March/April 2014
Tra n s fo r m a t i o n a l L i v i n g M a ga z i n e
The Gift of Forgiveness How Enzymes in Raw and Cultured Food Promote Good Health
Forgiveness A Divine Virtue We Can Participate In
God’s perfect will isn’t to heal you. His perfect will is that you don’t get sick!
How to Forgive Oneself When It Is Hard
Our Mission: To educate, inspire, awaken, and empower believers to develop physical and spiritual wholeness for the purpose of being fit to do good works. To accomplish this, the organization will combine high-quality workmanship with a strong biblical foundation. Our Motto: Reconnecting Body, Mind and Spirit to God
TRANSFORMATIONAL LIVING MAGAZINE EDITOR IN CHIEF Etta Dale
PROOF READER Betty Rolle
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Rabbi Gavri’el Moreno-Bryars, Judy Mays
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Lisa Byrd, Carol Brown,Henry Wright, Maya J. Tolbert, T.R. Sanderson, Jeannie Gibson, Beth Knowlton
LAYOUT ARTIST Adam Givens WEBMASTER Larry Whittington/ Frogtown Webdesign
Please address all written correspondence and editorial inquiries to: Info@liveliving.org. Published bi-monthly, subscriptions are available for $11.94 for 1 year or $2.99 for a single issue.
CORPORATE TEAM PRESIDENT| Etta Dale VICE PRESIDENT| Rabbi Gavri’el Moreno-Bryars TREASURER| Michael Hornsteiner SECRETARY| Erica Lee EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Reverend Carol Brown Judy Mays EDITORS-AT-LARGE Betty Rolle Jeannie Gibson Tonya Mitchell Kevin Mitchell Ben DeVries
In This Issue Letter from the Editor p. 5 Contributing Writers p. 6
Features Forgiveness – A Divine Virtue We Can Participate In Forgiveness is a divine attribute which we as humans can also share in. Rabbi Gavri’el Moreno-Bryars p. 17
What’s Happening in the Brain? Ask Dr. Andrew Newberg What happens in the brain when we forgive? How does forgiveness affect us physically, mentally and spiritually? p. 27
Interview with Everett Worthington on the Art and Science of Forgiveness Find out what science has found out about forgiveness? Can one really still have negative feelings after he or she forgives? Can we really forgive and forget? p. 37
Transforming the Body: The Body God’s Masterpiece Of all God’s creations, the human body is, undoubtedly, the zenith of God’s creation. Yet, it has the power to become its own god. Understanding the body’s value and its purpose is key to learning how to manage it for life, so that the body fulfills its intended purpose on Earth. Etta Dale p. 38
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Transformational Living
Table of Contents How to Forgive Oneself When It Is Hard Forgiving someone can be difficult but forgiving oneself can be harder. This article isn’t going to give you another pat answer or a five-step solution. There are no quick fixes or easy answers for this level of pain. But there is help. Lisa Byrd p.8 God’s perfect will isn’t to heal you. His perfect will is that you don’t get sick! Are there spiritual roots to diseases? Dr. Wright claims that understanding the relationship between sickness and their spiritual roots can bring healing and health. Dr. Henry Wright p.13 Forgiveness – A Divine Virtue We Can Participate In Forgiveness is a divine attribute which we as humans can also share in. Rabbi Gavri’el Moreno-Bryars p.17 Poem: Liberate Your Soul - Choose to Forgive When the choice is made to forgive, one chooses to set the soul free. Maya J. Tolbert p.19 Forgiveness After Death: It’s Not Too Late Is it possible to offer forgiveness after death? Why isn’t it too late? Reverend Carol Brown p.20 Inspirational Story: The Ties that Bind Food is never just about food. Eating disorders are violent acts against the body too that calls for forgiveness. A young woman on her journey to find healing finds not only forgiveness for the ones who hurt her but also forgiveness for herself. TR Sanderson p.24 In the Raw – How Enzymes in Raw and Cultured Food Promote Good Health Eighty percent of our immune system is in our gut. The gastrointestinal track is usually the first line of defense against toxins entering the body. But the gut cannot do its job without the help of enzymes. Learn about these enzymes needed for health. Judy Mays p.28 Scriptures on Forgiveness to Live By 10 scriptures to guide you on your journey of forgiveness Jeannie Gibson p.30 Reflection: The Practice of Forgiveness Thoughts to ponder on forgiveness. The Reverend Canon Beth Knowlton p.34 Interview with Everett Worthington on the Art and Science of Forgiveness Find out what science has found out about forgiveness? Can one really still have negative feelings after he or she forgives? Can we really forgive and forget? Etta Dale p.37
Letter from the Editor It was 1990 and I was a student at Acadia University in Nova Scotia, Canada. Unbeknownst to my single-parent mother, who had sent me off with her prayers and well wishes to study hard and return home quickly with my degree, I had joined a local community group championing the cause against apartheid in South Africa. The group was called the Annapolis Valley Coalition Against Apartheid.
heinous and evil crimes, and crimes against humanity such as the Holocaust and the Rwandan Genocide. Yet God still commands us to forgive. Why? Why does God require us to forgive, to set free a perpetrator who deserves to be kept imprisoned by our hatred, bitterness or anger? What if we can’t forgive? What if we don’t forgive?
These are some of the important questions we explore in this issue on forgiveness. There is much truth in the saying that to forgive is divine. But science also has revealed that forgiveness affects human health and wellbeing. In other words, our health and wellness has less to do with nutrition and exercise and more to do with the toxins, such as unforgivingness, we are storing in our bodies. In this issue, a young lady, TR Sanderson, shares part of her memoir with us about her eating disorder that was rooted in unforgivingness. Dr. Wright, founder of Be In Good Health and author of A More Excellent Way, shows that that there are diseases linked to unforgivingness. Like dirt and oil clogging a pore, unforgivingness clogs the pores of our soul, preventing progress in life physically, mentally and When Nelson Mandela, spiritually. Counselors Lisa Byrd and Reverend Carol the face of the antiBrown show us how to get unclogged. apartheid movement, was finally released from prison on Most of us want to transform our lives: whether it is to February 11, 1990, we all shared in the triumph of the South Africans. But for Mandela, to be free was not simply transform from overweight to skinny, from a frenzied life to a matter of being released from his prison cell of 27 years. a life of inner peace, from sickness to health, or from a He had to be freed of anger, hatred, and the desire for knower to a doer. These types of changes begin from revenge against the people who had put him in prison. The within, with our thoughts—the renewing of our minds. In only road to this kind of freedom is forgiveness. Mandela showed in the years after his release that he was this issue, there are articles to help us examine how we free indeed–his body and his soul were free. And, through think about our bodies, about ourselves, about God, and about others in relations to their faith. Changing old ways of his spirit of forgiveness, he was able to usher in a time of thinking that are deeply rooted requires courage, faith and healing and reconciliation in South Africa and remind the an open heart and mind. That is why it is important to world of the revolutionary power of forgiveness. As people understand first that forgiveness is a gift–a divine virtue as around the world reflected on Mandela’s life upon his on Rabbi Gavri’el, our spirituality columnist, explains in his th December 5 , 2013, what impressed them deepest was his article. This gift once initially accepted should be passed ability to forgive his captors. His legacy is that he forgave; on. How to pass on the gift is a practice that Dr. Everett and his forgiveness made possible every good thing he did Worthington sat down to share with me in an interview. I as president and philanthropist. encourage you to listen to this interview. And, I challenge We have chosen to use our first issue of 2014 to share this you also to transform your life through the practice of forgiveness. I am confident that when you do, you will have gift with you: Forgiveness. the experience that Maya Tolbert writes about in her poem Yes, forgiveness is a gift given to us from God. God, in “Liberate Your Soul: Choose Forgiveness. turn, asks us to extend this same gift to one another. To be the recipient of this gift is a blessing, but to be the giver can be difficult. Forgiveness is hard, especially when it involves 5
JANUARY/FEBRUARY CONTRIBUTORS Maya J.T. Tolbert is a vocalist, writer, and spoken word artist. She has spoken and ministered both nationally and internationally for a variety of audiences as a solo artist as well as with recording artists Destiny Praise, Destinations, and Babbie Mason. She currently serves as the Magnification (Worship) Director at Destiny Metropolitan Worship Church (Atlanta, GA) where she has the opportunity to combine her gifts and talents to creatively collaborate in ministry.
Dr. Henry Wright is a teacher and author internationally recognized for his
Beth Knowlton is an Episcopal priest currently service at the Cathedral of St. Philip in Atlanta, GA. As Canon for Prayer she offers regular contemplative gatherings including retreat days, silent retreats, spiritual direction, and centering prayer.
understanding of the spiritual roots of disease. He holds a Doctorate in Christian Therapeutic Counseling and a Masters degree in Christian Ministry from Chesapeake Bible College and Seminary in Ridgely, MD. He is the senior pastor of Pleasant Valley Church, Thomaston Georgia, founder of Be in Health, and the author of A More Excellent Way, which has helped thousands of people receive healing from scores of diseases.
Visit www.iamchanged.com and sign up to receive his newsletter and get a free copy of “5 Reasons God Does Not Want You Sick.” Visit www.beinhealth.com to watch a free 5-hour online teaching on the spiritual roots of disease. Click on “conferences” and “watch a free conference.” Follow us on facebook at https:// www.facebook.com/beinhealth; twitter at https://twitter.com/BeinHealth, and pinterest at http://www.pinterest.com/bnhealth/
Lisa Marie Byrd is a Licensed Professional Counselor and mother of three amazing children. She earned her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Michigan State University and Master of Arts in Professional Counseling from Psychological Studies Institute (now Richmont Graduate University) in Atlanta, GA. Lisa specializes in women's issues, father issues, addiction, trauma, family therapy, and the sex industry. Her number one priority is bringing honor to the Lord by nurturing, training, and loving her children, and modeling Christ for them. Her personal mission is to be used by God to restore hurting people to wholeness and healthy functioning, to rebuild broken lives, and to connect others with their purpose. Lisa is the author of a newly published e-book, You Can’t Find Living Water in Dying Wells, available on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Written for Christian women who struggle with father issues and infidelity, the book shows women how to be healed and set free from adultery and how to regain physical, emotional, and spiritual integrity.
Jeannie Gibson is a long term employee with The Bahamas Reverend Carol Brown graduated from Hampton University with a B.A. in Mass Media Arts. She is also a graduate of Mercer University, Atlanta Georgia where she received a Masters of Divinity (McAfee School of Theology) and Masters of Science in Clinical Mental Health. She is a national certified counselor.
By Divine appointment, Reverend Brown is the founder of Sparkle Ministries, a women’s ministry anointed to help women find a glimpse of hope and a spark of light in the midst of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual bondages. Women struggling with the dark valleys of pain, betrayal, neglect, rejection, depression, sickness, disease and other strongholds are guided to embrace the healing and resurrecting power of Almighty God. Divine deliverance from life experiences has blessed Reverend Brown to share her life lessons with others while helping them learn to trust and depend on God.
Ministry of Tourism. For more than 25 years she has represented The Islands Of The Bahamas in major cities including Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles and Atlanta. Currently, Manager Communications, she serves as the Public Relations Account Executive for a number of departments including the Religious Market. Before moving into the Tourism sector, she applied her degree in Journalism as a reporter with the Nassau Guardian, a local Bahamian newspaper. A prolific writer, Jeannie’s articles, stories and press releases have been published in various newspapers, magazines and blogs.
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How to Forgive
ONESELF
when it is hard
Some Hard Things to Forgive Can you imagine being the one responsible for your child’s death? Can you fathom living through that–let alone forgiving yourself for it? It must seem impossible. King David was directly responsible for the untimely death of his newborn baby. You might know the story: He stayed back at the palace when his men went to battle; and during that time he saw the wife of one of the soldiers bathing on
her rooftop. David’s lust for her drove him to steal her away and have sex with her; and she became pregnant with his child. When she told the King she was pregnant, David schemed to bring her husband home from the war to get him to sleep with his wife so that he would think the child was his. When that didn’t work, he plotted to have the husband placed on the frontlines of the battle and he was killed.
David’s actions greatly displeased the Lord, and He sent a messenger to David saying: Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord and given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child that is born to you shall surely die. II Samuel 12:14 AMP The child became very sick, and David prayed and fasted on the floor for seven days until the baby died. Because of what you did your child must die. I can’t imagine anything worse than that. How do you get over that and move on? You may have read stories or heard news clips about people accidentally backing over their child with a vehicle, or driving drunk and crashing, or being unable to get to their child in a burning house and the child dies. Or, you may have experienced such a trauma yourself and do not know how to forgive yourself for it. The soul-ache in such situations is tangible – the loss and the blame are felt so deeply that your bones, joints, and heart scream. There’s no solace or relief for your soul, and you wonder how you can live through it. You wonder if you should. Suicide is considered many times, even though you believe that will not please the Lord. At the time, you really don’t care about pleasing Him as much as you desire to be free from the searing, devastating pain you’ve caused in your life – the horror you can’t escape from, not even when asleep. Or perhaps you can’t forgive yourself for something else:
You’ve heard all the Christian and secular platitudes– “lay it at the Cross,” “let it go,” “trust God,” and “move on”– to the point where you want to hit somebody if they say it again or crawl into the nearest dark pit and avoid people altogether. you have to see the results of your actions regularly–an empty room, a wheelchair, divorce papers, medications forever, a prison cell, etc. And particularly if your actions have had crippling effects on someone you love. You’ve heard all the Christian and secular platitudes– “lay it at the Cross,” “let it go,” “trust God,” and “move on”– to the point where you want to hit somebody if they say it again or crawl into the nearest dark pit and avoid people altogether. This article isn’t going to give you another pat answer or a five-step solution. There are no quick fixes or easy answers for this level of pain. But there is help. Lies We Believe About Forgiving Ourselves You may feel like you deserve to suffer for the rest of your life because of what you did. Or that you should have been the one who died. Perhaps you think if you forgave yourself it would be like making what you did okay. Maybe you believe you don’t have the right to experience the freedom of forgiving yourself. Or, you are truly convinced it is not in the realm of possibility to forgive yourself for something so grave, so life-altering, so horrific.
Committing a criminal act that’s landed you in prison Physically or emotionally harming a child Cheating on your spouse and causing I have to tell you that although you may hold those beliefs as FACT deep in your heart, they are not true. No matter him/her extreme pain what you’ve done, it was not a surprise to God when you Aborting your baby last month or years ago Unprotected intercourse that gave you an STD for which there is no cure An addiction that has destroyed your family
The cry of your broken heart is, “This is ALL MY FAULT!” There’s no one to blame to make the situation easier – just you. Accepting responsibility is terribly hard, especially if
Forgiveness is a choice –not a certain feeling, not a desire to forgive– just a choice. 9
did it. He was not shocked or thrown for a loop that day. Not only did He see it coming–even if you didn’t–He planned and created you with full knowledge that one day in your life you would do the unthinkable, and to you, the unforgivable. But the Lord created you anyway. Why? Because you are SO MUCH MORE to Him than what you have done. He knew you would experience and even cause extreme pain, but He created you anyway, with a purpose that extends far beyond whatever you did. He knows the end from the beginning, sure, but He also knows everything in-between. And between your beginning and your end, He desires comfort, redemption, and all good things for you. His Redeeming Love is specific to YOU! It brings Him great pleasure to be able to pour His love and mercy over you, and for you to receive His vast love into your aching, wounded soul. He planned from day one to heal and seal you after the seemingly unforgivable. Will you let Him?
Failure to forgive yourself keeps you in a lifelong cage! Only one thing is required of you: to forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness is a choice–not a certain feeling, not a desire to forgive–just a choice. Once you make the decision to forgive yourself, you allow the Lord the opportunity to bring healing to completion. He won’t force you to forgive, but He’s standing right there waiting, hoping, encouraging you to make the choice and let Him do the healing. Allow the Lord, the Healer, to carry your pain and grief. That is the reason He suffered on the cross: so He could bear what is impossible for us to endure. Why Is It Even Important to Forgive Oneself? Ask yourself this: “What is the benefit of withholding forgiveness from myself?” And then honestly answer the question. What has been the result of your unforgivingness?
Bitterness Depression Anxiety Feeling emotionally stunted Despair Hopelessness Loneliness
Has anything good come from not forgiving yourself? Have you felt the peace, love, and joy the Lord desires for you? Have you felt the freedom– the release– that pardon brings? I would guess not. Failure to forgive yourself keeps you in a lifelong cage! Confined to a single point in time, never to experience the beautiful things life has for you after that moment . . . the amazing plans God has for you even after you totally and terribly blow it. You might think life ENDED the day you did the unforgivable. If you haven’t forgiven yourself, perhaps it did. You are still existing . . . breathing . . . but not LIVING. Learn from David’s Experience But when David saw that his servants whispered, he perceived that the child was dead. So he said to them, Is the child dead? And they said, He is. Then David arose from the floor, washed, anointed himself, changed his apparel, and went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he came to his own house, and when he asked, they set food before him, and he ate. Then his servants said to him, What is this that you have done? You fasted and wept while the child was alive, but when the child was dead, you arose and ate food. David said, While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live? But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” II Samuel 12:19-23 AMP You can’t undo what’s already done, but you can enjoy the rest of your life as a healed child of God who still has a divine purpose! You can forgive, and set yourself free to experience every great blessing He has in store for you, knowing you have the right and the privilege to receive them because of His shed blood on the cross that covers every mistake, every sin. You can embrace His redemption knowing it won’t change what you did, but it can and will change YOU –if you allow Him to. You can forgive yourself, even though it’s hard, because your heavenly Father and everyone who loves you here on earth want you to break free from the selfimprisonment of unforgivingness to enjoy love, life, laughter, and true healing again. There is nothing too hard for the Lord. He gave you life – won’t you choose to live it?
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God’s perfect will
isn’t to heal you. His perfect will is that you
don’t get sick! In my study of the spiritual roots of disease—coming out of the Bible and what medical science has discovered—I can document a direct relationship between sickness and bad spirituality. I did not make this discovery overnight; rather, it came after 25 years of getting involved in people’s lives and seeing the fruit they experience as doers of God’s Word.
another female. This other female could be mother, sister, mother-inlaw, or another close female. This woman had simmering bitterness against her mother and her mother-in-law!
I taught for three days. She did not come to me during that time but went home, entered into her prayer Beloved, I wish above all things closet, and began to repent to God that thou mayest prosper and be for bitterness against her mother. in health, even as thy soul In her mind, these words formed: prospers. 3 John 1: 2 Forgiveness Heals Cancer Several years ago, I was teaching in Wycliffe, NC. In the audience was a woman who had lumps in both her breasts. She had just heard me say that breast cancer can come from the breakdown in relationship between a woman and
You need to not just repent; you need to go to your mother and make it right. She made it right! She went to her mother and made her peace. She repented of long-term bitterness, irritation and resentment. 13
Later, she was re-checked by her doctor and all lumps in her left breast were gone, but those in the right breast remained. She went back into her prayer closet and asked God why. In her mind these words formed:
We have documented hundreds upon hundreds of healings from cancer and other “incurable” diseases when the spiritual roots are addressed. Many are on our website iamchanged.com. The Purpose of the Gospel is Relationship
You’ve only done half the work! What about your mother-in-law?
God intended for this planet to be inhabited in righteousness. God intended that we love Him with all of our heart, soul, and might—and love our neighbor as ourselves. I consider at least 30% of all cancers to be the result of a fragmenting of that love and a Guess what she did? She went to her mother-in-law and made her peace. When she was re-checked later, all lumps breakdown in those relationships. had disappeared in the right breast as well. ————————————————————————-
Which do you think is easier? To repent of unforgiveness, resentment and anger and have cancer disappear, or, To hang onto your “right to be right” and leave yourself open to disease that may require serious medical intervention? ———————————————————————— We have seen that cysts or tumors in the left breast tissue follow bitterness and conflict between female blood relatives, while those in the right breast seem to be the result of conflict between female non-blood relatives. Non -blood relatives could be a co-worker, a friend, even a church member. The woman in this story has been well and cancer-free for more than ten years. No one prayed for her healing. She got right with God and wholeness came to her spirit, soul and body. A Pastor’s Wife is Healed I received a call one day from a pastor whose wife had breast cancer that had metastasized, and she had been given just a few months to live. This man wanted me to pray for his wife. I did not pray for her! Instead, I told him her cancer may be due to some unforgivingness in her life towards another woman. When we got off the phone, he addressed this issue with his wife. She indeed had bitterness towards a woman in their church. Shortly thereafter, she sought forgiveness, and the two women were reconciled. That was several years ago. Her cancer spontaneously went into remission without drugs, change in diet, surgery or any other medical treatment.
When we become separated from each other, we become separated from God. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 1 John 4:20
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You Must Take Your Thoughts Captive to Prevent Disease
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Would you consider it to be good for your health to decide to forgive? When you ask God to forgive you and you do not forgive another, you are making yourself greater than the living God. The Bible says to be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down on your wrath. If you go to bed with sinful anger, you’ll wake up the next morning with a deep-rooted spirit of bitterness that has joined your life. If you’re waiting for somebody else to get right with God before you do, you err. Somebody has to get spiritual. Who do you think it should be? You Must Take Your Thoughts Captive to Prevent Disease Second Corinthians 10:5 says we are to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. Why is that so important? Disease is birthed invisibly, in our thoughts. All day long the enemy is giving you thoughts. These thoughts can be cynical accusations about another person’s motives. They can be criticism of another’s appearance. They can be thoughts of selfhatred: I hate my nose. If you do not take your thoughts captive and toss out the ones that are destructive, you may find yourself following the destructive thought, meditating upon it, and letting that thought create in you a personality trait—such as bitterness––that is not from God! There is an old saying: “It eats at them like a cancer.” Bitterness is the number one spiritual root that produces toxicity at the cellular level. If we allow thoughts of unforgivingness and resentment and anger and retaliation to remain, we are meditating on evil. Then we have another problem—fear—because there has been a failure in relationship. Fear brings an interesting physiological manifestation. There is a contributing condition in cancer called cell membrane semi-rigidity and toxic blood or cell toxicity.
Cells can become hardened by our fear. This semi-rigidity prevents the cells from receiving nutrients and expelling toxins. The condition gives a foothold for cell mutation.
The hypothalamus gland plays an important role in immunology. It is the brain of the endocrine system. Through the limbic system the hypothalamus integrates physiological action and thought. So what begins deep inside the spirit and soul of a human at some point will manifest in the physical. The hypothalamus is responsible for fear, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, phobias, psychoses, morbidities, anger, rage, murder. All of these things manifest physiologically. Disease Begins With a Thought Incorrect thinking that you allow to remain and meditate on is not good for you, not good for others, and not good for the Kingdom of God. So take your thoughts captive! If they are destructive, cast them down.
It allows the destruction of anti-oncogenes, which are tumor-suppressor genes. Extended levels of fear, stress and anxiety can cause other problems, too. Cortisol levels are elevated, which adversely affects the body’s ability to recognize and destroy cancer cells. Thus, the person who stays in fear, stress and anxiety has a poorly-functioning immune system.
I’ve been a pastor for many years; I’ve helped thousands of people and seen tremendous healing when bitterness is dealt with against self, against others and against God. Hebrews 12:14-15 says “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord, looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God . . .” 15
The person who has bitterness has failed in the grace of God because they have not appropriated what grace should have taught them. You, as the servant priest for the Lord, should represent grace and divine influence on every person you come in contact with. In relationship with you, they should have showers of blessing, not acid rain! You Have a Right to Hate Sin, but You Cannot Hate the Person You alone will stand before the Lord in the judgment seat of Christ. Guard your heart! Instead of holding a record of wrongs against someone, have compassion. You must be like your Father in heaven who is filled with grace, mercy, longsuffering and forgiveness. God didn’t forgive you because He felt like it; He forgave you because it’s His character. It has nothing to do with feelings. In fact, if you have a spirit of bitterness, repent for it. Renounce it! Tell God you want nothing more to do with bitterness. You’re either a doer of the Word or you’re a doer of your feelings. Jesus was obedient to the Word of the Father, not to His feelings. He said, “Father, if it be possible, take this cup from me; but nevertheless, not my will, but Your will be done” (Matthew 26:39).
FORGIVE. Disagreements within families are normal; don’t let them ruin your health. A positive attitude can not only help mend and preserve relationships but also improve your heart rate and blood pressure, according to research published in the Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy..
Forgiveness A Divine Virtue We Can Participate In Rabbi Gavri'el Moreno-Bryars
Forgiveness is a divine attribute of HaShem (G-d). He has the right and power to forgive sins, or not forgive them. We, as humans made in His image, can participate in this divine attribute. Indeed, as humans, we are commanded to participate in forgiveness; and if we do not, HaShem is not obligated to forgive us. Let’s look at this divine attribute and see how we are commanded to forgive and how HaShem has made eternal promises to us based on our actions. The Talmidim’s (Disciples’) Prayer
your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Messiah Himself gave us a key understanding of forgiveness of others and how it is required as part of us being forgiven by HaShem. Messiah commanded (Matthew 6:9-15),
So Messiah Himself commanded us to forgive others their sins, and if we don’t, HaShem will not forgive us ours! Wow, does it really say that? Let’s see Luke 11:2-4.
“Pray like this: ‘Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.’ “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others,
“Yeshua (Messiah) said, “This is how you should pray ‘Father, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. Give us each day the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation.” Twice it is written that we are commanded to forgive others their sins. Now notice very carefully: “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” Wait, does it really say we are to be forgiven as we forgive others? Yes, it does – ‘As you judge, so are you judged’ (Matthew 7:2). If we do not forgive others, HaShem is not obligated to forgive us our sins! Believers can come across as some of the most judgmental people who have ever walked the earth. We condemn homosexuality while members of our own 17
community commit adultery. Do we think HaShem will judge homosexuals and not judge adulterers? The Church has in many cases turned a blind eye to fornication while condemning other sexual sins. All are deadly sins but we, somehow, think HaShem will wink at one and condemn the other!
above: But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. So if we repent– turn away from our sin (stop doing it) – He, G-d, is faithful to forgive our sins! Therein lies the danger: If we do not confess our sins, G-d is not obligated to forgive us!
It is time to realize HaShem judges everyone by the same measure. If we want to have His forgiveness, maybe we need to start forgiving others.
Living a Righteous Life
Asking for Forgiveness, Granting Forgiveness
So, if we want HaShem to forgive our sins, there are commands we must obey:
1. We must forgive others their offense against us. Messiah taught in First John 1:8-10, If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves 2. We must realize our sins and confess then to HaShem. and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, Without these two steps, we are holding onto our sins and he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we not allowing the mercy of HaShem, the Father, to flow are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no through Messiah’s atoning death into our innermost being. place in our heart. We must forgive others what they have done against us so HaShem’s (G-d’s) forgiveness can flow unhindered to us. We must search our heart for all traces of sin and confess them. This means we must stop the practice of sinning and expecting HaShem to pat us on the head and say that’s OK. Let us unleash the power of G-d and His Messiah by accepting the forgiveness of G-d, bought on the execution To keep the doors to forgiveness open, we are required to stake (cross) through His Messiah, and extending it to take an action! Oh no, that sounds like works! you might others. Soberly, let us work out our salvation ‘with fear and say. Guess what, we are required to take action in order to trembling,’ as stated in scripture (Philippians 2:12), always belong to G-d and be part of His family! We must trust in G looking at our own faults before looking at the faults of -d and His Messiah; we must be born again; and, we must others. Let us make sure we always ask for forgiveness for ask for forgiveness when we sin! ourselves and grant forgiveness to others. Too many people commit sin thinking they are covered in the blood of Messiah. Sinning without repentance while ———————————————————————— under the blood of Messiah is deadly! Read the passage Rabbi Gavri’el is the Sr. Rabbi at Congregation Beth Ha’Mashiach. He has a Master of Messianic Theology Degree from MBI Yeshiva. For more information go to www.cbhm.org. Today many don’t think about sin. They say, “We are covered in the blood of Jesus.” Unfortunately, the above scripture makes it clear that ‘If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth.’ Messiah does not mean we cannot sin. Rather, He has opened the doors of forgiveness from the Father to us. These doors can be partially closed by our sins.
Believers can come across as some of the most judgmental people who have ever walked the earth. We condemn homosexuality while members of our own community commit adultery. Do we think HaShem will judge homosexuals and not judge adulterers?
Liberate Your Soul:
Choose to
“
Forgiveness starts here...Forgivenss liberates the soul...It removes fear that is why it is such a powerful weapon...The past is the past, we look to the future. Nelson Mandela
”
Forgive
We hold on when we should let go Rewinding only to find This should have ended long ago We dig in our heels when we should move on Going tit for tat Fighting over this and that When people mean more than things And things, Well, they’re just things See in order to get you’ve got to give It’s time to live and let live Start with now Not with what if And choose to forgive I’ve been holding my breath Praying you would pass out Hurting myself Thinking you would lash out But today I decided to take the trash out And declutter my soul It’s time for me to cash out Too much was invested Now relationships have been tested But I choose to pass ‘Cause love never fails And truth always, always prevails
It’s time to set sail On tomorrow Instead of replaying the past Yesterday and its sorrow Weren’t meant to last Hate is expensive And I can’t afford to be bitter The price is too high I choose to live and not die Cancelling the same debt Paid to set me free Owing no one anything but love Love unconditionally We hold on when we should let go Rewinding only to find This should have ended long ago We dig in our heels when we should move on Going tit for tat Fighting over this and that When people mean more than things And things, Well, they’re just things See in order to get you’ve got to give It’s time to live and let live Start with now Not with what if And choose to forgive
By Maya J.T.
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Forgiveness After Death:
It’s Not Too Late Reverend Carol Brown
To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. C.S. Lewis
One warm and sunny afternoon while sitting with my patient, the reality of coming face-to-face with the end of his life ignited his desire to seek reconciliation with his brother. Unfortunately, his brother did not have the same change of heart. He refused the opportunity for reconciliation and chose not to forgive. While my patient forgave his brother and found peace, his brother lacked peace and calm and exhibited various levels of anxiety and fluster in my presence. My patient’s brother did not understand that the death of his brother would neither relieve him of the need to forgive nor erase the consequences of unforgivingness.
From the Eyes of a Chaplain I sat at his bedside listening as my patient shared stories of his life, family, and friends. The stories were short and few, a representation of the relationships he claimed while lying on his bed of affliction. Days would come and go but visitors would not. He would share cold memories of an estranged brother. His eyes were dark and laden with sadness and regret.
The previous scenario happened at various levels and degrees throughout my two-year residency as a Hospice Chaplain. While offering emotional and spiritual support for patients and their families, I would often encounter individuals and families who were struggling with unresolved conflict, anger, and broken relationships. I heard many stories from spouses, parents and children who, for reasons they sometimes could not recall, had
ceased to communicate with each other. Often times, harboring levels of resentment and bitterness, families struggled to connect during one of the most difficult moments a family would share–the death of a loved one. At the root of most of the discord and relationship issues was unforgivness. What should we know about forgiving and unforgivingness?
Forgive All and For Everything The New Testament apostle Paul addressed the church at Colosse on how to live a Christian life. He tells them to “Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive]” Colossians 3:13.
Forgive. Forgive for all things. Forgive at all times. Forgive every time. We are commanded by God to forgive everyone for any and everything. Matthew 6:14 says, “For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment]; your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” To forgive may not always be the easiest thing to do, but it is not an option for the Christian believer. Perhaps you struggle with forgiving someone who offended or betrayed you. Perhaps you are praying and asking God to soften your heart toward the individual that caused you so much pain and heartache. Or, perhaps you are the one that needs to be forgiven. You may have already made a phone call or a visit to offer forgiveness. But what do you do if you find the person you need to forgive is no longer among the living?
The Love of Father You may question why you would need to forgive someone after they have died. Death does not cancel the command to forgive. I learned this firsthand several years ago as God was preparing me for ministry. Following my Morning Prayer, I sat down to write the names of several individuals who were coming to mind. Not knowing why I was writing the names, I wrote until I was prompted to stop. Looking at the list I noted names of people who bullied me during my early teen years. But what caught my attention was the name of a relative who died several years ago. Praying I asked God to reveal to me why I had written the list. My list included the names of people I had not forgiven
who had hurt me. I was in shock. I could not recall all of the offenses but I remembered the pain and rejection. I was even more alarmed about the deceased relative. Once again I remembered how that particular relative made me feel growing up. I never felt warmth and affection, only rejection.
I made a decision that day to forgive every person on my list. It did not matter what they had done or how they had hurt me. Most of the offenses occurred during my childhood, and now decades later they mattered to God. What mattered to me was that my condition was important enough to God that He took the time to show me. God was not as concerned about what had been done to me as much as He was about my response to it. At that moment I recognized God wanted to change my heart. He wanted to heal me of the hurt and rejection I suffered at the hands of others, and He wanted me to forgive them. Far greater than the offenses was my unforgivingness toward the offenders. Until that day I was unaware of the unforgivingness in my heart, but God knew. I gained a new understanding that day about forgiveness. Forgiveness is more than saying I am sorry. It is a desire for a changed heart. It is loving others unconditionally beyond their good, bad and ugly. Regardless of the degree of betrayal or level of pain and suffering, forgiveness is not an option. Not even after the death of the offender.
Forgiveness is more than saying I am sorry. It is a desire for a changed heart. It is loving others unconditionally beyond their good, bad and ugly. Regardless of the degree of betrayal or level of pain and suffering, forgiveness is not an option. Not even after the death of the offender. 21
A Desire for Change So how do you forgive someone when that someone is no longer around to hear you utter the words of forgiveness or experience the forgiveness you offer? I believe the first step is to ask for God’s forgiveness for harboring unforgivingness, and then to choose to forgive the one who hurt you. You must be willing to forgive others. Forgiveness is not based on a feeling. Feelings are real but at times irrational and unpredictable. You cannot put your trust in them. In offering forgiveness we are forgiven (Matthew 6:12). The one who forgives understands how much he has been forgiven. When we freely choose to obey the word of God, we avail ourselves of His attention and He is available to help us in the most difficult situation. God is the strength we need to accomplish all challenges in life. After making the decision to forgive, the next step is to purposely and passionately seek and trust God for a changed heart. When we have unforgivingness against others, we need a cleansing of the heart (Psalm 51:10). We all need a heart that is soft, tender and loving toward others. Praying for God to change an unforgiving heart is a powerful prayer that God is just waiting to answer.
Choosing Life Is there a deceased parent or grandparent who abused or neglected you? What about a friend who died prematurely before saying they were sorry for hurting you? Have you stopped speaking to a neighbor or co-worker because of malicious gossip that defamed your character? Pray and ask God today if there is someone you need to forgive. You are the beneficiary when you forgive others. You will begin to experience peace in your life the same way my patient experienced peace after forgiving his brother. Growing in faith and in our relationship with God and others are benefits of forgiveness. Refusing to forgive invites the work of the enemy into our lives. It creates a breathing ground for spiritual, physical, mental and emotional conditions which include, but are not limited to, ungratefulness, bitterness, stress, high blood pressure, premature aging, and depression. Choosing not to forgive others is like choosing a death sentence. Choose this day to LIVE and FORGIVE!
* All scripture are taken from the Amplified Version.
Death does not cancel the command to forgive.
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The Ties That Bind Adapted from “Breaking up with my Belly” TR Sanderson In the Beginning was Food
to see the “fruit” as something it wasn’t. God had placed a
Regardless of who we are, we all have a relationship with
boundary on it, but she bought into the lie. The Bible says
food–good, bad or indifferent. There are scores of
Eve looked at the food with different eyes. She saw the
Websites, blogs, and even entire channels on food– how to fruit through the lie the enemy had told her–that it was good prepare it and how to eat it. Some people even describe
for food and desirable to make one wise. Food became a
themselves as foodies. We all have a personal relationship weapon. with food. I have been known to say, “Me and food go way back.” It is a tongue-in-cheek way to say, well, I have had
The Experience that Changed Food for Me
issues with food and I’m a work in progress.
I know now that food is for nourishment and it was created for us to bless us, to bring us life and health. But through
From the very beginning, food was used to cause our first
an early experience, it had become something else. I was
earth mother and father to sin. The enemy convinced Eve
twelve when food became not so much nutrition but a tool
for me. I have a distinct memory of when this happened. I
Years passed and I finally came to the end of myself. I let
had turned twelve. My mom surprised me with a beautiful
go of my disappointment in the people who were supposed
yellow cake, decorated with pink and white icing. That
to be there to protect me. At this point, I’d grown
year, I also became a woman. One day while I was at
disillusioned with the church. The enemy had a field day in
church, there was a group of older boys talking; they may
my thought-life. He is aptly titled “accuser of the
have been in their teens. I overheard them commenting on brethren.” Finally, my hidden hostility was addressed and I my shapely figure. Not long after that incident, a trusted
could begin the healing process. I allowed myself to be
family friend, my brother’s best friend, lured me away from
honest about what had happened to me, and I forgave
a Bible study to corner me in an entryway alone. He’d
myself. I had to forgive others, yes, but I also had to
come to me during prayer and said the pastor’s wife (aka
forgive myself for holding on to the toxicity for so long.
his mom) was calling me. I got up dutifully and followed him into his well laid trap. He proceeded to take away my
I entered into a conversation with Jesus about that day so
innocence. I never told anyone about this experience.
many years ago. I had rebelled and developed bitterness and became disillusioned with the church all the while not
The way my life then unfolded was subtle. I kept the incident to
even remembering why or how. In this exchange with Jesus several months ago, He came to my twelve-year-old self and took me by the hand and walked away with me leaving that memory behind. He redeemed my memory and my past. So now is the work. He can use that experience to help me intercede for and counsel others
myself. I ate to repress
who may be going through the same thing. Now to move
and to forget. I ate for
hated to healed.
comfort. I ate because it became familiar. The Conversation that Changed my Life
on from pain to perfection, from lowly to loved, and from
Many people have developed eating disorders because they want to be attractive, wanted, and loved. I wanted the opposite–to be invisible, to be left alone, to fade away, not be on “display” like I was back when I was blossoming into womanhood at the tender of age of twelve.
I was not aware how the incident had affected me. I only knew that I did not feel that I had a voice. Telling someone seemed pointless. I feared that somehow I’d be ridiculed or blamed for what happened. I was in a situation with the likes of Eli and his sons, Hophni and Phinehas (1 Samuel 2:22-29.) I was simply one of many that had been exploited. Yet I felt so alone in my suffering, stripped off any power, just isolated. Many years later, I reflected on these things. I prayed and forgave the pastor’s son for what he had done to me. I released him of it. He died an early death, in his mid-thirties.
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I’ve learned that when I am hurt or wronged, I must take it
The First Step of Forgiveness
to Jesus every time. He has the remedy for all I suffer. I’ve A good friend once told me that painful experiences are learned that sometimes you have to talk to God plainly;
meant to teach us not to linger. I thank God that He took
flowery words are not necessary.
away the sting of that experience. But having gone through it, I can empathize with those who battle feelings of
By being genuine, purely authentic, I can allow God to heal
inadequacy, doubt, stress, pain, rejection, and the
me. It may be a continual process, but I welcome it. There like. The first step to healing is forgiving one’s self. Get to is no shame in weakness. The Lord is my
the bottom of the why, and the how will soon follow. Find a
strength. Sometimes when things get heavy we’ve got to
group of friends; surround yourself with positive
learn to laugh at the devil.
reinforcement. It will not be an easy road but it will be truly rewarding.
What’s happening in your Brain?
Ask Dr. Andrew Newberg Dr. Andrew Newberg is one of the leading pioneers in neuroscientific study of religious and spiritual experiences, a field frequently referred to as – neurotheology. His work attempts to understand better the nature of religious and spiritual practices and experiences.
Q
What is needed in order for forgiveness to occur? Can you share what is occurring in the brain/mind when we forgive?
A
There are several components to forgiveness including causal memory, a sense of self, an awareness of an injury to the self, the determination of a response (either revenge or forgiveness), and an alteration in how the person perceives their relationship to the individual who injured them. Different areas of the brain are involved including the frontal (attention and behavior), temporal (abstract processing) and parietal (sense of self) lobes as well as the limbic system (emotions).
Q
What are the implications of your research for:
A
Physical Health: Forgiveness appears to reduce anxiety and depression which theoretically would improve physical health.
Mental Health: Forgiveness can help reduce anxiety and depression and has been an important part of treatment for various psychological disorders, especially substance abuse. Spiritual Health: Forgiveness has been an essential element of many religious and spiritual traditions so it likely improves spiritual wellbeing. Relationship (family, society, church, work): Forgiveness helps reduce stress between people and helps increase intimacy and compassion between people. So it is an important part of relationships. 27
In the Raw How Enzymes in Raw and Cultured Food Promote Good Health Judy Mays
Because 80% of our immune system is in our gut, the gastrointestinal track is usually the first line of defense against toxins entering the body. But the gut cannot do its job without the help of enzymes. Enzymes are the manual workers that build the body from proteins, carbohydrates and fats; and they fall into three major classifications:
The largest being the metabolic enzymes produced by the body. These enzymes are responsible for all bodily processes including breathing, thinking, talking, moving, behavior and maintenance of the immune system.
The second category is the digestive enzymes. These are manufactured by the pancreas and work to break down the bulk of partially digested food leaving the stomach. But the enzymes we need to consider when planning our meals is the third category, and that is food enzymes. Without enzymes there would be no breathing, no blood coagulation, no growth, no digestion, no sense of perception, and no reproduction! In other words, No life!
energy that must work to keep our body systems functioning throughout our lifetime. And the only back-up source of enzymes we have comes from the food we eat. But in today’s world of mass food production, much of the food we consume is void of vitamins and minerals, denatured and depleted of enzymatic power.
Here are a few things that can cause enzyme depletion in food:
Pesticides and Chemicals Hybridization and Genetic Engineering Bovine Growth Hormone (BGH) Pasteurization Irradiated Food Cooking at high temperatures (118 degrees and above) Microwaving Fluoridated water
Unfortunately, we are born with a limited supply of enzyme
...humans eating an enzyme-poor diet, comprised primarily of cooked food, use up a tremendous amount of their enzyme potential in outpouring of secretions from the pancreas and other digestive organs. Dr. Howell believed that such outpouring results in a shortened life span.
According to the late Dr. Edward Howell, a noted pioneer in the field of enzyme research, humans eating an enzyme-poor diet, comprised primarily of cooked food, use up a tremendous amount of their enzyme potential in outpouring of secretions from the pancreas and other digestive organs. Dr. Howell believed that such outpouring results in a shortened life span. Although most fruits and vegetables contain few enzymes, their enzyme power and flavor can be awakened and enhanced through an enzymatic process known as Lactofermentation. Starches and sugars in vegetables and fruits are converted into lactic acid by many species of lactic-acid producing bacteria. These bacteria (lactobacilli) in vegetables, fruits and dairy products enhance their digestibility and increase vitamin levels. These organisms produce numerous helpful enzymes as well as antibiotic and anti-carcinogenic substances. And instead of spoiling, they are kept well-preserved by the bacteria while promoting the growth of healthy flora throughout the intestines. Kefir and Sauerkraut are both well-known and both are lacto-fermented foods. These foods not only can help repopulate your intestines with good beneficial bacteria, they will automatically lessen the stress on your pancreas and other digestive organs by enhancing your digestion, strengthening your immune system, and by supporting natural and gentle detoxification.
Here are two easy recipes that will help you get started and introduce you to the health benefits of raw and cultured food. Enjoy!
*Fresh Cultured Kefir
Cultured Milk Smoothie (Makes 3 cups)
2 cups of fresh whole milk, non-homogenized and preferably raw ½ cup of good quality cream 1 package of Kefir Starter Culture (www. Bodyecology.com)
1 ¼ cups of fresh cultured kefir (*See recipe below) 1 ripe banana (fresh or frozen) 2 tablespoons of coconut oil 2 egg yolks 1-4 tablespoons of maple syrup or ¼ teaspoon of stevia 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract ¼ teaspoon of nutmeg ¼ teaspoon of ginger
Place milk and cream in a clean wide-mouth quart-size mason jar. Add the Kefir Starter Culture as directed, stir well and cover loosely with a cloth. Place in a warm place (65 to 76 degrees) for 12 hours to 2 days, or as directed. This fresh raw/cultured should be stored in the refrigerator and used as you choose.
Place the banana in a food processor or blender and process until smooth. Add remaining ingredients and process until well-blended.
Sources: Nourishing Traditions, Sally Fallon with Mary G. Enig, PhD Alternative Medicine, The Definitive Guide; Larry Trivieri, Jr. and John W. Anderson, Editors and Writers
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Scriptures on
Forgiveness to Live By Forgiveness is simple but not easy. That’s why we have selected some scriptures for you to ponder and to encourage you on your journey.
By Jeannie Gibson
Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. We usually want easy forgiveness but often find it hard to forgive.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Seventy times seven is a whole lot of forgiving… and yet that is how much we are asked to forgive.
Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins We should forgive anyone who we feel has wronged us, as we go before God in prayer. Holding a grudge against someone while going to God in prayer to ask forgiveness is hypocritical.
Ephesians 4:32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. If we accept God’s forgiveness, then we should be open to forgiving those who wrong us.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. God is willing to forgive our sins if we confess them to him. We must recognize that we are sinners and trustingly seek God’s forgiveness.
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Hebrews 9:22 In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. Jesus Christ died on the cross so that we can receive forgiveness from our sins because without the shedding of his blood, there would have been no forgiveness for us.
Acts 10:43 All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name. The entire Bible, from the Old Testament to the New Testament, is God’s plan of forgiveness—the journey of humanity’s return to God through Jesus Christ.
2 Chronicles 7:14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. Finally, we can receive God’s forgiveness if we turn to his ways and pray, fully seeking his will.
Psalm 79:9 Help us, God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake. It takes humility to recognize our need for forgiveness. It takes faith and belief in a powerful, yet righteous God to throw ourselves at his mercy.
Luke 6:37 Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. To err is humane. To forgive divine – Alexander Pope. As humans we all make mistakes, but when we forgive someone, it is spiritual and Christ-like.
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Practice o f Forgiveness
The
Reverend Canon Beth Knowlton
W
hile most Christians are in agreement that forgiveness is a necessary condition of our spiritual lives, I am not at all sure that we know how we are supposed to go about it. We desire to be forgiven when we sense a key relationship is damaged by a loss of trust or hurt, but we do not always know how to ask for that which we need. And when we are the ones who have been hurt, it is sometimes difficult to approach the one who may not even know that we need to forgive. I need to begin by saying that I have difficulty forgiving at times. My capacity to forgive depends on the nature of the slight I perceive, but it also has to do with how much I treasure the relationship that is in need of healing. Sometimes the more precious the relationship, the harder time I have relinquishing my pain and disappointment. I expect my husband, my parents, my good friends to know, without my saying it, that I have been hurt. As I have gotten older, I realize this expectation puts the most important people in my life at a terrible disadvantage. While they may know me better than
anyone else, it does not make them God. They are not omniscient. And, frankly, they have their own cares and concerns that get in the way of noticing my every mood change. Would I really want to carry that responsibility for them? Do I really want to have to magically know their inner state of being so that I can perfectly respond? Even if I did have such power, isn’t the greater indicator of trust in the relationship their willingness to approach me with their own vulnerability, and I with mine? The best progress I have made in forgiving others and myself and in asking for forgiveness from others has been by making forgiveness a practice as opposed to a state of being. I often have to practice forgiveness long before I feel differently. We are complicated creatures, and sometimes it is easier to forgive than others. But there are a few practical steps I have discovered that seem to facilitate the process.
Acknowledge the depth of your own hurt in prayer. In my experience, the worst thing I can do is pretend I am not really hurt, or that I have forgiven someone when the wounds are still raw. This does not mean I need to confront each hurt with each person; but it does mean I need honestly to hold each hurt before God. If I am able to name the pain, I am much more likely to be able to move through it or diminish its power over me. The Psalms are full of wonderful witnesses to the healing that can come by naming our sense of hurt and despair before the One who created us. Because, it is God who is able to heal the hurt more profoundly than any human. This does not mean I might not need to go and speak to the person and seek a more direct reconciliation. But, if that is what is required, then praying this way ahead of time helps me to frame what is in need of healing. Is this something that the person who hurt me can even accomplish? Or, is this something I need to ask God to heal?
The best progress I have made in forgiving others and myself and in asking for forgiveness from others has been by making forgiveness a practice as opposed to a state of being. Pray for the person who has hurt you.
Now, I do not mean this
in a trite saccharine way. I mean, pray for them when you still can barely stand the thought of the person. When you are still so raw and pained by the strain in your relationship that you consider them completely unlovable. What you are doing in this practice is turning the responsibility of loving them over to God. I find that if I keep doing this, the reality is my view softens over time. It is simply impossible to stay enraged at someone whom you see as beloved of God. It is frankly humbling to imagine that the person you consider most despicable is actually as beloved as you are. Over time, such prayers become freeing as you realize that we all are loved through the sheer gratuitous love of God, and not because of whatever subtle works of righteousness we have allowed to creep into our thinking. I also find that when I imagine the person who has hurt me as God might see them, I often realize there are other pressures on their life that might have contributed to the rift in the first place.
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Acknowledge your own need for forgiveness.
There is
nothing more helpful in developing compassion for others than realizing one’s own deep need for it. The more I can candidly look at my own selfishness and my own inability to meet the needs of those I love, the less I expect others to accomplish an impossible task. I have recently started to think about this expectation I have of those I love as a form of idolatry. If I put so much pressure on my relationships with finite human beings, I am eventually asking them to be God for me. Their very limitations, and my own, are an invitation to seek more deeply the presence of God. When I am spending enough time in prayer, silence, and reflection, I have a much deeper well to draw upon in my relationships with others. I have come to see my own sense of impatience or anger at others as a good indicator that something in my own life is out of balance. Have I been praying enough? Have I taken time for Sabbath? Or, have I gotten so frenetic that I am no longer grounded in the love of God? The reality is that usually other people have not suddenly gotten more annoying; it is my own state of being that has shifted and needs correction.
Fake it until you make it.
Again, the most important thing I have learned
about forgiveness is that it is a practice. I can behave in a forgiving manner, even if I don’t feel perfectly happy about it yet. The reality is the more I do this, the more quickly I feel forgiving. I also start to notice what a burden being unforgiving is. The more I hold a grudge against someone, who in all likelihood doesn’t even know I am upset, the more I realize my energy is not free to be the person God is calling me to be. I hope as I forgive someone, they experience grace and light in that. But the reality also is, even if they never know or never are transformed by my act of forgiveness, I am lightened. I am freer to be gentle with myself when I fall short. I start to see myself as a forgiven person who is able to move about my life with the knowledge that I am freed from an expectation of perfection. I can strive to do my best, but I can also allow myself to move on when I inevitably fall short. If my sense of being is grounded in the forgiveness and love already promised through God, I can much more easily share that in the world.
Interview with Everett Worthington on
of Forgiveness Everett Worthington is a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University and a clinical psychologist. His research and writing focus on forgiveness and other virtues, religion and spirituality, and issues related to marriage and family. His mission is to help individuals (every heart), couples and families (every home), and even communities and countries (every homeland) forgive.
began studying the topic scientifically in 1990. Since then, he has been a leader in the field of forgiveness research. From 1998 to 2005, he directed A Campaign for Forgiveness Research, a nonprofit organization that, during that time, awarded more than $6 million to studies on forgiving. He has also worked to help nurture researchers in other countries.
Everett was counseling couples when he first became interested in the concept of forgiveness, and he
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TRANSFORMING THE BODY The Body, God’s Masterpiece I love my body. I can hear the alarm going off now. “That’s sacrilegious! Idolatrous! Selfish! Humanistic!” The truth is I have an appreciation for the works of a gifted artist when I see one. And I believe God did a marvelous job when he created us humans, the zenith of his creation.
so they have to “make do.”
Getting their bodies to work as they should has been an ongoing struggle for people of all walks of life, especially in the area of weight management. Last year, the American Medical Association officially recognized obesity as a What do you see when you look at your body? Do you see disease. The most recent statistics from the Centers of a body that simply is made to give pleasure? Or a body that Disease Control and Prevention have revealed a slight has failed you or made you proud? Do you see a body that decline in childhood obesity, offering the only ray of hope. cannot be trusted? That has misused or abused you? Do Pastor Rick Warren, in baptizing a number of his members, you see a beautiful being? What do you see? realized that he and quite a number of his members were extremely overweight. So moved was he by this discovery, When I look at the human body, I see God’s beauty—his Pastor Warren produced a health and fitness plan called masterpiece. However, I realize that many people do not The Daniel Plan. In 2010, my experience as a personal see their bodies as God’s masterpiece. Their body is just trainer led me to use my educational training to develop a there, and only when it breaks down, like a car needing health and wellness Bible study called the Ten repair, do they notice it or give it some attention. For Commandments for Living a Healthy and Fit Life. I realized others, they tolerate their bodies; they have no alternative that exercise was only part of the puzzle. Health had to involve not just the body but the mind and the spirit as well. In planning for the magazine this year, I made the decision not to include any exercises or workouts in the first two issues. The Internet is inundated with tips on exercise and nutrition. How to get a great body. Celebs and their bodies. Post-baby bodies. Kim Kardashian’s post-baby body selfie. There is at least one problem with this kind of focus on the body: It makes the creation, and not the Creator, the centerpiece of attention. The art piece itself should never be given credit, or become the centerpiece. The creation should reflect the glory of the artist. Therefore, I want to emphasize two points that are important to having the right perspective on the body and to successfully transforming the body: (i) see yourself as God’s masterpiece, and (ii) understand that the purpose of your body is to bring glory to your Creator. In this issue, I wish to address point (i). See Yourself as God’s Masterpiece - Visualization In bodybuilding I learned quickly that if I was going to transform my body, I needed to see the end result. I had to know what I wanted my shoulders to look like, my legs—my physique. I had to see that image in my mind and tell every muscle to follow that prototype. I remembered when Lenda Murray, eight-times Ms. Olympia, gave me my first workout program she said, “This will transform your physique.” In my opinion, I was a scrawny thing then, though I’d been an
athlete for most of my life. However, the program was only part of the making. Without the visual imprint on my mind, I could not communicate a clear message to my body. I searched in magazines for physiques I liked or parts of bodies I liked (someone with beautifully sculpted shoulders and another with powerful-looking legs). Bodybuilding was an art. I was going to sculpt a physique despite what I saw then in the mirror. It was what I held in the mirror of my mind that I believed in.
I like this description because it gives insight into who God is and what God thinks of us. The word masterpiece means outstanding work of art or craft; it is the greatest work of an artist. We are God’s finest artistry. He is the Artist to whom we give all credit.
I have to admit there is something about knowing that scripture and having it resonate in my head as I work out. As I contract every muscle, I communicate to each muscle that it is God’s masterpiece. Hebrews 4: 12, tells us that the You are God’s masterpiece. It is not what you see Word of God is capable of penetrating every fiber of our in the mirror but the image of yourself you hold in your mind body including soul and spirit. that counts. Do you see yourself as God’s masterpiece, or are you fixated on that image in the mirror? Can you see Let the change begin from the inside. See yourself as passed that person? I remembered telling a friend who called me often about her weight issue that she was too big God’s masterpiece as you work out. Make choices based in her eyes. This was not what she wanted to hear, but her on this principle. frustration with her weight had become literally bigger than How do you care for a valuable piece? God. She could not see pass herself because that person Where do you display it? Do you honor the Artist by putting the artwork in a she saw in the mirror was taking up so much space that corner only to gather dust? there was no room for the Holy Spirit. Do you know how to care for the Artist’s work?
When you see yourself as God’s masterpiece, you make different decisions. As a bodybuilder, I Your body is valuable in the sight of God. had to make different choices from other athletes. Was this God’s will or my ambition? I wanted quick results, but at what price? If I was God’s masterpiece, I could not put anything in my body. Your decisions must be guided by a higher principle than ‘self.’ Many of us are familiar with the analogy of the body to a temple, but Paul also describes us as God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Bodybuilding was an art. I was going to sculpt a physique despite what I saw then in the mirror. It was what I held in the mirror of my mind that I believed in.
“The Word of God clearly instructs us to renew our minds so that we can experience transformative living. I do not believe this transformation is limited to so-called spiritual matters.” ~ Etta Dale
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