8 minute read
HAYLEY KIYOKO
HAYLEY KIYOKO didn’t meet another openly gay woman until she was 20 years old. Stating she grew up in an extremely closeted environment, Kiyoko’s career has been nothing but the opposite of her upbringing. Finding solace and company in music and writing from an early age—she took the fears, desires and stories she’s harbored for over two years and laid them out in her debut album “Expectations.” The album acts as a culmination project of Kiyoko’s evolution from her previous EP’s and stamps this moment in her life where a full length album was required. Each song is laced with the words of a woman who knows her space and is comfortable with wanting more, because she understands that the opinions of others aren’t the driving force of her life. But it wasn’t always that way.
“I always knew who I was from the beginning, I knew that I liked girls. But I had lots of trouble accepting it because there was such a stereotype of what that looked like and I didn’t fit that mold,” said Kiyoko. “And so I didn’t want to associate myself with it and then on top of that I battled a lot of issues of just like masculinity and femininity and the balance of that. And people judging you because of that.” She then went on to explain that in the midst of that battle between her masculinity and femininity, Kiyoko chopped her hair short and fought with the idea of acceptance: is it something earned through the people who surround you or something that was learned through self love? In Kiyoko’s case that was particularly difficult because she didn’t have anybody to confide in when the weight of this was too overwhelming. That’s when she began to turn to writing and music. “Music was the only place I felt like I could be myself and I’d get my heart broken from a girl and go into my garage and write a song about it and it validated my feelings. Cause I wasn’t getting my feelings validated anywhere else,” Kiyoko said. “So, it was really the safest place for me and I think that’s why I loved writing so much is because I could be open, it was the only person—even though it’s not a person—it was the only thing that I could be open with.”
During the interview it was hard not to reflect on the fact that Kiyoko is now the role model to so many young people, the same kind of role model she so desperately needed and craved whilst growing up. Through the writing sessions that helped her at her loneliest, Kiyoko has been able to not only help others heal and find themselves through her own words, but has been able to see how universal her story is. “I feel really lucky and fortunate to be able to be there for them and validate those feelings. Cause I think that’s what we’re all looking for. It’s an honor to be able to be that support for somebody,” Kiyoko explained. Through the endless support of her fanbase and the avid listeners, Kiyoko’s message of acceptance and inclusivity has been amplified worldwide. But even in a time when positive images and representation of women—especially queer women of color—is needed, Kiyoko has been met with a double standard within the music industry.
TOP: GOSHA RUBCHINSKIY, BOTTOMS: HELIOT EMIL, EARRINGS: TOPSHOP
“I definitely experienced judgment as far as what I do just because I only like girls and that doesn’t change.. and so you know I’ve gotten ridiculed from people like ‘oh, it’s the same thing, its the same thing’ and I’m like ‘no, it’s not the same thing!’ All these other artists are singing about guys and it’s not the same thing,” Kiyoko explained. By sharing her intimate love stories with women and relationships with women, it puts her at more of a disadvantage than a female singer that sings strictly about her experiences and relationships with men. It’s usually the more heteronormative narratives that are universally accepted and the songs that are “daring” are from heterosexual artists that discuss experimenting, approaching sexuality as a “concept” that can be played with. Kiyoko echoes these sentiments: “You know that really rubs me the wrong way and that’s probably the biggest fight that I have with people, just people understanding that it’s not a ‘concept’ its my life... and that’s hard for people to grasp. But all I can do is continue to lead with my heart and have it be good, undeniably good, so people go ‘oh, this is good!’”
TOP: ALEXANDER WANG X ADIDAS, EARRINGS: MELODY EHSANI
Kiyoko’s approach to her craft is one of the key parts of what makes her one of the most favored artists in the industry today, not only for the honesty in her lyrics but also for her stylistic approach. “We always do the music first and then add the melody and put in the chords, and then the lyrics come last. Normally, we’ll be doing the music and then letting the music kind of tell—I let the music kind of tell—me what it’s gonna be about, if that makes sense,” Kiyoko explained. This method of creating her songs is highly prevalent on her debut album “Expectations.” The lyrics weave through the melody like a stream piecing together a story along the way, creating a full-on sensory experience. This style allows the listener to attach these melodies to the emotions that are stirred up whilst concentrating on the lyrics.
TOP AND PANT: JOYRICH, CHAIN: OHHEYGIRL
The album opens with “Expectations (Overture),” which is a layered instrumental, and makes it feel as though you’re entering Kiyoko’s garden of sounds, a fitting introduction to the theme of the album. “I wrote a part of it in Ojai, California and that was very inspirational for me. I’m very inspired by nature, water and colors, and so I was just kind of pulling from those things to kind of inspire me,” Kiyoko said. One of the standout songs on the album is the twofor-one “Mercy/Gatekeeper,” which was formulated differently than the rest of the album because of how it’s lyrics were created, “...that was a poem that I wrote in my journal and then we built the song out from the lyrics. So that’s the only song I’ve done the opposite...it was a fun process.” The song is split up into two narratives: the first part Kiyoko is discussing her depression which stemmed from her struggles with post-concussion syndrome and the second part being the light that counteracts the confusion and sadness that plagued her when she wasn’t aware of her power as the “gatekeeper” of her mind, words and body.
This led to the discussion of whether or not there is a fear of oversharing when putting these songs out into the world. “I feel like as humans we go through so much so I’ve shared a lot with the world and yet I still have so much more to say because we’re constantly evolving and changing and learning. So... I don’t feel like that,” she explained. To Kiyoko, music and writing has always been there as way where she can control her own narrative, where she can uncover all the things she was unable to share with others. Since these personal experiences are being shared to millions of listeners, the responsibility she holds does not go unrecognized by her. In addition to putting her personal touch on all of her music, she directs all of her music videos which are truly a dreamland-like extension of the dialogue that begins in her songs.”
For me music is a very visual thing, so for me to be able to listen to the song and watch the video and have that connect, it gives me another level of communication to my listeners,” Kiyoko explained. So not only is there a positive and inclusive representation of queer women within Kiyoko’s music, but the trend also continues within the images she conjures and it gives validation to people who view her videos that they aren’t alone in these situations that seem so alienating and different. “I mean, again, it feels really good that people are connecting emotionally, even if they haven’t been in that specific situation they’re like ‘oh man, I remember this one time so and so did this.’ It’s inspiring for me to be able to have my music transcend any community and that’s exciting for me,” Kiyoko said. “I’m wanting to have, you know, people just hopefully normalize what I do as much as possible. But sometimes you have to really go for it and be bold with your statements and your messages and that’s kind of what I’m doing. So, I can eventually normalize what I’m doing if that makes sense.”
Since the release of her album in March, Kiyoko has coined this year as “20GAYTEEN” which is in its own sense is an additional way that she is normalizing the experiences of numerous queer people and celebrating the fact that we should love ourselves for who we are. Kiyoko is currently on tour and her shows can only be described as one big party: “Oh it’s so fun, you have to come! It’s amazing! Everyone’s singing the songs...it’s really cool, a great part of my job is just being able to see people’s reactions to the same lyrics and how that affects people. They make signs and flags and glitter...it’s a celebration. It’s fun!” Having already sold out multiple shows on her headlining tour, flexed her acting skills in her new role on the Kerry Washington produced Facebook Watch series “Five Points” and directing skills in her new video for her song with Kehlani entitled “What I Need”... Kiyoko has already taken control of the summer and without a doubt the rest of the year. When asked what people can do to make this “20GAYTEEN” one for the history books, Kiyoko said this: “You know...being yourself and not being afraid to speak your mind and standing up for people. I think that’s really important. I think being there for one another and spreading that energy of looking out for one another is really powerful. And I think that that will help us, you know, grow.”
HAIR BY RACHEL BURNEY / MAKEUP BY MARLA VAZQUEZ
On Self-Love
IF YOU COULD TELL YOUNG HAYLEY KIYOKO ANYTHING ABOUT SELF- LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? DO YOU THINK THIS ADVICE COULD HELP ANYBODY (WHO COULD BE IN THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU WERE AT THAT AGE) TO PRACTICE SELF-LOVE?
“To not compare myself to other people. I would tell myself that. I think that the biggest trap is focusing on other people because it takes away energy from ourselves, that would be my advice. Yeah, I mean everyone is different and unique and that’s the BEST, you know? So, I think wanting to be like other people you’re going to just disappoint yourself because you aren’t like anyone else. You are YOU. And I think that’s kind of a trap we get caught into. Yeah! There’s no ‘one size fits all.’ “There is one size fits all but it doesn’t fit well so…” Exactly! It’s the one they try to assign but you can’t...you just can’t… “It doesn’t quite fit.” It’s just a little too restricting... it’s a little too small haha “Yeeess, yeah.”
STORY BY NATAŠA KVESIĆ | PHOTOGRAPHY BY TREVOR FLORES | STYLING BY KATIE QIAN.
