4 minute read
The Throes Of High School Dating
What does a high school relationship look like today? by Fiona Flynn, Reporter
The four years we spend in high school are one of the largest growth periods we experience in our life. From the beginning of freshman year to the end of senior year, we become dramatically different people, whether it is through our recreational activities or our core values. One of the most impactful elements that contributes to this growth are the people we associate ourselves with and the relationships we engage in. Whether or not you support the prospect of high school relationships, such romanticisms are highly inevitable, especially considering the influence of social media’s portrayal of the dating scene. But with high school being most students’ introduction to dating, there is little experience to make judgments on who they should and shouldn’t be with. Most don’t fully know what they want from life or who they are as a person. For senior Isabelle Grothoff, she has attempted to reflect the image that her parents have modeled through their marriage. “My mom and dad are best friends and they have a really good relationship with each other.” However, is the picture of a healthy relationship the same for everyone? Considering the major maturity gap that exists between freshman and senior year, the younger grade carries a similar, but different value. “Recognizing red flags comes with experience. When you start to get to know someone, pay attention to their behavior, in terms of how they treat other people, even something as simple as how they treat a stranger, or what they say about their friends when they aren’t around,” states English teacher Mr. Schaper. He has emphasized that in order to maintain a healthy relationship for both parties, communication is the most important thing to pay attention to. “If you’re willing to listen to what the other person is saying without getting bothered by the fact that they may disagree with you. Seek the understanding of the other person first before you try to make yourself understood.” One of the biggest struggles in high school relationships is finding the time to balance school work, after school activities, jobs, and another person besides yourself to focus on. Oftentimes, the endurance of a relationship through all of one’s personal commitments is challenging, notably due to the lack of time there is in a week.
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When you are younger, it is easy to believe that your partner at the time may be your one and only. Some may even make the decision to yield their own interests only to fully invest in their significant others in hopes of beginning their life on the right foot. However, Mr. Schaper who has experienced such feelings, has learned otherwise from his past high school dating career.
“You’re the only person that can truly dictate what you want with your life. Be careful about investing parts of yourself in another person, no matter who it is. Understand what you want and what your boundaries are and be willing to communicate that with the other person. It is perfectly natural to break up. Realizing that that is part of life and being thankful for the companionship you had.”
But dating goes beyond the relationship you have with another person; it also involves a lot of self care and love for yourself. Many high school students have learned that if you do not first love yourself, it is extremely difficult to maintain a strong, healthy relationship with another person.
“It is easier to feel like you are enough when you’re with the person you are with if you feel like you are enough for yourself. It is my job to make myself happier, not my partner,” said Grothoff.
Isabelle shares this insight with Mr. Schaper, who agrees that loving yourself is the first, most vital step to being in a relationship.
“If you don’t love yourself or you don’t have a good track record of being kind and supportive to yourself, then it is really difficult for somebody to take care of those aspects of yourself for you. If you are not kind to yourself and you are not modeling that for other people, then they are not going to feel like they need to be kind to you,” says Schaper.
As a high schooler, it can be difficult to know what you want. Seeking companionship is one resolution that many come to. It is most important to first love yourself, respect yours and others boundaries, and try not to be swayed by Instagram’s picture perfect posts. High school relationships should be fun and about enjoying the bond of another person. But always remember to put yourself first.
