LIBERTAS Spring Fever
vol. 2 2 , no . 9
SATREBIL EDITORIAL EDITORS IN CHIEF Alyssa Glover & Samantha Gowing
EDITORS Claire Heartfield Mila Loneman Quinn Massengill Madison Santos Thomas Waddill Cordelia Wilks
CONTRIBUTORS Mila Loneman, Claire Heartfield, Cordelia Wilks, Meredith Foulke, Eleanor Yarboro, Sara Naghavi, Alyssa Glover, Thomas Waddill, Madison Santos, Quinn Massengill, Anonymous Students Libertas belongs to the students of Davidson College. Contact the editors at libertas@davidson.edu
special thanks to... Faculty Advisors: Zoran Kuzmanovich, Paul Miller (emeritus), Scott Denham (emeritus), Ann Fox (emeritus) Previous Editors: Meg Mendenhall, Michael DeSimone, Jordan Luebkemann, Will Reese, Emily Romeyn, Vincent Weir, Mike Scarbo, Vic Brand, Ann Culp, Erin Smith, Scott Geiger, James Everett, Catherine Walker, Elizabeth Burkhead, Chris Cantanese, Kate Wiseman, Lila Allen, Jessica Malordy, Nina Hawley, Kate Kelly, Zoe Balaconis, Rebecca Hawk, and Hannah Wright Founder: Zac Lacy visit us online: issuu.com/libertasmag
LIBERTAS M ay 2 0 1 6
Anonymous
3
Downpour
Flannery Rokeby-Jackson
4
Ice Cream Man
Mila Loneman
5
How Tinder Ruined My Relationship: Based on a True Story
Claire Heartfield Cordelia Wilks
6 -
Stranger Danger A Story of App Deletion
Meredith Foulke Anonymous
7 -
Lucky Break Untitled
Eleanor Yarboro
8
Winterskin: Intimacy in Three Parts
Sara Naghavi
9
Pure Desire
Alyssa Glover
10
Ask Alyssa
Cordelia Wilks
11
Sprang
Libertas Staff
12
Dicks: A List of 50 Generous Euphemisms
Davidson Student Body
13
Shoutouts
Madison Santos
14
Easy Listening
Mila Loneman
15
Last Word
DownPour You had raindrops on your glasses and I desperately wanted to wipe them off. I wanted to reach across the miles between us and dry them so that you might see me. I wanted to fill that wide-open space, open as the stale gap you left in my bed where you used to lay your head on my chest and sing. You had a way of singing that made everything grey. Once, while you drunkenly crooned “Fat Bottomed Girls,” I cried. The raindrops fell harder and more frequently, like my breath in my chest as I walked past you. The deafening drumming of rain somehow underlined how quiet we were. How unbothered. How steadily we met each other’s gaze – like two people that had moved on. The dew that collected on my skin took me back to sweaty nights and foggy windows. Nights where I’d throw my head back and laugh. I’d start dancing because I wanted to, and keep dancing because I noticed you watching. Slowly circling my hips until I felt your eyes on me. Until I saw your eyes slither down my frame and your hips jut subtly forward. After a minute of pretending to be timid I’d give in and grab you. I never felt the need to be held, but wanted to be completely covered by your skin. To run my fingers through your hair and brush my lips against your jaw. I wanted to make your foot twitch excitedly and your hard-on ache for me. Even after all that time, fully clothed under the rainclouds I searched for a hunger behind your lenses. I was waiting for your lips to pull back into a scowl and your teeth to graze the softest parts of me. Starting at my eyelids, then my jugular and continuing down. Everyone walking past us was looking down – eyes masked by hoods and umbrellas. I didn’t understand how they couldn’t sense us. Feel the electricity only heightened by the wetness of the rain. A similar wetness to when our bodies used to pulse together. Up and down and over and over until I was spent. Until you had taken all the life from me, but left color in my cheeks. As we finally walked past each other, I shoved my hand in my pocket to keep from reaching out and grabbing you. To keep me from dropping my knees into the mud and reminding you why you used to moan my name. I kept forward, averting my eyes. It was hard to tell with the pounding of water, but I thought I heard you singing.
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LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
From our green lawn chairs, we heard the song - the metallic jingles echoed down the empty street, bouncing off vinyl siding. With our feet planted in the jade grass, we peeled our scorched skin from the acrylic paint and turned to see it bouncing down the steaming road. Damp, bare feet hit the asphalt with a sizzle, but you barely notice. There it was - shining in the blaring sun as its empty song pierced our ears. We returned to our grassy oasis, chairs slick with sweat and sunscreen - the sound of crackling plastic interrupted the birds in the oak trees. Silver wrappers cascaded down to the weeds below.
Ice Cream Man
By Flannery Rokeby-Jackson
I saw you. Your tongue. Blue, white, red. Down, up, pop. Purple syrup dripped from your sunburned chin, streaking down your white shirt Blue, white, red. Down, up, pop. Auburn hair swept back by your sweet, sticky fingers Blue, white, red. Down, up, pop. Wet lips, searing the ice as it melted in your mouth Down, up, pop. Before I’ve had a taste, you’re done. The wooden stick falls to the ground beside the empty wrapper. You lean back, sighing into the green lawn chair once again. Spring pleasure stains your lips and teeth.
LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 9
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How ruined my relationship: Based on a true story. It’ll be funny, they said. Get Tinder, they said. We’re all going to get it, they said. It’s just for the funny pick-up lines, they said. What, are you too good for Tinder? C’mon, it’s for Libertas, they said. “They” are my lovingly oblivious coeditors and staff here at Libertas who thought we should do a spread on corny Tinder pick-up lines, a funny idea for the predominantly single staff, except for Madison and Mila, the happy couple formerly known as M&M (R.I.P. Prince – I know you’re looking out for lovers everywhere). My Tinder career lasted 2 hours. Madison’s lasted 48 (with a fake profile, mind you, that showed rendered him more as an average Tinder Chad to make up for his girly hair and wide-set hips). I had 189 matches, 57 messages and 6 super matches. Madison-cum-Chad had 4 matches, 1 message and no super matches (these are the facts; this is not a forum for bragging). With all these Tinder 69’ers rushing at me, it was clear that like the Gold Rush’s 49’ers, I, too, was a settler. Yes, alternative journalism for an arts magazine ruined my relationship because I was peer-pressured into joining Tinder for a spread that probably wouldn’t have happened, because, let’s face it, we’re not Buzzfeed. Boy#1: Are you my appendix, because this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out. Boy #2: Are you into being dominated? Boy #3: Hey. Boy #4: Why r u on here? I’m sure you’ve already got a million guys. Boy #5: I would say God Bless you, But it looks like he already has ;) Boy #6: Wats up? You’ve been superliked. Boy #7: Hey beautiful. Boy #8: Hey! Hooooow does coffee / milkshakes, a scary movie and hammocking with blankets under the night stars sound? Haha Boy#9: Yo, Whats up? Boy #10: Heya, I’m not into the corny pick-up lines bs as I prefer to be upfront but you are too freakin cute and I’d love to catch up. I am single, no kids and no crazy ex. Boy #11: Damn your hot. Boy #12: I love your eyes. Boy #13: Hi :) Boy #14: Just a small town girl… Boy #15: Yogurt. Cereal. Soup. You. These are all things I’d like to spoon. Boy#16: Hey sexy ;) Boy #17: What would you rather have with me? a) a nice date. b) a meaningful conversation. c) multiple orgasms. Boy #18: Hey cutie You’ve been superliked. Boy #19: I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you Boy #20: Hundred bucks says you don’t message back. Boy #21: Hey. You’ve been superliked. Boy #22: how r u? Boy #23: You are stunning. You’ve been superliked. You’ve been superlikeed. You’ve been superliked Girl #1: text me Girl #2: self described human trash can Girl #3: no reply Girl #4: no reply Mila: Want to go to Summit? Madison [in typical Madison passive aggressive tone]: Why don’t you date one of your tinder matches instead? 5
LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
Stranger Danger Claire Heartfield “Tinder is how people meet. It’s like real life, but better.” - gotinder.com Retrospectively reading this quote makes me cringe more than a little bit. Matching with 22 year old Brazilian *Humberto who likes dogs, works out all the time (evidenced by the plethora of shirtless photos on his profile featuring inhumanly sculpted 8-pack abs), and likes to “poke smot” is all smiley faces and entertainment. Although the only overlapping interest we share on the app is the Red Hot Chili Peppers, guys like the well-sculpted Henrique do make it seem like Tinder is better than real life. That is, until the picture of a Davidson student that I vaguely recognize appears surrounded by tiny red flames and blue shooting stars. We match, and he sends me a cutesy message about having a “Happy Frolics.” I see him in the Union a few days later, and he overtly avoids eye contact. This, more than any other Tinder experience I’ve had, makes me realize that Tinder isn’t better than real life. It is real life. “Crimes Linked to Tinder and Grindr Increase Seven Fold” - telegraph.co.uk Article titles like these are self-explanatory and pretty frightening. Guys like *Jerome will let you know right off the bat what they want. “There is a lot of things I look for in a girl,” says his bio, “like one that says yes.” Dismissing his confusion regarding “to be” verbs, the short list of qualities that Jerome looks for in his girl is a bit too overbearing to merit a response from me. Also the only thing he messaged me was the emoji of a fish. *John, on the other hand, had no qualms about playing the creepy stalker card. He’s from Charlotte, but for some reason goes to Davidson often and feels “like [he’s seen me] before.” While I can laugh at these guys from the safety of my dorm room, it does frighten me to think that a younger girl might take them seriously and transform the Johns and Jeromes of Tinder from a pixelated concept into a living, breathing, sometimes creepy situation. I know it’s not a threat for most of the discerning people at our school, but the men on Tinder are real. “It starts here. Friends, dates, relationships, and everything in between.” - @Tinder For the most part, I think Tinder is entertaining, a forum for increasing the amount of insane, raunchy, or just cute pick-up lines I know. However, there was also something intimidating about giving even a small amount of my personal information to such a large number of strangers on an app designed to match people romantically. Tinder is not frightening. The potential Tinder has is frightening. I think I’ll stick to good old fashioned real life for now. *Names have been changed, as if my Tinder matches will read this anyway.
A Story of App Deletion Cordelia Wilks I.
First Experiences
I first downloaded Tinder when I was home for Spring Break and bored out of my mind. I found the entire setup process too overwhelming and deleted it 2 minutes after it finished downloading. I’d heard good things about Bumble like, “Feminist tinder!” and “Girls call the shots!” so I gave it a try and loved it. The interface was so much easier and swiping left on old high school crushes after seamlessly swiping through their pictures with puppies and children (who are “not mine btw haha”) was just fun. And I DID call the shots. I got to decide who to message and when and damn it if I didn’t message just about everybody. I deleted the app after a match started sending me shower selfies. II.
Second Experiences
I redownloaded Tinder for the purpose of this issue and found it to be less overwhelming. Still, the interface of Bumble was much easier. I kept accidentally super liking when I tried to swipe left, and I missed the ability to get back accidental left swipes. When I did get a match, the guy messaged me almost immediately and I honestly found that to be a bit exhausting. I don’t like ghosting people so the commitment started to feel a bit overwhelming again. I deleted the app 2 hours later. Bumble once again impressed me the second time around. I just found it so much more enjoyable than Tinder. I ended up deleting it after moving to text with a match I had been talking to for a day or so. I stopped texting him after realizing that the idea of meeting somebody over a dating app actually really freaks me out. It’s not you, Derek, it’s me. III.
Conclusions
I realize I may have enjoyed Tinder more had I not gotten used to Bumble beforehand, but I acknowledge that bias and will continue to reiterate that Bumble is the superior dating app. A recent update also allows users to search for friends only, using Bumble BFF. Tinder just can’t compete. I think the main issue I have with dating apps is the fear component. I’m honestly just not that comfortable divulging personal information to complete strangers or agreeing to meet them without knowing that I’ll be safe. While that fear can’t ever truly be alleviated through the use of an app, (note: why I will continue to delete Tinder and Bumble) the Bumble setup definitely helps give women some piece of mind. Also, because I’m the one who gets to decide whether or not a conversation gets started with a match, I found myself feeling genuinely excited to see a reply, contrasting the grip of annoyance I would get using Tinder. Alas, for now, the two will remain deleted.
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lucky break by Meredith Foulke
I you touch me there for the last time and i e x p l o d e panting into tangled sheets into hummed infinities into clutched breast, curled up around your fingers, toe-clenched ouroboros. i ask if you want me to— you say it’s fine, you’re good. II there is a ring on my finger still, the only jewelry you ever gave me. an accident, from one of those machines where you drop in quarters and twist.
untitled I saw you sitting there, Supple and round, Waiting for me to tear into your flesh. I lay back and surrender To the sensations. The skin is only used enough. Moist, firm but giving. Breakable. Hard and inviting on the outside But the soft warm inside is what I’m here for. I devour you, Like a hungry lioness Like Eve and the apple. I’ve never felt so full and yet still so hungry. 7
LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
Winterskin: Intimacy in Three Parts Eleanor Yarboro
I. give me your best wintersmile little winterspirit
brush them now
II.
brush for at least two minutes
kind friends
smile for me now little winterbreath
are ignorant of
let me see that you know how it’s done
their additive effect
III.
my skin is thin for your heat my skin is thick and red for the wintry oor
I remember him in spring and feel empty
their concern is pure
I remember myself and feel odd
but their love is snow
pale for your teeth
heaped on my little tin roof I breathe and sweat and soak in the sun and winter sits heavy on my tongue
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Pure Desire
by Sara Naghavi The teasing touch of fingers graze the buttons below. A quiver initiates its journey down my spine. The moments slow down and speed up, as longing distorts reality. The anticipation is irrepressible, the pleasure ahead so close to my grasp. The tingling begins as the sensations torment their way into their expression: I can’t hold a gaze; nor can I calm my face. I can almost taste the savory element melt onto my tongue. Logic is but an impossible task and all that is left is a pure, seemingly insatiable desire for intimacy and heat. The transaction is an exposing blur; a series of actions so ritual that they’ve lost all meaning. The energy begins to expand as warmth and euphoria creep in. The burning sensation on my greedy lips puts me into overdrive and this is exactly all I’ve ever desired; it is everything I’ve needed and so much more. All in that first nibble, the start of a voyage ahead: the first slice of pizza.
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LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
Ask Alyssa: Real Answers to Real Questions: * Alyssa is not responsible for sny negetive outcomes that result from taking this advice
Dear Alyssa,
I love this school, but I’ve been finding it difficult to work out the logistics of my sex life. There are small beds, thin walls, and my roommate’s always around. I’m a pretty active person, and would love it if I could do the things I want to more comfortably on this campus. Please help. Sincerely, Moaning Myrtle
Dear Myrtle, One of the magical things about Davidson is that you can walk twenty feet and run into someone that you know. One of the terrible things about Davidson is that you can walk twenty feet and run into someone that you know. Being in constant proximity to friends and foes can be difficult to navigate. It’s hard to enjoy those adult play-dates when you’re having to worry about your peers overhearing the fun. An easy way to prevent this from happening is to play music. Music is tricky, though. If you play a universally liked song, people will listen closer to hear it. Hall-mates might even come into your room to comment on how oh my God they love that song so much. For this reason, it’s important to pick songs you can still get down to, but no one will recognize (See “Easy Listening”, page 14).
By remaining quiet and nice, eventually people will begin to believe that your roommate is overacting. Since they talk badly about you, but you pretend you’re about the pettiness, you seem like the blameless victim. As far as bed size goes, there’s little to be done. In response to this issue, the school is renovating senior apartments so fewer seniors graduate with twin bed related injuries. My best suggestions are to use alternative surfaces – either in your room or around campus – and to utilize mounting over spooning. Intimacy while living in a dorm is tough, but remember, 99% of these people you’ll only know for four years, so it doesn’t really matter if they know what your enthusiasm sounds like.
While noise level is an easy fix, the other issues you mentioned are not so simple to remedy. For example, roommates are not always easy to get rid of. To accomplish this, it’s essential to know the nuances and complexities of their psyche. Depending on the personality of your roommate, I recommend employing either hygienic or psychological warfare. Hygienic warfare is something I 100% made up, but it works. In fact, it’s currently being used against me, and I only go in my room to sleep. Most people will only tolerate a certain level of disarray. If your room smells musty, dishes are stacked up, or clothing piles are scattered over the floor, most people would be ok. That’s why you need to do all of these gross things at once. Don’t limit yourself. Leave out perishable foods, clip your toenails on the floor, etc. Contradicting popular belief, hygienic warfare will only work about 40% of the time. Sometimes the attacker can’t take the mess, and other times, the roommate will take some sort of action such as cleaning or filing for a room switch. These circumstances are when it’s necessary to begin using reverse warfare. This is another technique I made up literally right now. The secret of reverse warfare is to do nothing. If you are as active as you say you are, there is a 100% chance that your roommate is complaining to everyone on your hall about you. LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 9
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LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
artwork by Cordelia Wilks
D cks A List of 50 Generous Euphemisms Pork Flute Johnson City Beef Bayonet Pig in a Blanket Anaconda Hedge Trimmer One-Eyed Yogurt Slinger One-Eyed Wonder Weasel Butter Churner Pain in the Ass Hymen Hammer Jizz Syringe Silver’s Long John Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love Magic Johnson Jurassic Pork The Weather Vein Tickler Pickle Dick Van Dyke Show Washington Dongument The Judge’s Gavel Miniature Dachshund Jim’s Beam The Womb Raider Meat Popsicle K-Stub The Bone Ranger Genghis Khock Just in Beaver The Little Engine that Came The Cumqueror Deep V Diver The Vagina Torpedo Trojan Horse The Eternal Glutton Limdick System Garden Hose Balls n’ Chain Heat-Seaking Moisture Missile Sugar Daddy He went to Jared’s! The Crotch Finger Young Man! Sweaty Spaghetti Pump ‘er nickel Twig and Berries Cat Card Moby’s Dick Dickens Steve Harvey
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Shout-out to the guy who dropped his whole tray in commons today. Fyi: Kids are starving a in Africa.
ed e pre-m h t o t t u Shout-o l be making e’ l in kids. W ile you’re still h $100k w l. oo med sch ankers B e r u t —Fu
Shout-out to the guy that asked if I was on my period and that’s why I couldn’t come over: No, I just don’t want to stick anything smaller than a tampon up there.
Shout-out to my dorm room neighbors who have sex aggressively every night. Thanks for reminding me of the song “If I Had a Hammer.”
Shout-out to the Invisible 500. Now that it’s finals, it’s your time to shine.
Real quotes d submitte l by actua Davidson Students Shout-out to my bed—I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, AND I PROMISE WE’LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN ONE DAY SOON!
Shout-out to frat formals for increasing the percentage of POC on campus for three days.
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LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 9
Shout-out to the couple watching anime porn together while I studied for an econ exam. Just weird, just weird.
Shout-out to the woman who chooses the songs at Union cafe: DJ my wedding?
s
Shout-out to the swim team: incest is already too common in the South, please don’t contribute.
Shout-out to the Mormon with a super hot fiancé. Thanks for reminding me to stop re-taking Buzzfeed’s inner potato quiz and get my life together.
Shout-out to th e hottie who’s alw ays sitting at that one table in the lib rary. Yes, I mean yo u.
EasyListening Condensing good albums into ~140 characters.
Porches. Pool
T
he album that we’re all going to listen to while sitting poolside or on the beach, looking sad but good, worrying about melanoma and our Twitter feed we can’t see in the sunlight. You Might Also Like: eskimeaux ‘O.K.’, frankie cosmos ‘Next Thing’, Empress Of ‘Me’, Slow Hollows ‘Atelophobia’
Game Theory
Sioux Falls Rot Forever
W
hat Freddie from School of Rock would record if he was raised on the Melvins, Dinosaur Jr. and Drive Like Jehu. They genred their debut as yolo-fi, this is post-yolo-fi. YMAL:: Woozy ‘Blistered’, Dogs on Acid s/t, Soda Bomb ‘Wanna Jam?’
Father
Lolita Nation
I’m A Piece of Shit
eissued just this year, a longlost (1987) proto-art pop record. The keystone in the progression from ‘Pet Sounds’ to ‘Remain in Light’ and Slanted’ and Enchanted’.
he King of Awful Records (The East Coast’s Odd Future, if OF started when everyone wasn’t a teenager). Porn song samples, Makonnen features, why don’t you love this album?
R
YMAL: Modern art/powerpop acts like Rozwell Kid, Solids or Adjy. Almost halfway through a year of music, make sure to check out other great albums that I’m looking forward to dropping sometime soon:
teen suicide
Lil Yachty
It’s The Big Joyous Celebration,
Lil Boat
Let’s Stir the Honeypot
26
R
ap that could only be written by someone who has gone on record claiming to be addicted to pizza. The Son of the Holy Trinity of Internet Rap: Soulja Boy, Lil B, Lil Yachty.
lullabies for people who hate art and people who don’t realize they do yet.
YMAL: Spencer Radcliffe ‘Looking In’, Car Seat Headrest ‘Teens of Style’. Chastity Belt ‘No Regrets’
Pinkshinyultrablast
YMAL: Lil Uzi Vert ‘Lil Uzi Vert vs. The World’, Kodak Black ‘Institution’, $uicideboy$ ‘Dark Side of the Clouds’
Lust For Youth Compassion
Grandfeathered
T
Russian self-
Denmark’s dreamy Boy
YMAL: Literally all of Awful Records, Antwon ‘100k’.
YMAL: Wildhoney ‘Sleep Through It’, Broadcast. Asobi Seksu.
YMAL: Cold Cave, Archy Marshall ‘A New Place 2 Drown’
dubbed kung-fu gaze. Incoherent melodies layered into dreamy synths and fuzz.
Nothing ‘Tired of Tomorrow’ Blood Orange’s new thing, Lil Yachty x Lil B x Soulja Boy ‘Pretty Boy Millionaires 2’ Bear vs. Shark reunion album Descendents ‘Hypercaffium Spazzinate’ Xiu Xiu’s Rescoring of Twin Peaks Vampire Weekend ‘Mitsubishi Macchiato’ LA Based (Evan Stack)- ‘Come Home’ Yumi Zouma- ‘Yoncalla’ Car Seat Headrest- ‘Teens of Denial’ Frank Ocean (???) Kanye West’s unconfirmed ‘TurbografX 16’
Band that isn’t Iceage fusion of New Order’s age of new wave into a Euroclub atmosphere. Side-effects include ‘crushing on Danish darkwave dudes’.
Madison Santos
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LIBERTAS last word We know it’s hard, but finish strong.
lol we nailed it