Sophomore Sophia Totta’s journey of self-growth

WORKIN’ ON HER FITNESS After struggling with over-exercising, sophomore Sophia Totta has since learned how to include physical activity in a healthy way into her daily life. (Photo by Abbie Sinow, photo illustration by Kennedy Wade)

FEATURES GuidingGrowth TO Sophomore Sophia Totta strives to spread self-love after struggling with it for years.

BY ABBIE SINOW REPORTER

As she stepped into the bathtub, the At the end of the week, a nurse entered stride over the three-foot ledge the room and informed Totta that her parents felt like climbing a mountain. The decided to send her to the Eating Recovery stifling water reminded her of her muscles, Center in Dallas, Texas. Overcome with aching with exhaustion and fatigue. The water emotions, she didn’t talk to her parents the rest of trickled down her face, past her eyelashes, to her the week, according to Totta. mouth and down off her chin. She gazed into the “I walked in there, and it was literally the showerhead, as she listened to the grating voice scariest thing I’ve experienced in my life,” Totta in her ears. said. “I was just so overwhelmed by everything.”

She climbed over the ledge once again, Totta arrived at the center at the end of exerting any energy she had left in her body. October, meeting multiple new friends that would As she reached for an unstable step, her body help her with her recovery. She was released to suddenly convulsed, sending her hands to her come back home on Dec. 13, though remained knees, weakly steadying her body. enrolled in a local outpatient recovery program.

She collapsed to the floor, sprawling on the “Before she went to recovery, she wasn’t frigid marble of the tile floor, where she remained really open about her condition and how it for hours before crawling to the comfort of her affected her,” close friend, sophomore Ashley bed. Sophomore Sophia Totta suffered from Ulowetz said. “Now she just wants to help as Anorexia Nervosa induced by clinical depression many people as she can.” starting in the summer of 2018. Upon her return, Totta continued treatment

“At the beginning of May, I started feeling at Bellatore Eating Disorder Recovery Center in really lonely and depressed,” Totta said. “I felt like Lenexa, Kansas, where she received inspiration not eating could help me cope with that.” to help others as efficiently as she could. With

Totta began exhibiting symptoms of newfound mental and physical energy, she depression, causing her to begin restricting her devotes her time to not only her own mental meals. As months passed, she began obsessing Sophomore Sophia health, but others’ as well. over her weight and the amount of food she was putting into her body. “The first thing I noticed in Sophia was Totta has close to 1000 followers on her Instagram, @growthwithsophia. “I know people are scared or embarrassed to ask for help, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Totta said. “That’s why I made my Instagram, withdrawing from friends and family,” Totta’s to hopefully inspire other teenagers and younger mother Niki Totta said. “She isolated herself, and people.” that behavior increased over time as she became Totta’s Instagram, @growthwithsophia, more ill.” features her favorite snacks, the meals she eats

Totta began seeing a therapist and a and inspirational messages that she wishes she nutritionist, but her eating disorder persisted. had heard before she went to recovery. Her organs began shutting down in early “I think it’s really amazing that Sophia October, requiring her to stay in the hospital for made her Instagram because not a lot of multiple nights and have a heart monitor. people talk about it,” junior Emily Weians,

“I remember I was on bed rest for the whole week,” who has also struggled with an eating disorder Totta said. “I remember just crying every single day because said. “I think it’s really inspiring to see her be I was so lonely and scared.” so open about it.”