Grief Hurts

Grief Hurts

BY STEPHEN HEBERT

I would like to do something different in the article you are about to read, and it is something that doesn’t happen too often when an author writes commentary. What I’d like to do for you today, is instead of leading you on the “chase” and bringing you to the “catch”, I’d like to save you the “chase” this once, hand you the “catch”, and just simply talk shop... All of this is just a long way of saying, I’d like to give you the punchline first, and this is – GRIEF HURTS!

Have you been there before? Have you lost a grandparent, a parent, a spouse, a brother or sister, or maybe even one of your children? Have you lost a dear friend, a fellow church member, a colleague or a peer? I would say for most of us at some point in our life the answer is yes, and it is quite possible more than one person came to mind as you read the last few sentences. I think we would all agree, the closer the person is to us, the heavier the loss and the more painful the grief really is. The bottom line is – IT HURTS!

In some cases, the death of a loved one or friend can come suddenly and without warning, and at other times, it can be a planned event as well, something we expect, something we know is imminent and in our future, something we feel we can prepare for, something we feel like we can brace ourselves for. That’s how life and death is. In the Bible, in the book of James chapter 4, verse 14 it says, “For what is your life? It is like a vapor that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away.” In Psalm 103, it states in verses 14 thru 16, “For the Lord knows how weak we are. He remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone – as though we had never been here at all.” When you and I lose a family member or a friend, the experience itself paints a very clear picture of the reality of these scriptures.

Once that person or that relationship is torn from our lives, Grief sets in and it is very similar to a wound. It’s deep, and it hurts. In one way or another, it effects every aspect of our being. Sometimes it feels like it’s going to take all of eternity to get better. Although eventually in due time, healing begins to take place, and layer by layer it slowly but surely scars over. It scars, just like having surgery or recovering from an accident or injury. Over time the pain begins to improve, it becomes more tolerable and somehow we are able to adapt. As we reach the other side of grief, something is definitely different, and we begin to know and understand that this “different” is going to be the new norm for us, and we will never be the same again.

When we lose someone close to us, our lives are forever changed. We want and wish for things to go back in time to the way things were before. But many times as Christians, it can be hard for us to realize that the Lord is trying to take us somewhere we haven’t been before. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not what has happened to us, but instead what is God wanting to do in us? Trust me, I am well aware when we are in the midst of a storm it is usually difficult to see or discern what the Lord is doing because we are distracted by all of the dark clouds, the howling winds, the peppering rain and the crashing waves that surround us. And this is usually what is going on in our lives when we’ve lost someone that is close to us whether we expected the death or not. But maybe, just maybe, we should stop for a minute, be still, and pray, asking the Lord what is He doing? Where is He trying to take us? What is He wanting to do in us?

Some of you may know the story. I lost my mom unexpectedly on Christmas night in 2012. I had a house full of family and friends, and everyone had shown up for Christmas dinner except for my mother. She didn’t answer her phone all afternoon as I called her from the ER while I was waiting to get stitches in my left finger and thumb for carelessly cutting myself on a carving knife I used to cut up a brisquette I had made specifically for her. (This is an entirely different story in itself ) Well anyway, when she wasn’t at our house at our meeting time - 5:30pm, we went looking for her, and we found her in her bed at home deceased. This was obviously one of the worst days of our lives, and our Christmas holiday and the celebration of our Savior’s birth, was ruined not only in the moment, but for a handful of Christmas holidays thereafter. I grieved heavily for the next 3 years, more than I could ever explain in a simple article. All I wanted to do was to rush through Christmas and get it over with, just to avoid the memory. But as time went on, I couldn’t help but ask God, “What were you doing here? Where are you trying to take me? What are you wanting to do in me?” I also couldn’t help but think of the scripture in Romans 8:28 where the Bible says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Now I know I love Him. I knew and recognized at the time I was called according to His purpose. I just didn’t have a clue how in the world He was going to work out such a terrible event like this – my mom dying unexpectantly on Christmas night – and somehow work it out for my good. I know this scripture well and would easily list it as one of His many promises in His Word. I also know He holds true to His promises as well, so I anxiously awaited what He had in store, and I would catch myself frequently challenging Him during prayer to prove it to me.

I have served in the medical field for nearly 30 years now. During that time, I worked as a Surgery Nurse for more than 12 years. I was involved in Cancer Research for approximately 10 years, and for the last 7 years (since that dreadful Christmas night when I lost my mom), I have had the privilege of serving the terminally ill and their families as a Hospice Nurse and Chaplain. Although I prayed for it time and time again, I never imagined how God would be able to use this terrible event and the painful grief that would follow, for His glory in my life. Looking back at the journey, I truly had no idea what was going on. But I trusted Him, and I never lost faith in His sovereignty over this world and over our lives. Does losing a loved one or friend hurt? Sure it does! Beyond the shadow of a doubt! Isn’t the grief experience like having a deep, painful wound that is never going to heal?? Absolutely!! But Brothers and Sisters lest we forget: Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and I am life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, yet shall they live, and whoever lives and believes in me, they shall never die.” “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. I died, and behold I am alive for evermore, and I hold the keys of hell, death and the grave.” Jesus said, “Because I live, you shall live also.”

Does this article catch us in a time of Grief? Maybe, just maybe, we should stop for a minute, be still and pray? Ask the Lord: What is He doing? Where is He trying to take us? What is He wanting to do in us? Maybe, just maybe, it’s not what has happened to us, But instead what is God wanting to accomplish in us and through us?

Grief Support Group Starting Soon!

FACILITATED BY MINISTER OF PASTORAL CARE STEPHEN HEBERT

BEGINNING AUGUST 13TH 7PM IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM WILL MEET 2ND TUES. EACH MONTH FOR MORE INFORMATION EMAIL STEPHEN@LOUMC.ORG