Arielle Estoria

Here’s to the life of living paycheck to paycheck. Here’s to the life of taking side-hustle after side-hustle to make it by. And here’s to the life of creating beautiful, wonderful, terrible things, things that make people feel, make people think, and most of all, make people live. Such is the life of the artist. Glamorized as it may seem – images of people sipping black coffee in a trendy espresso bar with their sketch book may come to mind – any of us who live the creative life can tell you that it’s one part incredible, and one part downright frightening. One moment, the instability of it all is exhilarating. The next, we’re craving the neatly carved paths of our friends who chose to be doctors and accountants.

If you have the opportunity to meet creative and poet Arielle Estoria (and I hope you do), you experience the full spectrum of the artist’s life in her presence. Her candidness and openness about the struggle that is the creative journey is so refreshing, and all the while, she infuses a little sparkle and beauty into the mess of it.

She can trace the beginnings of her journey as an artist back to her childhood, sharing that she’s always been creatively driven. “I was that kid who dressed up in plastic heels and pranced around making up songs under her alias name ‘Erica Wallace,’” says Estoria, “and then I became that little girl who loved monologues and acting.” She then became a teenager who “fell in love with the art of storytelling in different forms, first with acting and writing.” For Estoria, her thoughts made more sense when they flowed onto paper. She’d often find them spilling out of her mind as tiny quotes and phrases in the margins of her notes.

A few weeks away from college graduation, Estoria reflected on her initial plan for post-grad life. “I was going to continue working at a university investing in young college women. I loved student development and the residence life part of my experience in college, and I wanted to continue that.” But she couldn’t shake the feeling that this plan felt like the ‘wrong’ one. Something else seemed to call her. “I felt this tug that I was supposed to do something a little crazy: be a creative.”

Thus began this now three-year journey for Estoria. She’s lost track of how many odd jobs she took on her first year out of college (5... 6?) Much of her pursuit of the creative life was “just diving into everything, saying yes to everything and hoping something good would come of it all,” explains Estoria. “It was unpredictable, hard and I felt like a whirlwind 99.9% of the time (still do) but so much of it involved letting go of my need for control and for a “plan” and it ended up being pretty beautiful in return. I was going to live this unpredictable, crazy life no matter what it took.”

And it’s taken quite a lot. Estoria, like any other creative, can testify to just how difficult being an artist can be, far from our romanticized views we held as children and wide-eyed college kids. “It is so freaking hard!” Estoria affirms, “no one really tells you that being your own boss, living that free, creative life is expensive sometimes, and stressful.” She has many crazy stories ranging from scams, to not being paid, to attorneys, to moving in with a family to afford living anywhere near LA. “I have all the stories. They make this building process what it is: crazy and beautiful.”

Addressing all of her fellow dreamers and doers, Estoria shares the following advice.

1. Just do it, try it all of it. It may not seem like it’s part of what you’re “supposed” to be doing but you never know how the threads will connect and the stones will build.

2. Be okay with failing… like a lot. These are not make it or break it moments they are beautiful moments meant for humble beginnings, be willing to learn and not shut down from them.

3. Always get back up, some days you will feel as though you are being hit with hell and highwater, get back up and keep swinging.

4. Let people help you, don’t let pride get in the way of people showing up for you.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, look silly or say you don’t know. Be honest and then figure it out when you can.

6. Have fun, this could be the most beautiful season of your life, savor it.

To all the aspiring freelancers out there who are hesitant to take the leap, Estoria says, “Well, it’s going to keep driving you crazy if you don’t at least try. You’re always going to wonder ‘What if’ and ‘what could have been.’” When we’re young, Estoria urges, is the opportune time for us to dive into unpredictable and crazy, because we don’t have quite the same obligations and responsibilities that can follow later in life. “This time, however,” Estoria says, “is the perfect time to be just a little bit wild and whimsy.”

Creatives often walk the line between incredibly inspired and energized by artistic breakthroughs and enduring crippling fear and self-doubt. Estoria is the first to admit to having many fears. As she lists them off, they’ll likely sound familiar to most of us. “I’m not good enough, not qualified enough, not compelling enough, not skinny enough – overall just not enough of anything in order to be successful or “make it,” whatever that even means,” she says. On top of these universal fears, she daily questions her decision to be an artist, wondering if she should get a “real job,” often mounting to the ultimate question, ‘What am I doing?!’ Some days, I feel capable and killing it, other days I question everything,” shares Estoria,

“I combat it with reminding myself, ‘I am exactly where I’m supposed to be’, by listening to and reading all the kind words of encouragement people have said to me after events or interactions with them. I have to constantly remind myself of my truth and not the lies.” As Estoria demonstrates, sometimes in the midst of the crazy and the beautiful that is the creative life, we need a bit of concrete to keep us grounded. First and foremost for Estoria, her beliefs are an anchoring force. “I’m a faith based person, so my faith – who and what I believe in – is literally the reason that I do what I do in terms of purpose and calling. It’s also what keeps me doing it in the first place.” Relationships have also played a huge part in both lifting Estoria up and keeping her feet firmly on the ground.

“I have a really rad community who supports me so so well,” gushes Estoria, “they are my lighthouses when I’ve stared at my screen too long and only see darkness, they are the little rockets underneath me to keep soaring, they are grocery and gas money – they are my everything. They keep me sane and grounded, they remind me daily of why I’m doing what I’m doing and that I am exactly where I should be.”

Just as the creative life is messy, so is Estoria’s process for crafting her poetry. She even has a special term for this seemingly random event: “spilling.” “It’s usually just a poem that comes out on a walk, while driving, or during a conversation with someone,” shares Estoria. “I usually have music on in both of those scenarios,” she adds. “Inspiration comes from me imagining that I am sitting and having a conversation with others, and that’s when something usually sparks! But why does she create in the first place? “I lived for so long feeling unworthy and small,” shares Estoria, “I lived for so long biting my tongue and living out of smallness – when I first started doing poetry I spoke to mostly women. There was something so special and intimate about being able to pour into young women and remind them of the worth we’ve been told for so long didn’t exist.”

Poetry was a gateway for Estoria to craft “words not for the ears but for the soul,” words that could connect with people and give them the permission to feel, to feel deeply and not apologize for it. “I realized that I had a gift and a calling over my life. I wanted to walk in that confidently and hopefully show others how to do the same.” As she faces an unknown future (one that involves the makings of a second album), Arielle Estoria’s anthem of beauty and joy in the midst of uncertainty brings the kind of hope all artists need, telling us to just keep taking the next step, and stay on the lookout for the magic in the mess.