Gro wth d n a y Poetrbook art isan by L yn Pru
Unlocking the cage everything was different now so foreign and strange and i had to learn it all somehow how to live on my own or how to make friends in a city i didn’t know when the only people i’d seen were my classmates on tiny zoom screens Afraid was the first memory i made here so i stayed in the comfort of my room because letting go of control has always given me fear So courage may be the second The memory that made me try and adapt to open up and no longer feel trapped in my own cage i created from fear of failure
Expectations are like the shiny boots on the top shelf you could only imagine how good they would look on yourself but you know you can’t reach them but, oh, how they shimmer like a ruby gem So when you grow tall enough, you try them on but oh what a problem you have stumbled upon they’re too loose at the sides and too tight at the toes but they’re what you wanted right? so you'll keep them you suppose Your socks get wet in every rain puddle you step they really aren’t perfect and that’s what you have to accept
Thank you I met an old friend today one i haven’t seen in years i barely recognised them but when i did we hugged we talked and everything clicked into place like puzzle pieces we fit i question my old self because how could i ever live without creativity They gave me a virus, one that me made me go insane because i could not stop painting, just to cover up the pain translating dream or nightmares, an outlet it became not that it would every amount to any fame just for me and my eyes in my own plain of sight when living has become a fight creating has become a pleasure making things made to be treasured if i could just measure my happiness then i could give you a thank you gift
I’m used to being bad at school i always thought it was a waste of time and that was always fine until it wasn’t because back then i didn’t care i wasn’t pulling out my hair or stabbing my finger with a needle i rolled my eyes in math class and i was never one to surpass my mediocre grades because i knew academics wasn’t where i was meant to be art school was the thing for me it was what i was good at until it wasn’t I put my soul and blood into my work for only a sad six to lurk around the corner I knew grades don't define me but if i wasn’t smart or good at art where was I supposed to be? I boiled down my passion to my purpose drowning without seeing the surface that if all i’ll ever be is mediocre that’s okay
The pit Oh how did we get here in this dark hemisphere where it’s cold and so far from where I started I was happy right? i no longer wanted to fight the demons from previous years i had reached the end level right? But why were my goals up there and i was here, how was that fair i deserved to have fun in class not be chained to this bed so fling myself at the walls for me to only fall further down and that is where i stay Classes go by and i miss them all there is no help left to call until i can drag my body out of my own grave Eventually i do, without a doubt learning new habits that help me out so when i fall again i can stand back up, quicker
Blinkers i learnt that that’s the name for those eye flaps for horses to stop them to look side to side only straight ahead at the road before them I think i wore those for a long while only seeing the towering terrifying road before me my past achievements i could no longer see always so harsh on myself but now as i almost reach the top i find pleasure in looking down i must say the view is beautiful so many falls and so many rises i now can see to be proud of all that i have achieved all that i have learned and of course i would some things differently but you always say that at the end
Dear future self I know you’re scared, but you’re gonna do just fine You made it this year, even with all the ups and downs you’ll make it next year I hope you learn a lot, even more than you have this year don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone! Be crazy! Do all the projects that you thought you never could do! because things are a lot more possible than you think So please go the extra 100 mile for me, I promise it’ll be worth it :) No doubt you’ll have some setbacks, and doubt yourself or even fall in a really bad space (again) but you’ve made it out before, so you can make it out again you keep standing back up, and i’m so proud of you Just remember, organisation helps the chaotic brain (and will also make stress out less) please don’t leave things to the last minute again (even though i know you will) Really try to make friends this year Don’t be so afraid of ‘if people will like you’ and take more leading roles in group projects (i know you love it) Also for the love of god read your assignments again! and then reread it again because fucking hell you do not know how to take instructions You are capable of so much more than you think so please just fully go for it next year and test your limits :)
Growth