Answer
Local Ingleby Barwick Edition Issue 125 | October 2020
MAKING EXCELLENCE A HABIT
ROOFING & BUILDING
COMPLETE ROOFING AND BUILDING SPECIALISTS Family Run Business - Since 1976
FREE Estimates - All Work Guaranteed Insurance Backed Guarantees
ROOFING and BUILDING STORE NOW OPEN
01642 473676 / 01287 623048
Email: info.aaaroofing@gmail.com Web: www.aaaroofing.co.uk
HOUSE CLEARANCE AND WASTE MANAGEMENT
SEE A1 HOUSE CLEARANCE ON PAGE 3
Tel 01642 296513 local-answer.co.uk Carefully distributed by Famous Flyers
Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
33
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Plumbing, Heating Bathrooms Kitchens Joinery, Fires & Log Burners
HOUSE CLEARANCE SPECIALIST
• RUBBISH REMOVED & TIPPED LEGALLY • SERVICE TO COMMERCIAL CUSTOMERS SOLICITORS, ESTATE AGENTS & LOCAL AUTHORITY • DISTANCE NO OBJECT
WE PAY CASH TODAY
All your household maintenance under one roof Gas Safe Registered
KITCHEN APPLIANCES MOBILITY SCOOTERS QUALITY FURNITURE
WE DON’T JUST TIP
www.a1clearance.co.uk
Gary 07413
761298 John 07778 021325
WE RECYCLE REGISTERED WASTE CARRIER REG NP. YDA 150215
FAMILY RUN BUSINESS SINCE 1990
01642 488888 • 07773 488888
25% DISCOUNT
ON ALL HIGH SECURITY INTERNALLY GLAZED WINDOWS With Argon Filled Energy Efficient Units NO JOB TOO SMALL Choice of 20 Designs
UPVC DOORS fitted from
£475
COMPOSITE DOORS
fitted from
Choice of 20 Designs Choice of Colours
£695
BOWS fitted from
£595
FRENCH DOORS fitted from
£695
All doors come fully reinforced with anti-drill and anti-snap security locks
ALL SEASONS WINDOWS Local Family Business - Established 1993
FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION VISIT CALL 01642 613600 OR FREEPHONE 0800 1699276 Visit our website at: aswindows.co.uk Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - October 2020 | PAGE 3
Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Celebratin g
41 Years of AEP
LPG Gas & Oil
AEP - YOUR ELECTRICAL EXPERTS Our Experienced and NICEIC Accredited Electricians will ensure you are fully compliant with current standards & regulations VISIT OUR RETAIL SHOP at Kirkleatham Business Park for all your Electrical, Lighting, Plumbing & Drainage needs
Call us today to book a FREE technical survey
01642 485040
aep@aep-ne.com | www.aep-ne.com 8b Arlon Court, Kirkleatham Business Park, Redcar TS10 5RS PAGE 4 | Please mention ‘The Local Answer Ingleby Barwick’ when calling advertisers
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DAMP CONDENSATION AND TIMBER SPECIALIST • Rising Damp • Penetrating Damp • Condensation • Wet/Dry Rot ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED
Call now to book your FREE no-obligation survey and quote
01642 475798 www.dampcured.co.uk
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years THE EYE MAGAZINE
SC Henderson & Son Ltd Plumbing, Central Heating Servicing, Joinery, Tiling, Kitchens and Building Maintenance
Specialists in Bathrooms, Kitchens, Cloakrooms Disabled Walk-In Showers and Wet Rooms
Boiler & Heating Installation, Renewals & Repairs
Landlord safety checks Up to 12 years manufacturer’s warranty included
• • • • • • • • •
Full Building Maintenance Plumbing Heating Installation & Repairs Servicing & Landlord Gas Safety Reports / Certification Tiling Joinery Electrical Works Gas Works
21a Howe Street, Middlesbrough TS1 4LD
Tel: 01642 210781 Mob: 07850 824466 Web: schendersonandson-middlesbrough.co.uk Email: schenderson_son@hotmail.com
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10% OFF
for SENIOR CITIZENS
S&S
Windows and Doors A Family Run Local Business
PROFESSIONAL SERVICE AT LOW PRICES
• Composite doors • A rated windows • •
and doors Full double glazing repair service Misted glass units replaced
• Locks, handles, • • •
hinges Conservatory roofs repaired Facias, soffits and guttering Roofing repairs
IS YOUR CONSERVATORY LEAKING? CALL US FOR A QUOTE TO REPAIR ALWAYS USE A LOCAL COMPANY CONTACT US TO GET A NON OBLIGATION QUOTE
Tel: 0800 0935389 / 01642 880413 www.sandswindowsanddoors.co.uk
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
North East Specialists In High Quality Bespoke Wardrobe, Kitchens & Bathrooms From design to installation, Spacemaster offers you a high standard of customer service. Planning designed to suite your lifestyle, budget and space requirements
T: 01642 486024 | M: 07850 861297 www.spacemaster-ne.com
e-mail:windowwizard.ne@btinternet.com www.windowwizard-ne.co.uk
Tel: 01642 450397 Mob: 07796 200130
.E N d r Wiza
Unit 13, Metcalfe Road Skippers Lane Industrial Estate Middlesbrough TS6 6PT
s staller ers & In PLACED r u t c a nuf ITS RE ZED UN ies Ma rvator H DOUBLE GLA I-FOLD DOORS e s n o G HB C ors & ITS & GUTTERIN PVC REPAIRS EE QUOTES -OUT ws, Do FF H FR ALL H ALL U Windo H FASCIAS, SO H FREE C
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Welham Bedrooms Also Bathrooms, Kitchens and Studies
From contemporary to the classical, our Bedroom furniture can fit the style of any room Maximise your wardrobe space with our built in furniture, and because all our units are bespoke, we can build them to fit into the most awkward of spaces. We can create ideal storage solutions with internal shelving and hanging rails fitted to suit your requirements. With matching accessories, bedside units, Headboards and Mirrors, we have everything you need to create your dream room. Redc
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Call in to our showroom (by appointment only) or visit our website for further details
VISIT OUR SHOWROOM: Just off the A174 between Redcar & Marske, Longbeck Trading Estate, Marske TS11 6HB By appointment only: Monday-Thursday 8-5, Friday 8-2.30
Drive
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OFFERS AVAILABLE ON BEDROOMS, KITCHENS & BATHROOMS
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www.welhamkitchens.co.uk
01642 491257
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Birkbecks Electrical your local Kitchen Appliance Store
we deliver we install we care WE ARE NOW OPEN AGAIN and adhering to all Government guidelines
BEKO
INDESIT
• A+++ rated • 30 minute quick wash
• • • • •
6kg 1200 spin Washing Machine
Under Counter Freezer
Was £249.99
12
Months Guarantee
SAVE £70 Now Only
£179.99
Only
10yrs
£249.99
Parts Guarantee
- Family Run For Local People -
55cm wide Silver A+ rated 3 drawers 102 litre capacity
* Prices must be quoted at time of sale
17 WEST DYKE ROAD, REDCAR Tel: 01642 484103 www.birkbeckselectrical.co.uk • birkbecks@hotmail.co.uk FREE Delivery within a 10 mile radius - Sunday delivery available
• BOSCH • ZANUSSI • HOOVER • CANDY • HOTPOINT • INDESIT • BLOMBERG • LEC • BELLING • AMICA • BEKO • PANASONIC • TOSHIBA • SEBA • STOVES • NEWWORLD • BAUMATIC • LG • LINSAR • ELECTROLUX • IBERNA
SLINGSBY INTERIORS Bathroom Studio & Heating Specialists
EX-DISPLAY OFFERS Many ex-display offers available in our showroom
No reasonable offer refused WE OFFER FREE, NO OBLIGATION QUOTATIONS PEIRSON STREET, REDCAR TS10 1SW
Showroom (by appointment only): Mon-Fri 9am-5pm, Sat 10am-1pm AMPLE FREE PARKING
Tel: 01642 488818 www.slingsbyinteriors.co.uk
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POLARIS B L I N D S E V A S s £££'
Buy direct from the manufacturer
CONSERVATORY ROOF BLINDS All Blinds are manufactured in-house, including Perfect Fit International (no screws), ensuring the highest possible quality. All our blinds and workmanship are fully guaranteed for your peace of mind.
PREMIUM BLINDS
We can satisfy customer needs whatever your requirements. We have a superb choice of "high end" (but not overpriced) premium blinds and shutters. We pride ourselves on providing quality and value for money.
YOU’LL LOVE • FREE Home Visits OUR SHUTTERS • FREE Measuring You’ll love how • FREE No Obligation Quotes easy and affordable choosing from our • FREE Fitting • FREE Child Safety Features range is.
SHUTTERS • VERTICALS • VENETIAN • ROLLER • PLEATED
VISIT OUR SHOWROOM...
Polaris Blinds welcome you to visit our Liverton Mines factory to discuss and view our extensive selection of blinds and shutters, budget or premium. Call us today for an appointment.
ALL AREAS COVERED - PLEASE CALL KEVIN WHEATLEY ON:
01287 641729 / 07715 138140 Unit 11, North Liverton Industrial Estate, Lantsbery Drive, Liverton Mines TS13 4QZ
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Sudoku
Test Your Knowledge We’ve said many times that you never fail to impress yourself when you discover you know something but have no idea how. So once again we offer you the chance to check just how much information you’ve picked up during your lifetime. Anything over 7 correct answers is extremely impressive! 1. Which artist painted The Mona Lisa? 2. Which family from Switzerland featured in a novel by Johann Wyss.’ 3. Which serpent headed creature was slain by Perseus? 4. In which film did Clint Eastwood famously ‘talk to the trees?’ 5. Who was the youngest member of the 1966 World Cup winning English team? 6. ‘Bullseye’ was a TV game show in the 1980s and 1990s based on darts. Who was the presenter?
7. Detection and measurement of radiation is measured by what instrument? 8. In which year was ITV launched? 9. Which Welsh singer gained worldwide fame in 1968 with the song ‘Those Were The Days?’ 10. Which ocean liner was torpedoed off the Irish coast by a German submarine in 1915, causing over 1,500 civilian deaths? (answers on page 29)
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AAJ Heating & Plumbing ALL ASPECTS OF PLUMBING & HEATING •LPG•GAS•OIL•
Servicing, Repairs & Installations Contact Alastair Brook
Regain your independence with a Stairlift from the experts at ‘The Lift Guys’
07729 854805 / 01609 882086 brookalastair@yahoo.co.uk
2 Penshaw Close, Ingleby Barwick TS17 0XA
For all your mobility needs, give us a call on
available on our website at:
www.local-answer.co.uk
01642 040608 or email: service@theliftguys.co.uk
Cleveland Up & Over Door Co. Ltd
EST. 1973
Family Run Business with over 35 years experience.
SAME DAY REPAIR SERVICE WHEN AVAILABLE
FULL RANGE OF SPARE PARTS FOR MOST MAKES OF GARAGE DOORS
Customer Satisfaction Is Our Recommendation Electrically Operated Roller Doors & Up & Over Doors
RESIDENTIAL ROLLER DOORS AND WINDOW SHUTTERS
Manufacturers of
HUGE savings on all garage doors Before you buy give us a try! We won’t be beaten on price! Huge Stocks With Many Styles To Choose From! For a FREE SURVEY and no-obligation quote call us on
AA ASSOCIATES
M’bro 01642 440920 Redcar 01642 487699 Freephone 0808 108 5218 website: www.clevelandupover.co.uk
Visit our showroom at 7 Metcalfe Road, Skippers Lane Ind. Est. Middlesbrough.
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
In The Garden
R
egularly remove any fallen leaves from borders and lawns to prevent the spread of over wintering pests and diseases. If you have a greenhouse clear it out and give it a good clean. Remove any painted glass shading and install plastic bubble wrap for insulation. Remove any remaining summer bedding from both containers and borders and replace with plants such as pansies, bellis and wallflowers that will see you through to the spring. Pot up prepared hyacinth bulbs to have flowers at Christmas and New Year. Make sure all planted containers are raised off the ground with pot feet so that they drain well in rainy weather. Continue to plant spring flowering bulbs, except tulips, so that you have a succession of flowers. If you choose the right varieties you can have bulbs in flower from January to May. Net your pond to prevent falling leaves going in and decomposing in the water. Prune bush roses by half to prevent them rocking in very windy weather which can loosen them at their roots. Also prune climbing roses now.
Lawns Keep as many leaves off the lawn as possible to prevent them blocking out light and air and damaging the grass. This is the last chance to scarify, aerate and top dress the lawn if it was not done in September. If the weather is very wet keep off the lawn as much as possible. If the grass is still growing it is fine to carry on mowing.
Fruit and Vegetables Lift and divide old rhubarb crowns that are more than five years old. Make sure that all the divisions have two or more fat pink buds. After preparing the ground really well you can plant new fruit trees and bushes now. Prune out any diseased or dead shoots on apple and pear trees and collect any fallen fruits or dead fruits on the trees. It is important to maintain hygiene in the fruit garden to prevent the spread of diseases. Remove yellow foliage and unwanted runners from strawberry plants and also any plants that look as if they are diseased. Sow over wintering broad beans. It helps if you can cover them with fleece to stop pigeons getting at them.
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See Page 30 for our Index of Advertisers Plant out spring cabbages and these need netting to protect from pigeons. Clear your old pea and bean plants by cutting off the tops to add to the compost heap. The roots can be dug back into the ground to provide extra nitrogen to the soil. Dig over any vacant areas of the vegetable garden and leave for the frost to break down the clods into finer particles.
Wildlife Always keep your bird bath clean and topped up with fresh water. If there is a very cold spell and the water is frozen over it is very important to keep the bird bath free of ice as it usually means all other water supplies will be frozen too and yours may be the only drinking water they can find. Any type of bird food can now be used as the breeding season is over. Leave a heap of leaves in a sheltered corner of the garden for hibernating mammals and insects, which will attract ground feeding birds. If you have an old ivy plant do not cut it back now as it will provide late nectar for insects.
Looking Good This Month Acer Varieties - Brilliant foliage turning yellow, bronze or red. Anemone Hybrida - Japanese anemone. Tall stems with white or pink flowers. Colchicum - Autumn crocus/naked ladies as the flower appears without leaf. Malus Varieties - Crab apple trees with colourful fruits. Nerine Bowdenii - Masses of pink blooms on naked stems. Parthenocissus - Virginia creeper with leaves turning fiery red. Physalis - Cape gooseberry or Chinese lantern. Papery red lanterns. Pyracantha Schizostylis - Kaffir lily. Exotic looking gladiolus type flowers. Sorbus varieties - Rowan. Large clusters of bright red fruits.
S O B N I G
LANDSCAPES DRIVEWAY & PATIO SPECIALIST
Driveways FROM DESIGN TO Patios REALITY Decking Turfing Specialist in Artificial Turf Full Garden Landscapes General Maintenance
“WE WON’T BE BEATEN ON QUALITY!”
“GIBSON LANDSCAPES ARE A MARSHALLS APPROVED LANDSCAPE CONTRACTOR AND DRIVEWAY INSTALLER”
For FREE Advice, Quotation and Professional Service call
Ingleby Barwick:
01642 659945
Mobile: 07756 670212
www.gibsonlandscapes.co.uk
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Welha
Also Bedrooms, Ba Our Bespoke Kitchens are
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RESIN BOUND DRIVEWAYS WHAT IS RESIN BOUND?
Resin bound is a natural stone resin bound surface that can be laid over tarmac or concrete. It does not involve any long convoluted digging out of foundations and the majority of jobs undertaken are completed in just one day. The finished surface is a beautiful resin set gravel which removes the annoyance of loose chippings and stones Imprint • Ultimate Strength & Durability • Puddle Free & Weed Resistant • Multiple Colour Choices • Fully Project Managed • Instant Kerb Appeal • Fully Guaranteed • Low Maintenance
PATHS
DRIVEWAYS
Concrete Service Available
PATIOS
ProLine-Eco Drives 01642 459521 / 07876 07876 597573
www.proli www.prol ine-ecod ne-ecodrives.co.uk rives.co.uk PAGE 16 | Please mention ‘The Local Answer Ingleby Barwick’ when calling advertisers
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am Kitchens
athrooms and Studies e created especially for you
nvestment of your bespoke Kitchen is to your home and that chens are created especially for you, whether it’s Traditional designs and colours to suit all tastes and budgets. We listen o the final design. Our friendly staff will help to take the stress elpful advice on colour schemes, styles and finishing touches.
BEDROOMS, KITCHENS & BATHROOMS
pointment only) or visit our website for further details
74 between Redcar & Marske, Longbeck Trading Estate, Marske TS11 6HB y: Monday-Thursday 8-5, Friday 8-2.30
hens.co.uk 01642 491257 R O * O F R E P A I R S
ROOFING Y T I L A U Q
R * O O F
Ridge Tiles • Chimney Stacks Gable Ends • Slating • Tiling • Gutters Fascias • Soffits • Garage Roofs • Bay Tops ‘LOCAL FAMILY RUN BUSINESS’ Over 35 Years Experience FREE ESTIMATES PROMPT ATTENTION
RING JOHN
01642 603160 / 07710 318954 “Trust Assured”
www.roofersinteesside.com
R E P A I R S
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Healthy Eating
HEALTHY APPLE & BLACKBERRY CRUMBLE
E
veryone loves a dessert, but shop bought ones can contain a lot of fat and sugar. Making a pudding with fruit gives you the best of both worlds - a sweet that is healthier. This recipe includes oats (which are good for lowering cholesterol) and eating apples & blackberries (which are good sources of fibre, vitamins and minerals). Pick your own blackberries for free, or buy frozen ones.
Ingredients: 7 eating apples dessertspoon sugar 100g blackberries 50ml water For the crumble: 60g porridge oats 120g plain flour 40g muscovado brown sugar 75g low fat spread
METHOD: Heat the oven to 400 degrees or gas mark 6. Peel and slice the apples. Put into a saucepan with the sugar and 50ml water. Cook until softened. Mix in blackberries and leave to cool. Prepare the crumble: Mix oats, flour and sugar. Add the low fat spread and rub it into the flour mixture using fingertips, until it looks like breadcrumbs. Put the apple mixture into an ovenproof dish and top with the crumble. Cook 25 minutes or until golden. Serve with low fat custard or crème fraiche. Healthy tips: Mix sunflower seeds into the crumble mix to make it healthier. Make your own custard using custard powder and semi-skimmed or soy milk - add enough sugar to sweeten - will contain less sugar than shop-bought. ‘Healthy Eating’ courtesy of Sue Lorrimer.
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Family Run Business
www.wsplastics.com
W.S. Plastics Ltd
Bathroom/Kitchen design & installation
Back by popular demand... FREE
PLASTIC CEILING
when booking in October (t’s & c’s)*
• Full bathroom refurbishment service from start to finish, including any plumbing, plastering and building work • All work organised for you with a large selection of fittings to choose from EST. • Highly skilled team of dedicated fitters 1 6 • Friendly and helpful showroom staff YEARS
*offer applies only to full bathrooms of the value £4000+
Redcar Beacon
Showroom: 01642 271541
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Bank Street
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OPEN: Mon-Fri 9am-5pm,
for all your bathroom needs Sat 9.30am-3pm, Sun CLOSED
HERE West Terrace
VISIT OUR SHOWROOM
WE ARE Central Terrace
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Cleveland
(Bus Lane)
2 West Terrace, Redcar (Between The Redcar Beacon & The Town Clock) Email: wsplastics.showroom@gmail.com
High Street (Pedestrian Zone)
ONLINE...
LOCAL NEWS and SPORT
LOCAL BUSINESS DIRECTORY
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
CASLING''S CARS CASLING & VALETING
CARS BOUGHT FOR CASH
PART EXCHANGE WELCOME FINANCE ARRANGED 31-33 Esplanade, Redcar
Tel:
07568 263163 8am-6pm
UVRAYS TANNING STUDIO OPEN 7 DAYS at 127 HIGH STREET, REDCAR
Check out our FACEBOOK page for upcoming offers 100 MINS £22 ALL BRAND-NEW TUBES FITTED BLOCK BOOK:
Tel: 07395 668236
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
www.localgasman.co.uk Free Estimates No Call-Out Charge All Plumbing New Boilers New Central Heating Gas Safety Reports Power Flushing Gas Cookers Gas Fires Boilers/Fires Serviced & Repaired H Senior Citizens 10% Discount H H H H H H H H H H
LATEST CONDENSING BOILERS (with up to 12 YEAR GUARANTEE WITH MAGNETIC FILTER)
All editions of the
are available to view online at:
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BRUSH STROKES
1st
CLASS DECORATING at Affordable Prices
Interior, Exterior, Commercial & Domestic FREE Estimates OAP Discounts Available
Time Served Decorator with 40 YEARS Experience Call STEVE on:
01642 281547 or 07811 321520
Welham Bathrooms Also Kitchens, Bedrooms and Studies
Your Bathroom is a place to unwind, relax and have a bit of me time
Here at Welham’s we can create the perfect space to help you do just that. Is it traditional style or the super sleek glam look you are interested in? Whatever your taste, we can create that ideal room. We manufacture all units in our factory in Marske, to your specifications. All bathroom suites and showers come from well established suppliers such as Kudos, Mira, Vitra, Bristan and many more. We also add those finishing touches such as Karndean flooring, tiling, multi panel, laminate ceiling and, not forgetting, lighting.
OFFERS AVAILABLE ON BATHROOMS, BEDROOMS & KITCHENS Redc
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Visit: local-answer.co.uk for LOCAL NEWS & SPORT | Local Answer - Tel: 01642 296513 - October 2020 | PAGE 23
Supporting local businesses for over 15 years LOCAL ANSWER
Recipe
RICH TEA CHOCOLATE TRAYBAKE INGREDIENTS 225g / 8 oz rich tea biscuits 50g / 1¾ oz / 3 tablespoons unsalted butter 125g / 4½ oz golden caster sugar 1 free range egg, lightly beaten 100g / 3½ oz dark chocolate
Topping
125g / 4½ oz dark chocolate 75g / 4½ oz milk chocolate 50g / 1¾ oz white chocolate METHOD 1. Lightly grease a small round cake tin (15cm, 6 inch in diameter), with a removable base.
Place a circle of baking parchment in the base. Set aside. 2. Crunch up the rich tea biscuits into small pieces, leaving some that are larger at about 1cm / ½ inch. Cream the butter and caster sugar together, then add the egg and whisk again. 3. Break the dark chocolate into pieces and place in a heatproof bowl and melt over simmering water. When melted, add the sugar-butteregg mix to the chocolate and stir in until melted and thickened to a light custard texture, which will take a couple of minutes. 4. Stir up the broken biscuit pieces until throughly coated.
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Transfer the chocolatey biscuit mix into the cake tin, making sure that the pieces are squashed right into all the gaps to make a firm, continuous base. Put into the fridge for about 1 hour until thoroughly set.
Specialists in: Gas - Oil - LPG - Warm Air - Under Floor
Up to
on Worcester Gas Boilers
Experienced, Reliable Trustworthy Heating Engineers Providing a Professional, Quality Service
Call now for a FREE no obligation quotation
01642 487309
www.cawheating.co.uk 5. Remove the base from the fridge and leave at room temperature while you do prepare the dark chocolate. Break the dark chocolate into pieces and place in a heatproof bowl and melt over simmering water. While it is melting, gently slide the prepared biscuit base out of the cake tin. Spread the melted chocolate over the base. smoothing until nice and even. Put into the fridge for about ½ an hour. 6. For the final flourish, melt the white chocolate and then drizzle over the top of the dark chocolate. Place it all back into the fridge again for 2 hours to set fully. With a sharp knife, cut into small shapes of about 1½ cm x 2cm (½ inch x 1 inch).
Call: 01642 296513
DEADLINE October
for the next edition Bookings, Alterations or Cancellations
4pm
Whilst every effort is made to ensure the accuracy of claims made by advertisers in the Local Answer, the management can accept no responsibility for any problems which may arise
20 For all your
LEAFLETS, FLYERS & BUSINESS CARDS We offer competitive prices and a quick turnaround Ring or email for a quote
Tel: 01642 296513 info@local-answer.co.uk
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Supporting local businesses for over 15 years
Humour
FAMILIES CAN BE SUCH FUNNY THINGS...
H
umour comes in many forms but it’s amazing how many rib-tickling stories emerge from the attitude of families to each other. Here’s some great examples... A magician had just completed an absolutely astounding trick that baffled everyone and a man in the audience called out “that was amazing, can you tell me how you did it?” “Sorry,” said the magician. If I told you I’d have to kill you.” “In that case,” said the man, “can you tell my wife?” “Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to a stranger on the plane. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just born and tiny and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable. Do you see his dimple on his left
cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice “Hi Grandma!” It just gets me all teary eyed.” After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much. “You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word in edgeways! Tell me, what do you think about my Grandson?” A husband and wife were arguing and she yelled “ You hate my relatives don’t you?” “Not at all,” said the husband. “In fact, I like your mother-in-law more a lot more than I like mine.” Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy’s forthcoming wedding. “Och, it’s all goin’ pure brilliant,” says Jimmy. “A’ve got everythin’ organised awready, the fluers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the meenister, even ma stag night”. Archie nods
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approvingly. “I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in!” continues Jimmy. “A kilt?” exclaims Archie, “That’s braw, you’ll look pure smairt in that. Whit’s the tartan?” “Och,” says Jimmy, “A’d imagine she’ll be in white !”
Est 1985
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Harry was getting married and was very excited about the forthcoming big day. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.” “But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” “Yeah, I know”, said his boss. Two blokes were reminiscing about their sons and one said “I well remember taking my son to the pub for his first drink. I bought him a pint of bitter but he didn’t like it so I drank it. Then I bought him a pint of lager and he didn’t like that either so I drank it. I tried him on spirits and he didn’t like whiskey, rum, brandy, vodka or gin either so I had to drink them all myself. I tell you, by the time we were finished I was so drunk I could hardly push the pram home!”
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Football - The ‘Boro
NEW SEASON - SAME OLD PROBLEMS!
H
aving completed what looked like two potentially difficult opening matches against sides who, just a couple of months ago, were established Premier league clubs ‘Boro have not performed too badly. That we only took one point from the two games was nevertheless an indication that last season’s problems remain, but hopefully that may be about to change. For large parts of both games, for example, we were comfortably better than both Watford and Bournemouth but the old failings were once again very obvious with the inability to convert chances and the concession of soft goals dictating the results. It’s ironic that Neil Warnock’s attempts to strengthen the spine of the team resulted in the signings of Grant Hall and Marcus Bettinelli, yet neither has really begun
particularly well. Hall was strongly at fault for Watford’s goal and it was also his deflection that led to Bournemouth’s. New goalkeeper Marcus Bettinelli, meanwhile, made a couple of good saves against Bournemouth but was actually at fault for both of Barnsley’s goals in a very disappointing defeat – albeit with almost a reserve side - in the Carabao Cup. It must be said, however, that the last thing we needed at this stage would have been a mid-week trip to Chelsea so he probably did us a favour! Since then, of course, we have also seen the arrivals of striker Chuba Akpom and defensive midfielder Sam Morsy and once they have had a few training sessions with the squad they will add much needed experience, a bit more depth and hopefully a few more options. Meanwhile the potential re-
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emergence of Marcus Browne on his return from his loan spell with Oxford might also be a positive over the very busy period coming up, especially having scored his first goal for ‘Boro against Bournemouth. He seems to have added a bit of steel since his disappointing displays when he first arrived at the Riverside so he might be one to watch. So, early days and absolutely no need to panic just yet, but having not got what we deserved in the first two league games things really do need to improve at both ends of the pitch. You can never tell in the
Championship, of course, and as I write the top three teams in the division – all with maximum points – are Reading, Bristol City and Luton. Who would have forecast that at the start? Perhaps the most satisfying aspect of the season so far, though, was seeing fans back at the Riverside, albeit only a thousand, but it’s a start and we can only pray that things get better very soon. Unfortunately that could be jeopardised by the attitude of those who seem determined not to follow the guidelines. At least Neil Warnock did the right thing and stayed away as instructed. Let’s hope he has a speedy recovery.
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Test Your Knowledge Answers 1. Leonardo da Vinci 2. Robinson 3. Medusa 4. Paint Your Wagon 5. Alan Ball
6. Jim Bowen 7. A Geiger Counter 8. 1955 9. Mary Hopkin 10. The Lusitania
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INDEX OF ADVERTISERS Appliance Repairs Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bathrooms PJS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Slingsby Interiors . . . . . . . . . Space Master . . . . . . . . . . . Welham Bathrooms . . . . . . WS Plastics . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bedrooms Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . Welham Bedrooms . . . . . . Blinds Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . . Building Services AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Amco Construction . . . . . . . Car Sales & Valeting Casling’s Cars. . . . . . . . . . . Cleaning Micro Clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . Conservatories AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Cleaner Cons. . . . . . . . . . . . S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . . Conservatory Cleaning Cleaner Cons. . . . . . . . . . . . Damp Proofing AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Amco Construction . . . . . . . Decorating Services Brush Strokes . . . . . . . . . . . Disability Aids Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Door Repairs S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . . Double Glazing All Seasons Windows . . . . Marton Windows . . . . . . . . . S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . . Window Wizard . . . . . . . . . . Driveways ProLine Eco Drives . . . . . . . Electrical Appliances Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Electrical Services AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 4 Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 3 Fascias & Soffits Page 21 AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Front Pg Page 6 Callaghan’s Rooflines . . . . . Back Pg Page 10 Garage Doors Page 8 Cleveland Up & Over . . . . . Page 13 Page 23 Garolla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 19 Garden Services Gibson Landscapes . . . . . . Page 15 Page 21 Heating Page 8 AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 4 AJ Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Page 11 Aquaflow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 22 Dinsdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Back Pg Front Pg PJS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 Page 5 SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Slingsby Interiors . . . . . . . . . Page 29 Page 20 Wilsons Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 25 Home Improvements Page 27 Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 House Clearances Front Pg A1 House Clearance . . . . . Page 3 Page 8 Kitchens Page 7 Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Space Master . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Page 8 Welham Kitchens . . . . . . . . Page 16 WS Plastics . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 19 Front Pg Landscaping Page 5 Gibson Landscapes . . . . . . Page 15 Loft Ladders & Loft Space Page 23 Yorkshire Loft Ladders . . . . Page 9 Mobility Aids Page 23 Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 The Lift Guys . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Page 7 Painting & Decorating Brush Strokes . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 Page 3 Patios / Paving Page 2 Gibson Landscapes . . . . . . Page 15 Page 7 ProLine Eco Drives . . . . . . . Page 16 Page 8 Plumbers AEP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 4 Page 16 AJ Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Page 10 Aquaflow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 22 Page 10
Plumbers (cont’d) Dinsdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Back Pg PJS Plumbing . . . . . . . . . . . Page 3 SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Wilsons Plumbing . . . . . . . . Page 25 Property Renovation Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Roller Shutters Garolla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 5 Roofing Services AAA Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Front Pg Amco Construction . . . . . . . Page 5 Callaghan’s Rooflines . . . . . Back Pg Quality Roofing . . . . . . . . . . Page 17 S&S Roofing . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Showrooms Rubberduck . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 21 Welhams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 16 Shutters Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Stairlifts Aiding You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 23 The Lift Guys . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 13 Tiling SC Henderson . . . . . . . . . . Page 6 Washing Machines Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 10 Washing Machine Repairs Birkbecks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 10 Waste Management A1 House Clearance . . . . . Page 3 Wardrobes Space Master . . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Window Blinds Polaris Blinds . . . . . . . . . . . . Page 11 Windows & Doors All Seasons Windows . . . . Page 3 Marton Windows . . . . . . . . . Page 2 S&S Windows . . . . . . . . . . . Page 7 Window Wizard . . . . . . . . . . Page 8 Deadline for the next edition is
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