LIPS: Expressions of Female Sexuality, Vol. 2 by LIPS APPSTATE

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From the EDITOR LIPS AppState: Expressions of Female Sexuality proudly presents the second issue of our zinel With chapters at William & Mary,

vr, VCU, & the City of

Richmond, LIPS seeks to provide an alternative to the commodification and restriction of female sexuaJity pervasive in corporate women's magazine and mass media. Our weekly meetings provide an open and accepting space for people to express and discuss sexuality. The club this semester has been featured and referenced on WASU 90.5, The Appalachian, glared at by many a student tour, and promptly refused business by Precision Printing of Boone. We proudly brought you the SlutWalk during the Spring of 2012 and are already preparing for another one in the Spring of 2013. This issue is devoted to the deconstruction and discussion of the Prude/Slut Dichotomy. We seek to combat the idea that a woman's sexuality is defined in two very limiting and oppressive categories. This binary is socially constructed, we want to provide people with a space to talk about their views on this and how they choose to identify. This zine engages the discussion with humor, wit, stories, art, and illustrations. Hold on to your butts and enjoy the zine.

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By: Keli§ey Boyajlia

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The one commonality I can find between the polarities of "prude" and "slut" is shame. Shame

is a powerful tool of control. The internalized judgments we are trained to place on ourselves hold much more weight than institutionalized restrictions. Shame is what makes someone crv over the lost phantom of th.!ir virginity or what makes someone hide from their friends that that v-card is still intact. Shame binds us to predetermined forms of sexual expression. It makes the lesbian pray to be straight and the closeted gay man lash out at the openly gay man. Shame divides us and turns us against each other. It fosters hate and violence and pain. It morphs women into objects and makes excuses for rape. Shame boxes us in, and when we step out of line, smacks us in the face. It glorifies male conquest, while turning women into whores.

Shame forces us to hi dO our true beautifully sexual selves. So we cry, "Death to shame I" . Down with dichotomies that seek to restrain us. Destruction to the sexual status quo.

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PRUDES AND SLUTS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

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I love sex. I love it. With people I've just met and partners I've had for years, with people of all genders and body types, I love it. I think of sex as conversation and as an exploration. It's intimate and lovely

and dffrerent

whoever you're havT

I'm very , very lucky in that I was raised by a mother who was super sex-positive and accepting. I've never felt a lot of shame about any of this. I've never thought of myself as less pure because of how I've with. most people didn't have as casual as a relationship with this krnd of mtrmacy as I drd, but rt literally never occurred to me to make a character judgement based on whether or not wanted to sex. with me If I liked someone and they want to have sex with me, great! If they don t, great! We can JUSt go to Starbucks and talk about books instead. No big deal. Then, a few months ago, something weird happened: my slutty queermo self met a straight Christian boy who was saving himself for marriage and accidentally fell in love with him. We'd been in the same circle of friends for a while, and I thought he. was cute, but 1 didn't know him very well. one night I went homtf\vith him from a party, and he explained that he was a virgin , and was wartmg to have sex, and so we kissed for a while and fell asleep. I left his house the next morning already completely smitten. He was sweet and nerdy and had this fantastic smile. 1knew we were different: but that kind of my favorite part. He understood the world so differently than 1did, and I was exerted at a glimpse from a new perspective. We hung out a lot after that over the next 2 months. We never had penetrative sex (the only thing that qualified as sex by his definition) but our relationship was definitely sexual. After a while though I started leaving our dates feeling kind of confused and sad. I liked him so much, but I started feeling like he thought of me as more of a body than a person.

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rrnally I confronted him about this.He said he didn't want to date me, because he thought I was damaged, and had been mistreated by boys in the past, but that he wasn't the one who could "save" me. He said that he takes things slowly with girls he intended to date, and even though he was attracted to me and we could talk for hours, he never thought of me as someone he could be in a real relationship with. I left his house right then and we haven't hung out since. I wasn't angry, so much as confused and hurt. It was one of the first times I felt shamed for being mvself. There iS nothlng wrong with not having sex, but there is nothing wrong with having sex either. There is this insidious idea patriarchy has instilled in· us: If you are a woman, how much sex you have defines you. The slut is the girl you fuck at 2 am, the "pure" girl is the one that you marry. And the two parties are mutually exclusive. ·__.., ·..u 0 7 T o define people based on the number of sexual partners they have had is to do you and that person a great disservice. To believe in the virgin/whore dichotomy is to imagine people as much less complex as they actually are. It means you will miss out on those you could fall in love with. it means you will assume the only reason a girl would have a lot of sex is because she is damaged in some way, but I guarantee that the number of sexual partners has someone has had will never tell you anything about their self-respect, their morality, .o r their personal history outside of sex. It only tells you how many ..., 0 . sexual partners they've had. -Clementine von Radics

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h. " 1 met on\ine; . d 1met up with t IS gu' i htstand. It is awkward and welf . o s Made out lor r.ve

This is a storv of mv first one n gh"ttv movie that was on"' and talked about bd g to pu\\ him or 1 ' w watched some s d t wa\<.e h1m up V a • so claSSY··· e nd he !ell asleep. I tne o . k t ' making loud noises, minutes and then I got up to pee a . h. opening windows, taking hiS blan e '

the couch, stea\ing his pi\\oW' sha\<.lng lm,

texting ... anvthing. In the morning, he gave me a smile that just oozed embarrassment when I wentto get a glass ol water. And then after me being passive aggressive and sitting in my own little chair

up in a blanket

and just not talking I moved to my couch and started making out again and getting awkwardly tangled

up on the couch. While getting naked, I lound a stick and poke Green oay tattoo. I laughed a bit too loud at that. It might have been the greatest

I have ever received, but then I realized I was out ol

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condoms (which is something you lorget when you have a really long dry spelL) After searching lor a

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long tome lor a condom and finding a shitty ass ribbed condom hidden away in a bag. And only one. 1 bled because ol saod dry spell, but other than that it was pretty great and it was definitely the weirdest transotoon !rom sex inside monogamous relationships to sex with complete strangers.

r can only hope

my next one mght stand W11l be as fun and interesting. I have been converted into being a slut and proud of it.

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What is VIrginity, anyway? Is there something rare and mystical and worth a ' fuckton on eBay up my pussy, like

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It just seems路 l !ike a lot of hullaballoo for something that's not even a real thing. The concept of virginity is just an idea that made me believe that a membrane was some precious gift to be unwrapped on a bed of roses by the guy . I was goi.ng to marry. And I didn't路 ask for that. 路 why ca,n' t I want to get laid without the implication that I'm going to become a less valuable person afterwards? I

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When I was 14, I kissed a boy. S-L-U-T. •

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I don't understand why they said that. I didn't love him. I dated him because I was young.

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When I was 15, I asked a different boy out. S-L-U-T.

When I was 16, I fell in love. S-L-U-T.

...

You're making me scared to touch him. I don't want it to be true.

When I was 17, I failed at being alone. S-L-U-T. Yeah , I shouldn't go back, but stop saying that. I'm just really, really lonely. When I was 18, I held out.

P-R-U-0-E. I can't win .

-Elizabeth K. Tate

..... L :· ; . What's in a number? '-What does it mean to have too many or to have been with too few? ' . What does it mean if all I can think about is how tnuch I want you? · Come here, let's close our .eyes, because together the only number I cotild care about is "two" It is me and you, I don't even like math, so screw numbers. . • ::.""

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Participating in Slut Walks and speaking out against slut-shaming is about much more to me than just-taking back the word "slut". It's more to me thah refusing to let the patriarchy decide what's decent for me to wear. It's more to me than pissing off my · parents or offending people who do not understand. This is the future of feminism. This raw energy and unwillingness to back down is to me the indication that feminism is not -

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justa subject for the history books. It is here, it is now, it is in your face. Slutwalk and

---=-.-.,1.. ·• - . no_!..die. In Jact, it

slut-shaming was at one time a concentrated movement and idea, a small instance in a '

city far far away. Yet, 'the to the ""dcmgers of continuing to let the patriarchy dominate and maKe our decisions and we have helped a

eradicate our rights wlth

And feminism is not just a set of problems anymore. From the very core of our . : . . . . . · hanisms that hold it together, patnarchy rules as K1ng . 1mec society to the

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The importance of Slut Walk·and defining victims of sexual assault, demonizing female sexuality, or marginalizing those who choose to be (although these are all - important outcomes). It is the . '%,.<&:·

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beginning of a Vagina Revolution. The clitoris might be hard to find, but once stimulatec it can do some amazing things.

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It'll be there for you in the end

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My Momma always said.

Is kissing sex?

• • - Yes, Momma said. Can I keep asking questions? ., No, Momma said.

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Have sex, lose your life. That's what my Momma always said.

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You can imagine my shame when I had sex.

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I kissed a boy on the lips

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Don't go against what Momma always

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Years go by, message is the same, but I'm kissing a new boy now. Momma knows we kiss, but I know it's not sex .

............

Not really.

Caught between love and fifteen years old, I find out what sex really is.

I've kissed and sexed and lost my life more times than ·I'm willing to say. Don't tell Momma, you can imagine my shame. That's not what Momma .said.

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So, you probably think she's a "prude"

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and she's a "s1ut"

but she has had sex with 8 different people and she has never had sex at all.

So who's what now? Trick

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I 1 An Odle to Slut-Shaming andl Tea§e-Taunting ,; :! By: Ke!§ey BoyBlnian I x.w c., ·· t

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you can me a slut You caU me a whore No you are not the first To go where others have gone before. You. caU me a tease You call me a prude For lell:ing you love me And for me not loving you. But my body is mine And only mine to use you can can me a slut And You can caH me a But either way, r m not sleeping with you.

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Shethe asked to th At timeme 1 tho.:.t her. · '_ freshly free of braces· I the unwntten rules of girls An . , knew everything and I was for":!;:.Ixteen year old, I knew what to She asked me if I wanted a drink. . I thought that At thel time" I was -. cradlin a warm . and even less my p ace. A drmk wouldgbe nice" PBR I :dun sure of my footing sure of . . sa1 She asked me what my name was. · At the time I didn't feel like myself, so I figured a different name would suffice. It was dark enough to not be rem em I never got hers. She asked me how old I' thhe time there were n:nas and if I went there often m t e neighborh ood, thought e asI'dcharmin . -- stop by.g,as I when I replied "old enough" and-"I

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She asked me to go to the bathroom with h er. I th - -unwritten G 'd I knew the . . UI e to Gtrls. The existence of a Girls Guide to Dating Girls had eluded me up to that point. She grabbed my h;,Ild, Still rubbing off the X's written on me earlier with shitty eXpo marker. I wore long sleeves to hide the 21-and-over band that I didn't . ette She lit two have . · in · her mouth at the She pulled me outside and offered me a cigarM l.b Reds "Cowboy killers" she · . they were ar oro same time and handed one to me, d t d wha't' she meant lt was the first · · d d h dUke I un ers oo all ·t that when all you knoW hoW to do said to me, and l nod e my ea d"d 't -ked if you can even c 1 cigarette I had ever smo ' d bl 't t. She didn't notice, and she I is hold the smoke in your cheeks an ow ' 1tQ' care. f ., ,, ' It was getting late and my friend would he picking me up from the neighborhood down the street, unaware of where I had been all night. I told her I had to go. ;;;-' asked me to go to the bathroom with her. As we walked I'was sad I had lied athbout my name, I hoped, as we walked, that I would see her again. I secretly hoped , at she would remember me. . , ... w a a

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', \l She pushed m:, hard, into the bathroom door as she closed it behind me. She held \.. "-lme firmly agamst the wall and I could feel the fast beating of my heart under her \.":lpalm. My mouth went dry and I stand still but I couldn't even close \ .;

my eyes

her mouth was on mme. il \ \\\\ \ \ i t u \.\ \. \\ \ \ \.·\ H \ \ \'1The !aste of flat PBR still reminds_me of my first kiss with a girl. It was fast..I didn't even know it was happening until it was almost over. The ... , adrenaline coursing through my body left the moment a blurry memory, the only----.. . · recollection remaining clear being the softness of her hair..When it was over she - ' tried to pull back but I held her in place. . -- · "Wait." I heard myself breathe out and I felt myself pushing her head back to the

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I wa.s Sixteen years old With. expectAtions created__by t.een dra_mas on television and shitty young adult novels. . · .. \· · 1 ,. · 1· I1, 1. \. i.l q ( \ \ l l \\ \ ti \ i di \. l- l ·. rl:l1 { She asked me to go to the bathroom with her and I expected 1

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My phQne rang and s_he kissed me one last time, but not quickly. The kind of kiss where you hold someone's face in the palm of your hand. She told me my shoe was

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With Him: Sometimes it was nice. Mostly, it wasÂˇ sandpaper. He thought that "putting it in" was the most pleasurable thing possible. I kept trying to let him know this wasn't how it worked. Lube was invented for a reason. That reason is to mimic what is supposed to happen in my vagina BEFORE anything goes in there. Instead, I guess he thought, no eating for at least 30 minutes after swimming. IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Swim ftrst. Please, for the love of what is good, swim FIRST. Sometimes it was awesome. He was really enthusiastic and wanted to make sure I was going to orgasm. Yeah, that part never happened.

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With Her: Mostly it was nice. Mostly it was better than nice. The very first time, I thougt I was going to explode if she didn't touch me soon. She laughed at me, which slightly pissed me off, but at the same time it was so great to not have to be terrified. I was worried that it was going to be like with him. It wasn't, even a little bit. I was not a puddle, a bath, a kiddie pool, a pond, or a lake. I was an ocean of wanting, longing, heeding. I thought lubrication was the most obsolete invention. How could I ever need lube if. I could get here, with her? Never needed it, still don't need it.

How Being a Virgin Has Fucked Me By: Natalie Renae Pierzga If you ask around, there are a lot of people out there who will tell you that holding out to have sex with someone for the first time is a good thing. "Wait until you're in love." "Wait until you're married." "Just wait."

I used to think the sa.rlie. That is, until I got to college. Being a virgin in high school was easy because no one wanted to have sex with me. It was just as well, really, because I was terrified of my own body, and the thought of someone else's almost sent me into an actual panic attack.

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Then I came to college. Here I've discovered my body, my mind, and my self. Going along with that, I've discovered others. Here, people are interested. People want to. I haven't really worked out how I feel about all of it yet, but I've been a virgin for this long, and I have my reasons, and they're really none of your goddamned business, but they're my reasons, and they're valid. But I can honestly say that the only reason I've been a virgin for this long was because, before now, no one was interested. And now that there are parties who are interested in forming physical relationships with me, I've been open to the idea. But, you see, I have this problem. People meet me, and they like-me, and they are physically attracted to me, we hang out, we kiss, there's hand-holding, all that shit, but then, as we get to know each other, it comes out that I am, in fact, a virgin.

Everything stops. "I don't want to be this person for you." "I don't want to hurt you." "I don't want anything serious." "You don't want me to be your first."

All Judge-y

"Youdon'twantthis." Oh, really? I don't want this? Fuck you. . 路 Like hell you know what I want. Stop acting like I've got a heart and a vagina made of gold, and that the second you touch me, I'm going to a. fall in love with you, or b. break into a million pieces. Give me some credit.

Damn.

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