SAVAGE LOVE

By Dan Savage | mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage

Questions

Q: I have been involved in a long distance situationship (intimate friends) for three years. We live in different states. We met in person, then became friends online, and that is where the relationship blossomed. I went to visit her once for a week, and it was a very intimate and fun experience for both of us, although she did mention while I was there that she noticed my body order. I took care of that ASAP, and it didn’t seem like a big deal, and it only seemed to come up when she was angry or frustrated about something. We have been planning on another visit, but she keeps bringing up my BO problem and has even said, “If it’s as bad as it was last time, you have to get a hotel room and can’t stay with me, and I won’t kiss you or fuck you.” Which is confusing because we were very intimate last time, she seemed to be enjoying herself quite a bit, and even told me how much she enjoyed the sex for weeks afterwards. This issue arose months after that visit. Should I take her advice and be super diligent about BO or is this some sort of emotional manipulation or gaslighting? My close friends tell me they never notice my body odor — they don’t get as close to me, of course, because I’m not fucking them — and I shower at least once daily and use deodorant every day and brush my teeth multiple times a day. I realize I have BO sometimes, but I take care of it when I do. Also, and here’s the dinger, she has untreated BPD.

Oddly Disrespectful Odor Request

A: That’s quite the dinger you dropped there at the end of your letter, ODOR.

Adults with untreated and severe BPD — bipolar disorder — sometimes experience olfactory hallucinations, i.e.., they sometimes smell things that aren’t there, in addition to sometimes seeing things that aren’t there and hearing things that aren’t there. Some studies have shown that olfactory hallucinations are more common than auditory ones — again, among adults with untreated and severe cases of BDP.

Now, I don’t know whether your fuckbuddy is experiencing olfactory hallucinations. I don’t even know if fuckbuddy has BPD. I don’t know why anyone would lie about something like that, but this woman’s behavior seems kind of erratic — itself a symptom of BPD — and people lie about things they shouldn’t all the time. But I do know, and can say with some certainty, that no one who’s as diligent about his personal hygiene as you claim to be, ODOR, is walking around with terrible BO. You have a scent, of course; all people do. And once in a while someone is gonna be turned off by your natural, baseline, freshly showered scent for reasons that can’t be explained. If that was the case here — if it was just one of those chemical things, just one of those hormonal things, just one of those pheromonal things — then you didn’t do anything wrong, ODOR, and you can’t do anything about it.

Of course, it’s possible you’re lying to me about your personal hygiene, ODOR, and it’s possible your friends are lying to you about your BO. It’s also possible this woman didn’t feel safe being honest with you when you visited her — when you were standing there in her apartment, stinking the place up — and she pretended that shower solved the BO problem and pretended to enjoy the sex because she was worried you would react badly if she was honest with you about how unhappy she was. But if that was the case, ODOR — if you really smelled that bad — why would she make plans to see you again? If your body odor was really that bad, if you smell so bad she has to threaten you in advance with getting a hotel room, why would she want to fuck you again?

Only she knows the answer to those questions, ODOR, so here’s one you can answer: Why do you wanna see this woman again? BPD or no BPD, she doesn’t seem… like a very nice person. Decades ago, I might’ve said, “Don’t stick your dick in crazy,” but that expression is ableist, first and foremost, and it has a long history of being used to control women. For fear of being labeled “crazy,” and therefore unworthy of having some random guy’s dick stuck in her, countless women were manipulated into putting up with terrible behavior, from poor personal hygiene to unsatisfying sex to much worse.

So, I’m not using that awful expression — I’m mentioning it, not using it (angry readers are invited to Google “use/mention distinction”) — but I would like to revise it: Don’t stick your dick in unkind. And whatever else is going on with this woman, she’s being unkind to you. Tell her she’s going to need that hotel room after all, ODOR, because you won’t be available to see her — and be insulted by her — when she comes to town.

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Nala may not be Queen of Pride Rock, but she could be the queen of your heart! Nala is a gorgeous, nine-year-old kitty who came to the Kentucky Humane Society from an overcrowded shelter. Just like the royalty she is, Nala loves perching up high where she has a nice view of the pride lands (a.k.a. her home) as well as a sunny spot to sunbathe in. This lioness is a fierce warrior who loves to hunt prey (cat toys), groom her gorgeous orange coat, and receive all of the affection from her loyal subjects. Nala has been known to let out a mighty roar (meow) on occasion, but promises to try not to scare you to much with her ferociousness! We have not seen Nala around other kitties, but she may enjoy a feline friend or two in her new home. If you are looking for a majestic, beautiful, sweet feline queen to add to your home, come meet Nala at our East Campus, 1000 Lyndon Lane today or learn more at www.kyhumane.org/adopt/cats. She is spayed, micro-chipped and up-to-date on vaccinations.

Classified Listings

For Sale

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Logistics Specialist

Coordinate the logistical activities of the company; oversee the life cycle of products, including purchasing, inventory, transportation, and warehousing; manage route activity, including billing and tracking; maintain a database of shipment logistics; communicate with clients and vendors.

Req’d bachelor’s degree in Logistics/Supply Chain Mgmt, Business Admin, Info Systems, or related; foreign edu. equiv. acceptable. Full-time. Send resume to Nach Enterprise, Inc. (d/b/a Nadia Beauty Supply) at 2901 7th Street Rd., Louisville, KY 40216

STATE OF INDIANA )) SS: COUNTY OF VANDERBURGH )

FATHER NOTICE OF ADOPTION

Terrance Holt is noti ed that a Veri ed Petition for the Adoption of a child named Lanise Holt, DOB December 15, 2010, born to Lynn Holt, was led in the o ce of the Clerk of the Vanderburgh Superior Court, 1 NW MLK Jr. Blvd, Room 129, Civic Center, Evansville, IN 47708, cause # 82D04-2303AD-000033. The Veri ed Petition for Adoption alleges that your consent to the adoption is not required pursuant to IC 31 19-9-8 because you have failed without justi able cause to communicate signi cantly with the child for a period of one year or more when able to do so and/or you have failed without justi able cause to provide for the care and support of your child for one year when able to do so as required by law or judicial decree and/or you are un t and/or you have abandoned your child. If Terrance Holt seeks to contest the adoption of this child, Terrance Holt must le a motion to contest the adoption in accordance with IC 31-19-10-1 in the above-named Court not later than thirty (30) days after the date of service of this notice. If Terrance Holt does not le a motion to contest the adoption within thirty (30) days after service of this notice, the above-named Court will hear and determine the petition for adoption. The consent to the adoption by Terrance Holt will be irrevocably implied and Terrance Holt will lose the right to contest either the adoption or the validity of Terrance Holt‚Äôs implied consent to the adoption. No statement made to Terrance Holt relieves Terrance Holt of Terrance Holt‚Äôs obligations under this notice. This notice complies with IC 31 19 4.5 3 but does not exhaustively set forth a person’s legal obligations under the Indiana adoption statutes. A person being served with this notice should consult the Indiana adoption statutes. This notice was prepared by Attorney Keith M. Wallace, 1 SE 9th St., Ste. 101, Evansville, IN 47708

Leo’s Towing & Recovery, LLC at 715 S Jackson Street, Louisville, Ky 40203 with phone number of 502-643-4570 has intention of obtaining title to a 2005 Blue Ford Expedition bearing Vin#1FMFU16575LA67512 registered in the name of Marvin L. Smith last known address of 5404 Heafer FM Ln.102 Louisville, Ky 40219. Lien holder:None. Owner or lien holder has 14 days after last publication of this notice to object. Objections must be sent in writing to the above address.

The following vehicles will be auctioned o at 5609 Fern Valley Rd Louisville KY on 5-11-2023

2011 Chrysler 200 with VIN 1C3BC1FB0BN595375 belonging to Joyce Ann Augistine and Parson’s Automotive (No Plate)

2009 Mazda CX-9 with VIN JM3TB38A990173719 belonging to Diane Warren and Eagle Financial Services with plate number 134KMC KY

2012 Ford F-250 Super Duty with VIN 1FT7W2BT2CEA74639 belonging to Etna Auto Sales and Nolan Lyons (No Plate)

2014 Dodge Dart with VIN 1C3CDFBB6ED907911 belonging to Joseph Kuchel and Exeter Finance.

2006 Volkswagen Jetta with VIN 3VWSG71K96M745796 belonging to Leidy Amelo and Onemain Financial.

2019 Ram 2500 with VIN 3C6UR5JL2KG663685 belonging to Carl D Parks and Stellantis Financial Srvc Inc. with plate number E4H807 KY

2014 Ford Taurus with VIN 1FAHP2D80EG115793 belonging to Alena Miller / Gabrielle Enoch and Capital One auto nance with plate 993RIV IN