Signs you’re in the Right Relationship

WORDS: Alex Mellor-Brook , Dating and Relationship Coach, Co-founder at Select Personal Introductions

Nobody wants to waste their time -so how do we know if we’re investing in a relationship that’s good for us, that’s going to stand the test of time, that’s full of growth and challenge, fun and mutual respect? Here are 5 key features of all strong relationships:

Making Joint Decisions

This is not a romcom scenario of going on a first date and finding out that you both love aquarium visits or ice hockey. Those moments are great when they happen, but no indicator of a long-term successful partnership. Making joint decisions is about the negotiations that daily life requires: who’s going to cook on an evening when you’ve both had a tough day, how do you divide Christmas between your two families, when to start telling people that you’re committed to each other? The ability to negotiate these decisions is a real indicator of relationship rightness.

Supporting Each Other

Whether it’s a cup of tea when you need it, your partner standing up for you in a family argument or helping them with a task you find boring, the willingness of two people to provide, and receive, support is a clear sign of the rightness of a relationship that’s growing.

You Can Agree To Disagree

The true measure of a relationship is what happens when we fight. Strong, healthy relationships aren’t necessarily based on agreeing, but on robust disagreeing. Allowing others to be themselves, to have ideas and opinions different to our own, isn’t just respectful; it shows that we have confidence in our own views, without having to convert others to them. Couples who can find a way to accept each other without slavishly agreeing on everything have a much better chance of coping with the challenges that life will throw at them. There may even be an evolutionary benefit to this: just as we choose people with DNA very different to our own to avoid inbreeding, we may also benefit from partners with different ideas to our own, because that gives a couple twice the chance of being right - as long as one half is willing to accept they might be wrong!

Maintaining Balance

Couples with great long-lasting stories generally have outside interests. Why? Because encouraging each other to enjoy what they love gives their relationship new oxygen. Conversely, becoming over-reliant on each other can lead to a sense of being stifled. Building independence as well as interdependence increases self-confidence and self-esteem.

Having Downtime Together

This is perhaps the key factor in determining if you’re in the right relationship. Being able to relax and enjoy each other’s company is one of the greatest pleasures that a harmonious partnership can bring us - and it’s one of those things we can’t force or fake. If you’re asking yourself if your relationship is right for you, an honest response to how much you enjoy being with your partner when there’s nothing going on might provide the answer.

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