Save your relationship now by Lloyd Celeste

What Expert‟s advice that everyone should Know about Relationship and how to improve it

This book is brought to you by: www.free-family-ecourse.com updated June 20, 2012 Join our RSS feed for updates here. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 1

LEGAL NOTICE The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this report, notwithstanding the fact that he does not warrant or represent at any time that the contents within are accurate due to the rapidly changing nature of the Internet. While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific persons, peoples, or organizations are unintentional. In practical advice books, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees of income made. Readers are cautioned to reply on their own judgment about their individual circumstances to act accordingly. This book is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek services of competent professionals in legal, business, accounting and finance fields. You are encouraged to print this book for easy reading.

Congratulations! Bonus free downloads by clicking the link below. Art of loving yourself- The Guide for LIVING THE BEST TIME of Your life! Enhance your love life- Ultimate resource to enhance your love life Power Persuasion- 21 Powerful ways to persuade people to do what you want

You now have the rights to share and giveaway or resell this eBooks for free and KEEP ALL THE PROFITS YOU WANT. All you need to do is join our RSS feed for updates here.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 2

Table of Contents Foreword ............................................................................................................................ 5 Chapter 1 ........................................................................................................................... 6 The Basics of Marriage ...................................................................................................... 6 Chapter 2 ......................................................................................................................... 12 Stronger Relationship ...................................................................................................... 12 Chapter 3 ......................................................................................................................... 14 Together Forever ............................................................................................................. 14 Chapter 4 ......................................................................................................................... 17 How to strengthen your relationship ................................................................................ 17 Chapter 5 ......................................................................................................................... 23 Get Along ......................................................................................................................... 23 Chapter 6 ......................................................................................................................... 26 Stay Strong ...................................................................................................................... 26 Chapter 7 ......................................................................................................................... 28 Unhappy Side of Marriage ............................................................................................... 28 Chapter 8 ......................................................................................................................... 36 For Better or For Worseâ&#x20AC;Ś ............................................................................................... 36 Chapter 9 ......................................................................................................................... 39 Ways to Save Your Marriage........................................................................................... 39 Chapter 10 ....................................................................................................................... 50 Save Marriage through Self Actualization ....................................................................... 50 Chapter 11 ....................................................................................................................... 54 How to convince a partner to save marriage ................................................................... 54 Chapter 12 ....................................................................................................................... 57 Experts Advice for Improving........................................................................................... 57 Your Marital Relationship ................................................................................................ 57 Chapter 13 ....................................................................................................................... 65 10 Things to avoid in marriage ........................................................................................ 65 ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 3

Conclusion ....................................................................................................................... 67 Appendix .......................................................................................................................... 69 Recommended Sites: ...................................................................................................... 71 References: ..................................................................................................................... 72 About the Author .............................................................................................................. 73

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 4

Foreword Marriage is the most delicate and in most of the cases most important relationship known in this world. Our life has become very rigid and busy and this rigid life has made lots of things go wrong and one of the very important areas is marriage which gets affected due to our unhealthy, unsocial and sometimes senseless living style. There are certain things that you need to know and need to implement in your life and without these things you will be deprived of all those happy moments of your life. According to a research ratio of divorce and separation has increased with time and there are endless reasons for this increased ratio. In this EBook you will be guided towards making your marriage a healthier and happy relationship. You need to know that mending your marriage is very important to live a healthy and prosperous life because I have seen people who screw up their marriage but they not only screw their marriage instead when marriage is screwed then, everything in your life is screwed because it effects on almost every field of your life. When your marriage runs smoothly then, you feel very relaxed and there is almost zero stress in your life. This less stress increases your productivity and allows you to concentrate more on your work instead of always thinking about your relationship. I have gathered information from lots of sources and then tried to align everything up so that you can have a better understanding of everything. If you are thinking about getting into relationship of marriage or you are already running a marriage or even if you have some troubles in your marriage then, you should keep reading this EBook and you will get answers of almost every question that comes in your mind.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 5

Chapter 1 The Basics of Marriage

DO YOU KNOW? The first marriage was instituted at the Garden of Eden (Gen. 2:24) It was God who initiated the union of the couple which is why marriage is considered a holy ritual.

There are two kinds of lives that every one of us lives and these two lives are life as single and life as married person. There are lots of differences in both of these lives that everyone needs to understand and if you cannot understand those differences and take both of these lives as same then, things will start to get fussy. Especially when you do not change and do not adapt to married conditions and you keep sticking up with those old single routine then, things can get very difficult for your marriage.

There are certain things that you need to know before indulging into your married life and the following discussion will reveal those things.

Why marry? According to Dr. Mary Pipher, a therapist and anthropologist, points to the family as still an essential unit of the community. When people get married, their hopes are linked to building a home and family. Dr. Pipher maintains that families are ancient institutions. She said that ever since humans crossed the savannas in search of food, our families have been uniqueâ&#x20AC;ŚHomo sapiens needs families to survive, and bravo to those millions of parents who are trying hard to do the right thing. Happily married people understand this very basic concept. It is not just their own nucleus that needs caring, but the entire institution of marriage and the social unit known as a family. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 6

When marriages flourish, so do families, and as a result, communities all over the world also flourish. That is how societies become stronger and progressive. When the smallest unit survives, the larger ones survive. “I write about families because I love them. When I travel alone far from home, I think of my children‟s faces to calm myself down. I picture them smiling, studying, playing violin or volleyball. I picture my husband‟s face bent over his guitar or relaxed and fresh, the way it is on the mornings when we drink coffee together on the front porch. Those faces are my mandalas. They comfort and secure me. The faces of those we love are the first, the primal, mandalas for us all.” These are the sentiments that happily married people nurture and sustain in their hearts. If they focused on their mandalas instead of on their frustrations and unfulfilled desires, these are the people who have shown an incredible willingness of reaching out, of seeing past their own egos. Marriage is not the extension of the romance junkie phase. It is equivalent to a long term commitment that emotionally intelligent husbands and wives understand fully. They know, deep in their hearts, that love and passion will not always be on the daily agenda, and may diminish as the responsibilities of their marriage take them to the next level - family life. Marriage is also a survival of the fittest. Why? Here is a statement extracted from the book, Anatomy of Love by Helen E. Fisher: “When Darwin used the term survival of the fittest, he was not referring to your good looks or your bank account; he was counting your children. If you raise babies that have babies, you are what nature calls fit. You have passed your genes to the next generation and in terms of survival you have won… © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 7

…only in tandem can either men or women reproduce and pass on the beat of life.” If one wants to get marry, there are certain decisions that should be taken into considerations. This is in selecting your future partner.

DO YOU KNOW?

How should men and women choose their marriage partner?

Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly

The expert‟s advice is to choose carefully...

planned generally do Select Your Partner Carefully

not result well but often

First and most important thing is to search and select for the right person who can accompany you for the rest of your life.

turn out miserable failures. -E.G. White-

This can be crucial as hell but sometimes it becomes very easy job to do. In both of the cases you should never hurry into a relationship and spend some time together before marriage. This will allow you to know that how much different your personalities are and how many adjustments you will have to make to survive into that relationship. If you can identify that you two are synchronizing with each other well and there are not many differences arising during your relationship then, you can trust your senses and move towards a healthier and stronger married relationship. But if you are finding it difficult to solve that person‟s attitude and you have thinking… which everything will be fine after marriage then, believe me nothing is going to be right after marriage because things can only get worse after marriage. Therefore, even before entering marriage or at marriage life, you should have some questions to ask for yourself.

Page 8

But above all these questions only three are the most important. According to spiritual writer Ellen White in her book Counsels for the Church, those who planned to get married should ask these three questions to themselves. 1. Will your relationship with her/him bring you closer to God? 2. Will the person help you more useful in the service to God? 3. Will this man/woman help you go heavenward? If you have answered these questions with a bigâ&#x20AC;Ś

YES! Then you are safe and are sure that you will have a lasting relationship. However, it is important to know what some other questions that a couple should know if they enter into marital relationship. Read this review of the 1000 questions that a couple should ask below.

1000 questions a couple should ask One of the biggest reason marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask the big questions before they walk down the aisle. This is an important aspect which helps you in choosing the right person. What to ask? You should know yourself properly and know your limitations, attitude attributes and similar other things and then try to look for similar sort of person. But in this book 1000 Questions for Couples, you need not burn yourself overnight just to ask some questions, because in this book, it covers every conceivable topic from the super serious to the light-hearted and fun, making it easy for couples to start with easy questions and builds their way up to important ones. Also, a great bonus is having the ability to deliver 3 - 5 of the questions to my email each day, making everything automatic. I just go about my day and get new questions to ask my loved one, without having to really think about it. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 9

Knowing yourself means that you should be always show yourself as you are to the other person. It is often seen that people often lie or make things up while looking to build a relationship but this is not the right way to do it. Similarly know the other person well by asking simple things about beliefs and other similar things. These simple questions will lead you to a more detailed understanding of that personâ&#x20AC;&#x;s attitude and possible problems with his or her attitude. If couples simply spent some time asking each other the questions that really matter, they'd greatly increase their chances of staying together. The great thing about a "question book" is that it makes it easier to ask those difficult questions and encourages an environment to address them. But thankfully, Michael Webb's 1000 Questions for Couples is the right book for this. Most question books 'beat around the bush,' never really providing the important questions, and others simply don't have enough questions. On the other hand, Webb has put together the most comprehensive collection of questions, covering every single topic you'd ever want to know about before tying the knot. It includes tough subjects like money, children & child rearing, career, past and present relationships, religion, morals, convictions & beliefs, personality, and even sex. But don't get me wrong - while there are many serious and tough topics to discuss, there are also many "lighter" yet just as important topics, including the car and driving, vacations, food and well being, pets, and your favorite things. That's one thing I really loved about this book.

In all, there's nothing really negative I can say about this book. It deliver ones exactly what it says and covers every question you would ever want to ask your loved NOT just couples who are thinking of getting married but also couples who just want to feel closer together, or people dating, who just want more things to talk about. I highly recommend this book for everyone. For all the details check out 1000 Questions for Couples.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 10

Now that you are equipped with those basic questions that you should deal as a married person, take time now to adjust for your next stage in life which is a marriage life. So the next thing you will have to do is to be…

Ready to Make Some Adjustments and Face Some Troubles This is an understood thing that whenever you are looking to build a new relationship then, it will go through some troubles and problems but if you started to panic in these problems then, things will get worse. These small troubles and differences will lead you to know that how much accepting the other person is. If he or she is totally rattled with these problems then, you should think about some alternate option and look for a better person but you need to keep yourself composed in these conditions and try to make sure that the other person is not getting an expression that you are willing to make any sacrifice for that relationship. Instead make some small adjustments if needed and make her believe that you are trying to make everything work. Some of the things that you should consider in adjusting married life are to work towards a…

Page 11

Chapter 2 Stronger Relationship Misunderstandings and miscommunications are very common things in todayâ&#x20AC;&#x;s marriages and most of these things come due to mishandling of this relationship. You must know that husband wife relationship is very delicate relationship that needs lots of care and attention from both parties to stay on the path. Following discussion will tell you that what are those basic needs that you need to fulfil for a comprehensive and stronger marriage.

Make Some Rules and Follow Them Living less than one roof can be tough at times and especially when you come from different back grounds then, it becomes even tougher to cope with all those differences that you have integrated in each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x;s personalities. There is simple method that can help you in living without any troubles. You need to make some rules in the house and then make sure that you both follow those rules. It is often seen that husband and wives do not tend to tell each other their likes and dislikes but things can be lot easier and simpler if you can just say your opinion in open. For example instead of sitting quiet in the back seat and biting your nails, you can just tell your partner that he should drive under or less than specific speed because just assuming that he will know what you want will not make that happen. Similarly there can be so many other simple rules that you can make and these rules, if followed properly can save you from lots of misunderstandings.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 12

Helping Each Other When you live under one roof then, there are certain responsibilities that you both need to fulfil. If you are husband then, you are bound to help your safe in daily households and especially on weekends you need to make sure that you are with your wife in almost everything because she also needs rest and you‟re very little help will give a very great feeling to her. Similarly if you are a wife then, it is your responsibility that you should make your husband as comfortable as you can. If you greet your husband home with a cute smile then, it will make everything better and your husband will get a feeling that his whole day‟s work is well spent but if you start yelling at your husband right after his entrance in the house then, it will start to increase the tension and your husband will not be very comfortable with that.

Never Let the Romance Die from Your Relationship When you have spent some time with your partner then, most of the times it happens that your relationship become predictable and everything becomes known. Even people add romance in that predictable nature but this is not the right approach to adopt instead you should try and keep romance alive throughout your relationship. Romance is not just about having sex in the bed but there are so many thing that can make your relationship more romantic. If you are coming from the office and you see a flower shop on the way then, bringing a simple flower bucket is also included in romance and this small and almost inexpensive gesture can make your life very romantic and can create a very pleasant feeling about you in the heart of your partner. However, a word of caution from a renowned spiritual writer Ellen White noted that, „it is not pure love which activates a man to make his wife an instrument to minister to his lust,…on the other hand, „it is not pure, holy love which leads to the wife to gratify the animal propensities of her husband at the expense of health and life.‟ As husband and wife each should respect each other‟s rights. In doing so, this will have a lasting effect, that will really last until forever… © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 13

Chapter 3 Together Forever Did you know that love does NOT conquer all? You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever. However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it‟s obvious that this isn‟t the case.

‘Love works for those who work at it’ -John Powell, S .J.-

Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married. Here are five tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot…

CONTINUE DATING Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That's why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about “dating” that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.

DELAY IS OFTEN BETTER It‟s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 14

A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn't romantic. It's gambling.

ALWAYS EXPRESS YOUR LOVE Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they 'assume' their partner already knows what they're thinking. When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they're the greatest person in the world or tell them theyâ&#x20AC;&#x;re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they're feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?

TAKE TIME TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, "I just don't understand him/her." So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate's profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don't need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you'll grow closer as a result.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 15

ANSWER THE *BIG* QUESTIONS Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church? In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married. I guess people think they'll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong… If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days. In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there‟s no guarantee that chemistry or "I love you‟s" will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each other 'inside-out' BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle. To learn more, visit Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. I'd like to tell you about a great way I discovered to ensure you live happily ever after in your marriage.

Page 16

Chapter 4 How to strengthen your relationship Making It Stronger In the above chapter you have learned all the important things that are necessary to understand before making any relationship but now we will move another step further and I will tell you some important that will tell you after making a relationship. Making a commitment or relationship is easy but it is very hard to make that relationship work. If you are not aware of some basic ingredients to work that relationship then, you will end up breaking up that relationship or either getting yourself lost in the complexities of those relations. It is especially helpful in husband wife relationship that you have to take care for each other well and try to make your relationship work in a healthier manner.

Play together Be playful in your interactions. Have a sense of humour in times of stress. Find something playful to do that you both enjoy and make it a priority to keep it in your schedule. Play is critical to our sense of connection to others, and to our joy in life. It also expands our ability to think, develops creativity, and gives us a sense of joy in addition to develops trust and engenders caring. Respect! Respect is the one of the main characteristics of a healthy relationship, whether itâ&#x20AC;&#x17E;s friendship, dating, or marriage. A partner who respects you is willing to listen to you in a non-judgmental way and considers your interests when making any mutual decisions. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 17

Any partner who disrespects you by making belittling comments about you, criticizing you in front of others, or disregarding your feelings is one you don„t need. Support! After respect, support comes in next as a critical characteristic of a healthy relationship. You and your partner should be encouraging each other to go after important goals and dreams and giving each other enough freedom to do so. When times get hard, you back each other up instead up tearing each other down. That doesn„t mean you can expect support for everything you do, though. If your partner is nagging you to quit smoking, eat better, or not stay at the office until 11 o„clock every night, they„re probably doing it out of concern for your well being.

Mutual Responsibility Responsibility is the key in husband wife relationship but some people often misunderstand this responsibility clause and think that husband is the only one responsible for everything in this relationship. This is not the case because both partners are equalled responsible in making the relationship work. If any one of them thinks that he or she is not responsible then things will start to get bad. The types of responsibilities are different for both of the partners. Wife‟s role is more of a supportive one while husband has to handle everything with care. Small misunderstandings will always arise but if you are responsible enough to

Include Care in Your Relationship If you are starting a new relationship then, it is necessary that you give him or her proper time to understand you and this time should not only include meeting and doing dinner together but there are so many other things that you need to show to the other person. If love and care are absent in those early days then, you can never expect these things with the course of life. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 18

These are very basic needs of relationship and their absence means that the other person is either not ready to make a relationship or he or she is not well-composed for being with you. This is human nature that we always love to get care. This is true in husband wife relationship because the more you care for each other, stronger will become your relationship. Care is also a mutual action because if you are not caring for the other partner then, he or she will also not bother to care about you.

DO YOU KNOW? Skin to skin contact increases a hormone called oxytocin, the hormone of love. Oxytocin increases trust and a sense of safety; it reduces stress and increases sexual arousal.

Care is not something very hard and precise thing that you cannot do instead there are some very small things included in this care. For example if you can just give an extra phone call to your wife for asking her that how she is feeling and for telling her that you always remember her, will make it a huge gesture for your wife.

Touch your partner as often as possible, and get them to touch you as often as possible. Similarly if you are a wife then, just a soothing smile to your husband, when he comes home after a tiring day in office, is enough to make him believe that you always care for him. You can consider it just as an emotional bank account and you have to deposit all the good feeling, better gestures and caring words in that bank account. If you do not deposit enough of this stuff in that emotional bank account then, you cannot expect anything in return.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 19

Get Rid Of Communication Gap You‟ve heard it before. Communication is vital for any strong relationship. Improve your relationship and yourself understanding by opening up, letting go and talking about what‟s on your mind. It can be incredibly therapeutic. Share work stories, discuss movies, admit your feelings- open your mouth and talk. However, it‟s equally important to listen as well! A lack of communication can be the main cause of a monotonous relationship. Effect communication is vital to keep the spark alive. If you feel your partner is not spending enough time with you, speak your mind. Sit down and discuss about it. It may bring back the charm of your relationship. Communication gap is another very important factor that can make your relationship weaker. In new relationships communication is the key and without proper communication you will not be able to tell your partner that how much you care for him or her neither you will be able to tell them that what kind of attitude you have. If you tell less then ultimately you will also know less. To know the other person well, you must speak a lot and try to know everything that you can. It is not necessary that you should ask only about some very crucial and big issues but you can start from very normal and easy going discussions and then progress onto some more complex issues of life. Too much speaking and very less listening is also not very healthy for relationships because in that way you will not be able to know the other person very well. The best way to communicate and know the other person is to clear yourself completely and then listen to the other person carefully. This increased communication will not only help you in making the relationship stronger but it also helps you in decreasing the misunderstandings more effectively because whenever something goes wrong with your relationship then, you can talk our everything and matter can be solved carefully. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 20

Proper Time for Your Relationship Timing is also crucial and you need to make sure that you are giving enough time to your relationship. In fact less time allocation to relationship is the major reason of break ups these days. Life is very busy these days and most of the people work day in and day out to survive and to meet their living standards in this society but in this struggle of making money, relationships are often overlooked and people suffer from break ups. If you are a husband or an earning wife then, you should analyze your weekly schedule and try to determine that how much time you are giving to your family and your partner. This analysis will tell you that how much you need to work on your relationship and how much more time you need to give to your relationship timing also includes that you should break that old routine and habit of 9-5 some times. Bring an element of surprise in your relationship and come home from your office early sometimes. This small gesture will cost you nothing but will make your partner very happy and he or she will think that you care for them.

Trust Trust is another very important thing and you can say that it is also one of the mutual feelings that you need to develop between your relationships. If you do not trust your partner then, you cannot expect your partner to trust you. In a strong, healthy relationship, neither of you should become suspicious or jealous without clear cause. If you have a niggling feeling that you can„t trust your significant other, your relationship will go downhill fast. That sense of trust doesn„t develop overnight, though. It comes from each partner keeping their promises and sticking to the implicit rules of the relationship (no sleeping around, no lying about major issues, etc.) consistently over a period of time.

Page 21

Trust does also not just about believe that your partner will not cheap upon you but it also means that you should know that your partner can never go against his or her responsibilities related to that relationship. All of the above mentioned things are very easy to implement in your daily life and they do not include anything that is very complex and if you do little extra try then, these things can make your relationships very strong and healthy. Good relationships and tension free relationships can also make your physical life better because tension is always harmful for health.

What's the REAL SECRET Behind Happily Married Couples?

Click Here To Find Out

The most common reason why a couple don‟t stay happy as they should as a married is because they don‟t know in the first place how they should get along with their married life. According to Hite Reports, 18% of American men from a survey conducted on 1981 said that they marry the first time because they thought that, „it is what should be done‟. Even if so, if this is the case, a couple should know how to … Get along with their married life…

Page 22

Chapter 5 Get Along As a married couple, it is a different life altogether that you have to live. There are lots of compromises that you have to make and at the same time, there are lots of things that you always have to do against your will but all of this is for the bigger benefits of your future. If you can make some slight compromises to make your coming life easier and healthier then, there is nothing wrong in that and you should never insert your ego in these matters. In the above discussions, I have told you that how you can select your perfect partner and then I told you that what are the things that can make your marriage more effective and longer lasting? In this discussion I am going to tell you about some things and strategies that you can adopt in case of any misunderstanding or any confusion that has happened in your relationship.

Always Think Positive and Accept the Responsibility This is an understood thing that whenever a misunderstanding occurs then, it is not from one side only and both partners hold equal shares in that fight. This is a fact that very few people can accept because everyone starts to play the blame game and no one accepts his or her faults. This attitude should be corrected and you need to be brave enough that you should say ok I did or said this wrong and I am sorry for that. Once you have said and realized that fault or mistake was on your end then, it becomes easier for the other person to accept his or her fault too.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 23

You need to be positive about your relationship and never think about breaking up the relationship instead always look for a way out. Want to more how to master the power of your mind? Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how to do it, click here to find out.

Unconditional Happiness Some people associate happiness with certain things like if they will go on vacation then, they will be happier but living in home is dull and boring for them. This should be not the case because life is full of happiness and you need to just search smaller but very enjoyable moments of life in everyday life. For example when you play basketball with your kid then, it also should bring some happiness. Similarly when your daughter helps you out first time in the kitchen then, it should also bring happiness for you and similar other smaller things. These daysâ&#x20AC;&#x; people often forget about these smaller happy moments and they are always looking for some big occasions and this attitude is also not very helpful for relationship and creates stress and tension.

If You Want Your Partner to Change Then Change Yourself First Some people always want to integrate some unique things in their lives and these unique things become very difficult to integrate in the lives of other person. This is not the right way to change someone instead you need to initiate change from yourself and bring some changes that your partner likes. When you will bring those changes in your personality then, your partner will be automatically motivated to change him or herself because he or she will know that you have respected their ideas and changed yourself so now it becomes their responsibility to bring the changes that you like.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 24

Forgiveness Can Make Your Relationship More Concrete and Invincible As I have mentioned above that life has become very tough these days and there is not much time to look after each other. This busy life has also taken forgiveness and tolerance away from this society and wherever you see, there is a situation like chaos and extreme stress. No one is ready to forgive even the smallest of mistake of others. If you also have that kind of unforgiving attitude then, you need to change it for greater cause and to make your relationship more concrete. Forgiveness always helps to build relationships and when you forgive small mistakes of your partner then, he or she starts to respect you more and smaller misunderstandings can never shatter your relationship.

Spirituality Can Bring Harmony and Modesty in Your Relationship Our life has become too much materialistic and there is very little margin of spirituality available. To exercise spirituality, it is not necessary for you to have faith in a certain religion but you just need to be very straight about your opinions and try to make your life smoother by practicing some mind cooling exercises. These exercises can help you a lot in bringing about the calmness and modesty in your approach towards relationships. Download this free ebook at www.free-familyecourse.com , entitled Achieve Prosperous living through spiritual empowerment.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 25

Chapter 6 Stay Strong Disagreements are part of relationships but these disagreements should never shatter your relationships and you should find a way out. Even some disagreements can make your relationship stronger in a sense that they give you a chance to know each other better. Following are some tips that you need to follow and you can avoid all types of disagreements and break ups.

Know the Family Differences There can be lots of problems in your new relationships but to solve that problem you need to understand the family differences. There can be lots of different patterns and traditions in both of your families and to adopt these traditions and family patterns you will need to do some compromises. This is also a mutual understanding that you have to adopt and both the partners are needed to participate in this setting actively.

Emotional Support Is Important Emotional support means that you need to accept the differences that you have in each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x;s lives. There is a saying that you need to agree to disagree. This saying is very true and very concrete that you have to execute in your daily relationship. You also need to give some support to your partner and realize about his or her position carefully. You need to understand that adjustments should be made from both ends. You should play your role while allow the other partner to play his or her role.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 26

Agree To Disagree Is the Best Policy Here can be two situations in your life, whether you can have a fight or break up and you will never want a patch up but there can be a different situation in which you can be itching to patch up. In that situation you should agree to disagree and accept your faults. This can be the simplest solution of your problems and is also very effective. I have seen people that become victim of their egos and they never accept that there is anything wrong with them instead they keep playing the blame game that makes things worse for them. Avoid that attitude and develop an accepting and responsible attitude to save your relationships.

Clarify Things and Then Listen To the Other Person This is another very commonly found problem that when some misunderstanding happens between the couple then, both of the partners do not listen to each other and they keep telling their point of views separately. This is not the right approach and it will never solve your problems instead you need to adopt an approach of doing everything clear once and then start to listen to the other partner. This will allow you to clear your front and also listen to the other person and it can make things lit better and easier to understand. In short, you can say that you should be a very good listener and apply those listening skills in your relationship. This is another very common mistake that most of the couples make that they start the blame game and once some misunderstanding is developed then, they keep bringing everything from past in that misunderstanding. This should be avoided because it makes things complex and you should be always on point about a certain misunderstanding. Do not stray from the core issue and try to resolve it as one issue rather than mixing all the past issues in it and confusing each other about the solution.

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 27

Chapter 7 Unhappy Side of Marriage If you saw the emotional turmoil portrayed in the movies War of the Roses and Kramer vs. Kramer, you‟d probably think twice about divorce. Unhappy individuals who believe that ending their marriage would make them happier are often living a myth. Chances are that they‟ve attributed the failure of the marriage to their spouse, dispensing with self-examination. Blaming the other instead of oneself becomes the favorite pastime, the most convenient means to walk away. By failing to accept their own frailties, and not realizing that they‟ve entered the marriage with unreasonable demands and unrealistic expectations, they unconsciously released the forces leading to a potential separation. There‟s also the phenomenon of short memories. For some reason, the same individuals who vowed to support each other during their time of wedded bliss have forgotten their commitment and vows to love each other through thick and thin. Our modern society has indeed become a disposable society. This is what Alvin Toffler had predicted almost two decades ago. This state of “disposableness” is reflected in our ability to DELETE and PURGE and SHRED what we no longer need. And when our once beloved partner is no longer of use to us, we call our lawyer and instruct him/her to initiate divorce proceedings. Funny, but despite its harrowing and complex web, divorce has also become just a phone call away, a “to go” solution that we can pick up on the way to cleaner‟s. Truth is, is that divorce has an ugly side to it. It‟s the easy way out for people who have not an ounce of courage to salvage what deserves to be salvaged. Divorce un-builds and undoes what took years to nurture, and sadly, often the only people who benefit from it are greedy lawyers who will use every trick in the book to © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 28

divest the other of assets, until no remnant of the person‟s investment - physical, monetary and emotional - remains. While divorcing couples spend their mental energies accusing the other of causing hurt and disharmony in the union, they forget that the children suffer in double - triple dosages. Couples forget that the sentiments of children are more fragile and harder to mend. This is when the concept of human selfishness and self-centredness become transparent. It‟s odd how the true character of people comes out when they‟re the actors in a divorce. The determination not to be swayed by the lows and downs of a relationship mirrors strength and integrity, not to mention the ability to see beyond one‟s personal unhappiness. And by saving the marriage, more than one human being is saved. This is the essence of this ebook in your hands right now; perhaps the most important that you‟ll ever read.

The Unpleasant Side of Divorce Getting married is entering into a contract - but it‟s probably the one contract that is the easiest to break because divorce has made it easy for husband and wife to walk out when they go through an unhappy period in their life, albeit temporary. John Crouch, Executive Director of Americans for Divorce Reform, says that the most important economic contract of our lives - marriage - is no longer legally protected. Just think - lawyers will fight tooth and nail to protect corporations in their contract relations or between you and your landlord, your mechanic and your doctor, but can‟t prevent you from breaking up with your spouse. In fact, they would even counsel you to break up your marriage and then discuss division of property as the next logical step. Crouch says that marriage is the only contract that anyone can break, at any time, and not be held responsible for it. “So getting married in America is like doing business in Russia. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 29

Everything is up for grabs, everything is constantly renegotiated, and nobody has to keep their word. I think that makes for a lot of unhappy marriages.”

The Dollar Costs of Divorce From a cost perspective, divorce can be economically damaging not only for the state but also for couples. Consider these figures:  US divorces cost the country $33 billion annually or $312.00 per household;  The average divorce in America costs state and federal governments $30,000 in direct and indirect costs. Direct costs to the state include child support enforcement, Medicaid payments, temporary assistance to needy families fund (TANF), food stamps and public housing assistance.  To the couple, divorce costs about $18,000 and this would include lost work productivity, relocation costs and legal fees that vary immensely, depending on the nature of the divorce and the situation of the couple.

The Emotional Costs of Divorce And what about the argument that divorce makes people happier after they leave a sad marriage? Studies appear to suggest that this is a myth, because evidence points to the contrary. According to the Institute of American Values, when divorced couples were rated with couples who stayed married on 12 parameters of psychological well-being, it was discovered that on average, couples who divorced were no happier five years after the divorce than were equally unhappily married couples who stayed together. There are other reasons why divorced individuals don‟t end up happier:  Depression symptoms do not necessarily diminish with divorce, nor did divorce raise people‟s self-esteem;  Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses;  Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships.

Page 30

Ms. Heines also raised the litigation aspect in most divorces. She said that a significant number of married people usually want to settle their divorce with the least possible hassle, but divorce lawyers are a species to be reckoned with. They come up with arguments to justify getting into World War III, and they drag out the paper work. For divorcing couples who become emotionally and financially spent, is the courtroom drama really all that worth it? Couldn‟t couples just talk about their differences without third parties who are in it to line their pockets?

Painless Divorce? Many lawyers, and those who care to admit it, agree: a painless divorce, like painless dentistry, is non-existent. And the trauma - legal or emotional - continues to be felt long after divorcing couples have left the courts. Explaining why divorce costs time, energy and money, a lawyer from the law offices of E. Carroll Strauss had this to say: “And whether we notice it or not... marriage is way more like "Joe and Wilma, Inc." than "happily ever after." When we say "I do" we then enter into an economic partnership. We buy cars, houses, books, big-screen TVs. We make babies. We make plans. We make assumptions. We get disappointed…Like shareholders, we have invested in the partnership. We invest time, we invest money and we invest emotions. We invest all of these in hopes, and we invest all these things in dreams, and we invest all of these in security. Rare is the man or woman who can walk away from these investments... so de-investing is painful.”

Page 31

Divorce and Children A specialist in human development and family studies from the University of Missouri discussed the impact of divorce on children, mentioning that how they react strongly and differently to their divorcing parents depends on their age.

 Infants: higher degree of irritability, more crying and fussing, changes in sleeping and eating habits.  Toddlers: they recognize the fact that one parent is no longer living at home, they have a difficult time physically separating from a parent, may express anger, may lose some skills previously acquired like toilet training, going back to thumbsucking, experience changes in sleeping patterns, may have nightmares.  Pre-schoolers and early elementary age: may blame themselves for the divorce, may over-worry about changes in their lives, may exhibit sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent, may be aggressive and violent to the parent they blame for the divorce, may fantasize about their parents getting back together.  Pre-teens: may feel abandoned by the departing parent, may withdraw from friends and favourite activities, may exhibit strange behaviour and use foul language, may feel angry and uncertain about their concepts of love, marriage and family, may feel that they are growing up too soon, and may find themselves preoccupied about their parents‟ finances.

Some Eye-Opening Statistics  Although divorced people may have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is actually higher than that of first marriages,  Those who get into a live-in arrangement before marrying have a considerably higher chance of divorcing.

Page 32

Reasons are not that clear. This can probably be explained by the fact that the type of people who tend to co-habit may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is proof that supports the notion that cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, one example of which is the thinking that living together is temporary, and hence an arrangement that can easily be terminated.  Qualitative studies and long term empirical studies have demonstrated that children develop interpersonal problems that become worse in adulthood, thus affecting their own chances at a happy marriage.  As inferred from the previous statement, children of divorce have a much higher rate of divorce than children whose parents stayed together. The old adage that parents set the example is true in this case. Children learn about commitment and permanence from parents. For children of divorced parents, these concepts have already been undermined or shaken.  No marriage is perfect. Using a large sample for research purposes, researchers learned that 86 percent of people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, but stayed with the marriage, indicated that, when interviewed five years later, they were happier. In fact 3/5 of those who were previously unhappy considered their marriages as either "very happy" or "quite happy."  A marriage counsellor, after counselling hundreds of couples who were on the path to divorce, raised the idea of “self-talk” as one potential cause of divorce. This pattern of negative self talk, he contends, is a barrier to a couple‟s happiness, much more than a lack of open communication is. Self talk is the equivalent of an individual‟s thoughts. He said: “Most people do not control their thoughts (self-talk), but they allow their thoughts to control them…for instance, if a man speaks negatively to himself about his wife and he permits this self-talk, he will attract a host of other negative thoughts. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 33

As a result of these negative thoughts, he will experience negative feelings - anger, jealousy, fear, even hatred, and these negative thoughts and feelings will lead to actions that tend to break up the relationship.” The previous statement above clues us into one of the deep-seated causes of divorce, and how this can be easily solved, if couples were honest with themselves and with each other. Sometimes, it‟s not so much the lack of communication that leads to the breakdown (for after all, aren‟t men less talkative and less spontaneous than women?), but the pattern of negative thinking that each spouse continually nurtures. It is surprising to learn how often trivial the reasons are for divorcing, because their personal frustrations and unresolved personal issues are often blown out of proportion.

The Case for Staying Married (It’s still the best institution there is!) It all comes down to attitude, doesn‟t it? Cynics have called marriage the “old ball and chain.” Many happily married individuals disagree, because they don‟t see marriage as slavery and bondage, where one‟s natural instincts and desires have to play second fiddle to the happiness of the other half. Happily married couples say that marriage has taught them to accept each other‟s strengths and possibilities. They argue that by doing that, they transform themselves from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Marriage therefore is an “enabling” form of situation where it means the freedom to be who they really are, to reach for the stars and discover what they are meant to be without ridicule or rejection.

Page 34

Marriage and Happiness Many of us have read reports that drive home the message: married people are healthier and happier, and hence live longer than single or celibate individuals. For one, there is the emotional support they receive when the going gets rough, and the fact that married life provides the opportunities to sustain communication between two people, even if one of the spouses just wants to vent out. In fact one of the reasons people say they like being married is the assurance that there is someone they can come home to at the end of a hard day.

How do some couples live happily ever after, year after year, while others end up divorcing?

Click Here To Find Out The Secret of Successful Marriages

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 35

Chapter 8 For Better or For Worse…

“For better or for worse” is still very much a strong argument for getting - and staying married. While some people would be too shy to admit it, the love and support in times of illness can speed up recovery. People in fact like the “for better or for worse” aspect of marriage because it tells them that no matter what happens, someone will be around. It goes beyond having a security or safety net. It‟s the knowledge that they can count on someone when times are bad, and that alone generates a considerable degree of peace of mind and a sense of calm for the soul. And here‟s a romantic - but true - notion of marriage, to which happily married couples will agree: “Marriage moves us from ego to we-go. The single self shifts from me first to the sacred union of us…values such as love, honesty, respect, fidelity and dependability form the engine of a good marriage. Little kindnesses are the oil. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 36

Without the oil, it will grind. With it, it glides.” And how about the simplest reasons for marriage such as: silly little jokes, hugs and cuddling, traveling together, laughing together, quiet times together, mutual friends, sexual intimacy, pillow talk, kissing and making up? Can anyone really put a price tag on these simple pleasures? Don‟t they echo the saying that the best things in life are free? Oh yes, there is love in relationships, but there is deeper love in a marriage that is on its way to its 25th or 50th year. Sir Arthur Wing Pinero sums it nicely: “those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” So did James Thurber: “A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it to me like this: „love is what you‟ve been through with somebody‟ People who have remained happily married are those who realize gradually that there are actually two marriage contracts, not just one. The first contract is what everyone is familiar with - the one that the priest in a wedding ceremony makes official. The second contract is what couples call the silent contract. It is secret, implicit and largely unconscious. It is this second contract that specifies standards and behaviours our partner should fulfill. The distinguishing characteristic of this contract is our secret belief that our own feelings, needs, and sense of what is right are most important. One‟s expectations of the other can carry risks and can lead to clashes, which couples try to resolve among themselves. Unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, these conversations are rarely objective or fruitful, given that individuals rarely ask if their expectations are fair and reasonable - they just complain endlessly. Happily married couples are those who understand this second silent contract and all of its ramifications. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 37

Happily married couples are those who continue to invest in the marriage, knowing that for love to flourish, it takes hard work and substantial amounts of creativity. Love and physical attraction may take the backseat, especially when the children arrive, but fulfilled couples know that they must stick it out, through thick and thin, for the sake of the emotional well-being of the children. When couples think of others and not just themselves and make a continuing effort to make the marriage work, they‟ve made the best investment they could ever make and they firmly believe in this. The need to make the partnership work is often the secret of happy marriages. As Masters and Johnson said, “Although these marriages may be loveless, they are not necessarily bad. Even good marriages are susceptible to a disappearance of love.”

Page 38

Chapter 9

Ways to Save Your Marriage

We have painted the unpleasant side of divorce to help you realize that it may not necessarily be the solution to your unhappiness, and in the second section, we‟ve advanced arguments to promote the numerous advantages of marriage and staying married. But life does have hitches and will always be full of obstacles, threatening the stability of married life. We now offer some tips on how to save your marriage when you sense that it‟s on the rocks or needs a re-overhauling.

Page 39

Recognizing Gender Differences Men and women perceive emotion, communication, sex, fidelity, work and money because of the way they were socialized and because they have been shaped by their own parents‟ perceptions. They bring these ideas into the marriage and hence have their own baggage of beliefs regarding what is tolerable and intolerable in a marriage, what they have to give their spouse and what to expect in return. Writing the book, “For Better or For Worse”, Heatherington and Kelly illustrate this point more clearly when they mention the different ways men and women choose a partner: “Women approach love as informed consumers…they kick the tires, look under the hood, run the motor, check the mileage. Women love love, but being practical-minded, not enough to ignore potential defects. Good looks and romantic love matter to a woman, but in considering potential suitors, a woman also looks at the practical, such as a suitor‟s economic prospects, emotional stability, trustworthiness, and what kind of father he will be… Despite a reputation for practicality, males come off as hopeless romantics. They are much more prone to fall head-over-heels in love…and also more prone to idealize the object of their affection. If the bodywork is good and the grille pretty, often a man will buy on the spot, no questions asked.” It takes practice to learn that gender differences do not constitute threats to a marriage, but a cause for celebration and an opportunity to expand an individual‟s sphere of experience. Try to remember that your partner is not your mirror image. In a loving, effective partnership, individuality and separateness are wholesome concepts that each spouse must work at. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 40

A Word from the Cos! Bill Cosby, the famous American comedian and still married to the same woman, said that these gender differences - that women are not just men who can have babies and men are not just women who spike footballs - give marriage its vitality, its dynamics and its delights… He says, “Americans may like the style called unisex, but the wiser French have a devout appreciation of the wonder they call la difference.” A true understanding of these gender differences should therefore lead us to the proper notion of a marriage. While many people view marriage as a fusion, making two separate individuals one, we must still keep our own personality and deal with our own problems ourselves. “Marriage is ultimately about two relatively whole individuals coming together to create a union that can be even greater than the sum of the parts. But each of us must always be aware that a lack of self-confidence is own separate job to fix. We can look to our mate for support, but not for magical solutions.”

Notice the Small Stuff “Don‟t sweat the small stuff” is probably one advice that does not always work for marriage, because it is important to notice the small stuff, if the marriage were to flourish. Steve Carter cites an important fact about relationships: most of the real work in relationships is taking place in quieter moments in smaller spaces. Examples would be:  avoiding bringing up the defective garage door while your husband is rushing to meet a deadline and needs to focus on his project for a few hours;  attending to the kids and keeping them away from the kitchen while your wife prepares dinner;

Page 41

 offering to pick up your husband‟s shirts at the dry cleaner‟s because he forgot to do it yesterday;  filling up the car tank if you know that your husband has to drive out of town on a client visit;  taking your wife dancing because she‟s always loved to dance even if you have two left feet and have always hated it.

Dealing with Marriage Problems Related to Money One irritant in a marriage is money. Chances are spouses have their own ways of spending and saving money. If both husband and wife earn similar salaries, agree on how to split the house expenses prior to getting married so no one feels cheated or disadvantaged financially. While it was fine to expect him to pay for dinner and the movie while you were dating, marriage calls for a genuine economic partnership. Or, if you know that your husband is particularly averse to useless shopping sprees, make an effort to reduce your shopping trips and concentrate on the essentials instead of on your whims. Don‟t forget to discuss your investment preferences and try to stick to a budget and a savings plan. Anyone who‟s been married for some time will agree that a lot of marriage problems are caused by money. Finances (and managing them in particular) can be a touchy subject for many couples. A lack of money creates a very tense situation and this is an excellent catalyst for disagreements. Without a proper way of managing financial difficulties, this could cause serious damage to the relationship in the long run. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 42

However, you can get around marriage problems related to money by developing the right habits and mindsets with your spouse. There are a couple of basic important points to remember when dealing with such issues in your marriage. The first priority is to have a realistic budget sorted out. Remember that economic instability is a given part of life, so the most that you can do is take control of your finances to protect yourselves from this threat. Thus, you‟ll need to sit down with your spouse and figure out how much you‟re earning. This way, you‟ll have a realistic picture of your combined income and make you think twice about spending on unnecessary items. More importantly, having a definite figure of your earnings will help you optimize your income in a way that enables you to meet your financial obligations AND increase your savings. Given today‟s economic climate, it certainly wouldn‟t hurt to be prepared in case money becomes tight in the coming months and years. The next step in coming up with a financial plan is to note down all the things you need to pay for, whether it‟s that soy latte you have on your work break or your monthly house payments. Let‟s face it, there are some things in your budget that you can live without – or minimize to some extent. Knowing how much you need to earn every month to pay for all of these things will help you figure this out. Once you‟ve made yourselves aware of these factors, you‟ll naturally become more interested in streamlining your budget to make sure you can make ends meet while living comfortably at the same time. Learn how to cope with HonestRiches.com for details.

your

finances,

check

this

Furthermore, you‟ll also be motivated to keep better track of your expenses. For instance, you can keep a weekly and monthly log of all the things you spent on to make sure that © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 43

you‟re living within your means. A lot of marriage problems related to money are triggered by the lack of this simple habit. It‟s easy to get in over your heads if you carelessly spend without considering if you can afford it in the first place. On another note, you should be realistic enough to make room in your budget for things like entertainment and shopping. We all have wants, so don‟t forget to save a little something for each of you. After all, we work to live (not the other way around) and you can‟t expect to earn just for the sake of paying the bills. You also deserve the occasional treat to keep yourselves sane. Given that most couples have different ideas on money management, it might not be that easy at first to map out a budget you can both agree on. Nevertheless, it is vital to the survival of your marriage. Money may not be the most important factor in a relationship, but it‟s your responsibility to assure your family‟s quality of living.

And What of Politics? The same is true for sex and politics: if your husband likes to watch a pornographic films as a prelude to love making, let him know that you‟re not particularly in favour of this practice but do indulge him occasionally. If your wife likes to visit synagogue and do charity work in her parish, don‟t express any resentment or complain that she‟s spending too much time on her fund-raising activities. Work on keeping your partner stimulated intellectually. If there‟s anything that grates, it‟s a wife who constantly talks about what‟s on sale and a husband who knows nothing but what teams made it to the NFL playoffs this year. Look back to courtship days when both of you could talk until the wee hours of the morning because you were interested in what each of you did in the office that day, in that bookseller or movie, or how the Dow Jones sparkled because of news about Intel or Microsoft, etc.

Page 44

Enrich each other with your experiences and vicarious experiences. Let the other know that you have an interest in life and what it has to offer, and make every effort not to be a boring mate by reading more, experimenting more, and living more.

Alone Time Many people say that children put a damper on the marriage. Who has time for love and passion when the kids are screaming their lungs off or running a 105 degree fever? Or when money has to be scrounged for to pay for those expensive braces? Raising children can turn us into impatient, stressed-out beings so if hiring a baby sitter overnight will not disrupt the monthly budget, do so and go away - just the two of you. But don‟t use that time away from children to complain about each other‟s habits or to raise past incidents! Instead of looking at marriage blessed with high points or fraught with low points, think of it instead as a series of turning points.

Turning Points Dr. Sonya Rhodes says these turning points must be regarded as opportunities to make a marriage stronger and more fulfilling. These turning points become crystal clear at mid-life where couples have developed a keener sense of time limitations and an urgency in their desire to make the most out of their marriage and their lives. The mid-life years are a natural time for reflections: couples now have the advantage of being able to see where they have been, where they are and where they want to go. When a 46-year old woman came to see Dr. Rhodes in an effort to save her marriage, she said, “This might be my last chance to make things better. I don‟t want last chances to become lost chances.”

Page 45

Complimenting and Praising Give credit where it‟s due, be generous with compliments and be sincere in your praise. Do you sometimes find yourself wishing that your partner would compliment you the way your boss does after a job well done? Many couples discover that as they settle into their marriage, the compliments or kind praises are not as frequent as when they were dating. Making it a practice to give credit where it‟s due and being sincere about your praises go a long way towards reinforcing wellness in a marriage. If you see that your wife works conscientiously on the treadmill to keep off the weight, did you ever think that she‟s probably doing this to please you? Saying something like, “You‟re so disciplined in your efforts to achieve your goals, I‟m proud of you” will add to her self-confidence and reinforce her attitude that she‟s doing something that‟s healthy and that you appreciate. If your husband is good at crunching numbers, praise him for his skills at rapid calculation. “You‟re amazing with numbers” will give him a sense of pride, and he will feel important to you. No doubt many experts and marriage counselors will differ in opinion on how to save a marriage, but they all agree on the following fundamental elements of a solid marriage only the words and the way they are conveyed are different:  trust and communication  respect for each other‟s ideas and expectations  fidelity 

physical and intellectual stimulation

 maintaining their own personalities, but supporting each other‟s dreams

Page 46

The Concept of Friendship in Marriage Friends are forever. Even if we move out of town or take up residence overseas, we maintain our friendships. We certainly don‟t divorce our friends just because of a misunderstanding, so if we treated our spouse as a dear friend, we probably won‟t ever need a divorce lawyer and go through the painful exercise of property division - a course of action that can spell financial ruin for many. Since love is less permanent (we fall in and out of love a few times in our lifetime) and friendship more durable, every attempt must be made to make our spouse not only a lover and a partner, but also a friend. Friendship is evident manifestation of maturity. Marriage is a responsibility larger than life, and can be a source of annoyance or profound joy. Only when we turn those annoyances and joys into building blocks for an enduring friendship can we say that we‟ve taken the unwavering path to a marriage made in heaven.

Friendship is EVERYTHING! If there is true friendship between husband and wife, the marriage avoids landing on the rocks. Instead it becomes a rock-hard marriage where no individual or circumstance can put it asunder. In fact, it is the genuine friendship between two people that put more meaning in the words, “for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part” - what Mary Pipher calls “the shelter of each other.” Friendship in a marriage means that the marriage will be pregnant with memories of laughter and humour, for didn‟t we choose those friends who made us laugh the most?

Page 47

Didn‟t our mothers always tell us, “when choosing a husband, count the times he made you laugh.” Friendship also means open and honest communication; a no holds barred type of union where our comfort level with our spouse goes beyond 100%, assured that what we say and how we say it will not be judged or taken in a negative light. If you talk to married people, a wish they frequently express is that they remain the best of friends and the closest of companions. Surveys in fact reveal that if there is one component that will enable a couple to weather the tough times, it is friendship. As a famous poet once said, “No man is an island.” Kinder and Cowan agree that friendship is the antidote to loneliness. Getting married does not mean that people will never experience loneliness, “but it does diminish our sense of separateness.” Friendship between couples generates wholesome feelings of goodwill and fidelity. Our spouse - our friend - has our interests at heart, will not betray us and will be our staunchest supporter. Friendship also makes spouses stronger; this strength is reinforced by the joy of shared history, of nostalgia and plans for the future. Romance is a good thing, and we could use heaps of it when our relationships get rocky. But mature friends are aware that romance can be a barrier to friendship. Why? Because romance obliterates the darker side of our existence - our fears, anxieties, and insecurities. Yet, it is those fears, anxieties and insecurities that naturally draw us to our friend. Friendship in a marriage brings about the recognition that flux, de-stabilization and disruption are what Dr. Rhodes calls the “first steps in the dynamic process of repair, rebuilding and renewal.” Familiarity does NOT breed contempt. It breeds content.

Page 48

A sense of contentment equates with satisfaction, warmth, and unwavering assurance. Sharing a life together in love and friendship makes for a book that is deeper and thicker in shared histories, in content. If you were to ask a happy bachelor and a happily married man to each write their stories, you‟d get a positive narration from both. The single person‟s perspective would however be I, me and myself - and possibly a string of blind dates and Saturday nights alone. The married man will talk about “us”, of mutual interests - a story definitely made richer because there are two stories, not one. But there is one question left… How an individual save their marriage on their own?

Read on to know… How to Save Your Marriage using self actualization process… This chapter is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today. You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back. You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results... guaranteed. You have to go to savemarriagetoday.com and get this life-changing course.

Page 49

Chapter 10 Save Marriage through Self Actualization This chapter is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own? It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' ALONE. Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and wellbeing of a marriage, shouldn't both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it's his, her, their fault so shouldn't he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You're just the victim here, after all! The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail. The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way. NOT true! ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 50

There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage. How? Let's begin first by examining what it means to be on your own. As human beings, we hate being alone. It's part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development. The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of selfawareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION. However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet. Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 51

Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy. In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction. Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner's feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU. A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love. Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success: - Breathe - Smile - Let go ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 52

- Believe that reconnection is possible - See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage - Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage - Forgive yourself - Change - Look after your health, beauty and well-being For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through. In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more… Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don't have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will… Because your marriage deserves better! Get Your Marriage Back on Track Now. Check out Andrew's answer to your marriage problems at savemarriage.com or be part of 6 part mini course here. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 53

Chapter 11 How to convince a partner to save marriage Fake it ‘til you make it! It‟s a common strategy for business and other areas of social like, but acting “as if” can work for marriages, too. It works so well because how we act has a major influence both on how we feel and on how others see us. For a while, try forgetting that you have anything but a perfectly blissful marriage and treat your spouse accordingly. Now, that‟s not going to be so easy if your partner‟s still bitter and liable to pick a fight. Still, you can take advantage of those times when things are going well to try to see your spouse as the person you were deeply in love with when you decided to get married.

Be reasonable! Whether you want you spouse to join you in marriage counseling or just try out a few tips you picked up from a book, you‟ll have more success in winning them over if you don‟t push. Threats, guilt trips, and begging are more likely to push your partner away than give you any success convincing a spouse to save a marriage. Instead, use a calm logical approach that taps into the underlying regard you spouse most likely still has for you or at least for the children. Statements like “With everything we‟ve invested in each other, don‟t you think it‟s worth a try to save it?” or “Wouldn‟t you rather be able to tell the kids we tried everything?” can help.

Page 54

Address the problems! When convincing a spouse to save a marriage, promises to change ring pretty hollow unless you can back them up. If you expect your spouse to believe you‟re not going to repeat certain mistakes in the future, give them a real reason. This is especially important if you‟ve had an affair or you‟re struggling with an addiction. For instance, if you‟ve started counselling to resolve an addiction that you‟ve never dealt with before, your partner has a reason to believe things will get better.

Take care of yourself! The stress and low mood marital problems naturally bring about can leave you feeling like you just don‟t want to do anything. For your own sake, though, don‟t give in to that feeling or you‟ll only make yourself feel worse and drive your spouse farther away. Make sure you‟re eating right, getting enough sleep, and not cutting corners on personal grooming. Stay on top of your responsibilities like finances and home maintenance. Convincing a spouse to save a marriage isn‟t always easy, but it can be done. The most important thing you need to do is stay calm, stay upbeat, and actively look for solutions to the problems between you. If you need more advice on convincing a spouse to save a marriage, most marriage counselors and professionally written self-help ebooks online can give you some tips.

No manipulative behavior! Negotiating is one thing, using threats, guilt, and lies to manipulate a partner into doing something is another. No one should have to put up with being bullied this way.

Page 55

If your partner threatens to leave you, withhold physical affection, or in some other way “punish” you during every little disagreement, you may want to reconsider the relationship. Want to know “How to Miraculously Persuade Even the Most Hard-headed People!" Yes, you can persuade them to do what you want them to do and get what you want the fast and easy way! You're gonna love the amazing secrets of persuasion, seduction, and influence unleashed in this awesome e-book that is guaranteed to dramatically change your life! Go now to 20daypersuasion.com.

Page 56

Chapter 12 Experts Advice for Improving Your Marital Relationship If you are married and looking for advice then, the above mentioned tips and methods can really help you in saving your marriage and you can make your marriage a very strong bond between two souls. There are some other important things also there that can really help you in being true soul mates. Following are those remaining things that can help you to make your relationship more concrete and healthy.

Knowing Each Other Truly I have mentioned this point above also that knowing each other is very important and especially when you have to live the rest of the life together then, it becomes very important that you should know all the views and thoughts of each other about all the different things and scenarios. In that process of knowing each other you should be well-prepared to face the confrontations and disagreements but at the same time yo9u need to be very humble as you will be challenged about your views and will be given some different choices to adopt. You should analyze those choices positively and think about all aspects. If some suggestions are feasible then, accept them with an open heart.

Do Not Be Too Desperate These days most of the people come from broken families and this situation makes them very desperate at times that they make wrong choices in search of a family. This is true that you should always look for a better life but in that struggle you should not forget that there is your own life also at stack and a wrong choice about your partner or similar other choice can ruin your whole life. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 57

Take your time and make choice after some research and as mentioned above after knowing each other well.

Understand Other Person’s Perspective It is very hard at times to understand other person‟s perspective about different things but this is very crucial too because without reaching at the exact level of other person, you will not be able to communicate and tell him or her exactly how you feel. In order to make sure that you have understood everything and whole personality of other person you need to see things from his eyes and try to think in the way he or she thinks. This will allow you to convey your own idea more clearly too because when you will start understanding him then, you will be able to adopt those ways which are more convenient and closer to his approach and his thoughts.

Take Responsibility of Your Words And Actions Thoroughly I have described this fact throughout this EBook and it is very important too that you need to be responsible for your own actions words and similar other gestures. You need to stop blaming each other for faults and misunderstanding and prepare yourself to take half of the action on you. This will make the relation easier and you will be able to solve many problems very easily. Especially when both of the persons are willing to accept their differences then, it really becomes a smooth ride altogether. Want to know what people like and what their problems are, just by listening and asking the right questions? Visit persuasion.com.

Grow Together With Time This is the time that you both need to sit down together and talk. No arguing, and no finger pointing: just share your feelings with your spouse and listen to them share their feelings as well. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 58

Turn off your hand phones, your television and any other distractions.. This is also very crucial part of any relationship that people always expect the other person to remain same even after 5 or 10 years have passed but this should be not the approach because time changes lots of things and similar is the case with personalities. You need to accept those changes and in fact you need to welcome those changes that come with time. If you start resisting to those changes then, things will get tough for the other person and he or she will also resist to your changes. So to protect and flourish your relationships never accept your partner to remain same throughout the life.

Believe And Trust Are the Keys To Successful Marriage Believe and trusts are two of the mile stones for building a successful marital relationship. If these two things are present then, your life can be a bed of roses while their absence can make your life harder than you imagined. Both of these feelings are mutual and when one partner starts to trust the other then, other will also respect and trust you. This is human nature that if wife checks the cell phone and call record of husband then, husband will also spy on his wife. To avoid such situations, you should keep trust and believe as the catalyst for your relationship.

Write each other love letters Take time to tell your spouse a little reminder that you love them, in addition, emphasizing your significant other's best qualities can remind you what made you fall in love in the first place. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 59

Do something for yourself Sometimes you just need to feel good about yourself and get a little perspective on the relationship. Go on an exercise programme, spend a day at the spa or pick up a new hobby.

Prioritize him/her Treat him or her the way you want to be treated. Make them feel appreciated and loved. Don‟t get caught up with life‟s increasing pace and neglect to care for your spouse. With work and kids demanding your constant attention, you can be easily distracted from relationship with your spouse. So, to prevent each other from being strangers, take a moment each day for your spouse and let them know how much they mean to you.

Counselor If all of the above methods have no effect on improving your relantionship, do not be afraid to bring in outside help. Counsellors are trained to listen and will not take sides. Sometimes, seeing things from an outside perspective brings clarity to the problem.

Economic equality! This is one of the less obvious ones, but it‟s just as important as the others. Some people, maybe due to an underlying fear of not being able to support themselves, tend to get into relationships where they‟re financially dependent on their partner. At first, the idea of having someone support you might sound nice, but what happens if things turn sour? If you don‟t have the financial wherewithal to leave the relationship when you want, you could find yourself at the mercy of someone who doesn‟t have your best interests at heart. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 60

Never let your partner use money to control you. There are dozens of characteristics of a healthy relationship, but these are some of the most important ones. Remember, though, it‟s a two way street. You may be doing everything “right,” but if your partner is disrespectful, unsupportive, or manipulative, you can‟t call it a healthy relationship.

Give and receive Relationships are never one sided, or at least they shouldn‟t be. You need to be prepared to give, receive and compromise on almost every aspect of your life. This means you will have to give up some things and limit that selfish behaviour. Letting someone else into your life is an important step towards self-improvement.

Make a date and keep it! Take a few days to go on a vacation in which the goal is just to get to re-know each other and have a good time. Taking the time to get to know them again without the fights and hang-ups and baggage lays a good foundation for dealing with the big issues that need to be addressed. However, many couples have trouble finding time for one another, which can lead to a big strain on their relationship, physically and emotionally. They get so comfortable with each other after being married for many that they stop trying to impress each other and stop going out on dates. This, in turn, can lead to a feeling of failure and a loss of self worth. You can revitalise your relationship by planning a night out once a week. So what‟s the cure? Easy- make time for one another. Set a certain time every day to spend together. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 61

This could be as simple as going for a brief walk, a coffee in the morning, or an uninterrupted dinner at night. Make the date, and keep it, no matter what. Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You". When the lights go down, your message will be revealed! Want another? When you are in a romantic spot, ask your partner if she would like to dance. Place one earpiece in her ear and one in your own and enjoy your private dance floor. This technique is particularly effective if the romantic spot you have chosen is somewhere where people would not normally dance, for example, the top of the Empire State building at sunset or on top of a mountain during a camping trip. These are just TWO romantic ideas you can start using right away-inside you'll discover 99 MORE WAYS to express the love for your partner in creative and unique ways. Find out here more at 300CreativeDates.com

Discover the power of touch Touch is an incredibly powerful sense, especially when it is used to express love. A mother‟s touch is soothing for a child and a husband‟s touch can be sensual and romantic. Improve your family relationships by giving plenty of cuddles, kisses and family hugs.

Share the responsibility Mom shouldn‟t always be in charge of cooking and cleaning. Make sure everyone helps out, including Dad. Split up the chores so that the kids are helping with the dishes and so Dad is helping with laundry. This can take the household stresses away from Mom, help teach the children about responsibility and bring the family closer together.

Page 62

Re-evaluate your attitude Re-evaluating oneâ&#x20AC;&#x;s self is important as even the smallest of attitude problems or insecurities can be the root cause of marriage failures. Work on it and solve the problem amicably.

Figure out what you want You can't mend a marriage if you don't even know what you want from the other person. Get together and have an honest conversation agreeing that you both want to fix this thing. Sit down with a journal, a best friend or a private counselor and figure out what you see as being the problems in the relationship.

Be nice One of the things that frequently happen in marriages is that you forget to be nice to one another. Little steps to show appreciation goes a long way towards mending the daily problems of a relationship.

The Bad in the Marriage Outweighs The Good I the negative outweighs the good in your marriage, your marriage is in trouble and is in need of help. Not taking pro-active steps to solve marital problems will lead to other problems that destroys the marriage. Stop the blame game. Stop putting the blame of the marriage failure on your spouse because mending a marriage isn't about "winning" or who did things right.

You Feel like You are the Only One Trying to Solve Problems Communication is an important to relieve stress and build a healthier bond between couples. Lack of communication indicates the lack of trust in your spouse. A marriage can't survive where there are issues of trust. Arguing over the same subject repeatedly. ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 63

If your arguments become routine with all the same issues and no resolution, then your marriage is either standing still or dying fast. You feel frustrated because every time you try to discuss marital problems, your spouse backs up from you. Eventually one or the other spouse will shut down all together and no longer be interested in solving the marital problems.

Intimacy is a thing of the past A considerable decline in physical affection is one of the most recognized symptoms of a failing relationship. Intimacy is the act that allows us to bond as husband and wife. If your partner is showing no or very little interest in intimacy, they are less caring about the emotional bond between the two of you. However, you can still bring back the love you have had in the past. Click bring back the love of your life to learn more â&#x20AC;Ś Or download it for free here on how to enhance your love life www.free-familyecourse.com/relationship-ecourse-html

ÂŠ www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 64

Chapter 13 10 Things to avoid in marriage Most couples do have entered marital relationship because of passion. However, even if they are already together with their mate, they always find out that things aren‟t the same since they first met each other? Realistically, marriage life and dating is two different things. But when you enter into marriage life, you shall not forget to date always and you should avoid the things that will mar your marriage relationship. So what are those basic things that a couple should put in mind to avoid marriage break up?

Putting your kids first Marriage can suffer when your children always come before your partner. Of course children‟s matters most to couples but none should forget the responsibility to both partners. Not making time for friends For many, especially women, socializing with friends can boost their energy and make them feel connected to the world around them. So make time with your friends. Shutting down sexually Men achieve a sense of intimacy and closeness primarily through sex. So when you‟re not sexually available to him, he doesn't feel as romantic or intimately connected to you. Not setting boundaries Women are trained from an early age to be pleasers and to meet everyone else's needs before their own.

Page 65

Unless you take the time to recharge your batteries and say “no” once in a while, your life and your relationships will always be a struggle. Not listening This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language and interrupting. Argue to win You do not need to have the last word in every argument. Admit it when you make a mistake or when you do not have all the answers. Instead, work out that problem together amicably. Dishonesty Having lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and a lack of trust between you and your spouse. Not fulfilling your promises When you say you will do something, do it. Broken promises can cause marriage to suffer. Having temper tantrums Conflict should be handled in a constructive way. Having angry outburst may win an argument but it will be at the expense of the relationship. Even before your marriage began to break, make necessary things to make things up with you and your partner. Learn the magic of making up here.

Page 66

Conclusion Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials. We like to be judged in terms of what we have accomplished in the human relationships department. Read this statement: “I managed to get my client half of her husband‟s properties overseas and alimony and child support payments of close to $250,000 a year plus the three cars, the country home, his art collection and half of his stocks.” Compare the foregoing with this one: “I didn‟t really do anything special that I can be proud of, except perhaps provide adequately for my family and raise good children. Happily, they turned out to be wellabiding citizens and I guess that‟s the best reward there is.” In the first statement, we see shades of greed and materialism, in the second, humility and self-effacement. Who has made a genuine contribution for the betterment of society? Much as it sounds terribly old-fashioned, marriage is a commitment, and individuals must make every attempt not to cheapen that commitment in any way. Staying married is a lifelong, missionary-like endeavour. It takes guts. It takes nerves of steel to make a marriage work. A sense of humour and a lower degree of self-importance can sustain us in that work. The obstacles will be numerous, and there will be situations where we will question our sanity, unsure if we can really hang in there. It will be a monumental effort to remain attracted to the same qualities that attracted you to your spouse on the first day you met. Your spouse is still the same person you fell in love with, he has not changed his soul, his being, only his wardrobe. So if there‟s only way to divorce, but a thousand ways to save your marriage, which path will you choose? Are you going to throw in the towel or take up one more challenge?

Page 67

There‟s very little meaning to saving face or saving dollars; it‟s much more noble and enduring to save souls. But you won‟t unlock the meaning of this statement in your youth or in your 30‟s. Best to wait until you reach mid-life, until your maturity has come full circle, and you get to the point where you don‟t want to turn your back on the most important investment of your life, where every nerve of your body cries out, “You‟ve got to save us.”

Page 68

Appendix An extract from Bill Cosby‟s book, Love and Marriage. Doubleday Books, New York. 1989. Therefore, in spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women, and the loveliest love affair must bear the strain of this inequality once the ceremony is over. When a husband and wife settle down together, there is a natural struggle for power…and in this struggle, the husband cannot avoid giving up a few things - for example dinner. To be fair, I must admit that Camille did wait a few years before allowing me to make this particular sacrifice. I had just sat down at the table one night with her and our three children when I happened to notice that my plate contained only collard greens and brown rice. “Would you please donate this to the Hare Krishna and bring me my real meal,” I said to the gentleman serving the food. “You have it all,” he replied. “No, what I have is a snack for the North Korean Army. The meat must have slipped off somewhere. Why don‟t we try to find it together?” “Mrs. Cosby said we are no longer eating meat.” “She did?” I looked down the table at Camille. “Dear, if I got a letter from the Pope, do you think I could...” “Bill, meat is bad for us and we just have to cut it out. It‟s full of fat that could kill you. I‟m sorry, I forgot to tell you.” “So am I. I could‟ve started eating out at a place where they don‟t mind who they kill.” “Honey, lots of people are vegetarians.” “And lots of people like to get hit with whips, but I‟ve managed to be happy not joining them.” Nevertheless I became a vegetarian. A husband should go with the flow of his marriage, even when that flow leads over a cliff. © www.free-family-ecourse.com 2012 All Photos Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

Page 69

About two years later, however, I sat down to dinner one night and a steak suddenly appeared on my plate. “Look at this,” I said to the gentleman serving the food. “Someone has lost a steak. Would you please return it to its owner?” “Mrs. Cosby said we are eating meat again,” he told me. “How nice to see the cows come home,” I said.

Page 70

Recommended Sites: Do you have married relationships and family problems? Read and learn from the most notorious authors below and check it out for details. Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit:“1000 Questions For Couples" Andrew Rusbatch is the host of Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course, and co-author of the original Save My Marriage Today! e-course. Andrew has been working with the Save My Marriage Today team since its inception, helping counsel hundreds of couples through a host of challenging marital issues. Learn Andrew's marriage-saving secrets at Savemarriage.com Michael Lee is the author of the highly acclaimed How To Be An Expert Persuader... In 20 Days or Less. It reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets to greatly enhance your relationships, boost your career and business, and persuade anyone to willingly and eagerly do what you want... without them knowing it. Go to 20DayPersuasion.com for the exciting details. Bonus free downloads by clicking the link below. Art of loving yourself- The Guide for LIVING THE BEST TIME of Your life! Enhance your love life- Ultimate resource to enhance your love life Power Persuasion- 21 Powerful ways to persuade people to do what you want Photo Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net

You can subscribe to our RSS feed for updates here for free.

Page 71

References: John Crouch, Executive Director. Americans for Divorce Reform, Arlington, Virginia. www.divorceform@usa.net. David G. Schramm, Utah State University, USA. Katherine Heine, Cox News Service, Nov. 2005 (www.americanvalues.org/html/runhappy_ii.html) David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J, 2002. Dr. H.B. Biem, Separate Future. Centax Books. Saskatchewan, Canada. 1993. Paula Dore of Glenview, Illinois, who participated in the National Marriage Encounter, an initiative that is all over the United States as compiled by Michael Leach and Therese J. Borchard (editors). I Like Being Married. Doubleday Books. New York. 2002. Doctors Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan. Husbands and Wives: Exploding Marital Myths, Deepening Love and Desire. Clarkson N Potter Inc., New York. 1989. William Masters, Virginia Johnson, Robert Kolodny. Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving. Little, Brown & Company, Ltd. USA. 1985. Doctor Mary Pipher. The Shelter of Each Other: Putnam‟s Sons, New York. 1996. E. Mavis Heatherington and John Kelly. Company, New York, 2002.

Rebuilding our Families.

G.P.

For Better or for Worse. W.W. Norton &

Dr. Sonya Rhodes. Second Honeymoon. A Pioneering Guide for Reviving the Mid-Life Marriage. William Morrow & Co., New York, 1992. Michael Webb. “1000 Questions For Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit: “1000 Questions For Couples" Andrew Rusbatch. Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course, and coauthor of the original Save My Marriage Today! e-course. Visit Savemarriage.com

Page 72

About the Author A successful missionary assigned in General Santos City Philippines. His daily activities includes house to house visitation, giving medical checkups and health advices to people, massage therapy and Bible study. When not working, he spent his time reading the Bible, Spirit of Prophecy books and other self help books that helped him achieved his goals in life. He also loved to share his knowledge to people during Sabbath worships and seminars. As a Development Sociologist by profession, he can now be reach through his online ministry and ecourses teaching and helping people through inspired written Word of God and from sociologist philosophical views about life. Please visit www.free-family-ecourse.com for updates. For more of his recent activities, follow him at Twitter @lloydnec. You can also support his cause by joining and commenting at his personal blog pages at www.lloydgt.free-family-ecourse.com – it‟s a daily devotional for spiritual needs sharing thoughts to other people who needs help.

Page 73