I am Swamaji, aren’t I from these higher realms beyond human intoxications? I am Swamaji, I am paragliding, I am death, I am space, I am me.
they all GLARE at it and ask with such conviction.
“are you sure you don’t want to close
[AGAP?]
the gap?” IHAVE
mom says no, don’t close it. What would I need to do? BRACES. leia says no, i guess. madonna has a gap. & some pretty blonde model i saw in a magazine. WAIT gaps are rare. why fixed something as long as i dont look like that’s not broken? or are “white trash” they broken; its a space/ i guess it’s kinda cool.
crack in between my teeth. I never noticed it- maybe because I typically look at myself in the mirror with a closed mouth- until the lady in white robbed their authenticity. They are MARASOVICH TEETH. we all have the spaces. mom says teeth need room to grow.
My body is an extension of my culture. I know nothing more than to sway with the elgance and grace of my silk kimono.
confessional: i’m sorry body.
drawing it will make me
face it.
ugh. what have i done to my body. i’m sorry. like a machine, it can be fixed. if i know how to break it, i
know how to fix it.
WHEN I THINK OF WIRITNG, I THINK Of essays. Of sitting uncomfortably in front of a computer screen for hours. Misery, furrowed brows, stress. Do not force me to sit down in a chair enclosed by four white walls and force me to translate my ambiguous thoughts into a concrete and decisive point! Let me talk it out, let me draw it out, let me swim it out. But don’t make me write! Or I think of the subconscious that is set free when I write beyond the parameters of my conscious. I write without thinking, and that’s when true the true poetry of my heart is expressed. I don’t know what I’m writing but I start with a phrase or a word and from there all hell breaks loose. I travel to galaxies or reference words I maybe made up. Writing is beautiful, writing is art. Make me write.
I BELIEVE WRITING HAS THE POWER/POTENTIAL To reflect and face yourself. The deepest, darkest, or the lightest and brightest part of yourself. Even if it is writing a monotonous schedule of your day or a shopping list, writing has the potential to get you from point A to point B. I won’t accomplish my goals unless I write them down; I see them tangibly expressed with ink and bold letters. I can come up with ideas in my head, great ideas, but they won’t materialize unless I have written something- either the idea itself, the plan to action, a proposal, a reflection, etc. Writing gives power to lucidity and only through this act do we expand.
WRITING I ENJOY I enjoy the narrative that is created by the mere flesh of words. There is nothing greater than listening to a combination of delicately picked words that fit together to form a chaotic compilation of symbolism and symmetry. I enjoy hearing writing that while sitting in one location, can transport me to a completely different locale; I can smell, touch, taste, and see it. Words are awesome.