Untitled Helen Sturm

UNTITLED

Helen Sturm

I’m about to kiss you, one more time, one last time, until you shove me with such force that I stumble onto the floor. We make eye contact for a split second before people start stepping over me, coming between us, but in that split second, I see your disgusted, repulsed expression, and that you’re starting to leave the room.

I feel ashamed, like vermin, my face is certainly beet red, my heart is screeching, and before I know it I’m pulling myself up--slowly but surely-- from Tae-woo’s apartment floor and am stumbling out.

I shove the door open and my eyes frantically search for you. I see your silhouette, storming off in the darkness.

“Hey! Wait! I’m sorry,” I cry out, hoping you’ll turn around. Please please please.

The door reopens from behind me, and I turn to see Wonseok’s bewildered expression. He must have seen that I ran out. “What the hell are you doing?” he cries.

He looks crazy. But maybe I look crazy to him.

I ignore him and look to see your shadow slowing. I bite my

lips to keep my satisfied smile away. “I’m stupid, I know,” I admit, hoping it’ll soften you. “I’m sorry.”

Won-seok’s saying something, asking me who it is, but I don’t hear him anymore, because you turn around and smile at me, surprisingly bright and happy… and I can’t help but feel elated and in love all over again.

And that night when you kiss me, I think maybe dreams do come true, and when we make love, I think maybe perfection does exist. * * *

When I wake up, I can sense that something is not right.

A throbbing headache. Slow limbs. And what time is it?

An unfamiliar bedroom. The blankets on top of me are suffocating, and I shove them off. I turn to my side, and my mouth is wide open, in absolute horror, in dread and disgust.

And now I’m frantically climbing out, like I’m on a hot bed of coal, throwing my clothes back on and freaking the fuck out because how could that be, what happened last night, this is all a nightmare