From the desk of the Publisher
Leaving Your Comfort Zone Dr. Femi Saliu, our Health Columnist is a board certified anesthesiologist at one of Los Angeles's top hospitals and has been in medical practice for the last 21 years. After graduating from Obafemi Awolowo College of Health Sciences he received advanced medical training from Howard University in Pediatrics and from Charles Drew Medical University in Anesthesiology. Dr. Saliu went back to the village he grew up in Nigeria some weeks ago in the course of gathering materials to write his memoirs. He left the village 46 years ago. While at the village, visiting the old communal compound where he grew up, which was still the old rustic house he left four decades plus ago, in more dilapidated state than he remembered it, he met a man who closely looked at him, face lit up in recollection and announced in Yoruba- "Are you not the kerosene seller, don't you remember me!" Memories flooded back for Dr. Saliu and he closely looked at the man who was supposed to be about his age, but bent with lack of care and age and recollected that this was a friend he left in the village 46 years ago as a teenager to go to school and pursue his life's dreams. This was a friend who stayed in his comfort zone and refused to sail uncharted oceans or dared to climb any treacherous mountains in life. Dr. Saliu left the village where he sold kerosene for pennies in bottles 46 years ago, dared to live his dreams and has become who he is today. His friend stayed in his comfort zone, lives in the same communal compound where he probably does not pay any rent or mortgage and does not have to buy food and did not have to worry
about passing exams and work schedules etc..
great men show the power of leaving your comfort zone.
Dr. Saliu's story also mirrors the story of our cover subject for this edition. Mr. Kenny Ojute who attended Yaba College of Technology, receiving a Higher National Diploma in Accounting. Even with this attainment, Kenny was not done with his education, instead choosing to attend the University of Lagos for his Master’s degree in Business Administration in Finance, and California State a Master’s degree in Business Administration in Business, fields he had been interested in since his childhood.
Dr. Saliu could have stayed in that village selling kerosene and refusing to take the leap f faith he took 46 years ago. Kenny Ojute could have chosen to stay back in Nigeria with a job at Shell which still remains a dream job for most Nigerians..
A proud member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Kenny worked several years for the Shell Petroleum Development Company of Nigeria as a Senior Accountant before he moved to the United States. After journeying to the United States he gained a position as a Senior Accountant with Public Communication Services in Los Angeles, California where he remained for several years. Shortly thereafter he chose to leave for a position with the Pepsi Bottling Company (also as a Senior Accountant). Each of these positions allowed him to grow and develop additional skills that have served him throughout his other pursuits as well. Currently, he is the President and CEO of a health care company he founded with his wife in 2004.. The lives of these two
I charge you today to leave your comfort zone and let no obstacle stop you from living your dreams... Chike Nweke Publisher, SPRING/2016
4 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
CONTENTS 3. From the Desk of the Publisher 8. Cover Story Kenny Ojute - A Humble Achiever at 50 26. Profile in Excellence Amina Mohammed - A Lifetime of Service 30. Fashion and Style Princess Lilian Ndukwe, Fashion Trend Setter 35. Beauty of the Moment Uloma Onyebuchi, CEO- Bold and Beautiful Foundation 36. Spotlight Nnenna Nwandu - Committed to Service 38. People and Places Umuchukwu bids farewell to Igwe M.N. Ukaegbu 50. People and Places Mrs. Theresa Nweke- A mother in Israel @ 68 60. People and Places ASWA Youth Day 2015 68. People and Places I.C.C- Hand in Hand 2016
8 30 36
60
6 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
CONTENTS 78. People and Places Lady Ronke Atane, A Virtuous Woman @ 50 84. Youth Daring to Reach Your Dreams 88. Health & Wellness Diabetes is No Fun 92. Spotlight Katsina State - Home of Hospitality 98. Country Spotlight Seychelles - The Beautiful Archipelago 114. Iruka's Corner Inspired by Death 108. Life’s Issues Triggers - Death Slow in Coming 114. News & Politics Under the Keg of A gunpowder by Dr. Jude Akubuilo 120. Religion Enemies of Marriage
78
114
108
SPRING 2016
120
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 7
Cover Profile
8 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Born September 23,, 1965 to Musiliu and Taiwo Ojute, a renowned teacher and a hard-working businesswoman, Kehinde Ojute was the 2nd of 13 children in his family. Educated in Ogun State, Nigeria, he continued his education by attending Yaba College of Technology, receiving a Higher National Diploma in Accounting. Kenny still set his eyes on higher goals attending the University of Lagos for his Master’s degree in Business Administration in Finance, and California State University for a Master’s degree in Business Administration in Business, fields he had been interested in since his childhood. A proud member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Kenny worked for several years for the Shell Petroleum Development Company of Nigeria as a Senior Accountant before he moved to the United States. After journeying to the United States he gained a position as a Senior Accountant with Public Communication Services in Los Angeles, California where he remained for several years. Shortly thereafter he chose to leave for a position with the Pepsi Bottling Company (also as a Senior Accountant). Each of these positions allowed him to grow and develop additional skills that have served him throughout his other pursuits.
Cover Profile
Currently, he is the President and CEO of a healthcare company he founded with his wife Jummy in 2004. Kenny has also given his life completely to Christ, devoting himself to a steadfast service. A member of the International Christian Center in Los Angeles, he has willingly used his resources to promote the work of God and bless those around him. Kenny is married to his sweetheart, Jummy Ojute, his best friend and mother of his three beautiful children. In this interview with our Publisher, Hon. Chike Nweke, Kenny talks about his past, the present, his family , his successes and his plans for the future... Q1- You came from humble beginnings and have reached out for higher heights since childhood. Having become quite successful at 50, what has been your main motivating factor to excel?
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 9
Cover Profile AThe need for financial security, a positive attitude in business, setting goals and overcoming challenges have been my motivating factors.
Q2- working for Shell Petroleum Development Company for a lot of Nigerians would seem like the ultimate attainment. What made you leave your secure job as a senior accountant in Shell Nigeria to take a leap of faith by coming to America?
faith, financial discipline and being passionate about what I do. Most importantly, my wife's professional background in healthcare has greatly contributed to the success of my business. Q4. You are a devoted family man and you successfully manage a thriving business with your wife. Please tell us a bit about your success as a husband and father?
The love, trust and respect I have for my wife and children have been the reason for my success as a husband and father. It's been a lot of hard work to juggle my business and family life and create a balance between both and I thank God for the strength he gave me to achieve this and for giving me an understanding wife.
AI left my secured job at Shell to pursue the opportunity for growth and professional development and also to provide a better future for my family. You know America is a land of opportunities and I thought it would be a good idea to partake in those opportunities first hand. Q3- You have two masters Degrees in Business Administration but you run a very successful Health Care company. How did you do this effective cross over and what is the secret of your success in the Health care Industry? AFirst of all God alone can make a man succeed in life. Also, the reason for my success can be attributed to my willingness to learn new ideas, focus on my strengths, hard work, perseverance, 10 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
ASPRING 2016
Cover Profile Q5- Tell us a little about your growing up years, meeting your sweetheart Jummy and settling down? AI grew up in Lagos where I completed my college education, after my youth service I gained employment at Shell Petroleum. I also met my wife in Lagos when she was about to complete her College education. We got married after her college education and settled down in Lagos for few years before migrating to the United States.
Q6- What advise will you give to a new African immigrant
SPRING 2016
about achieving success in America? .
AMy advise to A new African immigrants is to take education very seriously and be ready to acquire new skills that are relevant in this new environment An immigrant needs to enroll in school to pursue any profession of choice, follow his/her heart, pursue relevant goals, have the fear of God and be transparent in all he/she does. Q7- At 50, what are your dreams for the future? ATo explore the world and take good care of my wife, children, family. and health. I would like to be more active in the church, community and connect with more people.
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 11
People and Places
On December 18, 19 and 20, 2015Friends and family gathered at sea, at the upscale Renaissance hotel LAX and at the International Christian Center, Los Angeles to celebrate Kenny Ojute the humble achiever at 50.
It was a series of celebrations for this accomplished businessman, husband, father and dedicated servant of our Lord Jesus Christ as he clocked this golden age. following is a photo essay of these grand occasions...
12 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 13
People and Places
14 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 15
People and Places
16 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 17
People and Places
18 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 19
People and Places
20 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 21
People and Places
22 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People and Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 23
24 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 25
Profile In Excellence
Amina J. Mohammed is the Environment Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Ms. Mohammed was previously Senior Special Assistant to the President of Nigeria on the Millennium Development Goals after serving three Presidents over a period of six years. In this position, she was in charge of designing and developing government projects to reduce poverty around the
26 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
country. In 2005 she was charged with the coordination of the debt relief funds ($1 billion per annum) towards the achievement of Millennium Development Goals in Nigeria. From 20022005, Ms. Mohammed served as coordinator of the Task Force on Gender and Education for the United Nations Millennium Project.
serving as the Special Adviser to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon on post-2015 development planning. She was appointed to this position in 2012. In this role, she acts as the link between the Secretary-General, his High Level Panel of Eminent Persons (HLP), and the General Assembly’s Open Working Group (OWG), among other stakeholders.
Amina J. Mohammed is a key player in the post-2015 development process,
Prior to this position, Ms. Mohammed
SPRING 2016
Profile In Excellence
Profile In Excellence
served as Founder and CEO of the Center for Development Policy Solutions and as an Adjunct Professor for the Master’s in Development Practice program at Columbia University. Earlier in her career, Amina Mohammed was Founder and Executive Director of Afri-Projects Consortium, a multidisciplinary firm of engineers and quantity surveyors. She also worked with the architectural engineering firm Archcon Nigeria in association with Norman and Dawbarn, UK. Ms. Mohammed has been working in the field of development for more than 30 years both in the public sector and the private sector. Prior to her current appointment, she was the CEO and founder of the think tank Center for Development Policy Solutions. In 1991, Ms. Mohammed founded AfriProjects Consortium, a multidisciplinary firm of Engineers and Quantity Surveyors, and from 1991 to 2001 she was its Executive Director. Between 1981 and 1991, she worked with Archcon Nigeria in association with Nor28 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
man and Dawbarn United Kingdom.
Surveyors in Kaduna, Nigeria.
On November 11, 2015 Mohammed was sworn in as the Environment Minister in President Muhammadu Buhari's cabinet. Ms. Mohammed has also served on many international advisory boards and panels such as the Gates Foundation and the UN Secretary General’s Global Sustainability Panel.
* From 1991-2000, Amina J Mohammed served as Co-Founder & Executive Director of Afri-Projects Consortium, Kaduna & Abuja. *
Ms. Mohammed received the National Honours Award of the Order of the Federal Republic in 2006 and was inducted in the Nigerian Women’s Hall of Fame in 2007. Ms. Mohammed was born in 1961 to a father from Gombe State, Nigeria and a mother from Scotland. She has six children. Summary of Amina J Mohammed credentials * From 1981-1991 Amina J Mohammed worked at Archon, Norman & Dawbarn a Multi-disciplinary firm of Architects, Engineers and Quantity
From 2000-2002 Amina J Mohammed served as Private Consultant & National Coordinator for CSACEFA, Abuja. * From 2002-2005 Amina J Mohammed served as, National Coordinator EFA, Federal Ministry of Education. * From 2005-2011 Amina J Mohammed served as the SSA to the President on MDGs; coordinating debt relief gains to Nigeria. * To date Amina J Mohammed is an Adjunct Professor at Columbia University, New York (an Ivy League Institution). * She was appointed the United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon’s Special Adviser on Post-2015 Development Planning on June 7, 2012.
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 29
People & Places
The International Christian Center (I.C.C) Los Angeles held its annual celebration of marriage and valentine party on Saturday February, 2016. Breaking from the tradition of hosting the celebration at an outside venue, this year's event was held at the beautifully decorated sanctuary and banquet hall of the International Christian Center in Hawthorne California. It was a very enriching night with couples watching a truly inspirational movie- "War Room",. 30 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
a movie on how a troubled marriage was healed by the power of prayers. I.C.C. Senior Pastor Dr. Dipo Kalejaiye exhorted couples to continually love each other despite what we perceive as 'imperfections" because Jesus came and died for us despite our imperfections. I.C.C. 1st lady Dr. Nony Kalejaiye said the Virtuous Women's fellowship holds this annual celebration to give couples an opportunity to
recommit to themselves and renew their marriage vows. many testimonies, she said has come out of the 14 years of holding this annual event. Highlight of the event was a game that led to the crowning of the most romantic man of the nightwhich was won by Brother Nnamdi Orji. It was a fun night as couples wined and danced till the wee hours of the morning...
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 31
People & Places
32 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 33
People & Places
34 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 35
People & Places
36 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 37
People & Places
38 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 39
Spotlight
40 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Spotlight
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 41
People & Places
42 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Umuchukwu town in Orumba South Local Government Anambra State went agog as the remains of Igwe M.N. Ukaegbu the revered traditional ruler of the town, who reigned for 38 years from 1977 to 2014 ,was laid to rest to join his ancestors during his last Ofala December 1720, 2015. Igwe Ukaegbu was referred to as the founding father and architect of Umuchukwu development by his nephew, Dr. Godwin Maduka a Las Vegas, U.S.A based medical doctor popularly known as the Lion of Africa, in his eulogy to the late Igwe. Dignitaries from the Anambra State Government led by Dr. Nkem Okeke the Deputy Governor, fellow traditional rulers from Anambra state Government and beyond, members of the clergy, titled men, the high and the mighty and lots and lots of sympathizers from far and near were on hand to say farewell to the Igwe.
SPRING 2016
The last Ofala started with a wake keeping at the Igwe's compound on Thursday December 17, followed by the Friday December 18th ceremonies which included a lying in State of the Igwe's body at the Orumba South Local Government headquarters at Umunze a church service St. Jude's catholic Church Umuchukwu officiated by Bishops and several clergy and interment the body of the at Igwe's compound. The celebrations continued on Saturday December 19 with condolence visits from various groups and festivities at the Umuchukwu playground. On Sunday December 20, 2015 there was a thanksgiving service by the family at St. Jude's catholic Church Umuchukwu to round up the festivities.. Following are pictures of the ceremony:
People & Places
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 43
People & Places
44 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 45
People & Places
46 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 47
People & Places
48 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 49
People & Places
50 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 51
People & Places
52 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 53
People & Places
54 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
Amawbia, Awka South Local Government Area Anambra State Jan. 3, 2016 Family & friends gathered at the St. Mathew's Catholic Church Amawbia on Sunday January 3rd, 2016 to celebrate Mrs. Theresa Nweke at 68. The celebration was rganized by her children, Chike, Chukwudi, Ifeyinwa, Ijeoma, Okechukwu and Ifean yi, sons in Law, Dr. Bufo Nwike and Dr. Sunday Udegbunam and Daughters in law, Mercy, Chioma and Chinenye. It was a family reunion as family members travSPRING 2016
elled from America, Europe and all over Nigeria to celebrate Mama. In toasting Mama, her first son, Hon. Chike Nweke who is the Publisher of Life and Times media group had this to say: "20 years ago we lost hope. We lost our Dad. My mother became a young widow and was left to raise six children. She devoted herself entirely to us and went down on her knees. She fought several tough battles and relied entirely on her faith and the grace of the Almighty. God was faithful and saw us through. Today we stand together united. Today she is the matriarch of a family that
have been blessed with 5 incredible spouses several grandchildren. She is still very healthy, strong and is blessed in the city and blessed at the gates and blessed in the country. Today on her 68 birthday and on the 20th anniversary of the passing of our dad- Chief Andrew Nweke, we celebrate our mom- Office umu Agbala- Ezinne Lolo Theresa Nweke" After the thanksgiving service, guests who were close family friends came from all over Nigeria and overseas were lavishly entertained at the family compound. Following is a photo essay of this grand occasion. LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 55
People & Places
56 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 57
People & Places
58 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 59
People & Places
60 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 61
People & Places
62 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 63
People & Places
64 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
The Anambra Women Association of Southern California (ASWA-SC) conducted a one day Youth event on August 1st, 2015 ASWASC, is a non-for profit organization, that was founded in 2004.Our mission is to help underprivileged women and children get needed resources necessary to improve their quality of life. We also work on the preservation & promotion of our cultural heritage and customs through our children. Over the years, ASWASC, has participated in several Medical missions to Anambra State, Nigeria, Cancer Fundraiser, Support of Maternity hospitals in Nigeria and cultural awareness in America. Our focus this year is on empowering our young adults, particularly our young women. This year, we have held a forum “ Conversations With Our Daughters”. The idea from this dialogue with our young women, stems from our belief that an honest and open diaSPRING 2016
logue is the best avenue to have a positive impact on their lives. We am happy to report that this dialogue with our young women, is now a quarterly event. The 2015 Youth Day was conceived from our belief that our children are our future. Given our belief, we decided to create an avenue where our young women can learn and share ideas, as well as, vital life skills from each other, their mothers, fathers and seasoned speakers. The following topics were discussed: CULTURAL AWARNESS, I AM OUT OF HERE!( Transitioning from High School to College), SPICE CONTROL ( Anger Management), I GO CHOP YOUR MONEY( Financial Management), LET’S GET CRAFTY! ( Life Skills) APPROPRIATE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA, MAMA’S KITCHEN (Cooking) , FOREVER YOUNG ( My health), #DOLLAR SIGN ( My First Job)and many more.
Cross section of the young adults
Chinwe and Sochi Nwufo
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 65
People & Places
66 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 67
People & Places
68 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 69
People & Places
70 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 71
Fashion & Style
72 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Fashion & Style
Princess. Lilian Nkiru Umeibe-Ndukwe (Ugoyibo)' Mother of 4 beautiful children and wife of Prince Goddy Ndukwe, Nurse Practitioner with county of Los Angeles and Lover of God. Favorite Quote"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 or Psalm 91:1 SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 73
Fashion & Style
74 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Fashion & Style
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 75
Fashion & Style
76 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 77
People & Places
78 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places It was a glorious day set apart to thank God for His ever increasing love and faithfulness. The celebration of Ronke's 50th birthday was scheduled for November 2015. However, with the passing of her dad during this period, the celebration was postponed until February 28, 2016. Ronke cannot stop praising and thanking God for 50 solid years of grace, mercy, love and great favor in her life and that of her family. The Lord has enabled her to stand and keep standing. Through thick and thin He has sustained, defended, upheld, delivered and shone His glorious light on her path. Ronke bows in adoration and praise to her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The day started with a Thanksgiving Service at the International Christian Center in Los Angeles California with families and friends and a great surprise by her sister from England who showed up at the church unannounced. It was a beautiful service followed by a reception at “The Place at the Sycamore Center� in Lakewood, California. The evening reception was colorful with beautiful decoration courtesy of Ms. Jackie Glass and flamboyant attires adorned by invited guests. I.C.C. Senior Pastors, Drs. Dipo and Nony Kalejaiye were in attendance. The food was sumptuous and lots of dancing with praises and thanks to God. Ronke thanks all who came to bless her and make the celebration beautiful and prays that the things of joy never cease in your lives and homes in Jesus Matchless name. Amen.
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 79
People & Places
80 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 81
People & Places
82 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
People & Places
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 83
Youth
In my stay so far on this earth, one man that has inspired me so much is the US President Barack Obama. Not just by his intelligence, or the fact that he is the first black man to be president of the United States, but the courage and the conviction to pursue his dreams. There is a story of when Barack was dating his wife, Michelle, she asked her brother to go with him to a basketball game in order to form an opinion of him. During the game, Barack’s future brotherin-law asked him what his ultimate life goal was. Barack replied, “To be the President of the US”. The answer sounded so crazy to Michelle’s brother that he refused to mention it to his sister, seeing that she liked the young man so 84 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
much and he didn’t want her to leave him. It was inconceivable to him that a black man would become the American President. This was not just the opinion of one man. The generality of black Americans did not see it happening then. Yet, all these did not deter Barack as he went on to have one of the most exciting political campaigns in history and make history as the first American President. This story of a man with conviction of what he wanted to be and what he was passionate about, combined with courage and determination is one I constantly remember to keep me motivated. I have come to realize that most, if not all people have dreams and
ambitions that sound crazy to others. They sound crazy either because no one has done that before or because others around them do not have the size of their dreams. It ends up putting in us a latent fear of failure so strong that we do not even try to reach for our dreams. Eventually, we scale down the size of our dreams to be in conformity with what the world around expects of us. We then end up living mediocre lives, beyond our potentials; or we live unfulfilled lives even if we are in comfort and wealth. It is really a sad thing to watch; even worse to experience. I believe that in every person, God gives us passions and dreams which are linked to a purpose. SPRING 2016
Youth
The purpose for this purpose is that we use our passions, talents and dreams to serving others. For me, an easy way to discovering what my purpose was this 3-step test: 1. What is that one thing or collection of things you do that comes to you very naturally, in no matter raw a form? 2. What are those things that when doing, you lose all track of time and can do for hours without end even without the promise of pay? 3. Whenever you dream about yourself in the future, (and we all do), what is that thing or what are those things we continually see SPRING 2016
yourself doing? These 3 steps culminate in a job or vocation that achieves your purpose by benefiting others. This might be a job that is not in existence right now or one that very few people around you are involved in. But here is the catch: when God puts those dreams and passions in your heart linked to a purpose, only you feel those passions and envision those dreams. People around you can only notice it, and that is for those who are discerning. That is why it is very easy for them to discourage you about reaching for your dreams. In spite of this, I believe that no dream is beyond being achieved.
Infact, my desire for everyone is that they live to pursue their passions and achieve their dreams. Whenever I meet, hear or read of someone pursuing his or her passions, I get energized myself. But dreaming is not enough – one must also work towards achieving them. You cannot be passionate about being the best cardiologist in the world and spend most of your time playing Football Manager rather than engrossing yourself in medical knowledge. Also, you cannot delude yourself about being passionate about for what you have absolutely little or no talent in. that is why the first of the 3-step formula to discovering your purpose starts with taking LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 85
Youth note of that which comes to you naturally. You have to start where you are to begin to pursue your dreams. If it requires education and reading, throw yourself into it. Find people who are also on or close to your career path and learn from them, either by personal interaction or by reading what they have written. Find a mentor who will help you develop. But most importantly, do not wait until you have everything in order before you start to put into practice what you have learnt and what you desire to do. Remember, perfect is the enemy of done. As you start, you will learn from your mistakes and gain experience more than what books can teach you. Pursuing your dreams is also more a function of what you should not do than what you should be doing. You have to make the radical decision to say
86 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
no to engaging yourself in activities that do not fit into your dreams, and would just be a drain of your energy and a distraction. You have to focus on what you are doing. My last point deals with how to overcome discouragement from those around you. Once you are convinced of what you want to do and where you want to go, talk about it a lot with those closest around you. This not only shows them how serious you are, but also commits yourself to that path. It is said that 9 out of 10 times you voice out your plans and intentions, you go on to achieve them. The next thing is to immediately start working out your dreams, no matter how rough it is initially. If your dream is to one day have a world-class animation studio, start with making roughly animated cartoon sketches on your PC. If your desire is to one day have a world-renowned youth
football academy, start with involving yourself with a neighbourhood soccer team. These things go as an indication to those around you about how serious you are. It also visualizes for them what you have been seeing in your mind for a long time, and starts to win their support. Whatever dreams and passions you have held in your heart for a long time is divinely put for a purpose. Do not let it go to waste. Dare to reach for it. Do not let the fear of missing the ball keep you from playing the game.
Remember, the impossible is most times simply the untried. Mark Amaza runs MINDcapital, a branding and business model development focused on small and mediumsized businesses. He is also an online columnist and blogger.
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 87
Health & Wellness
by Olufemi Y. Saliu, M.D. Whenever I see commercials on new diabetic medications, I always come up with the impression-hopefully I am wrong- that the actors are having fun by the way they high five each others, or
88 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
twist and turn. Whatever the commercials show, being diabetic can be devastating. In three decades of medical practice, I have seen diabetes mellitus in all of its dimensions.
On Thanksgiving Day in the year 2000, I was called to the hospital for an emergency surgery. As I headed to the locker room, the surgeon told me he had just met with the seventy year-old
SPRING 2016
Health & Wellness diabetic patient’s family. “Dr. Saliu,” he said, “The patient is too sick to have surgery.” “I told the family,” he went on, “He could die on the operating table.” Because of the surgeon’s concerns, the family had declined to consent to below the knee amputation. I told the surgeon to give me time to assess the patient and talk to the family. The patient’s left foot had turned black from gangrene, or tissue death, his consciousness was impaired, and he was hypotensive, so I was concerned. The toxins released by the blackened foot caused his serious sickness. In other cases like this, once the source of the toxins is amputated, patients usually get better. I planned to use that possibility to convince the family to consent to surgery.
SPRING 2016
There were about twenty people in the waiting room: daughters, sons, and grandchildren. It was supposed to be a Thanksgiving reunion, but when the patriarch of the family fell ill, they all headed to the hospital. After I talked to the family, they gave consent, surgery was done, and his awareness improved after surgery. The old man, and his oldest daughter were all smiles when I returned for the post-operative visit the next morning. Having a below the knee amputation was just the first battle won by this diabetic patient. First, he had to learn to use a prosthetic leg. Then, he had to comply with his medications to mitigate further amputation of the limb stump. Not all diabetic patients are adherent to treatments needed to maintain their health. A noncom-
pliant patient I had several years ago told me: “I don’t like medications,” just before he was taken in for an above the knee amputation after having had a below the knee amputation years earlier. I have had patients come in for hip disarticulation: removal of the limb stump from the hip joint. There are other long-term complications of diabetes. Eye complications may include vitreous hemorrhage (bleeding in the eye), proliferative retinopathy (pathologic growth of blood vessels in the retina), retinal detachment, and of course, blindness. Patients may also develop chronic kidney disease that culminates in a need for dialysis. Other conditions that coexist with longterm complications of diabetes are hypertension and-coronary and cerebrovascular diseases that increase the risk of heart attack and
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 89
Health & Wellness stroke. I strongly recommend, regardless of your state of health or physique, thin or overweight, that you visit your doctor at least once a year to be checked for diabetes mellitus. The tests are simple: fasting blood sugar and hemoglobin A1C levels are measured from a blood sample. If you are pre-diabetic, you will be advised to cut down your refined carbohydrate intake, eat more vegetables, fruits, and nuts, and to exercise more frequently. If you are diabetic, on top of the previous advise, you will also be asked to take certain medications. Taking diabetic medications is not an excuse to continue with your old, unhealthy lifestyle. Be compliant with medications, and go to your follow up appointments. As Africans, it is relevant here to examine how our culture affects our health. Our ancestors had no automobiles, so they went
90 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
everywhere on foot. Constant movement was a way of life. It can even be considered a form of treatment in accordance to what Hippocrates (c.460-c.370 BC), the father of Western medicine said thousands of years ago, ”Walking is man’s best medicine.” This is worthy of emulation. Walk with a friend or a spouse on a regular basis; join or form a walking club or work out at a gym. Helping out with chores at home is another opportunity to be active. Do not be couch bound. Hippocrates emphasized the therapeutic value of walking further when he wrote, “If you are in a bad mood go for a walk. If you are still in a bad mood go for another walk.” What we should deviate from in the ways of life of our ancestors is eating overcooked meals without raw vegetable salad on the side. It is customary to eat a big bowl of rice, pounded yam, and other swallow foods without
raw vegetables. Eating rice or pounded yam just before bedtime, like I used to do, is bad for your health and weight. Up till five years ago, I would eat like that, even if I got home at midnight and then go to bed. What I do now is different. It does not matter what I eat at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, there is always about two handfuls of raw vegetable salad on the side, and absolutely, no carbohydrate based foods after 5 PM. The only thing I eat after 5 PM is vegetable soup with meat, chicken, or fish. That is how I eat less diabetogenic refined carbohydrate while still consuming large amounts of raw plant-based foods that supply my body with required micronutrients. I will conclude this article with another quote from the father of Western medicine: “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
SPRING 2016
Beauty of the Moment
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 91
Spotlight
92 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Spotlight Katsina, usually referred to as Katsina State to distinguish it from the city of Katsina, is a state in North West zone of Nigeria. Its capital is Katsina, and its Governor is Aminu Bello Masari, a member of the All Progressives Congress. In 1987, Katsina State was formed from part of Kaduna State. The Hausa people (sometimes grouped with the Fulani as Hausa-Fulani) are the largest ethnic group The state is predominantly Muslim, and Gobarau Minaret is an important building. Sharia is valid in the entire state. The Church of Nigeria has a Diocese of Katsina. The Redeemed Christian Church of God and the Roman Catholic Church are fairly
SPRING 2016
by Zamfara State. According Bureau of Public Statistics (NPS) the state ranks fifth (5th ) most populous in the country with the population of approximately 5.8 million based on the 2006 census and current estimate of 7.60 million with the growth rate of 3.0% per annum. Over fifty percent (50%) of this population are made up of young, agile men and women of between the ages 15-64 years. This gives the state LOCATION: Katsina is situated at the the advantage of sustainable extreme Northern part of the workforce. Nigeria, approximately between AND Latitude 11o 30' and 13o 32'N CLIMIATE VEGETATION and Longitude 6o 52' and 9o 02'E covering an area of about 24,192 In terms of physical setting, km2. It is bounded to the North Katsina state has a Tropical by Niger Republic, East by continental Climate with high Jigawa and Kano States, South mean annual temperature over by Kaduna State and to the West 27o C. The weather varies present in the state. Katsina State is renowned in educational history of Nigeria both formal and informal. Currently it has Federal College of Education, Hassan Usman Katsina Polytechnic and state university; which is named after late President and son of the state, Umaru Musa Yar'adua University
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 93
Spotlight
according to the season of the year, but mostly it is cool in the morning, hot in the afternoon and cool again in the evening. The chilly harmattan weather last between November to February a little below average temperatures. The wind is dry from January to April signalling arrival of rainy season. The season last from June to October. The vegetation is Sudan Savannah with short scattered trees, shrubs and grasses. The relief is made up of land between 399-600 meters above sea level (Abegunde, etal, 1991).
94 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
occupies the lives of about 80% of the total population of the state. The state for long has been a major collection centre for cash crops such as cotton, groundnuts and food crops such as maize, guinea corn, millet, and vegetables. The range of livestock in the state is essentially cattle, sheep, goat and Poultry. These provides huge opportunities for setting up of large Scale Agro-allied industries such as Sugar Processing Industry, Rice Milling, Oil and Flour Milling, Textiles, Dairy Products, Confectioneries, Meat Farming and rearing of animals processing, Tannery, Hatchery OPPORTUNITIES IN AGRI BUSINESS The economy of the State is basically agrarian in nature with a cultivable Land 2.4million hectares out of which 1.6million is under cultivation, leaving land area of 800,000 hectares, equivalent to one third of the total cultivable land available for investment. The state also has over 61 water bodies suitable for irrigation farming with a capacity of 1121CU.m while the major ones have a total capacity of 558CU, located at Sabke, Jibia, and Gwaigwaye.
SPRING 2016
Spotlight
and Poultry production, etc. The state has the following ranking in agricultural production and in other business endeavors in Nigeria; · Largest producer of Cotton; · Second largest producer of Sorghum; · Produces 13% of total Nigeria's Sugarcane making it second in Nigeria's ranking; · The World Bank ranked the State 7th in ease of doing business ahead of Lagos, Kano, Rivers and Cross Rivers; · The State ranks 12th in the prevalence Micro, Small and Medium Enterprises (MSME); · The State was ranked 17th in Gross State Product with average per capita of $6,022; and · Major producer of other cereals and legume crops SPRING 2016
OPPORTUNITIES IN SOLID MINERALS The State has abundant reserves of the following solid minerals in commercial quantity: Kaolin, Silica Sand, Feldspar, Asbestos, Gold, Marble, Quartz, Talc, Precious Stones, Granite. OPPORTUNITIES IN HOSPITALITY AND CREATIVE INDUSTRIES The State has rich cultural heritage epitomized by Ruma Landscape, Kusugu well, Emirs Palaces of Daura and Katsina and Antiquities of Durbi Takushiyi. These are complimented by third biggest operational thirty-five-thousand Seater Ultra Modern Stadium in the Country, Racecourse, Polo ground, 18 - holes Gulf Course
and Opened Air Theatre. All these make the State to have high investment potentials in the Sector. These include; · Hotels Development of all categories; · Holiday Resorts; · Games Reserves; · Tour Operators and Travel Agencies; · Transportation; and · Amusement Parks/Zoo; and · Physical Fitness and Sports Canters OPPORTUNITIES IN PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT The huge potentials for property development in the State are quite high and attractive. The State has been opened up with a good network of roads especially the State Capital that LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 95
Spotlight has been complemented with a 40Km ring road encircling the City. With a population of over 7 Million and estimated housing deficit of 690,000, the potentials of property development are endless! Specifically opportunities exist in Small and Medium Housing, Shopping Malls, Conference and Event Management Canters, Hotels etc. ENERGY With the increasing advancement in technologies aimed at harnessing the power of the Sun and increasing rate at which solar farms are globally springing, Katsina state with its location is attractive destination for investment in Solar Power.
scale enterprises and trading. There are over ten mega Markets and other medium and smaller ones throughout length and breadth of the state. These Markets provides the largest supply of Grains and Livestock in Nigeria and other West African Countries. They also serve as feeder to the famous Dawanau Market in Kano. INFRASTRUCTURAL FACILITIES Katsina state is accessible by road, air, communication network of telephones, post office, courier services, and Global System Mobile (GSM). There is also a railway link from the seaport of Lagos passing through the cities of Ibadan and Kaduna among others to Funtua in Katsina state, stretching up to Kauran Namoda in Zamfara state.
OTHER ECONOMIC ACTIVITIES Other economic activities available in the state are banking, transportation, small Katsina state has adequate road
96 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
network across its length and breadth as all the 34 local governments areas of the state are accessible. Also In terms of intra city roads, the state capital is well served as all the roads within the state capital were smoothly tarred. For manpower development, there are four (4) universities, a polytechnic, two colleges of educations, Ahmadu Bello University School of Basic and Remedial Studies. Also, there are a number of Business apprenticeship training centres established to provide vocational training to unemployed youth in various skills such as brick laying, auto mechanic, electrical works, welding, carpentry, refrigeration, GSM repairs, catering and hospitality services etc. ng, Tannery, Hatchery and Poultry production, etc.
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 97
Country Spotlight
eychelles ,officially the Republic of Seychelles (French: RĂŠpublique des Seychelles;Creole: Repiblik Sesel), is an archipelago and country in the Indian Ocean. The 115-island country, whose capital is Victoria, lies 1,500 kilometres (932 mi) east of mainland East Africa. Other nearby island countries and territories include Comoros, Mayotte,Madagascar, RĂŠunion and Mauritius to the south. Seychelles, with a population of 90,024, has the smallest population of any independent African state; however, it does have a larger population than the UK overseas territory
S
98 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Country Spotlight
Country Spotlight
Saint Helena, Ascension and islands were occasionally used Tristan da Cunha. by pirates until the French began to take control starting in The Seychelles were 1756 when a Stone of uninhabited throughout most Possession was laid by Captain of recorded history. Some Nicholas Morphey. The islands scholars assume that were named after Jean Moreau Austronesian seafarers and later de Séchelles, Louis XV's Minister Maldivian and Arab traders were of Finance. the first to visit the uninhabited The British controlled the islands Seychelles. The earliest recorded between 1794 and 1810. Jean sighting by Europeans took Baptiste Quéau de Quincy, place in 1502 by the Portuguese French administrator of Admiral Vasco da Gama, who Seychelles during the years of passed through the Amirantes war with the United Kingdom, and named them after himself declined to resist when armed (islands of the Admiral). The enemy warships arrived. earliest recorded landing was in Instead, he successfully January 1609, by the crew of the negotiated the status of "Ascension" under Captain capitulation to Britain which Sharpeigh during the fourth gave the settlers a privileged voyage of the British East India position of neutrality. Company. Britain eventually assumed full control upon the surrender of A transit point for trade Mauritius in 1810, formalised in between Africa and Asia, the 1814 at the Treaty of Paris. 100 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
Seychelles became a crown colony separate from Mauritius in 1903. Elections were held in 1966 and 1970. Independence (1976) Independence was granted in 1976 as a republic within the Commonwealth. In the 1970s Seychelles was "the place to be seen, a playground for film stars and the international jet set". In 1977, a coup d'état by France Albert René ousted the first president of the republic, James Mancham. René discouraged over-dependence on tourism and declared that he wanted "to keep the Seychelles for the Seychellois". The 1979 constitution declared a socialist one-party state, which lasted until 1991. In the 1980s there were a series of coup attempts against SPRING 2016
Country Spotlight
President France-Albert René, some of which were supported by South Africa. In 1981, Mike Hoare led a team of 43 South African mercenaries masquerading as holidaying Rugby players in a coup attempt in what is known as The Seychelles affair. There was a gun battle at the airport, and most of the mercenaries later escaped in a hijacked Air India plane. In 1986, an attempted coup led by the Seychelles Minister of Defence, Ogilvy Berlouis, caused President René to request assistance from India. In Operation Flowers are Blooming, the Indian naval vessel INS Vindhyagiri arrived in Port Victoria to help avert the coup. The first draft of a new SPRING 2016
constitution failed to receive the requisite 60% of voters in 1992, but an amended version was approved in 1993.
Assembly or Assemblée Nationale, consists of 34 members, 25 of whom are elected directly by popular vote, while the remaining nine seats are appointed proportionally according to the percentage of votes received by each party. All members serve five-year terms.
In January 2013, Seychelles declared a state of emergency; the tropical cyclone Felleng caused torrential rain, and flooding and landslides destroyed hundreds of houses. The Supreme Court of Seychelles, created in 1903, is Politics the highest trial court in Seychelles and the first court of Victoria, the capital of Seychelles appeal from all the lower courts The Seychelles president, who is and tribunals. The highest court head of state and head of of law in Seychelles is the government, is elected by Seychelles Court of Appeal, popular vote for a five-year term which is the court of final appeal of office. The cabinet is presided in the country.[12] over and appointed by the president, subject to the Political culture approval of a majority of the legislature. President James Michel in his The unicameral Seychellois office in Victoria, 2009 parliament, the National LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 101
Country Spotlight Map of Seychelles Seychelles' previous president France Albert René came to power after his supporters overthrew the first president James Mancham on 5 June 1977 in a coup d'état and installed him as president. René was at that time the prime minister.[13][14][15] Albert René ruled as a strongman under a socialist one-party system until in 1993, when he was forced to introduce a multi-party system. During his tenure, he was accused of involvement in criminal activity. US Ambassador to Seychelles (1982–85) has stated publicly that René was complicit in money laundering and murder, among other things. He stepped down in 2004 in favour of his
102 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
vice-president, James Michel, regions that comprise all of the who was re-elected in 2006 and inner islands. Eight of the again in 2011. districts make up the capital of Seychelles and are referred to as The primary political parties are Greater Victoria. Another 14 the ruling socialist People's districts are considered the rural Party (PP), known until 2009 as part of the main island of Mahé the Seychelles People's with two districts on Praslin and Progressive Front (SPPF), and one on La Digue which also the socially liberal Seychelles includes respective satellite National Party (SNP). islands. The rest of the Outer Islands (Îles Eloignées) are the Foreign relations last district, recently created by Seychelles is a member of the the tourism ministry. African Union, the francophone Indian Ocean Commission (IOC), Economy: La Francophonie, the Southern African Development Seychelles enjoys a relatively Community (SADC) and the stable economic environment Commonwealth. as a high-middle-income country with lucrative fishing Administrative divisions and tourism industries. Piracy has declined significantly as a Seychelles is divided into threat off the coast. In early twenty-six administrative 2013, tropical cyclone Felleng
SPRING 2016
Country Spotlight destroyed hundreds of homes. The economy is the 120th largest by GDP in the world and the 6th largest economy in sub-saharan Africa and 3rd largest by by GDP in sub saharan Africa. Tourism: Tourism is the most important nongovernment sector of Seychelles' economy. About 15 percent of the formal work force is directly employed in tourism, and employment in construction, banking, transportation, and other activities is closely tied to the tourist industry. Tourists enjoy the Seychelles' coral beaches and opportunities for water sports. Wildlife in the archipelago is also a major attraction.
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 103
Iruka's Corner
I lost my father at a young age. One day he was fine; the next day he was dead, literally. We spoke on a Saturday afternoon and he was okay. He died on Tuesday. No 104 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
goodbyes. Nothing prepared me for his death. I could barely function for a very long time. I became a robot – doing what I was expected to do at the right
time and in the right manner. Just existing. I looked and played the part but without any emotion or zeal. Interestingly, I was in this state of mind for a couple years SPRING 2016
Iruka's Corner
Iruka's Corner and none of my loved ones knew. I became quite good at “faking a life”. My thoughts, actions and movements were purely mechanical. A part of me knew I should do more, want more, or even say more but I had no motivation whatsoever to do any of it. It took me a while to wake up from my robotic existence. It’s been over 20 years since my father left this earth and people still give testimonies of how he touched their lives. He loved his family and everyone he met. My father went out of his way to give. If you had a need and came to him, he will do everything in his power to help you. He also loved a full house so we had myriads of extended family members and friends visiting and/or moving in constantly. My Dad’s decision wasn’t always fun for my mom and my siblings. If we complain, he responded “that’s why I’m here”. I never really understood this until he died. I always wondered what my giving up my bed for an unwelcome guest hadto do with him being on earth! Now I know he was trying to tell us that that was his purpose. Although he lived a relatively short life, he made an impact. He made a difference, met needs, and touched lives. He is dead but lives on in the hearts of the people he touched. He is still missed. This is a true case of not how long, but how well. My younger sister lost her husband in a ghastly car accident on Christmas Day last year. He was only 50 years old. One moment, he was fine; next he was gone. He spoke to his family barely 2 hours before the accident.This recent loss reminded me of the promise I 106 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
made to myself years ago to do everything in my power to live. There is a difference between being alive and living. Being alive is very easy – inhale, exhale, repeat. That’s all. Just going through the motions. Never exerting yourself. Staying in your comfort zone. Not taking chances. Living involves a whole lot more – getting involved by diving in no matter how scared you are, doing those things that may cause you to fall but you get up and try again, pursuing your dreams, creating new experiences, seeing life through the eyes of others, enjoying the journey, etc. We tend to wait till everything is perfectly aligned to make a move. Stop waiting. Dive in, for tomorrow is not guaranteed. Like the great authorC. Joybell C. reminds us “A lifetime isn't forever, so take the first chance, don't wait for the second one! Because sometimes, there aren't second chances! And if it turns out to be a mistake? So what! This is life! A whole bunch of mistakes!” It’s sad that it took another sudden death for me to remember a promise I made to myself years ago. Better late than never, I’m told. So, once more I am re-committing to living fiercely. This entails taking risks, doing things that scare me, taking a stab at the unfamiliar, figuring out my passion and pursuing it no matter what. I do not know how long I have, so I have determined to stop the “waiting” and to stop making excuses. There may never be a perfect time, so I resolve not to wait till I lose weight, get my dream job, have more money, make the right
contacts, etc. to pursue my dreams. I commit to not holding back; to rise if I fall and try again; to laugh often; to forgive myself and others; to take care of myself; to love; to give often; to breathe; to feel; invest in meaningful relationships; to embrace opportunities; and to not be complacent or settle. I am inspired to live in a way that when I’m no longer hereI’m missed.To do this, I have to break out of my comfort zone. It’s scary and my heart is racing at the thought. But ready or not, I’m diving in.It’s not enough to be alive. I have to live in a way that when I am gone, I am not forgotten. I dare you to do the same!
Iruka A. Ndubuizu is a Negotiations Expert, “Contract Guru”, Attorney, Consultant and Trainer. She is an Assistant Director for Contracts Administration at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia and the Founder of Eureka Consulting, LLC (www.eurekaconsultingllc.com). Contact info: info@eurekaconsultingllc.com; +1 678.224.1960.
SPRING 2016
Iruka's Corner
Life’s Issues
By Nkem DenChukwu
108 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Life’s Issues tWhen an insect bites, just remember, it’s probably in your pocket. In 2014, I was inspired to write my second children’s book, titled ALLEY-GATORS: THE BULLIES OF POUGHKEEPSIE. Childhood orientation has so much to do with how we think and behave as adults. Either it shapes us or breaks us. If we can
one tells you; I will kill you. I will hurt you. Believe them. When they strike you once, there’s a greater chance you will be struck again. And on the day he has had more than he could handle...beer, hard liquor, that is, he’d probably hit you harder, as in telegraphed bolo punches. Now, the questions should be; Why would some women not extricate themselves from the situation they know clearly is detrimental to their
SPRING 2016
change the mindset of more than one child, one teen, one adult, at a time, we can help reduce the number of bullies and potential killers out there.
After each fatal accident...no, incident, many ask the same tired question, “Why are Nigerian men
killing their wives?” The questions should be, “Why are men killing their wives? Why are bullies bulling? Why do we do those things that break the heart of God by killing one another?” Well, there’s a fine line between craziness and dementia. One doesn’t have to be roaming the streets naked for you to know they have lost their mind. Don’t you think so? Well, I know so. When some-
lives? Why would a clear-minded woman plant herself like a honeyplastered fixture to attract bees? Do they not feel the sting? By remaining inside the beehive, they inadvertently sign they own death warrants, all because they want to save their marriages and have Mrs. Somebody attached to their names? Wherefore, rejoice in a marriage one knows is a sham? Wherefore, rejoice in your own pain?
The killing of spouses is not limited to Nigerian men alone. The killing of spouses clearly has nothing to do with race or nationality, but has everything to do with the killer’s frame of mind. Does the killing of spouses appear to be larger in scope in the United States? If so, why is that? In a nation where divorce is part of the equation in any marriage, you would think the panacea for a bad marriage is readily available. Not
Bullies and killers are not born. They are made.
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 109
Life’s Issues
necessarily true. Maybe, the desire to stay on “...TILL DEATH DO US PART” is pushed toward that boundary where the deadlier spouse nudges Death overboard to welcome it faster than it is due. No relationship is guaranteed. If anything, a relationship is guaranteed fluid, and could easily move, crisscrossing between crevices inside the general body of the entity itself to find wicked niches from where it propagates the hydraheaded monster for the eventual kill. Why do some women remain with these monsters that stare them in the face at all times, not up and leave? Easier said than done, right? Nah! They are stronger than they believe. These women must understand that Fear lurks in the dark, therefore, is an illusion. When you kick Fear to the curb, it stays down. It’s all about your mindset. How do you want to live each day of your life? is the question. A great number of women in the 110 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
United States have been killed by their husbands, boyfriends, even by an ex. These stories are constantly making Headline News. In 2015, a husband fatally shot his Nigerian wife according to the Dallas Morning News. http://www.dallasnews.co m/news/community-news/bestsouthwest/headlines/20150830bank-security-guard-accused-of-fa tally-shooting-wife-at-hiswork.ece A man from Geismar was accused of brutally beating his estranged wife to death Sunday night with a baseball bat. http://theadvocate.com/new s/weeklies/13151995-123/geismar-man-accused-of-beating In April 2015, a Nigerian man in Houston, Texas, stabbed his Cameroonian fiancé to death. http://www.khou.com/st ory/news/crime/2015/04/09/ma n-accused-of-fatally-stabbing-fiancee-in-mission-bendhome/25504753/ “In Dallas, an
ex-boyfriend was linked to the killing of his exgirlfriend.” http://www.dallasnews.com/news/crime/headlines /20150908-victims-boyfriends-exlinked-to-killing-in-uptowngarage.ece In 2014, another man killed his doctor wife according to Houston Chronicle http://www.chron.com /news/houstontexas/houston/article/Man-arrested-in-wife-s-death-in-W-Harri s-County-5342058.php Many women stay, knowing that these men are toxic in their lives. Some stay praying and hoping the monsters in their men go away. When you see those early signs of abuse; physical, mental, and emotional, why stay? Some say “...because I love him and he loves me too. For the sake of the kids. He promised to change. It’s the alcohol. My children need their father. I’m scared of starting over. I am too old. I have invested so much SPRING 2016
Life’s Issues in this relationship. I can’t just leave! I don’t have a job. The sex is amazing! I will be made a caricature of...” The reasons and/or excuses are endless. If you are in an abusive relationship/marriage, ask yourself, What happens if/when he kills me? What becomes of my child (or children)? Well, if OR when that happens, your story will be told by others, accurate or not, while taxpayers’ monies keep him in jail for life or awhile. The bottom-line: Your killer will be breathing, eating, LOL, getting some kind of training, education, rehabilitation, and maybe, a repentant heart...eventually. And you, still dead. Wake-up and see your potential killer. He is NOT your friend. He is a fiend. In New Jersey, just two days after Christmas in 2013, a man killed his 26-year-old wife. She was nine months pregnant. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/12/31/east-orangeman-charged-in-death-of-pregnan t-wife/ There are bullies and killers in every part of the world. Now, brace yourself. From this clip, this victim was an exwife. https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=rcpWQ3Bp0UE The reason or reasons for bludgeoning, stabbing, or shooting one to death is as eclectic as one would find in the synapses of any deranged mind. Bringing domestic abuse closer to home: Many Nigerian women in abusive marriages or relationships have accepted this way of life as a norm. Same way many Africans have ac-
SPRING 2016
cepted the phrase “African Time,” as a way of life, to describe their tardiness to events. Pitiful! HERE’S A SNAPSHOT OF ONE DEADLY INCIDENT (Fiction or Non-Fiction? Well, GO FIGURE): On that cold winter night, a shot rang out in the dead of night. Bang! The neighbors told the Police. One gunshot was all it took to turn her into a bloody mess. It was in the wee hours of the morning. She was asleep ... probably dreaming of roses and other nimble characters her dormant mind was constructing. Their twins were asleep in the next room. He walked up the edge of the bed in the guest room, took one look at her, and then pulled the trigger. The savagery, the sheer brutality of it numbs the mind. And this from the man she had exchanged marriage vows with. “I do.” Yeah right! She was not given the chance to defend herself. Again, she was asleep. Her husband lost his mind in a moment of blind fury. Some brand of anger is indeed a raging, destructive storm.
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 111
Life’s Issues
She had seen Death coming, and did nothing to avert that. The sparks were there, as in the mean verbal exchanges, the emotional, and the physical abuses that were piling up. And he had warned her he was going to kill her. She didn’t believe him. She stayed for the sake of their children, hoping he’d change into the man she had fallen in love with...and then married. On their wedding day, he vowed to love and cherish her till Death did them part. Seasons changed, and he adopted and swore to a new vow, to kill her instead. He did. Death did do them part. ...The End. Love has no room for hate. Rather, it should make room for growth, hope, and joy. To rise above the enemy (hate, anger, self-doubt, jealousy, procrastination, insecurity, and ego, and everything else that you have in that toxic bag) takes the grace of God and most definitely, your efforts. But first, you must ask for that grace. Fasting and prayers do work when you also give God something to work with. Miracles do happen too. I know. Manna does fall from heaven, figuratively speaking. However, to get to a destination, we need to put our feet down and then, one foot forward. No matter the roadblocks and the detours 112 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
along the way, when we keep moving, our journey progresses with every step. Many women did not have the opportunity to edit the errors in their Book of Life. Not many women woke up from the delusion that their husbands or boyfriends would change. Women like Joi Tiffany and Mori Gabriella Montgomery had the opportunities to tell their own stories. They are victors. They are winners. They are unstoppable. They are alive. https://www.facebook.com /DVSurvivorjoitiffanyhttp://ww w.news.com.au/lifestyle/reallife/an-inspiration-mori-gabriellamontgomery-shares-her-domestic -violence-story-on-socialmedia/story-fnixwvgh1226851519160
word, ‘mistake.’ We all make mistakes. The bottom-line is to learn from them. Every experience is meant to be a lesson. The problem is when you live through an experience, but still ignorant of the lessons you were meant to learn. Life is not about falling down. It is about getting up. Get up and do your best to keep standing. I know for sure, unless you allow someone to do so; No one can abuse you, No one can mistreat you…hit you more than once, No one can degrade you… Never be a Victim. Be a Victor.
I hope and pray these testimonies and stories wake you up if you are still sleeping in a toxic relationship/marriage, broken, with your Death Warrant on one hand. Every now and then, evaluate and re-evaluate your life; your journey, goals, where you have been, where you are, and where you would like to be. Take stock of it all. Don’t regret your past. The word ‘regret’ should not in your vocabulary. Instead, choose the
Nkem DenChukwu Award-Winning Filmmaker & Author www.nkemdenchukwu.com SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 113
News & Politics
Nigeria as we know it, is undergoing a serious revolution or revision, albeit quiet, unacknowledged and unannounced. Despite the head of the ostrich in the sand mentality of our leaders, the country has been in great trouble for the past few years with things getting worse. Many essayists have copiously chronicled the problems with Nigeria, many from the parochial prism of partisan politics, tribal, religious or personal interest perspectives. In all, a common denominator emerges that Nigeria is a nation in trouble. Unfortunately, there is no Zorro in the horizon with a blue print to tackle the problems facing the country much less begin laying the right foundation. The foundation on which the country is constructed is giving way at the
deepening fault lines of corruption, tribalism, greed and other ills giving credence to Chinua Achebe’s farewell master piece “There Was A Country”. Let us look at some of the issues: THE PROBLEM WITH OIL There is general agreement that Nigeria has over the years done very little to diversify the economy. The problem however is not as simplistic as that. The western world led by the United States, suffered terribly for many years from the machinations of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries’ (OPEC) manipulation of world oil prices. The cartel engineered gross distortions in
Nigeria: Embers Under A Keg Of Gun Powder Part 1 By Dr. Jude Akubuilo
114 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
News & Politics the economies of oil importing nations who now spearheaded by the United States have found ways to reduce world dependence on oil. Today, vehicles fuelled by natural gas, electricity and other alternative sources, once seen as futuristic are now common place in many western countries and mass transit systems are being enhanced to take even more people out of their cars. The United States and Canada have embarked on being self sufficient in oil through cutting edge extraction of oil and gas from shale sand, fracking and the opening up of petroleum exploration in areas preserved for decades by environmental activists. Today, USA has emerged as the world’s highest producer of petroleum and natural gas. It is impossible in today’s world to control world oil output because many oil producers or marketers have become non-compliant or rogue producers weakening OPEC’s influence on oil prices. It is difficult to monitor oil output from countries like Russia, Iraq, Venezuela, Libya, Angola, Syria, Southern Sudan and many others.
SPRING 2016
With the nuclear deal reached with Iran, the world oil glut will only get worse as Iran aims to increase its oil production to full capacity. In the Nigerian situation, the problem is pathetic. The world oil buccaneers buy black market oil from Nigeria. Unfortunately, the issue of the fight for resource control which emerged under Isaac Adaka Boro, furthered under Ken Saro Wiwa has blossomed into a fully fledged geopolitical enterprise. The attempts to quell this aspiration by force such as the Massacre at Odi on November 20, 1999 during the era of former President Olusegun Obasanjo or the attempted pacification by former President Shehu Yardua under the Niger Delta Amnesty Program, were abysmal failures. Today, thousands of illegal oil bunkering activities thrive, as both the sale and refining of stolen crude oil have been elevated to state craft. Truth be told, it appears the indigenes have taken back their oil. The inclement operating environment has seen massive divestment by multinational oil companies operating in Nigeria.
This alone was a pointer that all was not well with Nigeria and its oil. From 2011 to August 2014, crude oil generally witnessed high prices of over $100 per barrel, since then prices have been unpredictable and unstable now hovering below $40 per barrel. Today, there is a two way split among OPEC Members on the way forward. One group led by Saudi Arabia does not want to see a cut back in crude oil production. The rationale is that by causing a glut, many producers in the Western nations will be forced to go bankrupt. This strategy is already having significant negative impact among oil producers involved in fracking and shale oil production as many such companies are going bankrupt. A second group which includes Nigeria will like to impose significant production quotas to shore up world oil prices. It is predicted that if the slide continues, some of these countries like Nigeria and Venezuela will go bankrupt. To make matters worse, Nigerians expected a drastic cut in the cost of
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 115
News & Politics governance under President Buhari. On the contrary, the Federal Government has proposed a 2016 Budget of N6 trillion, the highest ever in Nigeria with a presumed benchmark of $38 per barrel. Since the proposal the price of oil has gone down to $36 per barrel, the lowest in many years. Even at this, all tiers of government have maintained an expenditure profile that is unrealistic and unsustainable in view of the prevailing economic circumstances. Federal, state and local governments, ministries, departments and agencies of government are struggling to pay workers’ salaries as governors agitate at their inability to pay the new N18,000.00 minimum wage. Unfortunately, there is no end in sight to this quagmire which sees an already restive workforce ready to explode. To make matters worse, we are now witnessing foreign exchange controls that threaten to cripple the economy and obliterate the private sector.
116 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
TERRORISM, INSECURITY & ALL According to a just released report, Boko Haram is the world’s deadliest terrorist organization. What started as a minor skirmish a few years ago has blossomed into a fully fledged war that has claimed thousands of lives and displaced millions. Nigeria lost valuable time in wrestling this monster to the ground because the people at the helm of affairs then, like President Goodluck Jonathan did not comprehend the nature of the problem. I believe he would have made better decisions if he had been better briefed by his aides who understood the issues. For his aides to do that would have amounted to betrayal on their part, exposing the under belly of Islam to an infidel, a kuffar amounting to an abomination. What people will like to sweep under the carpet is that many people in the Sarduana States which include Adamawa, Borno and Yobe do not consider themselves part of Nigeria owing greater allegiance to the old El Kanem-Bornu Empire. The Kanem
Bornu Empire (c. 700–1376) was located in the present countries of Chad, Nigeria and Libya. At its height it encompassed an area covering not only much of Chad, but also parts of southern Libya (Fezzan) and eastern Niger, northeastern Nigeria and northern Cameroon. For centuries, this area has been subjected to numerous jihads including one against Germany which had colonized part of this empire. After the defeat of Germany in World War 1, part of the Sarduana States came under British Administration. The area was not however a part of Nigeria at independence in 1960, since a 1959 plebiscite meant to incorporate it into Nigeria failed. It was not until 1961 that the area voted in a referendum to join Nigeria allegedly after much arm twisting of the local emirs and forced deportation of those seeking self determination. During the last Constitutional Conference, His Eminence, the Lamido of Adamawa was quoted as saying that he would not hesitate to leave the contraption called Nigeria.
SPRING 2016
News & Politics It is important to understand the Boko Haram ideology which is same as those held by other radicalized Islamists, the head of which is the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, (ISIS) or (ISIL) to which Boko Haram had pledged allegiance or Baya’a. Issues of popular western culture like drinking, mode of dressing, mode of education are regarded as apostasy that offend their interpretation of the Moslem religion and are imperatives for takfir and jihad. For Boko Haram, education is classified into three makarantan allo, makarantan adini and makarantan boko. Whereas the first two are allowed, since they involve religious study and pious living; makarantan boko which is western style education is seen as evil, against the teachings of Islam and cause for jihad. The ultimate aspiration of this group is to die in a jihad with the belief that heaven is assured. The problem of radical Islam is not limited to Nigeria but has spread worldwide. What compounds the Nigerian case is that we are not equipped with the resources or will power
SPRING 2016
for this confrontation. This is the reason for the very few convictions to date of high profile suspects. People who are radicalized span from the ordinary to the children of the Nigerian elite like a former Supreme Court Judge, a former Chairman of a premier bank, children of top military officers and other service branches. There has been little headway in cutting off the flow of funds to the group. It is alleged that many state governors were paying a special tax or jizya to this dreaded group. Honestly, it is difficult to tell who is a Boko Haram or who is a Boko Haram sympathizer in Nigeria today. Boko Haram has grown into a dragon under our eyes. Nigerians are hoping that in President Buhari, they have found the knight that will slay the dragon. While there is no doubt that the President will do his best, we must examine the obstacles ahead. Boko Haram members are part of the general population in many of the Northern parts of Nigeria especially the North East. The infiltration of its membership and sympathies have
permeated the security agencies. As an example, it was alleged that the top police echelon contrived the escape of Kabir Umaru Sokoto the mastermind of the Madalla terrorist attack which killed and maimed scores of people. Since he was recaptured in 2012, not much has been heard about him or other high terrorism subjects like Aminu Sadiq Ogwuche the alleged mastermind of the April 14, 2014 Nyanya bombing. Many suspect a collusion between the security agencies and the judiciary to stall these and similar cases whose timely public adjudication and punishment will show seriousness in the fight against terrorism. In the so called fight against terrorism in Nigeria, the government has not gone against the clerics and Imams who radicalize the youth, yet for all other countries fighting this menace, that is step number one. The government has also refused to adequately police the borders especially around the North East axis allowing free entry to people from Chad, Cameroon, Mali, Niger, Sudan, etc obfuscating de-
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 117
News & Politics liberately the definition of “who is a Nigerian?” In a war situation like the one Nigeria is in, terms such as due process, constitutional rights, rule of law, freedom of expression and association are usually touted by apologists to mask criminality and corruption. It should not come as a surprise that Boko Haram and affiliates are using so many dubious Human Rights Groups to impede the war against terrorism. We should not lose sight of where the seeds of the insurgency were sown. Whereas the quest for the implementation of full Sharia law in the Northern parts of Nigeria predated the 1960 independence, it was not until 1999 that a new crop of advocates with clout made it a reality spearheaded by then Zamfara State Governor. Since then, Sharia has been fully implemented in nine states with Muslim majority and in some states with Muslim plurality. With this development, an atmosphere was created for the berthing of extremist ideology like that espoused by Boko Haram. It smacks of naiveté not to understand that it is a cardinal principle of the ideology never to negotiate. Martyrdom in the course of jihad is promoted and central to the apocalyptic ideology. Those seeking or promising to broker peace with this group are either naive, igno-
118 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
rant or deceitful. This also goes for people who refuse to understand the rationale behind the abduction of women, especially young girls and children. Explaining the ideology, Graeme Wood in his article “What Isis Really Wants“ in the March 2015 edition of the Atlantic, quoted what the sect said should happen to women and girls abducted from the Sinjar Province in Iraq thus: “ Yazidi women and children [are to be] divided according to the Shariah amongst the fighters of the Islamic State who participated in the Sinjar operations [in northern Iraq] … Enslaving the families of the kuffar [infidels] and taking their women as concubines is a firmly established aspect of the Shariah that if one were to deny or mock, he would be denying or mocking the verses of the Koran and the narrations of the Prophet … and thereby apostatizing from Islam.“
tage of oil which it is believed, exists in commercial quantities in the Chad basin. The fight against Boko Haram has recently been compounded by the recent killing of Shiite Muslims, potentially opening a dreaded conflict between Sunnis and Shiites such as is ravaging Iraq. To begin to confront the problem of radical Islam, we must keep in mind that it is an ideology which is not restricted to the North East of Nigeria alone. The North East is important only to the extent that a contiguous territory is a requirement in the establishment of a Caliphate. However, the theater of war is the entire Nigeria and no place is safe.
From the above, one can deduce that it is wishful thinking, for anyone to be optimistic of recovering the Chibok girls wholly or great numbers. It also has to be examined if the insurgency in the North East of Nigeria is fuelled by Multinational Oil Corporations acting independently or in collusion with Nigeria’s neighbors seeking to take advan-
Dr. Jude Akubuilo is an International Trade & Public Affairs Consultant. He holds a Doctorate Degree in Law from the University of Birmingham, England ** (Part 2 to follow in the Life & Times Summer/2016 Edition)
SPRING 2016
SPRING 2016
LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE 119
Religion
by Pastor Dipo Kalejaiye 120 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
SPRING 2016
Religion
A man was crying over a gravestone saying “why did you die? why did you die?” Another man questioned him. “Did your mother die?” “No”. “Your father?” “No”. But the man continued to weep profusely “why did you die?” “Well, who died?” He answered: “This was my wife’s first husband.” For many couples, it has come to that. They daily regret and lament their decision to marry their mate. The marriage is a horror movie playing out in real time! A deceased Christian had the following written on his gravestone: “Beneath these stones do lie Back to back, my wife and I When the last trumpet the air
Religion shall fill, Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese wrote in his if she gets up, I’ll just lie still.” warrior, classic The Art of War, “if you know your enemy and Wow! This Christian was willing know yourself, you need not to forfeit the resurrection in fear the result of a hundred order to avoid any further co- battles. If you know yourself habitation or interaction with his but not the enemy, for every earthly spouse! Spouses who are victory gained you will also still alive and can’t bear the suffer a defeat.” nightmare of what they call mar- Of course, it is obvious that if riage bail out through divorce. you know neither yourself nor Someone said “Love the quest, the enemy, you have lost the marriage the conquest, divorce battle even before it starts! the inquest.” Today, love quests that matured into marriage con- I have identified below some of quests are ending in bitter and the enemies of marriage and sordid divorce “inquests”. what you should know about so that you may make If this article succeeds in helping yourself changes that’ll help fortify your marriage to avoid becom- yours against these enemies. ing part of the “inquest” statistics, it has accomplished one of its primary objectives. I hope it Enemy Number One: Lack of does! unshakable foundation. Do you know that among Amer- Many Hollywood marriages icans who have said their wed- are built on the foundation of ding vows, one out of three have beauty, money, success and been divorced at least once? fame. These are defective founGeorge Barna, who directed a dations. They are shifting and study on this, noted that Ameri- sinking sand. Therefore the cans have grown comfortable marriages collapse fast. Have with divorce as a natural part of you asked yourself: What is the life: foundation of my marriage? If “There no longer seems to be it is built on “sand”, then when much of a stigma attached to di- the wind of life begins to blow vorce; it is now seen as an un- and the rains of life begin to fall avoidable rite of passage. and the flood of life begins to Interviews with young adults beat against it, it will crumble, suggest that they want their ini- but, if it is built on the “rock”, it tial marriage to last, but are not will stand. There was a shipparticularly optimistic about wreck and a young boy was the that possibility. There is also only survivor. He had strugevidence that many young peo- gled against the waves to swim ple are moving toward embrac- to a rock he saw not too far ing the idea of serial marriage, away from him. He held onto in which a person gets married the rock for three days until he two or three times, seeking a was rescued. When asked different partner for each phase whether he was not afraid of their adult life.” being alone day and night in open sea for three days, he replied, “I never stopped shakYou will agree with me that this ing since I bear-hugged the prognosis is grim and scary. rock, but the rock itself did not However, your marriage does shake.” There is another rock not have to help fulfill it. You the bible talks about. He is can literally inoculate yours called the Rock of Ages- He is against the enemies of marriage. an unshakeable Shaker, unbreakable Breaker, and Immovable Mover. His name is Jesus 122 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
Christ. When a marriage is built on this Rock, it has acquired an unshakeable, unbreakable and immovable foundation. All that the couple needs to do is take marching orders from the Rock. His manual is the Bible. It explains their roles and offers guidance on how to fulfill them. What is more? The Rock is also the One who empowers and enables them to obey these marching orders! Remember, it does not matter how gorgeous, luxurious and expensive a mansion is, if its foundation is defective, it’ll come crashing down. It’s not a matter of “whether’, it’s a matter of “when”. Lack of an unshakeable foundation is an enemy of marriage. Is yours fortified against it? Enemy Number Two: Lack of allowances for daily irritations. A couple had been married for fifteen years and is now having more than the usual disagreements. The wife came up with the idea of creating a Fault Box in which both will drop daily notes of irritable habits of the other spouse. At the end of the month, they’ll examine the notes, apologize to each other and cease their irritable habits. So, she diligently dropped off into the box notes of daily irritations: leaving the jelly top off the jar, wet towels on the shower floor, dirty socks not in the hamper and on and on. At the end of the month, after dinner, they opened the Fault Box and the wife began to read out her notes of what irritated her daily during the month. The husband apologized and promised to make amends. Now it was her turn. She noticed a lot of notes were also there but all of them have the same message, “I love you”! The instruction from the Rock in Colossians 3:13 says you must make allowances for each other’s faults… He also says you should always cut your SPRING 2016
Religion
spouse some slack and accept them the way He The Rock has accepted you: John 6:37: “The Father gives me my people. Every one of them will come to me, and I will always accept them”. God says “I just love you, period! Not because of what you do! ” Jesus treated us much better than we deserve. He made us acceptable. Not that we changed. He simply
says “because of me, you are acceptable to God”. Accept your spouse as God has accepted you- unconditionally. Until they overcome their irritable habits, accept them. It does not mean you approve of these irritations. It simply means you are obeying the marching orders of the Rock and by so doing you are fortifying your marriage against this enemy
number two. Lack of making allowances for your spouse’s daily irritations is an enemy of marriage. Is yours fortified against it? Enemy Number Three: Lack of loving acts Love is not an emotion because emotions cannot be commanded at will. For example
Religion you cannot command someone to cry or to be happy or be sorrowful. These are emotions and often uncontrollable. Commanding someone “don’t worry, be happy”, won’t cut it for a grieving spouse. It is a myth that you can “fall in love” the way you uncontrollably, accidentally fall into a ditch! Love can cause strong emotions but is itself not an emotion. Love is more than sentimentality. More than arousal. More than attraction. Love is a behavior. Love is action. Love is a commitment you make to do something. You make a decision to love or not to love. That is why
feel so abused by your spouse that you have lost all feelings of love and you are contemplating a divorce. Hold it: there was a woman who had lost all feelings of love for her husband. She hated her husband and wanted to hurt him all she can. Her psychiatrist advised her that the best way to accomplish this goal is to act in extremely loving way towards him, showing him unusual kindness, showering him with compliments and doing stuff for him that he loves- without expect-
trist, he asked her, “so how did it go?”. She said the marriage is great now and the husband is so happy and in high spirit. “Great”, said the psychiatrist. “Now go and file the divorce papers”. “Never” she shouted indignantly, my husband and I are having the fun of our lives in this marriage. I love my husband dearly!” Feelings of love follow acts of love. You don’t need divorce. You need to start acting in love. Not acting in love in your marriage will rob you of loving feelings for your spouse. It can cause you to say “I don’t love him/her anymore”. It is an enemy of marriage. Is yours fortified against it?
God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves and the husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her. 1 John 3:18 says “Let us love not with words but with action and in truth”. Acting in love when your spouse does not deserve it is acting like God who loves you and acts in love towards you when you don’t deserve it. It is the highest form of love. When your spouse is being nasty, you act back in love not because that’s what she deserves but because love is what she needs and that’s what you’re giving her. Maybe you
ing any appreciation in return! When he’s used to all these and he’s become fully dependent on her, having enjoyed her company greatly, he would do anything to not let her go. Then bam! She will file for divorce. “That will shatter him completely” said the psychiatrist. “He would not be able to bear the thought of losing you” he concluded. So the lady went and did all she was told to the best of her ability. She really excelled at them because she wanted him to really hurt at her departure when the time comes. On her return date of appointment with her psychia-
****This article was first published in SPRING/2013 (to be continued)
124 LIFE & TIMES MAGAZINE
Oladipo Kalejaiye holds a Ph.D degree in law and was a litigation attorney in Nigeria, Europe and the United States for over 17 years. He entered into full time ministry in year 2000, and currently serves as the pastor of International Christian Center, Los Angeles ( You can contact him on the web: www.iccla.com, Facebook: iccla/facebook, Twitter: @DipoKalejaiye) SPRING 2016