Exposed by Libertas Magazine

LIBERTAS EXPOSED

v ol . 22, n o. 6

SATREBIL EDITORIAL EDITORS IN CHIEF Alyssa Glover Samantha Gowing (et studious abrodio)

EDITORS Claire Heartfield Mila Loneman Quinn Massengill Madison Santos Cordelia Wilks

CONTRIBUTORS Anonymous, Deyanira Bowers, Elisabeth Anthony, Santiago Navia, Elizabeth Welliver, Elanor Yarboro, LĂŠonie Kirchgeorg, Leah Mell, Alyssa Glover, Cordelia Wilks, Madison Santos Libertas belongs to the students of Davidson College. Contact the editors at libertas@davidson.edu

(but actually, come back, we miss you)

LIBERTAS Fe b r u ar y 2 0 1 6 Dimitar Hristov

Cover Running Out

Anonymous

Weather Bipolar Serial Liar photography

Deyanira Bowers Elisabeth Anthony Santiago Navia

Vows Body of Secrets

Elizabeth Welliver Eleanor Yarboro

The Tale of Darkness & Stranger

Léonie Kirchgeorg

Night Scene

Leah Mell

artwork

Alyssa Glover

Ask Alyssa

Alyssa Glover

Oscar Picks 2015 Rad Albums

Cordelia Wilks Madison Santos

Last Word

special thanks to... Faculty Advisors: Zoran Kuzmanovich, Paul Miller (emeritus), Scott Denham (emeritus), Ann Fox (emeritus) Previous Editors: Meg Mendenhall, Michael DeSimone, Jordan Luebkemann, Will Reese, Emily Romeyn, Vincent Weir, Mike Scarbo, Vic Brand, Ann Culp, Erin Smith, Scott Geiger, James Everett, Catherine Walker, Elizabeth Burkhead, Chris Cantanese, Kate Wiseman, Lila Allen, Jessica Malordy, Nina Hawley, Kate Kelly, Zoe Balaconis, Rebecca Hawk, and Hannah Wright Founder: Zac Lacy

visit us online: https://issuu.com/libertasmag friend us on facebook: search “davidson libertas”

Running Out Anonymous

Red light cut into strips by the blinds danced on the walls. Starting in the far corner the strips would travel across the room, over the door and turn the corner and almost touch me. It was late enough that the subject turned to death. How do you feel about ambulances?

What do you mean? Like, when they go by, what do you think about? I don’t know. Hope the person’s okay, that kind of thing. I guess. No, like, what do you think of the noise they make? What do I think of sirens? That’s what you’re asking me. Yes. They’re loud, I guess. Another one went by outside, and the wall lit up again. She moved against my arm. Sometimes I think it’s laughter. Like if I’m in a dream a clown will be coming towards me, laughing. And then I wake up and I hear that it was really an ambulance passing by. I didn’t know what to say. I’ve never talked about sirens before. I just breathed. Or singing. Sometimes I think the sirens are singing.

An ambulance. Singing.

Yeah.

Huh.

Do you dream often? She asked me.

Yeah. I keep a dream journal.

Really? How much have you written in it? Really? Can I read it sometime?

A good amount. Yeah, it’s almost done. I’m running out of space. No.

Do you need another one?

No.

Why? Do you plan on stopping dreaming?

What?

You said you were running out of space. Why? I wish she would stop. Because You said you didn’t.

No, I don’t need another one. I still have plenty of space, it’s fine, I said.

I didn’t say anything to that. I moved the covers off of me but I grabbed the sheet and pulled it over my body. I pulled it up over my head. I thought it might be funny. But she kept talking. Have you ever Googled what happens when you die? Are you one of those people? Good, she said. Fuck those people.

No.

I lay there, still, with the thin sheet over my head. She put her head on my chest like someone puts their head to a wall to see if it’s hollow. I wondered if she would knock and listen for an echo. Do you read William Carlos Williams? She asked. Red Wheelbarrow. That’s got to be my favorite. Oh yeah.

Sure. Me too. Remember? I told you that.

Another siren sang past the window on the street. A dog barked. The lights danced. I’m wondering if I could read your dream journal sometime. You should get some sleep, she said. It’s late.

No, I said.

The next morning after the dawn had turned from red to gold to nothing I saw the black journal was open on the table and that she was gone. The thing was empty save a note she must have written. I closed it and I sat on the edge of the bed and I considered the sirens and wondered where they went during the day, laughing and singing and crying in some other place where the sky is not awake, and I wondered if the sun chases them around the earth but they stay in the dark because the light just can’t catch them. I went to the mirror and my eyes were red. 3

LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 6

Serial Serial Liar Liar or or Thank Thank You You for for Coming Coming to to the the Show Show Elisabeth Elisabeth Anthony Anthony

Weather Weather Bipolar Bipolar by by Deyanira Deyanira Bowers Bowers

Photo by: Santiago Navia

So So let’s let’s dispute dispute your your toxicity toxicity Dictating Dictating me me in in spite spite Of Of what what you you mean mean to to me me You You will will always always be be my my enemy enemy Hissing Hissing from from the the shadows shadows Whispering Whispering sick-nothings sick-nothings in in my my ear ear Venom Venom mistaken mistaken for for medicine medicine Tainting Tainting my my roots roots With With do’s do’s and and don’ts don’ts Planted Planted ideas ideas whose whose origins origins II forget forget That That II am am writing writing this this to to you you Not Not me me Or Or my my aching aching stomach stomach Reminding Reminding me me to to silence silence myself myself To To isolate isolate my my ideas ideas That That my my anxiety anxiety comes comes from from within within And And then then you you protect protect me me from from your your impact impact Which Which II mistake mistake as as my my own own Transgressions Transgressions buckling buckling under under the the weight weight Of Of your your prohibition prohibition

The hole is dark and deep and dirt ﬁlls the air; down I go— further, farther— the closest grave to Hell. What a beautifully poisonous web of lies I’ve woven, stickily sweet, terribly fragile. Careful! Hold your breath— the slightest breeze could rip it to shreds. My life is a set of scales and balances, a seesaw of anxiety, every part positioned [oh so] precariously; teetering tottering, teetering shivering shaking. shivering Every lie I tell splits my soul, hanging on to the tendrils of my thoughts, dragging a veil of black over my eyes. Every bright light that pierces the darkness strips away any humanity I have left. Oh, what a way to live— an endless sigh of existence. My body parts strung together by half and hidden truth alike. The show of deception must go on! No turning back now! You’ve come this far— if you begin to unravel your sins, your world will surely come apart at the seams; you will be a lifeless heap of ﬂesh and bone, eternally cursed by the birth of deception on apple-red lips.

LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 6

I want to be awake on the ground with you, even when the smoke is so thick I cannot see your eyes. I want to be awake on the ground with you, holding you. You, your body solid – sometimes curved into itself as you rest like an infant waiting for his mother’s embrace. When the winds grow cold and your breath falls short, I will have no answer but to let you sink yourself into my arms so that we fit like joint and bone, rotating with the curve of the earth, When I take this vow to love you - forever and ever amen - I have no road map or compass, nor any medicine for life’s ailments, with you, on this altar, I buy a question: when we sit at the edge of the apocalypse will we hold ourselves together as one? I want to be awake, on the ground exposed before the firestorm to be buried with you before

LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 6

Eleanor Yarboro

A BODY OF SECRETS

our children may whisper divorce.

VOWS

I want to be awake on the ground, even when it breaks open to expose the fire raging beneath -

Elizabeth Welliver

When the sky grows weary and the earth is at the edge of heavens’ jaws, I want to be awake.

I. the shadow of the heart, the dark cleft between one bulbous atrium and the sloping crest of the next onward, onward the shape of it goes bloodcraft is like that, full of guesswork and rushing forward despite doubts II. the heart lies in the valley, in the darkness of your body, created by your body your body cannot exist without insisting on some secrets: the shadow that embraces the velvet grip of flesh and mucous membrane and bone one day, it will forfeit its secrets it will begin to atone

The Tale of Darkness & Stranger By Léonie Kirchgeorg There I was, on the 24th of July 2006, playing with my sister and cousins by the lake Lej Marsch when the first stab into the bubble had stricken. Little did I know then that it was not going to be the last one. The slaughter of innocence was what many would like to define it as. Like a calf being torn into shreds with a butcher’s knife with no protection whatsoever. The essence of innocence running down the shreds of the bubble in form of reddish sticky blood until all that was left were scraps of superficial purity – it is still there but not intact. I wish I just had some kind of indication, some kind of preparation for this day. There was nothing that prepared me for the wails and cries of the woman, nothing that prepared me for the way in which he was dragged out of the water with a rope or his stomach filled with water or his pale and slimy-looking white skin. Nothing prepared me for the day that I saw death right in front of my eyes. But as it happened the day started out as every day. By that I mean a day where my greatest worry was that the day was too short to play outside with the frogs or the exclaims of my sister she was going to make once she found out her stuffed animal owl Hedwig was floating on the surface of the pond. The sun was shining, it was summer vacation and my aunt and uncle took their children, my sister and myself to the Lej Marsch. It was a lovely afternoon with the usual teasing from my cousins for me being the youngest in the family, the tasty Cervelat sausage grilled over an open fire and the avoidance of stepping onto the crayfish in the shallow water. All the other families seemed to be having a blast too with children playing in the water, their floaties around their skinny little arms, the softballs whizzing through the air and the gentle wind surrounding the picnics around the lake. Nothing up to this point in my life had ever introduced me to the real pains of the world. The worst that I had ever witnessed was my father slapping me across the face or the bloody graze I got from falling off the bike. I thought that those were the real pains my parents referred to when they tried to explain the world to me but that was nowhere near the reality, as I would soon learn. Invisible wounds were something I never could quite grasp through explanations and stories. I had heard of death and knew that it meant the awakening of the beast of pain. But the theory was never realized until I met Stranger. So it was no surprise that I thought a diving contest was happening when masses of people were standing on top of the bridge leading into the depths of the water. Everything that constituted my consciousness had no ‘real’ or ‘genuine’ element to it. Everything I knew was superficial and based on lies or misconceptions when you compare it to the reality. Therefore, all I felt was delight when the people appeared excited and running around by the water. I wanted to be part of the fun. When I walked closer to the scene I saw people diving into the water and started running towards them; I didn’t want to arrive at the scene once the competition was over. But before I could start dashing off I felt the hand of my aunt on my shoulder pulling me back. Once I saw the pale expression on her face, my sisters bewildered gaze and realized that my usually talkative cousins were silenced, all of the excitement I thought I saw earlier transformed into panic and desperation. There were shrieks, there were cries, there were people diving into the water only coming up to desperately gasp for air. It all turned out to be in vain. More and more people accumulated around the bizarre scene that would make me realize that the world consisted of more than just a rose garden and sunshine. That misconception was rectified once the visitor Darkness came, once the divers became tired of desperation and panic, once the wails of the woman became louder and louder. Darkness was spreading into every water molecule, every tree and every skin surrounding the drowning of Stranger. When the helicopter came endless minutes had passed – even though no one said it out loud everyone was thinking it: he was dead. We did not have to see his dead body to know it. Everyone in the water was ordered back onto the safety of the land while a police diver disturbed the strangely smooth water surface. His colleague handed him a rope before he dove off. And then silence. No one dared to say a word while desperately waiting for the reality. Everyone knew that he was gone but the confirmation would transform uncertainty into reality, which would make closure a more efficient process. Not knowing if Stranger was dead was worse than knowing that he was dead. Brutal, yes, but essential because not facing and accepting reality has the power to curse your life – it would turn it into a half-life full of sorrow and thoughts of injustice. Acceptance was the key to closure and soon enough it did come. The diver slowly emerged on the water surface as he returned back to land. He looked like a crocodile seeking the dryness of the land as his wet body and black neoprene emerged. He handed his colleague one of the rope ends, which he tied to a police car. The rest of the rope was still in the water. This meant that Stranger was being dragged out of the water by force. My aunt did not allow me to get closer to the scene when I was about to run down to see how he was being dragged out of the water; I was a curious child who did not realize that what was happening in front of my eyes was not a story or unreality – this was Darkness of life. And therefore I’m glad my aunt didn’t let me. Yet still I saw everything form a distance. As the car began to drive a white and fishy-looking creature emerged from the water. It was dragged through the sand onto to the grass. And there it lay – no, I had to face Darkness: There he lay.

LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 6

Night

Scene

under a waxing moon, i sh sh sh shudder as you peel off your vneck, and you st st st stammer as i reach behind my back my breasts sssspill over

and unhook my bra. and out of their restraint,

and you trace their soft contours

with your tongue. my flesh arcs

toward tongue, toward you,

and i

into the heavy charcoal sky.

you roll onto me

your teeth grazing my collar bone, open.

desperate writhing

you are

for you. suddenly,

into one another, like layers

in the dewing grass,

and spread

and whimpering

beneath unnamed constellations. until iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m liquid

mmoooaaaaannn

my thighs wide and pressure

swell and burst

thrustingthrustingthrusting our bodies kindle and fold

of molten gold, and we

rapture.

in the pause, i murmur

an incantation

to rearrange the stars into ghosts

q q q quiver in quiet

your name,

of what i think now must be love.

Leah Mell 7

LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 6

Art by Alyssa Glover

LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 6

Ask Alyssa: Real Answers to Real Questions: * Alyssa is not responsible for sny negetive outcomes that result from taking this advice

Dear Alyssa,

My high school love interest is so wonderful , but the most popular girl in the CharlotteMecklenburg school system. Word on the street is, Chad B. is going win her heart with the best promposal, but I heard that Chad H. also will. How can I best these high-school suitors and ask my Prom Queen-to-be to the big dance?

Dear Alyssa,

Love, Heartbroken Hebe Humbert

My boyfriend and I just started dating and I’ve gone down on him several times, but he won’t return the favor. Any tips for how to convince him to play tit for tat this Valentines’s Day?

Dear Hebe, I’m so sorry to hear about your predicament, yet I’m glad that you asked. As college students, we seem to think that the

Dissatisfied Damsel

drama of promposals is behind us, but that obviously isn’t the case. It’s important not to be intimidated by these high

Dear Dissatisfied,

school children. An advantage you have over the Chads is

Sadly, your story is all too familiar. Most people would

years of life experience. Your date is a young woman, so she

tell you to communicate and have an open dialogue about

clearly responds to dominant, masculine energy. Just prove

where you both stand on sexual boundaries and expectations.

that you’re the strongest, most viable mate for her, and there’s

However, that can get real awkward real quick, - and you

no way she’ll be able to resist you. A common misconception

wouldn’t want to ruin a romantic Valentine’s day. For this

about women is that we respond to romance and think with

reason, I recommend taking a more covert approach.

our hearts. However, once we hit puberty and our prime child-

Men have been doing this for centuries. To make sure

bearing years, our hormones have a major influence over how

I give you best possible information, I consulted my close

we act and the men we choose. In order to carry out this mas-

male friend. He explained to me that, “All you have to do is

culine display and win her affection, I recommend what I call

kind of nudge their head down. Like when you’re making

the “alpha approach”.

out, you run your fingers through their hair, and then gently

The alpha approach is all about presenting yourself as superior to your fellow man. First, you’ll need to make your-

guide their head towards your crotch. They catch on pretty fast.”

self appear as large as possible. Wearing shoe lifts is a nearly

This fool-proof method is a surefire way to get what

undetectable way to do this. Alternatively, you can get a close

you want out of the night without any uncomfortable con-

friend, sit on his shoulders and find an eight-foot-long trench

versations. Although this may seem passive aggressive - some

coat. I recommend the latter. Although, it’s risky, when ex-

might argue it’s downright aggressive - you have to remem-

ecuted well, she’ll believe that you’re seven and a half to eight

ber the day and age. It’s 2016. Men have been doing this for

feet tall, plus the added bonus of her knowing that you’re ma-

years, there’s no reason we shouldn’t reap the benefits of this

ture enough to own a trench coat.

technique as well. I hope that this helps, and your Valentine’s

The most important thing is to have courage. If you

day is everything you’ve hoped for.

decide to choose a different technique, just remember that prom is the highlight of a teenage girl’s life. In ten years, will she want to be looking back on the day Chad H. gave her roses and a shitty poster in the hallway, or the day a man showed up in a trench coat? 9

LIBERTAS, Vol. 22, No. 6

Any Questions you’ve been dying to ask Alyssa? Submit them to libertas@davidson.edu

LIBERTAS OSCAR PICKS Best Picture Actress in a Leading Role

Actor in a Leading Role

Actor in a Supporting Role

Charlotte Rampling 45 Years

Leonardo DiCaprio The Revenant

Animated Feature

Actress in a Supporting Role

Directing

Mark Rylance Bridge of Spies

Alicia Vikander The Danish Girl

Inside Out

Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Lee Bur�as

20 O 25 Rad Albums F 15 Selected In No Order by Madison Santos

Alex G- Beach Music The World is a Beautiful Place…- Harmlessness Foxing- Dealer Jerry Paper- Carousel Turnover- Peripheral Vision Weed- Running Back Spencer Radcliffe- Looking In Jank- Awkward Pop Songs Lil Ugly Mane- OBLIVION ACCESS Mount Eerie- Sauna Vince Staples- Summertime ‘06 Cloakroom- Further Out Young Thug- Slime Season 2 Title Fight- Hyperview

EPs/Demos

Adventures- Supersonic Home Creepoid- Cemetery Highrise Slum

mrs hopewell- “dementia pugilistica”

Father- Who’s Gonna Get Fucked First?

Computer Magic- “Davos”

elvis depressedly- new alhambra

YACHT CLUB SUICIDE- “vaclav hammel and a summer

Car Seat Headrest- Teens of Style

abroad “ AND ” a summer spent in basements”

Ceremony- The L-Shaped Man Archy Marshall- A New Place 2 Drown Woozy- Blistered Quarterbacks- s/t The Coneheads - L.P.1. aka “14 Year Old High

School PC-Fascist Hype Lords Rip Off Devo for the Sake of Extorting $$$ from Helpless Impressionable Midwestern Internet Peoplepunks L.P. Pinkshinyultrablast- Everything Else Matters

Nicolas Jaar Nymphs I, II, III, IV Yumi Zouma- EP II america is a mistake- “you’re not wrong” Just Friends- 7” Tangles- “About What Happened Last Night”

listen on play.spotify. com/user/ librtasdavidson LIBERTAS, V o l . 2 2 , N o . 6

LIBERTAS last word

Libertas:

FAILED

Submit your stories (poetry, prose, perspectives, non/fiction, drawings, photography, articles, reviews, etc.) about and relating to

Failure to

LIBERTAS @ DAVIDSON . EDU Deadline: Monday, March 7th @11:59 pm

For Questions, email

alglover@davidson.edu