Preface

Preface God, I’ m Desperate

The cry of desperation is a different cry when you just want the presence of God to submerge your entire life. There’s a song that says desperate people do desperate things. I imagine that’s how the widow and the Shunammite woman received their section of the bible. A

war cry of desperation, a wailing from the depth of their souls because everything is attacking the family, and the only one who can save everyone is El Shaddai.

We all have faced uncertainties of the 2020 coronavirus

pandemic, and for any who have suffered a loss, we extend our sincere condolences. This book is so personal and dear to my heart because it is a written record of my husband's health and the tragedy that struck our home. What began as a typical week of laughing, loving, going to work, instructing our children during virtual school, teaching, cooking, etc., all ended with the uncertainty of my husband’s health and life.

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All the battles we faced together, the victories we won, didn’t stop Covid-19 from hitting my husband's heart. I saw my husband gasping for air. I saw my husband holding his chest, and I immediately said, Let’s Go! I rushed my husband to the E.R. where they admitted him right away. They said my husband was having a heart attack and declared that he was at stroke level. The doctors

immediately gave him medication. The only problem was the medication wasn’t working, and his numbers weren’t dropping, so they continued to increase his dosage. Doctors and nurses were in and out, trying to release the pressure from my husband’s heart. My heart hung out of my chest. He needed me, and even though I was right by his side. I felt helpless. They tested him for covid, and he tested positive again. He’d already tested positive for covid two times before this attack.

Covid attacked the hidden and sensitive areas of his body. He was ruled as a covid patient under 24-hour care. Nurses immediately suited up in hazmat gear to transfer him to another hospital. In Arkansas, some hospitals could not treat covid patients, and they needed him isolated so that he wouldn’t expose anyone else to the virus.

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I looked over at my husband fighting for his life, and I felt every emotion known to the flesh. Tears, tears, and more tears flooded my shirt. I tried to turn away and cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t be hard and strong for him, so I found peace in the only emotion I knew called love. Love has no masks. It cannot pretend. I wasn’t going to pretend to be strong when I knew he was fighting a fight I couldn’t do anything about. So, I sat by his bedside, holding his hands while everyone else was wearing a mask; I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to. I needed him to see my face in the moments when the pain intensified so he could remember love. I am love. I’ve always been the love that he sees and encourages him. I’ve always been the love that believes in him, so my eyes locked into his and I needed him to find strength in our love.

• Our love is healing. • Our love is medicine.

• Our love is real.

• Our love is strong. • Our love from God was the only thing that would make him fight beyond what his body wanted to do.

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I played our favorite worship songs to set the atmosphere; his blood pressure numbers started decreasing, while his tests reported back as severe damage to the heart. This was too much but I internalized my screams within my chest. God help us, please. They entered our room and transferred my baby to another hospital. Of course, due to covid policies and isolation, I couldn’t go. I walked back to our car with my heart in my hand. I hit the steering when and I fought the air. then I prayed….

Lord, we know you. We serve you. I’ve seen you fight battles for us and win every time. I’ve had the heavenly host on my side, and I’ve stepped with and in your thunderous strength, so I know what you can do. However, what I know about you is not enough to sustain me at this level; I need more. I need you to show me how to depend solely on you. We have four boys who are still in school, in athletics while we have business, ministry. I must maintain all of this because my husband would say,

“We don’t let our faith stop because things go wrong.” Apostle Charles Maris

So, I said, “God, I don’t want you to teach me how to do it all. I need you to teach me how to depend solely on you and walk in you while you do it through me. When I made

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it home our sons hugged me tight, and they asked, “Where’s dad?” I gathered our sons around and we prayed. I gave them an update on their dad’s health and put them to bed. I didn’t sugarcoat anything. I said, “This is what the doctor said but we believe a different report.” I left them and made it upstairs as I sat on the edge of the bed. Our 10-year-old came upstairs to our room and said, “Mom!” Dad said, “Protect and care for the family.”

I turned and stared at him because I knew he heard his

father’s voice in Spirit. I said, “Yes baby, and we will protect and care for the family.”

There I was facing the warrior within again only this time my battleground changed. It meant relying on God of more than enough, “El Shaddai.” El Shaddai is one of seven covenant names through which God revealed Himself to Israel. In Hebrew, El Shaddai means “the All-Sufficient One,” or “the God Who is more than enough.” I have known God as my provider, but I needed to know Him as the oil that never runs out and as the overflow in a

constricted place. If you read my first book I was introduced to Lord Sabaoth, the God of Angel Armies.

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God led me to 2 Kings 4, The Widows Oil and The Shunammite Woman, and what started as a daily communication log for me evolved into this devotional. Every day there’s a message from God with a breakdown of natural application for supernatural results. God led me on this faith-filled path regarding my husband, my home, and most importantly with Him. God sent help from Zion every single day the same way he sent help for these two women. God told me to “study them because He desires to be my more than enough, ” My El Shaddai.

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TWO WOMEN WITH UNLIMITED FAITH SERVING THE TRUE AND LIVING GOD

Open your bible and turn to 2 kings 4. We will read this chapter and study the life of the Widow’s Oil and The Shunammite Woman. Prepare for a different perspective on partnership. Let’s begin going deeper in God. The deeper we go in him, the less we walk in the flesh.

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