8 QUICK TIPS FOR DEALING WITH TENSION AND NERVES
Are you nervous? Are you tense? Are you anxious? Is your heart pounding, your palms sweaty? Many people are like that today; if you're a virtual bundle of nerves this doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or that there's anything wrong with you. As a matter of fact, considering the many concerns that people have - a poor economy, rising health care costs, deteriorating family ties, the threat of crime and violence - it's a wonder that more people aren't constantly on edge and virtually too tense to function. You may have your own reasons for being tense and anxious and there may be certain situations and circumstances that make you upset. For instance, the sound of your boss approaching your office or the phone ringing when you know it's a bill collector can make your heart pound almost out of your chest. You may be anxious on the drive in to work as you know it's going to be a tough day for you, or you may have the opposite problem and find yourself getting tense as you head home, knowing you and your spouse are going to do nothing but argue. It's possible that you may be suffering from an emotional disorder that makes you tense on a regular basis. Those who are afflicted from post-traumatic stress disorder, who were abused as children, or who are facing or have gone through something traumatizing such as a divorce, job loss, or death in the family may be consistently edgy and nervous. They may also find that certain situations and circumstances bring back bad memories for them or are especially difficult, such as holidays or their own birthday. Those who were abused or neglected as children may constantly have a hard time facing their parents even though they're
now adults themselves, and even the prospect of going out with friends can make someone nervous if they've lost their job and are counting every penny. The bottom line is that many people have their own problems with tension, anxiety, and nervousness. Humans respond to tense and anxious situations in all sorts of ways. Some get angry, some get depressed, and some people just seem to shut down. A common response that many experience when faced with something tense and anxious is the "fight or flight" response, where the body prepares for a physical confrontation or to run away. This might seem like an unnecessary and rather basic response since rarely do these anxious situations call for a physical confrontation - you probably won't need to fight your boss or that bill collector that's calling - or will you need to actually physically run away. But basic or not, this is a common response by many. And how does the body prepare for a fight or to flee? One way is to send extra blood and oxygen to the larger muscles of the legs as they are used for either a confrontation or for running away. It does this by increasing the heart rate in order to produce that extra blood. You may have noticed yourself that when you're nervous and anxious, your heart is pounding and you may feel even lightheaded and dizzy, since blood and oxygen are being diverted to those legs. Unfortunately this increase in heart rate also means that the body temperature goes up as well since blood flow produces body heat. An increase in body heat also mean sweating, and for some people, this sweating can be excessive. This increase in body temperature and excessive sweating can just make an uncomfortable situation even worse. It's bad enough that you need to deal with whatever it is that's making you anxious but then on top of that you feel beads of sweat running down your back or dripping off your forehead! Being anxious is one thing, but being sweaty and anxious is even worse! It would be nice if we could just flip a switch and control bodily responses like sweating (not to mention weight gain, dry skin, dandruff, and all those other embarrassing and irritating functions!) but unfortunately that's just not the case. There are of course things that a person can do to calm themselves but this takes conscious thought and effort. Of course, if you take steps to calm yourself physically and emotionally you may find that your body responds in kind and eases up on the fight or flight response, as well as the sweating that goes along with it.
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But how can you calm yourself? What can you do to control tension and anxiety? Can you even control your own tension? Let's go over a few simple tips and see if you can try them in your own case. 1. Prepare in advance. Are you delivering a lecture or presentation, or do you need to go over something with your boss or a coworker? Do you have a big test coming up? Are you facing a job interview? Whatever your reason for tension and anxiety you can probably do some type of advance planning and preparation. The more prepared you are the less tense and anxious you'll be to begin with, and as things go well for you during your presentation or conversation you'll be even less nervous. Preparation might mean knowing your material, doing added research if someone will be asking you questions, and even rehearsal. If you're giving a presentation, read it out loud just as you would with your audience. If you're having a conversation with your boss or anyone else, make notes about what you want to say and any important points you want to bring out. Think about what questions he or she may ask. If you think that more research isn't going to help calm your nerves, think of a subject you know very well. It might be a favorite hobby, sports team, or even your own children. When someone asks you a question about these things or they come up in conversation, how nervous are you? You know your favorite team inside out and can quote statistics with ease, or can talk endlessly about fly fishing, woodworking, creating scrapbooks, and so on. Knowing your subject very well is a good part of being able to talk about it without tension and anxiety, so do the same with your subject when it comes to that presentation or conversation. Even something like a job interview or conversation with your spouse that's going to be unpleasant can be rehearsed and prepared. Make sure you go over your own resume and have done research on the company at which you will be interviewing. Look up common questions being asked at interviews today and practice your response. For unpleasant conversations, rehearse what you're going to say and think of problems or objections you can expect. This will help you to remain calm during that conversation as you're not fumbling for words. 2. Put things in perspective.
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So you have an unpleasant conversation with your boss coming up, or are afraid of talking to your father on the phone because you know he's just going to berate you and put you on the defensive yet again. No one is saying that these things aren't difficult and unfair. No boss should be unpleasant and it would be nice if everyone had a job they loved, and in a perfect world parents would be supportive and encouraging. But chances are that if you put things into perspective you would see that they're not as bad as you make them out to be, or that they don't take as much of your time and attention as you might think. Your boss is unpleasant, but how much time during the day do you spend with him or her? You have your conversation and then you go about your business for the other seven hours and 55 minutes left in the day. Your father may be less than supportive, but how often do you talk to him? That ten minutes once per week you spend on the phone with him shouldn't make you break out into a cold sweat for hours before you know he's going to call. When you put things into perspective like this you realize that very often those circumstances are nothing over which you should be worried, or at least they shouldn't bother you as much as they do. Think of it the way you do visiting the doctor's office - you go and get your shot or get your blood taken, and it's unpleasant, but it's quick and you get it over with and get on with your day. Those few minutes of any unpleasant task shouldn't put you in such a frenzy that your entire day or week is ruined by your tension and anxiety. Put those occasions in their place and you'll be able to go about your day without so much worry. 3. Stop assuming things. Think for just a minute about what makes you nervous when you need to talk to your boss or when you get a notice from the IRS or anything else. Might a big part of the problem be your own assumptions? You assume your boss is angry and will soon fire you, or you assume you're in trouble with back taxes, or you assume your father is ashamed of you, or you assume your spouse will leave you if you bring up what's on your mind, and so on. Those assumptions can run rampant, making you feel as if you're always teetering on the edge of disaster. And if those assumptions were true, then you would have very good reason to be nervous. But be brutally honest with yourself for a moment about how many of your previous assumptions were true or how likely these new ones are. How likely is it that your boss is mad at you or is so mad that you'll get fired? Your boss might have a very unpleasant personality overall or may be worried about many things. How likely is it that your spouse will leave you or that you'll soon be homeless?
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Assuming something negative is common for those who are nervous and anxious all the time. But typically those assumptions are grossly disproportionate to what's really happening or about to happen. It can be difficult to think that a lot of your nervousness and anxiety is because of your own thinking but it's usually at least somewhat true. Assumptions are just part of those thoughts that are making you nervous. 4. Stop predicting the future. Along with assumptions, predicting the future can make anyone nervous and anxious. Rarely does anyone think of the future and upcoming events in a good way but rather most assume the worst when it comes to what will happen. What is also unfortunate about this is that people who think about what's going to happen in the future often allow these thoughts to just run rampant. It's not jut a matter of thinking that you and your spouse will have an argument and he or she will be mad at you, but often it's that an argument will lead to divorce and then you'll lose your house and your kids will hate you and you'll die alone and penniless and on the streets. As with assumptions, if these things had a chance of being true then nervousness and tension would be justified. But rarely are these thoughts realistic when it comes to what will happen; all they seem to accomplish is to create more anxiety than you need to feel. Be honest with yourself again. How often do you allow your own thoughts to center on what you think will happen, and worse than that, allow them to continue in that never-ending ripple of one bad thing leading to another and yet another and then another? One good way to get around this is to repeat your thoughts out loud, whether to yourself or to a friend. Sometimes when you say something out loud rather than just thinking it, you can better understand whether or not those thoughts are correct and appropriate or if they sound just downright silly. A good friend can also help you to pick apart what you're thinking and see where you may be exaggerating or allowing yourself to think the worst, even though it's not really realistic. You can also take some time to pick apart those thoughts as well. What are the chances that all those terrible things you're thinking will actually come true?
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What are the chances that even if you and your spouse do argue, and even if you separate, that you'll get divorced and estranged from your children and lose everything? Replacing those thoughts with more positive and realistic ones is also good. When you predict the future, predict something good. Predict that your boss will appreciate your input and that the conversation will be positive. Predict that you and your spouse will come out of the argument just fine and your marriage will be long and happy. You can even be realistic about your predictions - your boss might not appreciate what you say and maybe the conversation will be unpleasant, but you won't be fired and lose everything. You and your spouse will be angry for a day or so but you'll both get over it and move on. Consider carefully the thoughts you have in your head and how you can be more realistic in your predictions for the future and you'll no doubt have much less anxiety and tension. 5. Take control of your life. Often one problem that many have when they're tense and anxious is that they feel trapped and helpless about their circumstances of their life overall. For example, if you think that you have limited job skills and few job prospects, you're going to be even more nervous and anxious about conversations with your boss or problems at work. Or maybe you dread opening your bills every week or answering the phone because you know that you're behind on your bills. Taking control of your life can mean major changes and planning but it can also cut down on the amount of nervousness and tension you feel. If for instance you have skills that are in demand, you may still be nervous about losing your job but not terrified at every little problem at work; you know subconsciously at least that you could get another job if needed. If you have a good budget worked up and are paying down your credit card debt or other bills on a regular basis, you don't dread opening your mail as you know that you're at least making progress in this area. Some changes may take literally years to accomplish but when you make a plan and work toward it you feel much less helpless and frustrated, and have less anxiety overall. You feel empowered, not victimized. Right now, make a list of situations and circumstances that make you feel nervous and anxious and ask yourself if feeling trapped isn't a big part of those feelings. Ask yourself why you feel trapped - do you wonder if you could support yourself if you left your mate, or do you worry that you could never find another job, or do you assume you'll never be free of debt?
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Your next step in taking control is to think of everything you need to do in order to be in charge of these situations. If you're lacking job skills you may need to see a career counselor or just think about what you can learn to better your marketability as far as your career is concerned. This may then mean schooling, which will need to be worked into your budget and schedule. If it's credit card or other past debt that has you concerned, a good budget is in order. You may even need to take on a part-time job, at least while you get caught up. It's also helpful to sit down with all your bills and get them organized, even if it's somewhat painful to note how much debt you have! Seeing a financial advisor or considering a debt reduction service can also help tremendously. Things like this take planning and they take work; it would be nice if someone could just snap their fingers and suddenly have their entire life running smoothly and be in charge of every aspect of it, but of course it's just not that easy. These changes also need to be broken up into manageable steps as well, rather than thinking they'll happen overnight. 6. Create positive events. We've already touched on putting negative events and circumstances in their place, but what also helps in this regard is to create positive events as well. This can make those negative events feel as if they're not as important as we make them out to be and can help to make them seem less significant. Unfortunately many people fall prey to the thinking that positive events should just happen in their life and they give little thought as to creating these events. In reality most people that have positive events and people in their life work very hard at making those things happen, whether they're aware of it or not. They may join a church or do volunteer work or plan a regular poker or bowling night. Even if they're alone, they still go out and work at enjoying their life. They may ride a bike or go hiking or just take the dog for a walk, or just make sure they stay in touch with their friends. But the point is, they do; they don't just wish they had positive events or sit back and assume those events will happen on their own. How much effort do you put into creating positive events in your life? Do you belong to any groups that organize positive events of which you can be a part? Do you make it a point to keep in touch with family and friends and do your best to plan activities? These things take work and planning and effort but when you consider the good they can do in alleviating tension and nervousness overall you may realize that this work is well worth the effort.
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7. Take care of yourself physically. It's surprising how often people are upset, nervous, tense, and anxious simply because they are exhausted. When you don't sleep or don't eat right, the body does not have the tools it needs to fend off anxiety and nervousness. When you're overly tired your mind has a hard time fending off those negative thoughts and presumptions that are likely to creep in. The body often responds to physical problems with mental and emotional distress. When you're in physical pain you may get angry or depressed. When you're tired you're also typically irritated and frustrated. It's difficult to take care of yourself physically when you're anxious and nervous as often these things causing you tension can keep you up at night or cause you to wake up in the middle of the night, but if you're honest with yourself you might see that you stay up to watch movies or to go out with friends rather than getting to bed at a decent hour. You may also have a tendency to drink too much in order to drown out your sorrows and this too interferes with your good health. A good diet is also part of taking care of yourself physically. When you eat fried foods, sugary foods, or heavy foods that are hard to digest you can feel nauseated and just generally rundown, which in turn makes it more difficult for you to be relaxed and calm when facing tough situations. Your diet too can be difficult to maintain when you're nervous as it's not unusual for a person that's anxious and tense to eat too much or to eat "comfort foods" that are less than healthy. Unfortunately these comfort foods and unhealthy foods often make things even worse as the digestive system gets upset. Sugar and caffeine can also cause a person to feel jumpy and anxious, adding to tension and nerves. What many have found helpful is to keep a food diary and a record of exercising and physical fitness. This can help to keep your eating in line and can also help you to remember to exercise on a regular basis. A set bedtime and time to wake up is also good as this can keep your sleep patterns normal and regular. Doing exercises that help to strengthen and control your breathing and heart rate can also be helpful. This might include yoga, tai chi, or just stretching exercises you do on your own. These can strengthen your heart and your lungs so you can control your own breathing when you feel your heart pounding and when you feel short of breath as well.
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8. Force yourself to relax. This might seem like an oxymoron or contradiction in terms. How can you force yourself to relax; isn't relaxation the opposite of being forced to do anything? Forcing yourself to relax means taking charge of your thinking and your feelings when you find yourself getting tense and anxious. You might not be able to slow down that rapid heart rate but you certainly can take some deep breaths which can help. You can also introduce relaxing thoughts when you feel your mind is racing out of control with those anxious and nervous thoughts. When you hear yourself repeating terrible presumptions in your own head, tell yourself to change the channel or start concentrating on something positive. Be very forceful and direct in telling yourself that those presumptions are accomplishing nothing but making you upset. It also helps to repeat something relaxing and calming, such as the phrase "I am relaxed," or "Calm down." This might seem pointless but in reality saying these things over and over again can help you to do just that - relax and calm down. The mind and the thoughts can be controlled if you take charge of what's going on in your own head. Think of relaxation as being something that you're going to work toward and it's more likely to happen. It's difficult and takes some work but it can be done if you put your mind to it. Repeat an encouraging phrase and forcefully tell yourself to relax and over and over again, whether you're in a tense situation or about to face one. Tell yourself that you refuse to feel anxious and nervous and that you refuse to entertain discouraging or upsetting thoughts, as if you're having an argument with someone else. Putting it all together. Any one of these eight tips that we've covered can help tremendously to keep you calm and relaxed and tension-free, but chances are you're going to need to combine many of them together in order to get the most benefit. Be brutally honest with yourself about areas where you may need some work, whether it's getting adequate sleep and not predicting the future, or putting things into perspective while creating positive events in your life. You might consider making a list of areas in your life that need improvement with these eight tips and also making note of how you can do that. For instance, do
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you need to consider joining a group of some sort so you have more positive events in your life? Do you need to take control of your life so that you have more options and won't feel so helpless all the time? As you make the list, keep it in front of you so that you can see the progress you're making as time goes by. You may also find that it takes continuous work as things won't simply happen for you overnight. But as you make progress you may find that you're much less tense, anxious and nervous overall. And as that tension and anxiety eases so will your physical responses, including that excessive sweating.
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