MIND MATTERS

Therapeutic coach Lynn Scholes looks at how we can prevent loneliness at Christmas

Emotional isolation is not something that is only felt at Christmas – but undoubtedly the expectation that there will be festivities can add to that feeling of loneliness.

It is the feeling we get when our need for ‘rewarding social contact’ and ‘relationships’ are not met.

So why is it important for us to connect?

Feeling lonely isn’t in itself a mental health issue but the two can be closely aligned.

Loneliness in this case is not about physical closeness to others, but the emotional connection we have with those around us.

Since the dawn of time being a part of a tribe, having people close to us, represented safety and comfort.

Why do we become lonely?

• Loss of a loved one through bereavement or divorce or break down of a relationship

• Being a single parent

• Being a part of a minority group

• Social anxiety

• Distance or estrangement from those close to you

• Lack of family and friends

• Retirement and losing social contact with work colleagues

• Financial reasons for not being able to join others in the celebrations

• Health issues

• Low self confidence and low self esteem

Social media plays its part in upholding the myth that the whole world is full of those having a great time. Very few post about their feelings of isolation.

What can you do to help yourself if you feel lonely over the Christmas period?

• Volunteer for local organisations or charities

• Reach out to friends from the past, for a chance to talk about the good times

• Join a class or group, preferably with those sharing an interest you have – a walking group or a book club

• Take a book or newspaper and sit in a coffee shop rather than staying home alone

• Be sure to smile at others and wish people Merry Christmas

• Join an online community such as Side by Side. It is free and available 24/7

• Attempt to build bridges with family and friends with whom you have lost contact

• Speak to a helpline such as the Samaritans especially if sleep is an issue for you

• Take care of yourself, eat well, get enough sleep, avoid drugs and too much alcohol and get yourself outdoors for regular exercise

• Get support from a trained therapeutic coach who can help you deal with the underlying emotions associated with isolation

Talking therapies allow you to explore and understand your feelings of loneliness and can help you develop positive ways of dealing with them. For example, therapy can provide a space for you to discuss the emotional problems that may make it hard for you to form satisfying relationships.

What can I do to help others who may be lonely this Christmas?

• Reach out to anyone you know who is alone and suggest spending time together

• A friendly phone call to say, ‘I’m thinking of you, Merry Christmas’ can really make someone’s day

• Include someone who is alone in your festivities

• Visit those in hospital who may feel lonely

• Make an extra portion of Christmas lunch for a neighbour

• Donate to charities that support the lonely and isolated

• Help on Christmas day with a local charity who support the homeless. •

Lynn Scholes is a writer, trainer, speaker and therapeutic coach working with individuals and companies of all sizes in the field of career and business.