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9 Steps to perfect wedding flowers Choosing your flowers is one of the most exciting parts of wedding planning. But before you make any decisions, there are a few points you'll want to consider. Use this step-by-step wedding flower guide to get started. 1. Find the Right Wedding Florist Before you venture out and start the meet-and-greets with selected florists, think about the type of person you work well with. Do you want someone who's going to grab the buds by the stems and take control? Or are you looking for someone who wants you to guide them every step of the way? A combination of both? You'll also need to get a good idea about design tendencies (and if they match yours) -- insist on seeing a portfolio before you commit. Talk to friends and relatives who recently got married and find out who they used. Check out the listings in The Knot Local Wedding Resources of great florists in your area. If you find someone you don't know or haven't heard of, be sure to check out the company with the Better Business Bureau where you can find out if anyone has had problems with them in the past. 2. Consider Your Wedding Flower Budget This one is a no-brainer. Figure that eight percent of the total wedding cost will go to flowers -- from the bouquets and boutonnieres to the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception decor. At the start of your first meeting, ask straight out: What great things can you do with $__________? (Don't get sucked into $5,000 worth of flowers and then let your florist know that your bottom line is $2,000.) And remember: There's a lot of stuff to consider, so don't be surprised if you end up spending more. So we suggest you pad in an extra 10 percent. Need to adjust some numbers? Figure out your wedding budget. 3. Establish a Vision Have a general idea about your taste. Are you a true
minimalist? Or are you looking to do an uber-romantic Gatsby-style wedding? Create a file of magazine tear-outs - and not just bridal pics. Lifestyle shots, colors, and fashion photos will all help give your florist a clear idea of your loves and love-nots. And don't forget shots from friends' weddings. Maybe you flipped over the centerpieces, but hated the bouquets. Now's the time to bring it up (to your florist, of course, and not your friend). 4. Consider Your Reception Site Specifics This is a biggie. Think of your reception site as a blank canvas on which the florist will create her masterpiece. Is there bright red wallpaper that she needs to consider? Is it a botanical garden that won't need much floral accent? Or are you starting with a clean, empty loft that will need lots of work? Bring along some sort of photo (a press kit or pamphlet) in case she's never worked a wedding there before, and ask her to visit the site to get an idea of its size and style. 5. Create a Wedding Color Concept Don't even think about visiting a florist without knowing what your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and moms are wearing. There's literally no point -- you can't pick any flowers if you don't know what colors will work. On the flip side, you won't know what colors your flowers come in without knowing which flowers you want. First tackle the attire, then choose your ideal color palette and make a list of your favorite flowers, and then see if your florist can accomplish both. 6. Consider Your Wedding Dress At this point, you should have already picked out your gown, seeing as that will dictate what kind of bouquet you should carry. While you might not think so, florists base many decisions on the bride's gown -- how ornate it is, whether it's white or cream, if it's classic or contemporary, and so on. Most florists think of the wedding dress
as the centerpiece of the day, so this will give her a good idea of where you're going with the wedding style. 7. Map Out Your Wedding Style Your style is different than your vision. Are you looking to carry a very dramatic, long bunch of flowers or a tight posy of blooms instead? Do the same thinking about the other people in the wedding party: Should Mom wear a corsage or carry a nosegay? Should the bridesmaids carry a single stem or a tussy mussy? Style will also affect price accordingly, as well as the choice of flowers that will or won't work in the type of bouquet you're eyeing. A tussy what? Brush up on your bouquet lingo. 8. Size Up Your Crowd Don't listen to your groom -- size does matter! How many people are you planning on having to the wedding celebration? That number will determine how many tables and, consequently, how many centerpieces you'll require. How many attendants will you have to outfit with flowers: groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girls? This will dramatically impact the price. On the other hand, if you are requiring fewer than average centerpieces, you may be able to get those orchids flown in from China that you swore you couldn't live without. 9. Get Everything in Writing All the work you will do to get this far will mean nothing if you don't have it all in writing. So make certain that your florist drafts a contract, specifically stating the flowers you're going to have, how many bouquets you'll need, price, and what time you can expect her to arrive on the day of the wedding.
Don't hesitate to include the things you absolutely don't want, as well. That way, you'll have recourse if your florist doesn't come through for you.
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Looking your best on your wedding day 1. Don't drink wine or eat dark-colored foods like berries. Unless you want to capture a stained smile in your wedding photos, you should avoid foods that can tint your pearly whites. To get 'em extra pearly, invest in a professional teeth-whitening service. On a strict budget? "Crest Whitestrips work magic!" says Melissa Roshan of Make-Up by Melissa Roshan in Columbus, Ohio. "Start any whitening regime about one month before the wedding." 2. Don't tan. Not only are you putting yourself at risk of skin damage, but getting too dark a tan can look unnatural in wedding photos. Especially if it's a spray tan gone wrong. "Nothing says Jersey Shore more than an orange bride in a white dress," says Hingham, Massachusetts, makeup artist Kelly O'Keefe of Blush. "This is one of the worst looks, and it's not fixable!" 3. Don't get your first-ever bikini wax just before your wedding. If you plan to wax your bikini line, begin the process at least three months beforehand -- or face the consequences. "Waxing that area becomes less painful each time, and you'll avoid major pain, swelling, and irritation on your wedding night," says Houston makeup artist Jen Marine. 4. Don't change your birth control, skin-care program, washing detergent, etc., less than six weeks before the wedding. Sure, that fabric softener might be on sale, but that new rash you get from it? Hardly a sweet deal. "You don't want to introduce new products because you don't know how your skin will react," says Los Angeles-based makeup artist Elle Leary. 5. Don't get a facial, get your brows waxed, or cut or color your hair two days or less before your wedding. "Get these services done a week or so beforehand," says Atlanta-based makeup artist Raney O'Keefe. "Then you have plenty of time to remedy any ‘oopsie-daisies' that may happen!" 6. Don't ingest excess sodium the week before the wedding. That means no salty foods, sauces, dressings, or salty deli meats. Instead, choose lowor no-sodium everything starting at least seven days before the wedding. "Sodium holds 50 times its weight in water, so you can shed two to five pounds the week before the wedding just by doing this!" says Liz DiAlto of Fit, Healthy and Beautiful in New York City. 7. Don't flat-iron your hair before a trial or on your big day. That cute, flat-ironed hairstyle you had for your rehearsal dinner is going to wreak havoc on the curly look you're planning for your ceremony. "If you're aiming for soft, romantic curls on your wedding day, you need to have fresh hair," says Samara Binder of Bridal Beauty Chicago. "That means if you flat-iron your hair the night before, make
sure to wash it out!" 8. Don't sit around in your bra the morning of your wedding. Makeup artist and hair stylist Nicole Francavilla, of Beauty by Nicole in Orange County, New York, says this is the best way to avoid those unsightly pink indents on your back and shoulders (especially if you're wearing a strapless dress!). And if you're wearing your hair up but don't wear your hair up often? "My suggestion is to take an Advil with your breakfast to eliminate the possibility of an updo headache," she says. 9. Don't skimp on water! Double up on your water intake for at least one month prior to the wedding to keep your skin clear and glowing. You should also limit the toasting at your prewedding parties. "During the rehearsal dinner, try to switch back and forth between alcohol and a glass of water," says makeup artist Adriana Fontes of Adriana Fontes Makeup Design in Chandler, Arizona. 10. Don't forget your beauty emergency kit. Trust us -- and hair and makeup expert Megan Garmers (MG Hair and Makeup) -when we say this will be a lifesaver. Include different sized safety pins, double-sided sticky tape, a small sewing kit, a small pair of scissors, a bleach pen, bobby pins, hair spray, blotting papers, gum or mints, a razor, deodorant, Band-Aids, a small packs of tissue, nail polish remover, clear nail polish, an emery board, a nail clipper, makeup remover wipes, tampons, and anything else you think you might need. "Be prepared for what can go wrong so it doesn't ruin your day," Garmers says. 11. Don't forget to touch up! It's okay to be a little high-maintenance -- bring a touch-up bag and actually use the products at the reception. "You may have hired the best makeup and hair professionals you could find, but if you're cutting a rug on the dance floor and drinking Champagne like France is going dry, chances are you'll break a little sweat and your lip color will wear off," says Chicago-based makeup artist Adriana Aude. 12. Don't cry off all your beautiful makeup! Tears will happen, so it's important to know how to weep correctly. "Hold a tissue in each hand. Then press the tissues in the tear duct and let the tears run into the tissue -and keep changing the tissue," says Catherine Sullivan of Fresh Face Chicago. "This keeps you from rubbing your face and eyes and ruining your beautiful face." 13. Don't forget your makeup artist or hair stylist! Trust us, they want to see how beautiful you looked! "Remember to send at least one picture to your makeup artist," says Stephanie McKenzie of Stephanie M. Make-Up in the DC metro area. "Doing so enables your makeup artist to build a fantastic portfolio and, more importantly, your beauty will be showcased for all to see."
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Questions to ask your wedding cake baker Your wedding cake is the centerpiece of your reception. So take as much care in choosing one as you would in picking out the perfect wedding dress. Here are some key questions to ask your cake baker. Do you customize wedding cakes? Will the cake baker create a custom cake, or are there set styles to choose from? Look at photos and actual cakes, if possible. Be sure to bring pictures, fabric swatches, and other resources if you have a custom style in mind. What are my filling choices? Find out what filling choices are available and what ingredients are used. Whether you're looking for a fruity filling like strawberry or orange; or a heavier mocha or chocolate, the type of ingredients used will make all the difference in taste. Some common filling ingredients: fresh fruits or purees, Italian buttercream, and farm-fresh buttercream.
If you want to garnish your cake with fresh flowers, find out whether your cake designer will work with your florist or you are responsible for the blooms. How far in advance are wedding cakes prepared? Keep in mind that cake bakers often have more than one cake per weekend to prepare. So don't be surprised if your baker makes your cake three to four days prior to your wedding day. Of course, the closer to your wedding date the better. Who will bake my wedding cake? Some bakeries house a baker and a designer; at other places, one person creates the entire cake from batter to sugar flowers. Find out how many people work with the baker and who exactly will be making yours. Whether it's a single person or a team of people, however, the number involved should have no bearing on the quality of your cake. How are your wedding cakes priced? It's common for wedding cakes to be priced by the slice. And the price will increase depending on the complexity of flavors and fillings you're after. This goes for customdesigned cakes as well. The more intricate the details, the higher the cost. Does the wedding cake price include the top tier? Depending on the baker, the top tier may or may not be included in the overall price. Find out the cake baker's policy, and whether having a top tier will add dollars to your bill. What is the delivery process? Some cake bakers will deliver your wedding cake to the reception for an added fee, while others ask that you have someone pick it up the day-of. Ask the baker how deliveries are usually handled, and if you're planning to order a large, delicate, or at all complicated cake, know that delivery is well worth the peace of mind.
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Is the baker licensed by the state? It may seem like a silly question, but it's worth verifying that your baker is licensed by the state health department. Who will cut the cake? Some catering halls refuse to cut the wedding cake unless they bake it themselves. You may want to consult with your catering hall or venue to make sure you don’t run into this mishap. Cutting a wedding cake is much more difficult than cutting a birthday cake.
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Planning your wedding on a budget We get it: Weddings are expensive. But you can cut costs without anyone missing, well, what's missing. Reception 1. Cut the guest list. This will slash your catering costs and save on invitations and even the number of centerpieces.
black vases on sale after Halloween and pretty pink ones after Valentine's Day. Flowers 7. Use more greenery than flowers.
15. Serve comfort foods like barbecue chicken, mac and cheese, and corn. It's fun and often cheaper. 16. Skip the champagne toast.
8. Swap out costly flowers -- did you know peonies can be five times more expensive than roses?
2. Think off-peak season and save thousands! 9. Stick to just one or two kinds of flowers. 3. Hold your ceremony and reception in one spot -- it will cut travel time for vendors you pay by the hour.
of a full bar.
Cakes 17. Order a small one or two-tiered cake and then supplement cake with a larger sheet cake (hidden back in the kitchen).
10. Buy flowers that are in season. 18. Keep the add-ons simple.
4. Skip the Saturday wedding.
11. Include non-florals, like lanterns. 19. Use fresh flowers, not sugar ones.
5. Have bigger tables so you need fewer centerpieces and tablecloths. 6. Shop the off-season for extra decor -- get modern
Food & Drink 12. Serve entree duets.
20. Reuse ceremony flowers for the cake table.
13. Skip the main course -- apps and drinks are fine too.
21. Skip exotic fillings like guava and mango.
14. Offer beer, wine, and a signature cocktail instead
Stationery & Favors 22. Get single-page invites to save on postage.
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23. Give out one favor per couple. 24. Make your cake the favors. 25. Have favors double as escort cards. 26. Email your save-the-dates. 27. Make your own menu cards, escort cards, and wedding favor packaging. Photo, Video & Music 28. Have a photographer you love but can't afford the prices? Ask them if they have an associate shooter who will do your wedding for less.
29. Opt for a smaller band. 30. Hire a band or DJ who can do both the ceremony and the reception 31. Contact your local music college or conservatory to look for student musicians. Sometimes a student jazz quartet can be more affordable than an orchestra.
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Getting the perfect wedding cake From flavor to frosting and everything in between, this is the only wedding cake planning guide you'll ever need. Step 1. Figure Out Your Style Your cake doesn't have to be white and round. There are so many other choices. To nail down a design, look to your venue, the time of year and, of course, your personal sense of style. If it's a springtime country-club wedding, you might go for a preppy striped cake with a few pink peony sugar flowers. Modern loft? Then maybe it's a tall cake with thin ribbon trim and a few orchids. As you're deciding on a look, browse tons of cake photos and save your favorites to show your baker. Step 2. Learn the Basics Let's start with cake shapes. Beyond the traditional round cake, there's a slew of other options. Square cakes are hugely popular -- and a great way to showcase a modern wedding style. But those are just the beginning: We've also seen hexagonal, oval, petalshaped and even triangle wedding cakes! When it comes to icing, you'll have a number of choices. Buttercream (made from butter and sugar) is smooth and creamy, and it stays soft -- so it's easy to cut, color and flavor. Fondant is another popular option; it's rolled out before it's draped over the cake and makes a smooth, firm base for decorative details. Step 3. Know Where (And Where Not) To Cut Be prepared to pay anywhere from $1.50 all the way up to $20 a slice and beyond. And the more complicated the cake, the more you'll pay. Fondant is generally more expensive than buttercream, and if you want elaborately molded shapes, vibrant colors
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or handmade sugar flowers, you'll pay for the cake designer's time and labor. One costcutting option is to order the cake of your dreams made on a small scale for a price you can comfortably afford, and then order sheet cakes of the same flavor to be cut in the kitchen (some but not all designers will do this). Bottom line: Once you find your baker, you'll want to work with them to come up with a wedding cake design that falls within your budget. Step 4. Search For The Perfect Cake Mate Once you have a sense of cost and a rough idea of the type of cake you're looking for, it's time to find a baker. Start your research online: Read reviews, search TheKnot.com/cakes for bakers in your area and ask around. Also, your caterer will most likely have recs. Once you have your top three bakers in mind, set up appointments to meet in person and look at their portfolios. You'll discuss the time and place of the wedding, the degree of formality, the colors and what your gown is like. You also should bring pictures of cakes you like or even swatches of fabric from your table linens. Step 5. Taste Test! The biggest misconception about wedding cakes is that they're designed to look good but taste less than fabulous. Far from the cake being just a showpiece, it's what's inside that counts. When you meet with your prospective bakers, be sure to taste lots of samples (forget the diet—this is "research"). You might be surprised to discover it isn't average cake.
Top designers are working with complex flavorings such as coconut and Key lime, blood orange and mango, and chocolate-hazelnut and mocha. (Are you drooling yet?) You might also go for flavors based on the season, with heavier combinations like chocolate cake with mocha-praline filling perfect for winter weddings and lighter sponge cakes with fruits, curds and preserves more ideal for summer affairs. Step 6. Book Your Baker When you think you've met your match, book your baker. Often, a deposit is required at this time, and you'll also be asked to sign a contract. Before you sign, there are a few important points to tackle: Find out how far in advance the cakes are made prior to the wedding day and who exactly will be baking and decorating your cake (it's not always the same person). Lock in your cake maker as soon as you can -- some top bakers get booked up a year in advance. Step 7. Decide How You'll Display It Have fun dressing up your cake table: Drape it with fabrics and decorate it with motifs, colors and flowers to match the cake (your florist can help). And don't settle for a generic cake stand -- showcase your masterpiece! For a ballroom wedding, place the
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cake on a tall, traditional cake stand; go for a wooden platform covered in fresh flowers for a spring garden wedding; or try a sleek, clear acrylic stand for an urban loft wedding. And make sure you have a lighting plan: Surround the cake with tiny votives, hang a canopy with twinkling lights over it or place a gleaming antique chandelier above it. Finish off the cake table by covering it with a solid or patterned tablecloth. Step 8. Work Out Delivery Details Just as you would with a fine painting, once you've decided exactly how your wedding cake is going to look, make certain that great care is taken to transport it in one piece to the reception site. Most cake designers prefer to deliver the cake themselves (or use their in-house, experienced delivery team to do the job), and we think paying the extra delivery fee is worth the peace of mind that the cake will arrive to your reception site in top form.
Make certain that your baker has a contact person at the reception site so they can give the catering manager or event planner any pertinent information on handling the cake -- it might have to be refrigerated or stationed in a cool, out-of-the-way location, and you'll want to make sure everyone knows the plan. Step 9. Schedule A Time To Cut It Traditionally, the cake cutting signifies that the end of the reception is near (and cues the elder guests that they can politely slip out), so couples typically wait until an hour before the party ends to cut it. But if you don't want to interrupt your dance party, cut it at the beginning of the reception right after you make your grand entrance, while all eyes are on you.
Most important, double-check that your photographer has your cake on his shot list so that you get a few photos of the cake (and of you cutting it) for your wedding album. Step 10. Eat A Piece Of Your Own Cake You'd be surprised how many couples don't get a chance to eat their own wedding cake -- don't let that be you! If you don't have time to sit down at the reception and enjoy a slice, ask your caterer to save some for you. Share it as a snack that night after the wedding, or taste it at the postwedding brunch. (Leftover wedding cake makes for the perfect menu addition to the day-after brunch dessert!)
Either way, make sure you try it. You deserve to enjoy the cake you worked so hard to help create.
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Wedding favor basics
Step 1: Choose Your Favors Start by browsing bridal magazines, websites and local stores in your wedding locale, and thinking about memorable wedding favors your recently married friends have given out. Gather ideas on innovative packaging, sample flavors and find trinkets that catch your eye. A few ideas to get you started: lemon drops packaged in tiny tin containers for a yellow-infused wedding, decks of cards because he proposed in Vegas, and miniature cookbooks filled with your favorite recipes to showcase your culinary passion.
es and clear cellophane bags to tiny tin pails and slim silver canisters, your favor packaging can, and should, make as much of an impact as what's inside it.
Step 2: Get Them Made Once you've come up with a list of favor ideas, you need to decide how you'll get them made. Think about your budget, schedule and your favorite favor ideas, and decide if you're going to buy premade favors or make them yourselves. Whatever you decide, just remember that favors should account for around 1 or 2 percent of your budget. If you're going the traditional route with everyone getting one favor, you'll want to multiply the cost of any potential favors -- plus packaging -- by the total number of guests to make sure they're within your budget. For more expensive favors, like champagne or gourmet olive oil bottles, consider giving one gift per couple. In this case, you'll want to place the favor between the couple's two dinner plates, and tag it with each of their names, or attach favors to the escort cards and just give each couple a single card and favor. Singles still get their own favors.
Step 4: Deck Out the Display The final piece of your favor puzzle: deciding how you want to hand them out or display them for guests to pick up. There are a lot of options for a stylish send-off, depending on the favors you choose. And though they're thought of as parting gifts, favors can be handed out anytime, from the start of the wedding to the end of the night. Pile them in baskets by the ceremony entrance or on guests' chairs (think parasols to keep them comfortable on a sunny afternoon) or by the dance floor to help guests get into the groove (with flip-flops, for example).
Step 3: Package Them Up You most certainly can judge a favor by its cover. Whether it's edible or a small takehome gift, presentation is everything. Personalized packaging and a thoughtful display can go a long way when it comes to these tiny tokens of appreciation. From colorful box-
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First, find the right size and type of bag, box or other container. Look for containers that coordinate with your wedding colors. Craft and stationery stores and online eventand bridal-supply retailers offer a vast array of packaging in different patterns. Some offer custom gift wrapping and will even do the assembling and wrapping for you.
Or have your favors ready at the start of the reception by using them as escort cards. Simply attach a tag indicating guest's name and table number to each token -- this works especially well for smaller items, like mini potted plants. For an extra-special delivery during the party, instruct the waitstaff to pass around bite-size cupcakes or homemade mini fruit tarts -- and mini bakery boxes -- on silver trays before the meal or in between courses. End the night on a generous note and hand your favors out as guests make their exit. Try a heartwarming good-night theme, like a midnight snack: Include a cookie, a mini carton of milk and a note that says "Sweet dreams.”
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Etiquette - what not to do at a wedding 1. Speak Up During the Ceremony
Instead: Colorful tones like pinks, yellows and purples are all fair game. Just stay away from anything in the white and ivory color family.
We've heard the horror stories -- the "Are you sure?" from the minister, the "Don't do it man" groomsmen comment and the vocal grandmother using her time as reader at the pulpit to offer her humble opinion. Yikes.
4. Use the Wedding to Hook Up
Instead: If you have information on either the bride or groom that could be a relationship game changer, the ceremony is not the time to reveal it. Any reservations about the relationship should be brought up in private long before the ceremony.
Yes, it's true, a wedding is a great place to meet other singles -- there's a great venue, lighting, food, everyone is dressed to the nines -- but please refrain from using the reception like you would a club. In other words, no making out on the dance floor with the bride's cousin or the groom's brother. Do you really want to be that guest?
2. Stick Your Finger in the Cake
Instead: Hey, if sparks are really flying, feel free to ask for a number and make a date.
Believe it or not, guests do this. There's nothing cute or okay about touching the piece de resistance of the reception menu. Besides the sanitary factor, wedding cakes are expensive and should only be handled by three people: the bride, the groom and the caterer. Instead: It sounds ridiculous and should go without saying, but if you can't get close to a wedding cake without touching it, don't go near it.
5. Give a Roast Toast Just because you have a microphone in your hand that doesn't give you free rein to tell the most outrageous college drinking story or reveal what happened in Vegas. It's also not the time to talk about old boyfriends or reveal the groom's most embarrassing habits. Instead: Give your speech the grandma test. If it's not PG-rated and something you'd be comfortable telling her, it's not wedding reception toast material.
3. Wear White We don't care if it's the middle of summer and your little white sundress is the most flattering thing in your closet. Do not, we repeat, do not wear white to someone else's wedding. Most brides have been looking forward to their moment in the spotlight -- as the only one in white. While it's true no one could possibly upstage the bride, it's considered the ultimate guest dress no-no. The other color to avoid wearing at a wedding? Bright red.
6. Drink Too Much Your friend's wedding celebration is just that -- it's not a fraternity party. Know your limit and don't go over it. Making a fool of yourself in front of everyone, falling all over the place or leaving the party early because you couldn't handle your liquor isn't the way you want your best friend's new wife to remember you, is it?
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Instead: Save the shots for the bachelor party.
7. Let the Kids Run Wild You know the scene: the shrieking kids terrorizing the dance floor during dinner, the toddler tantrum during the toast, the loud baby screaming over the vows during the ceremony -- all potentially nightmare situations for the couple getting married, not to mention the other guests.
(like, say, one with unsettling sentimental feelings attached). Instead: Unless the bride or groom expressly asks you to talk to the band or DJ about a song request, keep your song suggestions to yourself.
Instead: Confirm that there's child care available at the reception and make arrangements, or leave the kiddies at home for the evening.
8. Spill Anything on the Bride That gorgeous white wedding dress more than likely cost the bride a couple thousand. And while she probably won't have another reason to wear it again, a drink spilled on the wedding dress still ranks as one of the worst mistakes a guest could make. Instead: You can't be too careful holding a beverage near the bride. If you have a glass of red wine or Coke in your hand, put it down.
9. Hit on the Waitstaff It might sound crass (because it is), but we've heard plenty of stories of rowdy guests corralling the waitstaff to dance with them. Not only is it completely inappropriate, it'll be really embarrassing when the catering manager pulls you aside to file a formal harassment complaint.
Getting tipsy and being obnoxious at a wedding is definitely not a wise idea.
Instead: Uh, just don't?
10. Tell the DJ to Change the Music At your wedding, you get to choose the music. Otherwise, the tunes aren't in your control. You could end up requesting a song that was on the couple's do-not-play list
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12 Tips for writing your own wedding vows
Start Early We can't say this enough: Don't leave writing your vows until the day before the wedding! You'll be too nervous, excited and rattled to give them the time and thought they deserve. Give yourselves at least a month, or work on your vows in that pocket of time after you've set up all your major vendors and before you have to start thinking about the details. Vow writing should be done in a relaxed, not rushed, frame of mind. Some loose deadlines to aim for: Try to get a first draft together about three weeks before the wedding and have your final version completed at least two days out. Look to Tradition To get inspired, start by reading traditional, by-the-book vows -- from your own religion, if you practice a certain faith, but others, as well -- to see what strikes a chord with you. You can incorporate these into the original words you write, or simply use them as a jumping-off point to base your personalized vows on.
The key to crafting the perfect wedding vows? Just take it one word at a time. Penning your own wedding vows is no easy task -- it’s like writing poetry, public speaking and having the deepest conversation of your life all at once. Putting your promises on paper is an emotional, eye-opening and often extremely memorable experience. Up for the challenge? Here's the homework you need to do (and the questions you should ask) to make your vows perfect. Get Clearance Make sure your ceremony officiant will actually allow personalized vows. Certain celebrants and houses of worship may require you to recite a specific set of traditional vows. And remember: Even some of the most accommodating officiants will want to review your words in advance.
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Set the Tone Before putting pen to paper, decide what overall tone you want to achieve. Humorous but touching? Poetic and romantic? It's your call -- the most important thing is that your vows ring true and sound like they're from your heart. One word of advice: While your vows can be lighthearted (or even hilarious), they should, in some way, acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment you're about to make. One way to do that is to weave little jokes into traditional vows (for example: "I promise to love you, cherish you and always watch Monday Night Football with you"). Figure Out the Logistics Make sure you and your fiance are both on the same page. Are you each going to write your own vows, or will you write them together? If you're writing them separately, will you want to run them by each other before the wedding? If you're writing them together, will they be completely different for each of you, or will you recite some of the
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same words and make the same promises to each other, as you would with traditional vows? If you want them to be a surprise on your wedding day, make sure you both send a copy of what you've written to your officiant or to one friend or family member so they can check that your vows are about the same length and similar in tone. Make a Vow Date When it's time to come up with the actual content of your vows, go out to dinner or set aside an evening at home to brainstorm. Talk about your relationship and what marriage means to each of you. Discuss what you expect from each other and the relationship. What are you most looking forward to about married life? Why did you decide to get married?
What hard times have you gone through together? What have you supported each other through? What challenges do you envision in your future? What do you want to accomplish together? What makes your relationship tick? Answering these questions will help you make and keep your promises, and talking about your bond may expose your inner Wordsworth and help you come up with phrases and stories you can incorporate into your vows. Schedule Some Alone Time After chatting with your future spouse, take some self-reflection time to think about how you feel about your partner. What did you think when you first saw them? When did you realize you were in love? What do you most respect about your partner? How has your life gotten better since meeting your mate? What about them inspires you? What do you miss most about them when you're apart? What qualities do you most admire in each other? What do you have now that you didn't have before you met? You may be surprised how these answers may lead you to the perfect words. Steal Ideas Borrow freely from poetry, books, religious and spiritual texts -- even from romantic
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movies. Jot down words and phrases that capture your feelings. Widely recognized works ring true for a reason. Create an Outline An outline can get you started by helping to establish a structure. For example, plan to first talk about how great your fiance is and then about how you work together as a couple; pause to quote your favorite writer and then go into your promises to each other. Remember Your Audience Don't make your vows so personal that they're cryptic -- or embarrassing! You've invited your family and friends to witness your vows in order to make your bond public, so be sure everyone feels included in the moment. That means putting a limit on inside jokes, deeply personal anecdotes and obscure nicknames or code words. Time It Right Don't make them too long -- aim for about one minute or so (it's longer than it sounds!). Your vows are the most important element of your ceremony, but that doesn't mean they should go on for hours. Get at the heart of what marrying this person means to you with your vows; pick the most important points and make them well. Save some thoughts for the reception toasts -- and for the wedding night. Practice Out Loud (Seriously!) These are words meant to be heard by a live audience, so check that they sound good when spoken. Read your vows out loud to make sure they flow easily. Watch out for tongue twisters and super-long sentences -- you don't want to get out of breath or stumble.
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