ASCENSION

January, on the day of my aunt’s funeral in the little church at Cavanaleck we watched a butterfly, a red admiral, woken by Sunday heat, rising up from the shining pew – hallelujah with wings.

Raring to go it was, just a little like her, sitting up in bed in that best blue dress ready to be taken.

There, in her memory book, warmth seeps from the past, a family at the hearth, mother, sister, father, brothers and that bright white light of burning pine –and everything ascending.

Jean James

Conclusion

Like much in life, we often do not fully understand the effect of pivotal events until we experience them personally. Certainly, we can empathise with our fellow human beings in times of emotional and physical distress, but to really appreciate what others go through in challenging times, it is perhaps necessary to have travelled that particular road for ourselves. Which is why it is so important to talk openly about uncomfortable subjects like dementia because it might, in some part at least, help others to acknowledge and cope with a dilemma that could possibly lie ahead of them.

I have learned much about myself in the writing of this book, including those things I thought I had a handle on at the time but probably did not; things that I had forgotten about but that made me laugh or smile in the remembering of them; things that reminded me of how it is not always possible to get everything right. Most of all though, I hope I have learned to value more the relationships I have had with those whom I love and trust.

No life is without its trials and if we are fortunate, they can be limited. How we deal with them though, depends upon a wide range of variants that is impossible to list here, but I believe that by sharing experiences we can ease the burden of others, albeit in some small way. If nothing else, discovering that another human being has been through similar difficulties, can make the world seem a little less lonely; and dementia can be a very lonely place at times, for all of those involved.

Not everyone will be affected by dementia, of course, but 1 in 14 people aged over 65 in the UK will encounter the disease. This rises to 1 in 6 for people over 80. In this book I have tried to offer an overarching view of how dementia influences the dynamics of just one family – mine. Others will undoubtedly have different experiences and challenges, but regardless of age, class, culture, race, gender etc, we all have things that connect us.

As was alluded to earlier, I was not a conscientious pupil during my school days, only passing my A level English Literature exam by the skin of my teeth. Yet during the putting together of this book, I was reminded of E.M. Forster’s novel ‘Howard’s End’ that was included in the curriculum at the time. I had inadvertently consigned to memory a quote that has somehow proved of much more relevance to me now than it ever did when I was 17 years old.

There have been many unsung heroes laced within the lines of this book. Folk, whose names have been omitted because of confidentiality reasons but who are no less valued than anyone else. Carers, who offered unconditional kindness and commitment, often with little monetary reward - our world would surely be a much poorer place without them. This book would never have seen the light of day without the support of my siblings, George and Jean, and my long-suffering husband whose encouragement steadied me in times of real doubt. And finally, to Mark Ulyseas, my editor, whose care, dedication and attention to detail saw this labour of love finally come to fruition - I offer you my sincere and heartfelt thanks.

‘Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height’.

To be valued, cared for, needed and loved. Surely, it is what connects us all.

Lynda Tavakoli

Ireland May 2024

Useful links: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ https://alzheimer.ie https://www.dementiauk.org/?gclid=CjwKCAjwrpOiBhBVEiwA_473dOZITn _6NibCauvTG8KCqkaj44q7s0znrPNPtO8vUTPKvWfSl8HicRoCqC8QAvD_BwE https://www.dementiani.org/ https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/305697/what-dementia-teaches-usabout-love-by-nicci-gerrard/9780141986432