The Myth of Status by Iron Stream Media

The

Myth of

Status

The

Myth of

Status WHY PURPOSE IS THE KEY T O U N L O C K I N G T RU E L E A D E R S H I P

Ryan Sitton

An Imprint of Iron Stream Media Birmingham, Alabama

Iron Stream Books 100 Missionary Ridge Birmingham, AL 35242 An imprint of Iron Stream Media IronStreamMedia.com © 2020 by Ryan Sitton All rights reserved. First printing 2020. Printed in the United States of America No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. Iron Stream Media serves its authors as they express their views, which may not express the views of the publisher. Library of Congress Control Number: 2020934624 All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™ Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (MEV) are taken from taken from the Modern English Version. Copyright © 2014 by Military Bible Association. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ISBN-13: 978-1-56309-404-0 Ebook ISBN: 978-1-56309-405-7 1 2 3 4 5—24 23 22 21 20

Contents Pursue Purpose ��7 Chapter One: �� 13 ��29 Myth #1: It’s About Money, Power, and Fame�� 32 Myth #2: You’ve Got to Look Out for Yourself �� 34 Myth #3: Serving Others Means Giving Them What They Want �� 36 �� 41 Tactic #1: Learn What Makes Them Tick�� 46 Tactic #2: Don’t Manage . . . COACH! �� 49 Tactic #3: Set Expectations �� 53 �� 59 Myth #1: I Need the Most Experienced People �� 65 Myth #2: People Are Motivated by Money and Recognition �� 67 Myth #3: Set Only Easy and Realistic Goals�� 69 �� 75 Tactic #1: Create a Vision Statement �� 77 Tactic #2: Establish SMART Goals �� 80 Tactic #3: Agree on Objectives �� 83 �� 87 Myth #1: They Were Born with It �� 91 Myth #2: Great Speakers Are Great Communicators �� 96 Myth #3: It Should Be Authentic and Natural �� 100

�� 107 Tactic #1: Use Audacious Listening �� 109 Tactic #2: Speak Their Language �� 111 Tactic #3: Structure Communication �� 115 �� 119 Myth #1: If You Want It Done Right, Do It Yourself �� 124 Myth #2: I Am Great at Multitasking �� 127 Myth #3: Important People Are Busy People �� 129 ��135 Tactic #1: Manage Priorities, Not Time �� 136 Tactic #2: Identify Strengths and Weaknesses .............................139 Tactic #3: Plan, Plan, Plan . . . Then Act .......................................142 �� 147 Myth #1: The Most Important Indicator of Success Is Talent ..............................................................................150 Myth #2: My Success Is Dependent on Others ...........................153 Myth #3: Failure Is Not an Option ................................................156 �� 161 Tactic#1: FAIL, Then Change ........................................................162 Tactic #2: Identify Possibilities, Then Act ....................................166 Tactic #3: Build Accountability into Every Relationship ...........170 �� 177 �� 195 �� 200 �� 203

Pursue Purpose

was thirty-one years old when I faced my first serious crisis of status versus purpose. I didn’t know it at the time, because we weren’t using those terms, but there it was. I was the breadwinner in our house as my wife Jennifer had quit her job to stay home with our daughter and was pregnant with our second child Luke. I was working at a small consulting company where I had started a new division just two years prior. I was doing well, having become a division manager and grown the new business profitably. However, I struggled to navigate the political landscape of the company. So at the end of 2005, I was fired. I was unemployed. Ever heard of “double-income no kids”? We were double-kids, no income. Going through experiences like this are especially traumatic. We may put up a good front, but being fired or just getting a bad performance review, getting bad grades or failing a class, going through a breakup or a divorce, being passed over for a raise or promotion . . . difficult life changes can really throw us for a loop. Have you experienced something similar? A time when your current status was completely disrupted? Why is it that these things are so hard? Sure, there is the concern about the ability to provide for my family . . . but I knew I could get a job. In fact, I remember that the money was not the big concern; it was that I had been fired. What if I told you that was the single most important day of my professional career? Why? Because that day started me on a path that lead to much greater fulfillment. The next year, I started my first company, an

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engineering firm called Pinnacle. After success there, I started a second company, this time in commercial real estate. Shortly after that, I ran for public office and now serve as the chief energy regulator for the State of Texas. I have started several other companies, in everything from technology development to adult tricycles. I am asked to speak several times a week on everything from leadership to energy markets to data science. And I am currently working on my third book. We spend more of our lives working than we do anything else. I am one of the most blessed people I know because I love doing all the things I do. I could quit any of them . . . all of them . . . at any time, and have more than enough money to live unlimited. But I find that I want to do more, not less, because I love it. I have found a role in life that suits me to a T. And I wouldn’t have done any of it had I not been fired. Had I not been fired, I would probably still be working in a job somewhere. Sure, I would enjoy my job, but I wouldn’t love doing what I’m doing the way I do now. The thing is, it took a fairly traumatic experience for me to change course. But why was that necessary? It wasn’t until a decade later that I recognized I had been caught up in the status of my current title, salary, stock portfolio, house, lifestyle, and net worth. And the constant focus on those things as measures of success kept me from unlocking my real skills and abilities to do something that made a true impact on the world around me. In short, pursuit of status was keeping me from being successful. It was keeping me from finding fulfillment. And I know that I am not alone in this. A couple of years ago it hit me . . . that so many people are struggling. We have more resources, higher standard of living, and more technology than ever before. However, in a study back in 2013, one in six Americans (16.7 percent) was taking a psychiatric drug, with most of those being antidepressants and antianxiety medication.1 By 2018, studies showed the number of Americans who are on Maggie Fox, “One in 6 Americans Take Antidepressants, Other Psychiatric Drugs: Study,” NBC News, December 12, 2016, https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/ one-6-americans-take-antidepressants-other-psychiatric-drugs-n695141. 1

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medication to be happier has only increased, with nearly 25 million adults taking antidepressants for at least two years.2 Do we really believe that there is some physiological problem with one in four Americans, so that their brains just can’t manage hormones to keep them happy? Or is it possible that the stress of today’s world is triggering a depressed and anxious state of mind? So why is our world more stressful today—when we have more than we have ever had in the past—such that people are suffering? In all of my work, research, and study about human performance, motivation, and health, I believe the general lack of happiness in the world today is caused by a preoccupation with status. The world is consumed by it, just like I was. And those who break out of it, who pursue purpose, are the ones who are the most successful, the most joyful, and the most fulfilled. Unfortunately, not all of us get the chance to go through a traumatic event to put us on a different path. Six years ago, I started on a new journey. I wanted to find the connection between motivation, performance, and fulfillment. I had about five hundred people working for me at the time, and I wanted to help them all “be successful.” But what did this mean? I knew it wasn’t just about money and titles, but what was it? And, more importantly, why did it seem that the more people got, the more they wanted? Why did it feel as though there was this constant battle in getting employees to do things, as opposed to all of us working together to accomplish something great? It was after all of my experience, research, and reflection that I came to the realization that fulfillment, happiness, and joy come in our pursuit of purpose. But for many of us purpose is constantly overshadowed by our pursuit, or desire, for status. In my case, since that first move away from status, I have continued to go further and further from it. And I have experienced more and more success. Before we go further, I am not advocating that you go out tomorrow and quit your job. In fact, much of what I am going to share in this book can be applied anywhere, and your current job, relationship, or hobbies can be a perfect place to start. And while we should Benedict Carey and Robert Gebeloff, “Many People Taking Antidepressants Discover They Cannot Quit,” The New York Times, April 7, 2018, https://www.nytimes. com/2018/04/07/health/antidepressants-withdrawal-prozac-cymbalta.html. 2

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expect that changing our approach will bring us more fulfillment in what we do, the change may be tough at first. When I share these ideas, one question I get is, “Well, how can I be successful unless I have some ‘status’ to affect change? After all, Ryan, don’t you use your ‘status’?” Ahhh . . . great question. But it is not about status; it is about influence. And yes, influence is important to making an impact and many people do confuse status with influence. This thing is, status, on its own, does not create real influence. Think of all the YouTube “celebrities” who have amazing status for a few weeks and then disappear after the fad has worn off. They have status during their fifteen minutes of fame, and can even translate that into some influence in terms of advertising products. But it doesn’t last because it’s not true influence. Influence comes when people believe in you, trust in you, and recognize that you are doing things to help them improve their lives. That is about purpose. Interestingly enough, when we pursue purpose, influence and status come as byproducts. How does this connect to leadership? When we study motivation, success, fulfillment, and performance, leadership is the common theme. It is the connector between how I, my team, and the world around us achieve our best. Over the past few years, I focused heavily on studying leadership. But as I did, I kept coming back to the same concept over and over . . . the same skills I used to lead a group were also those that helped me break out and find my purpose and fulfillment. And if you can find your purpose and let go of status, then not only will you find happiness in the world around you, but you will also inspire others to do similar things. Therefore, you will be finding out how you lead. This book is the culmination of my experience and study in becoming a better leader, entrepreneur, public servant, father, and husband. It reveals the five key practices that people can implement to break out of the cycle of status, and to instead . . . pursue purpose. Because that is the key to unlocking your potential. And that will translate into your version of leadership to those around you. And that is how we all achieve success, together.

Chapter One The Leadership Spectrum

n 1943, something happened that would shape the future of how modern societies think about people and performance. A psychologist named Abraham Maslow published a paper. Not a book, a research project, or a scientific breakthrough . . . just a paper. Unlike other prominent psychologists of the twentieth century (B. F. Skinner and Sigmund Freud) who looked to explain what went wrong or was wrong with people, Maslow took a much more optimistic approach, simply trying to understand what makes people tick. The paper, entitled “A Theory of Human Motivation,” outlined Maslow’s ideas on the basic structure of motivation—including happiness—for every person. It included five levels, in order: physiological (think food, shelter), safety, love, self-esteem, and self-actualization. Over the next decade, Maslow would expand his theory, and in his 1954 book Motivation and Personality, he provided more detail. But the crux of his theory has been in place for nearly eighty years, and it has become known as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It is represented most commonly in the form of a triangle graphic, with the basic needs at the bottom, and the more complex needs at the top. Here is one version as an example:

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Sustenance is the basic physiological needs we all have, such as air, water, food, shelter, and clothing. Safety and security includes more than just absence of danger, as a home, health, employment, and a family all contribute to our feeling secure. Love and belonging includes friendship, intimacy, and sense of connection. Self-esteem is confidence and respect of others. And self-actualization is acceptance of one’s self, a self-assuredness that comes from being moral and faithful, and a feeling that one is creating and building the world around them. The key to Maslow’s theory is this . . . while humans are very complex beings, our needs can be simplified to basic categories. And as we satisfy these needs, we achieve happiness, joy, and fulfillment. This theory has become so prominent precisely because it is so simple, yet so accurate, and therefore so powerful. It can be used as test or foundation of any discussion about why a person or group of people is doing something. Go online now and search “Maslow needs,” and you will get literally millions of hits. It is plastered in presentations and speeches all over the world, on everything from business and technology to behavioral economics and leadership. While very few people have actually read Maslow’s work, almost everyone in a leadership role working on development has seen this triangle (or a version of it). It has become the gold standard for modern work on why we do what we do . . . i.e., what motivates us and makes us happy. One of the critical components to understanding Maslow’s simple structure is the idea that it is a hierarchy. In other words, there is

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a priority and a flow. One cannot work to achieve love and belonging if one does not have enough to eat or is in danger. Likewise, one cannot begin to explore self-actualization if one struggles with love or esteem. This may see elementary, but it is a vital piece of the puzzle in understanding why the pursuit of status prevents us from becoming our best and unlocking the leadership that is inside each one of us.

Success and Leadership The fact is, success and leadership are inextricably linked. But here’s the thing . . . we must identify real success, then and only then, can we test it against our own leadership. Success means different things to different people, and this can be confusing as well. When asked their definition of success, people often cite happiness, fulfillment, money, love, fame, power, travel, a home, or a family. But what truly defines success is the same for all of us. That was part of Maslow’s brilliance. Back to his hierarchy, we can begin to understand the foundation of success/happiness/ fulfillment that all of us share: sustenance, safety, love, self-esteem, and self-actualization. The first two (sustenance and safety) are about basic survival. The third (love) is about human connection and belonging, but the last two (self-esteem and self-actualization) are about achievement; therefore the last two require action. They require us to strive for goals that push us to work to our full potential. They require us to do things that matter in the world, feats we can be proud of when we look back on our lives. In other words, once we have the basic elements of survival covered, we desire a sense of belonging. And lastly, we want to know that what we’re doing has real purpose and will make a lasting impact. Put them together, and our happiness is based on our sense of belonging and purpose. This sums up the connection between happiness and success. At our core, we want to constantly be doing things that push us and make a difference. So I define success as the continuous achievement of worthwhile goals. How does this relate to leadership? If you polled a group of people and asked them what leadership is, you would likely get a lot of answers about being in charge of people. This comes from the

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corporate or military world, where leadership is intertwined with management and org charts. People perceive that someone with direct reports is—by definition—in a leadership role; therefore this must be what a leader looks like. At some point, people who are put into those roles attend leadership seminars and get certificates. That makes them an even clearer picture of a leader. Finally, the more people that report to you, the bigger the leader. This is wrong. Just because someone is in a management role and has a lot of people reporting to them does not mean they are leading. And, just because someone does not do anyone’s performance review at the end of the quarter doesn’t mean they are not leading. Leadership is not about org charts. Think about strong leaders you have known in your own life. Were they good leaders because of their titles, salaries, or how they conducted performance reviews? Or did you find them to be strong leaders because of what they empowered others to do? When it comes down to it, leadership is about inspiration.

Presidents and Slavery If asked which United States president brought an end to slavery, most Americans would simply reply, “Lincoln.” And while this answer certainly isn’t wrong, the truth—as is often the case in history—is a bit more involved. In 1794, John Quincy Adams began his career in public service. The eldest son of The United States’ second president, John Adams, John Quincy was exposed to the political scene at an early age and, despite original attempts to stay away, was appointed by President Washington to serve as the US ambassador to the Netherlands. Adams’s career would blossom from there, serving as US Senator, Secretary of State, and eventually serving as the nation’s sixth president from 1825 to 1829. One of Adams’s key beliefs was that the nation could not survive if it accepted what he considered to be the vile and immoral practice of slavery. After he left the Presidency, Adams so believed in this cause that he was elected to the US House of Representatives afterward . . . the only president ever to do so. He served there from 1831 to 1848, when he died in office. During his time there, he fought

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vehemently to bring bills to the floor to limit or end the practice of slavery. However, he was opposed by Southern Democrats who had no appetite for even mention of abolition, much less debate. The topic was so loathed that the house had a famous “gag rule,” which prevented discussion of slavery from 1836 to 1844. Adams would eventually defeat the gag rule—in itself a major victory—opening up the floor for considering the issue. However, Adams consistently experienced defeat at every turn. It is purported that on one occasion, a reporter caught him and asked why he continuously fought this issue when there was clearly no willingness in the house to vote it down. Adams is said to have replied, “The duty is ours, the results are God’s.” Adams continued this fight right up until his death in 1848, never seeing an end to slavery. However, in his session in congress, Adams had a chance to meet and inspire a young, single term congressman from the state of Illinois. Despite only serving together for a few months, this young congressman served as an honorary pallbearer in Adams’s funeral. It was Abraham Lincoln. From using his influence as a former president to navigating the political and legal process to kill the gag rule to influencing a future president, Adams played a major role in defeating slavery . . . despite his lack of actual power or authority to get it done. Adams’s legacy in the United States may be as president and congressman in the history books, but his true contribution was his charge to end slavery. And that really sums up leadership: Anyone who is “in-charge” can make people do what they want. Managers get people to do what is necessary. Leaders inspire people to do what is possible. What does this look like in the day-to-day work at a job? After all, there are things that just need to be done, right? Does that mean we can’t lead? No. As leaders, we make those things meaningful. In a capitalism system, people wouldn’t be paying for something if it weren’t valuable. Assume that every job or role on a team has a purpose, maybe because it is a part of a greater purpose. Our job is to articulate what the value or meaning or impact is in what we and our teams do, and make sure that the people around us understand that as well. Then we maintain our sights on making a bigger and bigger impact on the world through whatever it is we are doing. That is

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what leadership looks like, so I define leadership as the continuous achievement of worthwhile goals. Wait . . . this is the same as success, and it doesn’t mention other people. What about other people? If the goals are truly worthwhile, then they must include other people. Someone cannot accomplish anything worthwhile without others. So, other people are inherently included in this definition because we said “worthwhile.” And yes, I believe the picture of success and the picture of leader are the same. So don’t think of leadership as a role or something to aspire to do eventually; think of it as your primary tool for success.

The Biggest Myth Imagine the people you have loved doing something with . . . playing a sport, building something, working on a creative project. They got you excited about what you were doing. In fact, working with people like that, you accomplished more than you thought possible. What was it about them that got you excited? Was it their contagious passion for what you were doing? Where does this come from? It happens when people are working hard on something that they believe to be both important and challenging but also uses their unique skills. Musicians want to play music, builders want to build, craftspeople want to create, and engineers want to calculate. When we find ourselves using our unique talents in our role on something that is important to us and those around us, it ignites our passion, and people around us get inspired. What do you call this state? Maslow called it self-actualized. And it is the highest order of need, or the most fulfilled a person can be. You know these people, right? Can you think of someone who is just fired up about their life . . . sometimes annoyingly so? Yet if you get a chance to work around someone like this, or if you are someone like this, then it is a joy. In his 1962 book, Toward a Psychology of Being, Maslow explored his hierarchy in more detail. In talking about self-actualization, he writes, “Self-actualizing people, those who have come to a high level of maturation, health, and self-fulfillment, have so much to teach us that sometimes they seem almost like a different breed of human beings.”

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When you think back to your life and times with people who operate in this way, you realize . . . those who are self-actualized are the ones who make us strive to achieve, make us believe in what we are doing, and get us excited to succeed. Those are leaders. And the biggest myth about success and leadership is that only some of us are leaders (i.e., that only some of us have the abilities, skills, genetics, or resources to lead). This comes from a picture that many of us have in our heads of a leader. We picture a tall, attractive, gregarious person, with a larger-than-life personality. We picture head football coaches and CEOs. And we think, “That’s not me.” And for many of us, that isn’t. But those images are not necessarily the picture of a leader. They are just pictures of one type of leader. We all have the ability to lead. It is part of our DNA. How do I know? Since leaders work with others to continuously achieve worthwhile goals, and leaders also inspire others to achieve, grow, and get excited about the future, let’s think about where most people can do that with other people. Think of the most important role most of us get in to, in which we must inspire someone to believe in themselves more than they already do and then get them to grow in their abilities, hopefully finding their unique value to the world and building a life and career out of it. Think . . . parents. When we are doing our best as a parent, we are leading our children. And virtually all of us have the genetic ability to be parents. That’s why we know that every one of us has a leader inside of us.

Our biggest obstacle So why is it so hard to let that inner leader out? In a word, status. While the word has a negative connotation, it often comes from a good place. We picture what ideal marriages, careers, parenting, or joyous activities look like and strive to achieve those. Heck, perfectionism is directly connected to status. While it isn’t bad to strive for perfection, it becomes a negative influence when we let the picture of perfection—and the fact that we don’t measure up—allow us to feel as though there is something wrong with us or our surroundings. We must get past the image we have in our minds, an image that is more about status than actual success, leadership, or fulfillment. Only then can we unlock our potential to lead and succeed. And to understand this, we go back to Maslow.

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Since the hierarchy is a progression, then I cannot become self-actualized if I struggle with self-esteem. But once I achieve a certain level of value for myself—believing I have purpose in this world—then I can begin to focus more outwardly. I begin to explore how I can make an impact, and I begin to grow my skills and knowledge in that direction. So, from love and belonging, if I achieve self-esteem, then I will grow and make an impact. It is important to note that this is not a one-time thing. It is a cycle. The more I find happiness in growth and impact, the more I will strive for purpose . . . to have a bigger impact on those around me, which drives more growth. This cycle is a big part of living self-actualized. Where does status come into play? Since we cannot achieve self-actualization without esteem, then anything that prevents esteem also prevents our success, leadership, and fulfillment. Status prevents all of it because it is the distortion of esteem. And today our society confuses status with esteem constantly. In fact, more often than not, when someone is looking for esteem, they pursue status but find it is a road down which there is no destination. True esteem is about sense of value or worth. I have self-esteem when I value those around me and I feel that they value me. This is something that takes time to develop, both ways. Status is about people’s opinions or perceptions of me. Value is directly connected to purpose, since value means I must have a positive impact. I teach or help someone with something. I use my gifts to add value to their lives. Status is usually about things that are only surface, which almost always means there has been no real impact on one person by another. The search for value and esteem through status will always come up empty. And the more it comes up empty, the more we will search for it and the lonelier we feel. So much so that status not only gets in the way of our need for esteem, it can drive us to feel that our need for love and belonging is not being filled either. So we now have a different cycle—from status to fear to stagnation, and back to trying to find belonging. The only path to self-actualization runs through esteem driven by purpose and value. The path through esteem driven by status is what blocks most people in the world from achieving their best.

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This isn’t new, right? I mean, we have worried about what people think of us forever. I remember high school and college. Wishing I had the nicer car, the nicer clothes, the nicer house to impress others. Hoping other people thought I was nice, smart, or attractive. Every one of us has coached or been coached, “Don’t worry about what people think.” Only to nod in reluctant agreement because in the moments we were getting that coaching, usually we were neck deep in concerns about what others were thinking of us. It was because we were struggling with esteem in that moment—which in turn threatened our sense of belonging—that we looked for others to help us with belonging to prop up esteem. So no, this is not new. But it is worse today than ever before . . . by an order of magnitude. Why? Social Media. Text. Email. Instant contact. Our lives are overwhelmed with information about what others are doing in real time. For the first time in history, I can get instant updates about how everyone else is doing, filtered through the single picture and description that was captured on Instagram, with actual measures of how well they are thought of by their number of likes, number of friends, and number of followers. Add this to the already existing shallow nature of our measures—money, power, and fame— and it’s a magic combination. It is unbelievably easy to believe we are not having the experiences other people are having. Not taking the vacations, not investing in the houses, not driving the cars, not the right bonding with our kids, not traveling the world. We sense that

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we don’t have enough value, so we strive for more. Constantly pursuing the things that will make our lives look like the others on Facebook. We don’t realize it, but we are fighting to raise our status. I can spend my entire life pursuing status, and the more I get, the more I want. It is like quicksand. The harder you work, the more you sink. And once we get caught in it, it can be very hard to get out. All the while, my esteem is not growing; it is shrinking because I believe my worth is driven by all these superfluous measures instead of actual value to others. This problem has become so pervasive that I believe it is the biggest obstacle standing in our way today. Not just as individuals but as a society.

The Cost of Status I believe that this phenomenon—the weight of status overwhelming purpose—is the biggest societal challenge we face today. As pursuit of status dominates how we measure ourselves, our jobs, our families, and our fulfillment, we drift further and further away from happy, productive, lives. And this shows up in our economy. In their 2019 book, It’s the Manager, authors Jim Clifton and Jim Harter reference the work of their firm, Gallup, in discussing the current state. They write: Our work included tens of million of in-depth interviews of employees and managers across 160 countries. We conducted roundtable interviews with CHROs from 300 of the world’s largest organizations. We interviewed several of the world’s pre-eminent economists. Gallup concludes that the world’s most serious short-term (five to 10 year) problem is declining economic dynamism and declining productivity (GDP per capita). What does this mean? In today’s world, we have more access to information than ever before. We can learn about new jobs, new skills, and new opportunities in seconds with a few keystrokes. We are developing

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technology at such a fast rate that some experts believe that 50 percent of American jobs will either disappear or be replaced by machines in the next ten to twenty years.1 And with all this advancement, you wouldn’t be surprised to learn that human productivity growth is at an all-time high, right? Then why do we continually hear about stagnant wages for the United States? Would you be surprised to learn that our productivity is actually growing at a slower rate than it was thirty years ago? Gross domestic product (GDP) is the total economic output for whatever sample you are considering. For the United States, GDP per capita would be a measure of economic output per person. Over the last sixty years, this has grown relatively consistently. However, in order to understand true productivity we must adjust for inflation. By taking GDP data from the World Bank2 and taking out inflation (calculated using consumer price index from the US Bureau of Labor Statistics), we get the following numbers for total average economic growth by decade: 1960s 1970s 1980s 1990s 2000s 2010s

2.86% 1.44% 2.21% 1.67% 0.64% 0.86%

This means the average person in the United States increased their economic output by less than 1 percent per year for the last twenty years, and despite the unparalleled capabilities to learn and grow today, the last twenty years have seen the slowest growth in modern history. Why is status the cause of this? That’s harder to prove, but it is somewhat intuitive. Now that the world is moving, growing, and learning at a faster rate than ever before, the challenge is on us to “A study finds nearly half of jobs are vulnerable to automation,” The Economist, April 24, 2018, https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2018/04/24/a-study-finds-nearly-halfof-jobs-are-vulnerable-to-automation. 1

GDP per capita (current US$)—United States, The World Bank, accessed October 9, 2019, https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/NY.GDP.PCAP.CD?end=2018&locations=US&start=1960. 2

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learn and grow at a faster rate as well. But how many adults do you know spend a big part of their time at “study”? How many are carving out even hour a week to challenge themselves to read, learn, and develop a new skill? By contrast, how many to you know spend their time worried about the market, their competition, or their status? How many people do you know who are stressed because they aren’t the perfect spouse, business leader, parent, or friend? What portion of our society is preoccupied with developing themselves beyond their current situation versus the portion that are concerned with what is wrong with the world? The conclusion: instead of using all our new resources to grow and evolve at unparalleled rates, more and more people are paralyzed by the shock of loss of status. We can link status to lack of dynamism in another way. When people, teams, or organizations become successful, it is easy to prioritize maintaining the status of that success then continuing to grow and evolve. In 2015, The Kauffman Foundation and Inc. Magazine studied companies that made the magazine’s Fastest Growing Companies list five to eight years after earning that title. The results were surprising. In fact, about two-thirds of the companies that originally made the list had decreased in size, closed their doors, or been sold in a less-than-ideal transaction. The study revealed that while the companies had experienced explosive growth early on, they eventually stagnated because they failed to maintain a focus on innovations that would attract new customers or keep their existing customers from going anywhere else. The study further concluded that leaders of these fastest-growing companies typically make one or more of the following mistakes. • Remain essential to the day-to-day execution of some aspect of running the company • Falsely assume that financial viability is the end of the journey • Use R&D to produce only incremental improvement to existing processes and products • Acquire innovative companies and then drive their innovative talent away In the words of Irving Berlin, considered to be one of the greatest songwriters in American history, is purported to have said, “The

The Leadership Spectrum (Purpose versus Status) | 23

toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success.” Healthcare is often at the center of political debates. Notice that the argument is usually not about how to help people be healthier but rather how to get them access to more treatment. Similarly, there are also debates around paying for college and forgiving college debt. When the real conversation should be about the relative value of a college education on various career paths, instead we are talking about paying for degrees. Finally, there has even been a ramp up in rhetoric around raising taxes on billionaires. The reasoning is that they just have too much. Keep in mind that taxing 100 percent of billionaires’ wealth in the United States would lower the national debt from $21 trillion to $17.5 trillion, and not one person’s life would be improved. Status is causing our political figures to debate actions that completely miss the core issue at hand. The good news is, while status has affected our personal lives, our companies, our communities, and our politics, there is a way to break the cycle.

The Leadership Spectrum—Status vs. Purpose The trick is to follow purpose. Purpose gives us meaning, and it trumps the pieces of status that climb into our lives every day. I got lucky. When I was fired from my job on November 5, 2005, my status was removed. Now I had to provide for my family, plus build a career, and there was no fear of change in status . . . the change had started without me. Now it was up to me to build. It isn’t always easy to identify one’s purpose. Parents often struggle with their purpose. Is it to take care of their children or teach their children to take care of themselves? Or put differently, do they keep their kids from failing or let their kids experience failure to learn and be a more well balanced adult? Often our purpose can be masked from us because we have followed an education, career, and relationship path built around the pursuit of status. And it can take time and work to unlock our purpose through all of that. But once we have found our purpose, and begin the path, it will drive us. And we will begin to find fulfillment in its pursuit. How do we know if we are on the right track? We can look at the leadership spectrum:

24 | The Myth of Status

t en

us Sta t

ce an

na t io n Di ffid en ce Ar ro ga nc e

Sta g

fil

le v

l Fu

pa Im

t ow Gr

nfi Co

ty i li

m Hu

Irr e

RESULT

Em pt in

PURSUIT Pu

e ss

RESULT

In the middle of the spectrum is the basis of our approach to leadership (and life), our pursuit. Either we pursue a purpose or we pursue status. From there, we move left or right on the spectrum. Relentless pursuit of purpose will lead to humility, confidence, growth, impact, and fulfillment. Constant pursuit of status will lead to arrogance, diffidence, stagnation, irrelevance, and emptiness. This isn’t a rigid scale that we sit on in one position for months while we work. Think of it as a scale to measure your mindset on a daily or even hourly basis depending on what you are facing. When very challenging or bold situations arise, we may vacillate from one end of the spectrum to the other. Where are you on this spectrum? Unfortunately, far too many of us are somewhere on the lefthand side of this spectrum. We are caught up in thinking the world should change to suit us, pursuing our own search for status. We think we’re chasing the dream when we are actually running hard in the opposite direction. As a result, we become weary, we stop trying to grow, we get stagnant, and we constantly wonder what impact on the world we could have had. Living on the left side of the spectrum risks a lifetime of missed opportunities and regrets.

Self-Assessment Let’s check where we are today. This is a very simple process, but it is designed to get us thinking. First, think of five people with whom you regularly interact. If you have a six-person family, then you may pick your spouse and kids. However, try to spread it out . . . pick the most important one or two people at work, a couple of family members, and a friend outside of both. Now, ask yourself these questions for each one: 1. What does success look like for them in the next three to five years? How are you helping them achieve that?

The Leadership Spectrum (Purpose versus Status) | 25

2. What is their biggest need (not want) to achieve their best in the future? How are you helping them grow to fulfill it? 3. When you talk with them, how much are they able to share openly about what they are struggling with and ask for your opinion? 4. What are their unique gifts or skills, and how do you help them leverage them? 5. What obstacles are they experiencing today or in the future, and how do you help them deal with setbacks and failure? Put your answers to each of these questions into the table below by checking one of the boxes. Be honest. Most people struggle to be brutally honest with themselves when answering; therefore, they won’t experience growth. Question

My answer I have no I have some idea how to thoughts, answer this. but not sure.

I have a good idea, but have never confirmed with them.

I know this, and they have confirmed, but there is no plan,

I know this, they know it, and we have a plan to work on it.

1 2 3 4 5

How did you do? Were most of your checks on the left- or righthand side? At leadership conferences, we do this exercise with a more detailed test and an accompanying grading system. (Don’t worry; I’m not going to grade your work here, but you get the idea.) Leaders who perform at the top of their game are able to put almost all of their checks in the boxes on the right side of this table. However, my experience has been that nineteen out of twenty people— who answer honestly—put their checks in the far left column. Which shouldn’t surprise us. The world has taught us to be caught up in our own situation, so we aren’t practiced at thinking about others’ longterm needs. Even with our kids it can be tough to think beyond their

26 | The Myth of Status

immediate wants and challenge them to become their best, independent selves. So how does one move from status to purpose?

The Five Elements of Leadership In the early days of starting my first company Pinnacle, we hired dozens of new college graduates every year, and I spent most of my time teaching them everything from risk analysis in oil refineries to communication skills. As a result, I was not only teaching a lot, but I was also learning a lot—how to manage, lead, inspire, motivate, communicate, plan, and execute. I began reading every book I could find about leadership and testing the application of that knowledge in the real world. Several years later, I started a project to build a small leadership course to formalize these lessons and make them more repeatable. And as I began to formalize the program, I realized something from my own development; we all have natural leadership skills inside of us, but there are some cultural myths that hold us back. For most of us, the biggest step is moving past these myths. If you research the thousands of leadership books in the world, very few are “how-to” books written by people who have created a company of hundreds of people all through learning leadership. Most of them are written by academics or leadership professionals. Therefore, my vantage point—based on real-world experience—is unique. I had to develop my leadership skills in order to be successful, and, after “road-testing” many of the popular leadership concepts, I have discovered what tactics really foster successful leadership and deliver results. From founding and growing a multimillion-dollar company. From failing and succeeding. From asking the right questions to observing great leaders in action. In short, the five elements of successful leadership were birthed out of the real world: Service—Prioritizing another person’s happiness, growth, and future above your own Vision—Articulating a future state that affects the actions people take today

The Leadership Spectrum (Purpose versus Status) | 27

Communication—Effectively exchanging ideas through connection with others Focus—Leveraging the talents, knowledge, and resources of yourself and your team Perseverance—Continuing to strive toward the objectives no matter the obstacles These elements should seem ordinary, since they are already in us. However, the myth of status affects if and how we use them. In order to understand them and grow, we must see past the myths. But when we work to improve how we use them in our personal and professional lives, they produce extraordinary results. Each element is represented by two chapters in this book. The first chapter features the three most common myths concerning that element as it pertains to successful leadership, and the following chapter offers three proven tactics for pursuing purpose and success. At the end of each of the chapters that outline the common myths, we will discuss the Leadership Spectrum, where we will tie in each element to purpose and status so we can grasp how using or missing an element will play out in our pursuit to unlock our own purpose. You will write in that spectrum the things you are doing today that drive you toward status, as well as the things you are doing—or will do—to move you toward purpose. As I’ve worked on this project over the past few years, I’ve been amazed at just how strongly these elements influence almost every aspect of our lives, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see success follow those who have adopted them. On the flip side, every time I’ve seen someone accept failure, lose hope, or become depressed, I’ve witnessed a disconnect in relation to one or more of these elements.

Flip the Success Switch It is all so simple: In order to experience success, happiness, and fulfillment, I want to become self-actualized. To do this, I need to move through esteem, by going away from status and pursuing purpose. And to do this, I can use the five elements that are outlined in this book. Seems quite simple. And it is. But as usual, growth—real growth—requires change, and most of us do not like change. If there

28 | The Myth of Status

is one last note to think of as you get into the next chapter it is this: Be willing to grow. It is unbelievable how powerful it is to accept a desire to improve, then to do it. That growth is what separates the exceptional from the average. If you do it, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish . . . and how happy you are in the process. Now letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s expose the myths and digest the facts about pursing purpose, unlocking the leader in you.