DEAR KIKI
LittleVillageMag.com/DearKiki
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ear Kiki, It’s. Not. About. You. I’m a white female, and my It doesn’t matter if you felt out of place at boyfriend is black. This is my the protest. It doesn’t matter if you’re confused first time in an interracial couple. about what role to play in the movement. It We’ve been dating almost four months and doesn’t matter that you don’t want to “sound we’ve been lucky not to experience discrimbad.” This is not your moment. I get that at ination yet. He’s been very active protesting four months, it should be your moment. You since the George Floyd video came out. I should be getting flowers, he should be cookjoined him at a protest but I felt out of place, ing you dinner for the first time, you should even though there were a lot of other white feel like the center of his world. The timing is people there. Of course I believe black lives shitty, no doubt. But if it breaks you, it won’t matter and that video was be the fault of politics sad but I don’t know what (aside: the fact that this IT’S. NOT. ABOUT. YOU. role I should play in the movement has nothing to movement. My boyfriend do with politics is a truth tells me I should keep coming out with him you should spend time investigating irrespecif I support him, but I don’t want to get in tive of this relationship). It will be because the way and I just don’t consider myself an you’re not ready to decenter yourself. activist, so I make excuses like studying or Is that fair? Shit, no. Living through moplans with friends. Plus I don’t want either of ments of seismic societal shift always looks us to get arrested if things get out of hand. My cool in retrospect, but none of us deserve to friend called me a “Karen” when I told her all have our lives disrupted by what’s happening this which didn’t seem fair. How do I tell my in the world around us. That’s where we are, boyfriend I just don’t want to march with him though, and you have a choice to make about without it sounding bad? I don’t want politics how you want to respond to it. Lots of couples to be the thing that breaks us up. face significant crises early in their time toPlease Help, gether. It’s the choices each person makes, not Am I a Karen? the situation, that determines whether it makes them stronger together or drives a wedge beDear Am I a Karen, tween them. You’re not a Karen. At least, nothing that In the greater scheme of society, it’s not you’ve described fits the definition. In a deabout you. But yours are the only actions you lightful twist of exactly what we’re talking can control. So for the purposes of closing out about, a term that arose with a specific meanthis column, I’m going to make it about you ing on Black Twitter has been whitewashed again. With the knowledge that the world is in and neutralized to become a generic insult, upheaval, this uprising is happening around typically to mean “buzzkill” or someone you whether you like it or not and your boyviewed as selfish. I’m all for the organic evofriend is carrying a heavy burden that he likely lution of language, but sometimes one group doesn’t have the spoons to explain to you right will co-opt a term—or a situation, or a movenow, you need to decide. ment—because it makes them feel uncomWhere do you stand? fortable in a vague way they can’t describe. xoxo, Kiki There’s no malice, usually, but decentering is really, really hard. After a lifetime of being shown otherwise, there’s no easy way to accept that It’s. Not. About. You. Four months isn’t a long time to get to know someone. You might not even know each other’s favorite childhood movie or which Golden Girls you are yet. But you’ve been thrown into a crash course in understanding the deepest, Questions about love and sex in the Iowa most honest and uncomfortable parts of your City-Cedar Rapids area can be submitted boyfriend’s lived experience. There’s nothing to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com, or easy about nurturing a fledgling relationship anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/ under these circumstances. So, if you’re feeldearkiki. Questions may be edited for ing overwhelmed or confused, the good news clarity and length, and may appear either is that these challenges aren’t about you. The in print or online at littlevillagemag.com. bad news?
KIKI WANTS QUESTIONS!
LITTLEVILLAGEMAG.COM/LV283 June 17-30, 2020 43
