behind the lens

When I expose certain experiences that I go through and describe the people I meet, you often reply, unfazed, that “human beings are just like that.” What are the attributes of being human?

Fatou Faal (My mother): Being altruistic, compassionate, kind, yet also capable of being nosy by starring into other people’s lives instead of their own. Focusing on the negative aspects of life, being egoistical... You can see that we are just like animals who must kill to live. Human beings are very complex. They can be angelic and devilish. Some are willing to sacrifice friendship and marriage for selfish reasons, and others will care for people whom they don’t get to see or talk to often, they never let you down. Change is possible, but seldom happens.

I know that you work every hour of the day, partially to support your entire family, but also to distract yourself. If you were not working as much, what would you do?

FF: I’d do humanitarian work. I’d be with children. I will do it when I retire anyway. I want to help people to get out of the mud. With or without money I’ll do it. You can provide them with love and ed- ucation at least. One who goes to school is less likely to be abused. They’d know what they get into before signing any piece of paper. The problem is that without education you can’t foresee much opportunities to rise. You need to read and write at least. To help somebody to achieve this is the greatest pride. Not to be recognized, but for them to be able to defend themselves one day.

I can eat what I want, take flights, while others live in trouble. What’s the point? It is easy to divide and blame people for their own situation, but we aren’t all born with the same chance.

When we talk about the ghetto, we want to believe that marginalized people are stupid, but if you are born there, as a foreigner, and all you experience is poverty, violence and delinquency, it’ll be hard for you to get out of the cycle.

There is violence as well and in some cases, little love in rich neighborhoods, but if I was to choose, I’d prefer a secure environment over living in destitution.

We just crowned the new King of England, why don’t we sell what he is wearing on his head and send engineers in Africa to work? People say it is part of the institution, go on then. Decorate, let’s admire that. I find these things to be abject, but there is this thing called free will, to each their

How did the society change since you arrived in France, three decades ago?

FF: It was easier before. I don’t want to sound old-fashioned, but it was better. You could work without papers, now it is impossible. And if you do, people will exploit you. France is not richer than it was back then I believe, but it has become more racist because people are used to hearing the rhetorics that blames foreigners for the country’s difficulties.

Foreigners don’t come to take something away, we forget their contributions. Today you can’t do much without money, you need to count your pennies. Before we would share without blinking twice.

Today’s generation is lazy and already tired. We used to work back to back, from one place to another, carrying our work clothes in our sack all day and night. Today, I have employees, they check the clock every second and make sure to leave right on time. Generations are different, but overall there is more individualism now.

What part of your perception of life has fundamentally changed since Moctar passed away?

FF: Life has lost all meaning and value to me. It has simplified everything. People fight their entire lives to attain and possess things but we know so little about life. I feel less inclined to meet people. Our existence is insignificant. I remain content with very little. Why do you desire this or that to begin with? You leave everything behind. What or for who do you want it? My life crumbled to nothing. If it wasn’t for you and your siblings, I’d choose not to live anymore. It is very hard... I only wish for my children to find happiness and to not live in need. We never know what can happen tomorrow. You need to live fully and don’t hold back, do not wait to die to hand down what you possess, live by sharing.

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02.

What part of ourselves do we lose when someone passes away?

Naomi Lulendo: When my mom passed away, I used to think that I had lost a huge part of myself in the process. It was as if I had lost the capacity to breathe properly. A very dark place to be. But after a few months, I realized that I was still shining a light full of her love and teaching. And several deep conversations with my siblings later, we and I got to understand that, instead of losing a part of ourselves, we had discovered a myriad of others. So far, I had three substantial deaths in my present life, that of my grandmother, who is one of my soul mate; that of my mom who is not only my soul mate but my first love and the biggest love of my life; and the death of the illusion that you cannot live without someone (at a certain age) : be it emotionally, romantically or event physically. Regarding my mother, I’m still not used to her being “away,” and I also feel like I’ll do a lot to keep in feeling that way cause I am scared to forget about her. But to be honest, I feel her. She’s everywhere in me and around. So I haven’t lost much after all. The material or metaphysical realms are two sides of the same coin. And you cannot lose what is still there. Even though it takes another shape.

What part of ourselves do we have to find to keep breathing?

NL: I guess the part when we let go of the guilt and comforting pain of the loss. Also, I think that we all have every part it takes for us to be “complete”. The real trick is to crack the code and figure out where (inside and outside) to go to activate those parts or find them out. At times, I still go back to that dark place where I feel like everything is over and I can never recover. But then there is life again, and I’m not dead. Also, all that being said, I know for sure that the kind of death you have to face (brutal, prepared...) and the kind of status of your relatives changes a lot of data. The way they left is a language in itself. And sometimes we can spend a lot of time trying to find out the meaning of it. And to