Most of the funnies you see in these pages are sent from friends and colleagues or are freely circulating via the internet. I am constantly on the look out for more material so please send in anything you have or have heard whilst out and about. It doesn’t have to be ‘professional’ – your witty observations on life are always welcome. If you’re feeling a bit low - read on... As they say, laughter is the best medicine! Thanks for this issue go to my many facebook friends, LIVErNORTH colleagues and ‘the internet’.
Helens Howlers
18
WARNING - SOME JOKES UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN - YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD!
Whenever my wife is upset, I let her colour in my tattoos...She just needs a shoulder to crayon. Brilliant! I’ve joined the golf club and I can see my GP any day now without an appointment. Sometimes you meet someone and you know from that rst moment that you want to spend your whole life without them. Did you know that hospitals are now decreeing what injuries can park where. I went today with a leg injury and parked in the only space that was available and this parking attendant came running over and said, “You can’t park there, that’s for bad shoulders only.” I’ll tell you what; people think that cloning is easy, but bringing back that furry, extinct elephant would be a mammoth task… After 15 years of being a manager of a shop selling ladders, I’ll be stepping down tomorrow. A young lad walks into the toilets at Heathrow Airport. Standing by the sink is a Royal Marine, in his Number 1's. The little lad, all agog, takes a moment and then says; "Wow! Are you a Royal Marine?!" "Sure am" came the reply, "Here, would you
like to try my beret on?" "Oh yes please" he replies, and taking the beret he places it on his head and gazes into the mirror. Just then, the door opens, and through a shining beam of light, in walks a man. But this was not just a man, he was more than a man. He was a Matelot! The little boy turns and walks up to the Matelot. As he approached he could see his reection in his steaming boots. His little eyes widened as he took in the width of his chest, and the steely look in his eye. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, "Excuse me Sir, Are you a Matelot?!" The Matelot replied in a thunderous tone, "Well yes lad, and proud. Would you like to shine my boots?" "Oh No" Replied the little boy, “I'm not really a Royal Marine, I'm just wearing his beret..!” I eventually got to the petrol pumps, Got quite emotional, started lling up... Just to give you all a heads up, if anyone needs petrol and can’t get any, my mate Jerry can. Can anyone remember that programme before Frasier? Had him in it though. About a bar in Boston? Any help appreciated, cheers!
LIVErNEWS No. 77 ~ 25 ~ Winter 2021
