beach day, by kari

It was a happy day. It was supposed to be a happy day. The entire drive, he kept drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, to a tune that didn’t exist. When we got there, he was insistent on carrying everything in one trip, even my stuff. I told him he didn’t have to, I could do it myself, but he simply said no no it's no big deal. So I tread behind him, giggling at the scene before me, whilst picking up little pieces that he dropped along the way.

“There!” He let out a proud sigh after setting everything on the sand. “All set.”

“All set.”

He watched me place the remaining items next to his. “Noo. The whole pointwas that you didn’t have to do that.”

I shrugged. “But now we’re all set.”

“You don’t have to take care of me. I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.”

Liar. “I could say the same thing to you.”

He clearly looked defeated but he seemed to know me well enough by now to let it alone. Instead he joined me on the blanket, knees pulled to chest, waiting for me to say something. “Sooooo, what you wanna do?”

I turned to him appalled. “Excuse me? What do I wanna do? It was your choice to go to the beach.”

“Okay, yeah, but this day is meant for you.”

"If it was my day, why did you choose to go to the beach?"

“I don’ t know. It's a way to relax. Thought you might-”

“You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go to the beach.”

“Did you, did you wanna go to the beach? Do you wanna go to the beach?”

I scoffed. “Not really. ”

“Oh. ”

“Yeah. ” And the silence came back. It was hard being with someone who never gave any piece of themselves away. Everything was surface level and nothing past that. It made me feel big, in a way, but a bad one. I let out a sigh, as I had to carry the conversation, yet again. “Do you want to go to the water?”

"If you want to." Typical him, maintaining the guise of a gentleman.

“Do you want to go to the water?” I repeated.

"Okay."

So we stripped ourselves of our garments and ran towards the water, laughter springing in our steps. No matter how big you get, how acclaimed you become, how much you lose yourself in life or others, there is simply something about nature that will make you small again. Reverts you back to your original selves, as children yet again, chasing after the unknown with such glee in a way that you can’t explain and don’t care to.

My anger didn’t subside, but no one can feel anger in water, not especially when you run into it. Water washes away negative emotion, engulfing it for the time being. It helped, because being around him, you had to push down whatever was truly on your mind in order to survive the moment. With him, it was always all about the moment.

We ended up embracing, and he ran his hands through my hair, fighting against the slight breeze upon the water. “Hey,” his hands still in my hair. I hummed in response. “You deserve this. ” I held back the urge to frown.

“Aren’ t you so glad to be spending the day with me?”

I forced my cheeks up. “Yeah. Always. ”

His attention was rapt on me, examining every inch of my face. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to read it, discern the exact emotion I wasn’t portraying, or maybe he was soaking in all the features I didn’t like and saving it for later to convince me otherwise. Or maybe, there really was no depth to this boy, that it was all a fantasy I made in my head, and he really was just looking. Suddenly, something diverted his attention, causing him to run back out of the water. They were talking, but too far to be heard, so I faced back out at the water. I was losing myself in the gaze of the horizon when he came back, grabbing me from behind and spinning.

“What are you doing! ” I couldn’t help the yelp of laughter that escaped me.

“Let's take a picture. ” He gestured at the stranger he stopped to talk with and I saw they had his phone at the ready. I turned my camera smile on and after a couple like this, he grabbed my face and kissed me. It was tender and gentle, for the camera, but he held my head like he meant it. He quickly let go, said thank you, put his phone secure and came back to me.

And I kissed him again, like I meant it.

I don’ t think I knew that this would be our last best day, but it was almost like my body knew. It rocked with the movement, and held his neck, and tugged his hair, and travelled to hold onto his face, and committed his lips to memory. I squeezed him tighter. I meant to say until next time, but I think it said I will miss this. It was almost like my body knew this was the last.

“I’m,” he let out a breath, like it was difficult to say. “Sorry.”

“Yeah. ”

— beach day, kari