opinion.
SINGLE
ALL THE WAY
Unrealistic standards create pressure within high school to have a significant other. BY KATE MCCARTHY PRINT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
I
’m with my best friend on the couch. We are gorging ourselves with snacks and binge watching the latest holiday rom-com flick. A couple stands in the middle of the street as snow falls gracefully on their shoulders. Reunited, staring longingly into each other’s glistening eyeballs underneath the holiday lights and completely forgetting about the past 78 minutes in which they fought, schemed and cheated on one another, they are...madly in love? And that’s the worst, most nonsensical thing about the holiday season - the Hallmark movies flaunting wintery romance. They are unrealistic, predictable and absolutely inaccurate. You want the truth? Most, if not all, high school relationships just simply do not work. Girls have idealistic expectations and fall (off a cliff, into an abyss) for the wrong person. And in my experience, the adolescent male mind is a tad behind in terms of relational development. I will readily admit that this was written from the perspective of someone who likes boys, I am not trying to leave out other types of relationships and the different personal challenges that come with those- I apologize if it seems biased. Even wise and independent Gryffindor Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series exclaimed that her boyfriend Ron Weasley had “the emotional range of a teaspoon”. That’s a high school couple that stayed together, and it must have taken true wizard magic because according to Couples Therapy Inc., less than 2% of all married couples consist of high school sweethearts. I know for many high schoolers, especially girls, this can be hard to hear. Romance is flashed across our screens daily. We binge movies where the bad boy with the ‘I-hate-everyone’ mindset is captivated and then transformed by the unnoticed, nerdy girl across the street. Romantic, right? Wrong. These movies are drama and fiction, the stories are rare and fleeting and the “kids” in these films are 27-year-old actors who are paid to appear in love with the person standing next to them. Teens fall hopelessly in love in a matter of days even in Shakespeare (“wherefore art thou Romeo?” I just met you but I’ll drink this poison to stay together with you in death - makes sense). It’s no wonder that our generation not only has a flawed view of what love is, but also feels a pressure to be in a relationship during formative years. We are constantly faced with the idea of living our lives fabulously thanks to the addition of social media. Whether it pertains to the perfect clothes, perfect body, perfect friends or perfect relationship, we present ourselves on a platform each day to compete with those around us. I’m not saying that all young relationships are doomed to inevitably fail. It is true, there are rare occurrences where two people meet in high school and end up falling in love, getting married, and living happily ever after. The key word here though, is rare. But why are high school relationships so notoriously catastrophic? I discussed the conundrum with my peers and we arrived at one conclusion: Our generation is lacking the social script for dating.
10 // LeJournal
You might ask, what is the social script for dating? Let me start here with some of the most common phrases I have heard about the love lives within Sion: “I need to wait five hours to snap them back”, “we just started talking, we don’t do labels”, “I don’t know if we’re exclusive yet”, “we lost the yellow heart - do they still like me?” These phrases are so common that I don’t think we register the ways that we’re behaving. Our generation is confused. We don’t know how to define a relationship, what is acceptable for phases of a relationship, how to have boundaries, how to have trust and so much more. What defines a relationship? With the addition of, frankly, toxic platforms such as Snapchat and Instagram, we have come up with “the talking stage.” This new grey stage is one of the worst things we’ve ever invented - aside from the situationship of course. A situationship is defined as a romantic relationship that is and remains undefined, yet holds more significance than a casual encounter. When we create these scenarios we put ourselves in confusing situations and allow romantic interests to be flighty, uncommitting and to lead us on. It’s a fact that boys love the chase. Situationships are exactly that - a race with no finish line (except maybe a pit of lava and impending doom). Perhaps this is why our generation is so prone to cheating. According to a poll sent out to the student body, 72% of the students know someone who has been cheated on in a relationship during high school. When creating scenarios where the lines are fuzzy and the rules are not concrete, you create a recipe for disaster. Cheating is a big deal, but it appears to have been normalized within recent times. Social platforms provide an easy route to cheating, but perhaps the problem is rooted deeper than this. Instead, maybe it is the state of how we define relationships that has created a breeding ground for cheaters. Ladies, I know that you may like someone very much, but do not let them treat you like an option. Teenage relationships are fatal but do hold significance. You learn lessons from each one: how to behave, what is acceptable and your personal expectations and standards. There is no need to put unrealistic expectations on a high school relationship. Teenagers have trouble communicating their feelings. Frankly, it appears to me that most boys are more equipped for a bromance than a romance at this age. For those of you who are feeling pressure to be in a relationship, just know that you do not need to have a significant other. Yes, it can be nice at times, but the best part about life is finding yourself and being surrounded with people who love you. If that includes a boyfriend or girlfriend, that’s okay too, but don’t feel the need to fill that role just because society says you need to. Girls, don’t be afraid to be independent. There is no shame in taking time to be who you are alone. I saw a quote on VSCO and it always stuck with me, “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.” So, with that said, go be who you are, unapologetically, and if that special person comes into your life take them on with open arms. You deserve happiness in every way possible - remember that.
