Cultivating a Peaceful World for our Children by Swami Prakashananda

Cultivating a Peaceful World for our Children

by Swami Prakashananda

As our Sages and Teachers remind us, peace begins at home. It begins with ourselves. Each one of us has experienced profound peace at least a few times, yet how easily such peace can seem to dissipate and how elusive to recapture. Can we learn how to actively access and cultivate peace, can we experience peace as our constant companion? In the fabled Golden Age of thousands of years ago, society was stable, lives were very long, and contentment was the norm. In these darker times, society is much more fragmented and we have lost touch with our natural peaceful state of mind. In a typical family day, many of us experience a nagging, underlying stress which begins when we open our eyes first thing in the morning and spills out, infecting the whole day. Stress is amplified by our family members, our children, our work colleagues, the violence of programmes on the television screens, the constant stories of woe in the newspapers. There’s always some shock horror or latest scandal to worry about, personal irritation, inconsiderate neighbour, disruptive issue to occupy our minds. And if nothing happened today, why, I’ve got millions of stored memories to draw on to sustain my mood of dissatisfaction. So much upset, so much sadness and irritation!! It’s not my fault, I’ve had an upset childhood (insert you own reason here)! The most amazing thing of all in the 21st Century is that we tolerate, and (mostly) get by with living in such a state in spite of such discomfort and restlessness. Maybe it’s because we are so inured to it, that misery is accepted as the norm. We don’t notice it any more. When person is shot on our television news, we accept it. The full reality of a human being’s death has been removed from us, and we are anaesthetised. We see meat in a supermarket wrapped up in plastic, but we don’t experience the animal’s fear of death because it is not killed before us. Our days are filled with unnatural noise, pollution, artificial food and light, and all sorts of activities we weren’t really designed to tolerate, like sitting in front of a computer all day long, or queuing in the traffic, breathing in exhaust fumes. All these stresses take their toll and there’s a sting in the tail.

Our outer and inner worlds are intimately connected. What is inside is reflected outside, and vice versa. Our so-called peaceful world is very fragile, because we are often so very out of touch with ourselves. Our formal Western education disrupts the divine presence that the young child experiences quite naturally. When I came to starting my own family, I fell into a big empty hole, because I had all these intellectual ideas about peace but no real sustained experience of it. Consequently, my children’s early family life was a big experiment. One of the first things I noticed (from the moment my first child was born) and obvious really - was that I was my child’s first teacher. He copied me in every way. My movements, my sounds, words, and my moods. He was so in tune with me that I began to realise that he was my mirror. If I was shut off from myself, so was he. My son was a natural mimic and took me and my husband, and everyone else, including all the adverts on the TV, off to a tee, right down to the intonation and underlying mood. It was a subtle hint to me. If I wanted a happy child, a happy family, I had to dig inside myself, to anchor into my own natural happy state, and function from that point of reference. I had to be careful what I put out there, and what kind of environment I created around my children. Obviously, I wanted the best for my children - I wanted to create a nourishing, supportive environment for them. Actually, it was very hard going the first couple of years, because I was working in the dark. I knew that a more peaceful way was possible, but I really hadn’t a clue how to begin. My eldest was a hyperactive, very intelligent little boy, and I admit freely - I was often in a reactive state of despair! As Dame Edna Everedge, that well known Australian Housewife Super Star TV character once lamented, “O Lord, when I’m at the end of my tether, I do hope you’re on the other end!” Peace is not just an other-worldly concept, it has to be experienced and embodied.

When there is a real longing, there is great focus, and the energy of that focus brings about change. I kept searching for answers. And they came in natural, simple ways. My children were prone to colds. I felt sure that we should be looking at prevention rather than just dealing with the symptoms. One day I heard about a Medical Doctor who also practised complementary medicine, muscle testing for allergies and food intolerance. This was back in the early 1980s, when such specialities were unusual. I took my little boys for a consultation and discovered they were sensitive to refined sugar. To cut a long story short, that single discovery was a huge practical step towards self-discovery. We learnt to eat a natural, unpolluted diet that calmed the hyperactivity, stopped the ill health and brought an evenness of mind and peaceful temperament to the whole family. In time a whole spiritual path based on inner peace emerged. Whilst leading a busy householder life—bringing up my three children, running the family business, holding down a part-time job and teaching Yoga, I was also happy--and our home eventually provided a peaceful resource for the neighbourhood as well, where people could come and learn to meditate. None of this happened over night, it took time and happened in small, cumulative ways. I was fortunate to study deeply with some major Teachers from both Hindu and Buddhist traditions and they taught me to live the sacred teachings in everyday life. Our family life was not without its ups and downs, (who can avoid that), but each child had the opportunity to be taught how to face and handle life’s stresses. Forty years on, they are now serving the community meaningfully and modelling peaceful ways for their own children.

How can we create a peaceful environment that will nurture, support and involve our children? How can we touch peace on a regular basis and how can we communicate it and share that experience with our children?

Creating peace is possible and it is not difficult. It is a skill like any other and can begin in the simplest of ways. The late Lama Gangchen Rinpoche, a Tibetan Teacher who worked tirelessly for peace, says in his book, Peace Culture: “Peace is not just an absence of war; it has many qualities. It is precious, beautiful and it is our natural essence.” [1] We begin with ourselves, by taking care of our own hearts. We can create a peace culture in our outer environment through loving, peaceful actions such as nurturing our physical bodies with nourishing food and we can work for change in our own inner environment, by healing our mental and emotional states. Through our own peaceful thoughts and actions, our children too will absorb peace. Here are seven key things that worked for me in creating a peace culture in my family life. 1) Self Observation. Our thoughts are formed from old traces of experiences, old memories, actions and thoughts. All these eventually repeat and accumulate to create habitual reactions, tendencies and patterns of behaviour. Just a fleeting trace of a word in our mind can call up vast realms of thought, speech and action. Unchecked, all those tendencies kick in unconsciously and repeatedly. Thoughts cluttered by random baggage are not an accurate barometer for seeing things as they really are. We perceive a very personalised view of the world, coloured by our own biases, for good or bad. So! We can anchor into peace simply by becoming more conscious of our thoughts. We can change our negative thoughts to good ones. For example, when I first get up in the morning, I can notice my mood. If I wake up grumpy, who is responsible? Am I going to let it ruin the whole day? We create a powerful reality with our thoughts because energy follows thought. Therefore, let’s create a happy world for ourselves and others. Keep a journal. It doesn’t have to be daily--that can be a chore--but maintain one fairly regularly. This helps to plot your patterns and issues. Insights bring changes - you begin to see how your attitudes have been shaped, and how they shape your regular thoughts. Journaling gives you a forum to explore and off load feelings and can also stimulate great creativity. A friend told me that in the elementary school where she works, each child does a weekly mind map to explore their week--to explore what worked, what didn’t and so on. This is teaching children a life-long tool which will help in all sorts of situations in the future, and has the added benefit of alerting teachers to any difficulty a child may need help with resolving. 2) Relationships Create peaceful family and neighbourly relationships, not family arguments. Peace really does begin at home, in your own heart. Children are so attuned to us, to our emotional and mental states; they pick up on all our subtle messages. We can engage in community projects, such as environmental cleanups, take on roles such as ‘scout leader,’ volunteer to take your elderly neighbour shopping. Sometimes it takes courage to step into unfamiliar roles. Children absorb our example day by day.

The bottom line is this. You just cannot rely on someone else to make the first move. It really is down to us to take responsibility, and the rewards are greater than you could ever imagine. 3) Meditation - Chanting - Sacred Space Meditation is a natural progression from reflection and prayer. It is helpful to practice formally in the beginning. Many readers here will have an established practice of their own but if you don’t, I encourage you to begin with-10-20 minutes. Sit or lie with your back comfortably straight, and well supported if necessary. And then watch the thoughts but don’t let them grab your attention. Just watch them, like you’d watch the waves on a seashore. Keep the focus on the present, on the rise and fall of the breath. As the breath becomes steady and even, the mind calms down, the thoughts slowly trickle by, the peace envelops you, and conscious awareness comes singing in your soul. It’s a most amazing discovery. Developing a simple meditation practice when my children were small was a big key for me, 5-10 minutes a day in the beginning. When the babies catnapped, I’d be camped out in the kitchen! It was when I didn’t practice that I noticed the effect on me. Keeping the attention in the present, we experience the presence of our own consciousness. We experience peace. This peace habit then filters into the rest of the day - when we’re changing a dirty nappy, or the children are crying over something, we have learnt the knack of keeping our balance or at least, of regaining it quickly!! I sat with my children too and led them through simple meditation. I taught them how to relax their muscles, which became handy later on when they were tense and sitting an exam and sat with them chanting simple prayers and mantras. Chanting really does open the heart - it expands the thymus gland on a physical level, and helps to open the spiritual heart. Of course, theirs were already open, but it helped me to open mine, and to share their experience. Sometimes we sang the Sanskrit mantras I had learnt, and sometimes we sang simple English ones. This was my particular way, I encourage you to develop what feels right for you.

If you like, begin your meditation by using a simple word like Peace, or your own mantra, if you have been given one to use. If you don’t have one, try Ma-Ra-Na-Tha. Maranata mean “Come Lord” in Aramaic and is taken from the New Testament; repeat on the in and out breath until the mind falls into silence. Om Bhishwa Shanti Hum, or Om Namah Shivaya are other good examples. It is helpful to create a little sacred spot in the house where you can spend some regular quiet time. It creates a good habit in you, and also the peaceful vibrations start to accumulate there after a while, making it easier to go back into your peaceful state. Put a candle and a flower there, maybe a crystal; it can be ornate or simple, whatever calms your senses. It is somewhere your child may choose to sit too, from time to time - if they are upset, for example. When my children were little, our sacred space was simply a corner in my living room. Later on, when it was more appropriate, I was the original closet yogi, with a little converted cupboard at the top of the stairs. As they got older, I would sit in there in an odd, snatched moment during the day. It was a little haven of peace, a five-minute time-out. On one or two occasions, I was caught out when one of my children answered the door to a neighbour, The three of them all chorused - “oh yes, Mum’s upstairs, sitting in the cupboard!”

4) Subtle energy work To clear the clutter, we can do energy work. Together with meditation these are powerful tools. Healing and energy work act like a scouring pad, clearing out the old stored up traumas and psychic debris and re-tuning us to the divine within. Energy work is, a modern set of practices which support our meditation, using the vibrational base of the practices of a spiritual tradition; there are many such systems, from Huna in Hawaii, to the empowerments and healing practices of Tibetan Buddhism. The simplified practice of Ngal So, introduced by Lama Gangchen is one such enliven d practice that even children can follow. [2] Regular practice helps us to heal our bodies, emotions, minds and spiritual levels of ourselves. Then we don’t dump our reactions and emotions on those around us. We take responsibility for our mental states. Our children don’t get dumped on either, and are shown how to handle those raw emotions when they come up, because they see us responding, instead of reacting. 5) Spending conscious time with our children As well as involving them in our personal practices, we can teach our children to take responsibility for their issues by involving them in such activities as family council.

Eat together. We can sit down WITH our children for at least one meal a day together - without the television on! Community activity develops connection, continuity, social skills like listening, tolerance, and sharing time. Have time for their stories and issues.

Family walks and activities. We can go out with them for walks - spend time in natural surroundings- so that they connect with and develop respect for Nature, trees, can feel the grass under their feet, and appreciate the sun etc. Get them involved in growing plants, give them a little responsibility! Do fun things and take up personal challenges with them - I learnt to Roller-skate at the grand old age of thirty six! 6) Supporting practical initiatives Practice ethical consumerism - use recycled paper, recycle bottles, choose to walk instead of always taking the bus or car, and so on! It’s healthier for the body, and actually moderate exercise is important for a peaceful body and mind. Join in projects and activities that protect and nurture our environment. Join local peace initiatives.

Finally, give a little in charity. Practice generosity. This does not necessarily mean money. Time is also precious, and again children learn through our example to have consideration for others in our community - like doing the shopping for someone who is house ridden, or even simply going in to listen for an hour. Even a smile can give so much to uplift another’s day. It develops gratitude and appreciation for what we have, and also brings a peaceful attitude. In fact, we can bring loving attention to everything we do. 7) Developing our own personal Code of Ethics These points helped to develop my own personal code of ethics. They worked for our family, and my adult children now embody them quite naturally as they nurture the next generation. Unconditional love. Teaching through your own personal actions that even if you don’t always like what they do, your children are always loved. Consistency. Children feel secure about the adult world and they can trust you. Kindness. Not the sugar sweet kind, but the kind that will teach sensible boundaries of behaviour, and help develop an internal sense of discipline and regularity in their lives, together with loving appraisal.

Fairness. No bias towards adults or favouritism of children. Respect. To receive respect, we have to give it to our children. How can they learn to offer something they have had no experience of? Children need respect from parents and of course, they also need it from their teachers - something often forgotten. This also includes patience for their point of view and level of understanding! Honesty. Give truthful answers. Trustworthiness. Don’t make promises you can’t keep - those made should be honoured.

Listening. Listen to our children, be fully present with them. When they are very young, it isn’t always easy, of course, they want you NOW. They want a story NOW, while you are getting their lunch!! I would address the need, for example saying, “I can’t read to you right now, because I’m preparing your lunch, but here’s a hug and shall we read together afterwards?” Almost every time they were quite satisfied, because they felt they had been heard. As we learn to stay in touch with our inner peace, our outer world begins to reflect it back to us. This cultivation of peace then spreads out in a cumulative, ripple effect in our relationships, with our children’s friends and in the environment around us. This is the sort of non-formal education we don’t get in school, but it should be on every curriculum. If we took care to make this happen, we would have a highly empowered, highly creative and fulfilled, peaceful society. Become a channel for peace. The great prayer often attributed to the gentle St Francis begins, “Make me a channel of your peace.” Let’s take responsibility for creating a peaceful world for our children. Now, more than ever before, we NEED to hold that peace inside for ourselves and our world. This is for all of us, not just for saints! What a difference this would make! The great Master Jesus said “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” This is not a temporal peace which comes and goes, this is the deepest expression of being that a human being can become aware of. When we anchor our awareness in our essential nature, our divine essence, the more we become a beacon for others. Finally, here is a beautiful practice to hold in your consciousness, a gift we can cultivate for all our future generations of children: “Peace with everything and everything with peace. Please.” -Lama Gangchen Rinpoche.

[1] Making Peace With the Environment 1, TYS Lama Gangchen Rinpoche, (Lama Gangchen Peace Publications: 1996). [2] NgalSo For Newcomers: An Introductory Guide to Lama Gangchen’s Tantric Self-Healing Practice, Rosemary Allix, (Createspace Independent Publ. Platform 2012); Ngalso Self-healing Tantra II MP3 Download (United Peace Voices). © 2000, 2022 Swami Prakashananda Saraswati

Sw. Prakashananda is a co-Dharma Heir of Sacred Feet Yoga and a lineage holder of the great Indian Saint, Bhagavan Nityananda of Ganeshpuri. She is a well-loved Shaktipat Teacher living in the UK. Website: https://jefifoundation.org/sacred-feet-yoga/