Cha plain’s Corner

CHAPLAIN’S CORNER

Connected!

How connected are you? It would be easy to think; “I have 300 contacts in my phone, 500 Facebook friends, 400 followers on my Instagram, 100 LinkedIn contacts, 9 cousins, 3 siblings, 2 children, etc., etc.” Now, how many of those folks would you have join you at your cottage or on a 1000 km car ride? I’m willing to bet that your numbers just got whittled down to a handful.

We were made for relationships - with God and with each other and yet relationships are hard because in some respects we’re all a little bit like a troop of porcupines that poke each other with their quills when they get close to one another. Relationships that are two way, caring, and mutually beneficial take work, commitment, forgiveness, patience, energy-- and yet they come with a huge payoff. When we just have a few significant friendships and connections, we are healthier, happier, and quite a bit more resilient for the curve balls that come with being on this planet.

While I’ve decided to focus on being connected, because it’s a positive approach, the impetus for this article actually began after I read an article on loneliness.

Before dropping some facts about getting connected (full disclosure), I only have a handful of close friends who I feel that I can truly be myself with. This is actually pretty normal and I’m very grateful for these folks being in my life.

Some facts (because who doesn’t love facts?): Men tend to have fewer friends as they age than women. Not having deep friendships denies a person the opportunity to share personal and emotionally sensitive information with others.

From Mental Health America: An Article Called “Connect with Others” • In a recent study of older people, loneliness is associated with a higher risk of high blood pressure. • People with strong social and community ties were two to three times less likely to die during a 9-year study. • In the UK there is a Minister for

Loneliness! • At the end of 2017, a UK government commission issued the results of a year long investigation into the prevalence of loneliness in the UK (conducted with the help of more than a dozen nonprofit organizations). According to the report, 9 million Britons suffer from loneliness—14% of the population.

Loneliness defined: To be without company. To be cut off from others. Yet some feel this emotion despite being surrounded by others who care for them. This perceived sense of isolation is important to be cognizant of and to personally refute when that little voice in your head is telling you “Nobody cares”.

From an Article on the Canadian Family Physician Website

(http://www.cfp.ca/content/64/3/166):

“Increasingly, loneliness is recognized as being an important social determinant of health. In late childhood and early adolescence, loneliness results in impaired sleep, symptoms of depression, and poorer general health. These same effects are seen across the lifespan, but also with increased doctor visits in adolescence and increased emergency department use in early to middle adulthood. Among older people, loneliness is common (prevalence ranges between 28% and 63%) and is recognized as a serious public health issue associated with increased cognitive decline, dementia, the likelihood of nursing home admission, health care use, and mortality in later life.” In response to this, Doctors are actually prescribing staying connected!!!!

Where Do We Go From Here?

Can you be the person that helps? Every hall and every branch of the TFS needs at least one person who acts as a “connector”. Many families have a person who functions in this capacity. They are that person who makes peace, helps build bridges between people, maintains confidentiality, fosters sharing, and who overall lifts up others’ spirits.

Pick up that phone! If you own a car, use some of your drive time to call your mother, father, brother, sister, high school friend, etc. and check in. Please use headphones or bluetooth when making the call.

West Command Rev. Todd Riley 416.318.9167 tsriley@teksavvy.com

If possible, eat without a screen in front of you. Talk it up. Attempt some small talk. Ask about the other person’s interests, what they did on the weekend, etc., etc. If they shut you down - at least you tried.

Make an internal decision to be a friend and helper to others - understanding that in a lot of cases, you might not get a return, but be assured, you will find some “diamonds” along the way.

Maintain confidentiality. Telling a person’s story to entertain others is uncool. Maintain confidentiality and be careful who you tell your stuff to - but do take the risk to be vulnerable in small chunks because there are some good people out there.

Join groups that foster community and care - hiking clubs, book clubs, church, synagogue, mosque, temple, hockey, soccer, etc.

Volunteer - whether it is at the food bank, a seniors home, place of worship, or with a neighbour who needs help. Serving others without thought of “what’s in it for me” is often its own reward - and the best thing is this - we are with other people and the focus is not on us, but them.

At the church I serve at, there is a lady, who, for the last 20 years, has run a once a month group called “The Encouragers”. The group has a simple premise and invitation - come and meet a friend. Come and be a friend. Find encouragement. Enjoy a nice lunch. All are welcome. There’s a lot of wisdom in that. Have a great day. Stay safe. Thank you for your tireless and sacrificial service.

Todd.