Play V.32 Issue 7

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CONTENTS 4-5 Music +ones to watch in 2012

Editorial

6-7 Literature +popshot poetics +dada revived

8-9 screen +top 5 2011 +review: the artist

2012 is now firmly upon us. Will twitter typos control our country’s politics? Will the Olympic games go off without martial law being declared? Will the world end?

10-11 Stage

Weatherman Jay +shhh, it’s mime time + Review: 99 Club

12-13 Centre +jay weathers @jumpoff +www.rickross.com 14-15 arts + constructivist utopia +2012 preview

Tatlin Tower

16-17 fashion +New year new look +Fashion: fact or fiction

So many questions (and if the end of the world theories are true then so little time).

Much easier just to skim through these pages and read about popular culture. The centre pages this week have had a technological make over. The blog BNTL have done a guest piece on the revival of the popular rap music battleground Jumpoff.

Ben Widgery takes us through the art of free music and explains why Rick Ross can afford to make Maybach music while for the rest of us the dole queue beckons. Thom Spellman offers a glimpse at his flickr page and demonstrates that London’s beauty can, at times, be decieving. This all comes in at a convenient time for us at London Student as our new website has recently been launched. Be sure to logon to http://www.london-student.net/category/play/ to read up on everything in the paper as well as awhole lot more. Our refurbished virtual platform allows us to include actual music and video links so that you can listen to the songs or watch the videos as you read about them in here. However, do not devalue the power of print media just yet. The internet is great but there are pop-ups to distract you and you can’t access it on the tube.

Enjoy these pages. They may be your last.

play editorsgwilym lewis-brooke Jake pace-lawrie Screen editorsaustin raywood

18-19 food +The january detox +food lessons in love

stage editormatt williamson

20-21 travel +Ode to the british sea +dodge the fuzz abroad

literature EditorROBERT KIELY ARTS editorTravis Riley

22- Listings

The Artist

MUSIC EDITORSRICHARD HALL, RINA BUZNEA

FASHION EDITORS FLORENCE CORNISH, KATE VINE

TRAVEL EDITOR EMILY RAY

Food Editor Helena Goodrich cover PhotosThom Spellman brand designDanny WIlson

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Lana Del R ey Part ghetto Nancy Sinatra, part Stepford wife with a Lynchian twist, Del Rey was everywhere at the end of last year, with seemingly every second of every recording that she has ever drawn breath on now unearthed and appearing on YouTube, complete with a “Video Games”-style montage video, created by one of her increasing army of adoring fans. Hopefully 2012 be the year that the world abandons the tiresome “has she/hasn’t she?” debate about her lips and concentrates on the music, which is sublimely beautiful and worthy of all the fuss. Her debut album Born to Die is released through Polydor Records on January 30.

Download: EP, Video Games, available at iTunes and Amazon.

Pe t t y b o n e

(Pictured below)

“Bands this exciting come along once in a blue moon”, according to Terrorizer magazine, and it’s hard to argue with that, having witnessed Pettybone’s blistering debut album launch gig in December last year. This trans-national hardcore band is the self-proclaimed “Sound of the Revolt” and they have the talent to back it up.

Declared “punk as fuck” by Kerrang! magazine and heralded as “the ones to watch” by Metal Hammer among others, Pettybone are creating a massive stir in all the right ways. This year sees the band about to embark on its most intensive touring schedule to date. Don’t miss them.

Buy: Debut album, From Desperate Times Comes Radical Minds, available from damagdonerecords.com.

O n e s To Wa t c h

Ala ba ma Shakes A gallon of Southern soul, a double-shot of the blues and a healthy slug of rock and roll, Alabama Shakes look set for big things in 2012. Brittany Howard picks up where Janis Joplin left off, with raw-throated, emotive vocals over ‘60s-infused, but by no means derivative, rock ‘n’ soul. The band follow their stunning 2011 EP with a full-length debut album to be released on Rough Trade Records in early 2012, hot on the heels of three sold-out dates at The Boston Arms in February.

Download: EP, Alabama Shakes, available at iTunes and Bandcamp (http://alabamashakes.bandcamp.com).

W it h t h e s ur e-fir e so un dtr ack for th e n ext twe lv e m on t hs , che ck o ut Emma Black’s tips for the to p. ..

Azealia Banks

New Yorker rapper and lyricist Azealia Banks was recently voted NME’s coolest person of 2011. The jury is still out on whether this accolade actually means anything, but such exposure is not bad on the strength of one single - the gloriously foul-mouthed ‘212’, which at the end of last year ranked as the highest-ever rated song on the The Singles Jukebox website.

Unsigned but undoubtedly not for long, Banks is currently working on her debut album with Florence and The Machine producer Paul Epworth, pencilled in for release later this year.

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Download: Single (featuring Lazy Jay), ‘212’, available at iTunes and Amazon.

Dry The River

Formed in 2009, folk/gospel-friendly Dry the River have been gathering fans and garnering critical acclaim since being brought to public consciousness via BBC Introducing in 2010. Last summer saw them take in a swathe of UK festivals including Glastonbury, Reading and Leeds, Latitude and Lovebox, an appearance at the infamous SXSW festival in Texas and play a sold-out show at London’s Scala. Debut album Shallow Bed will be released through RCA on March 5.

Download: Live EP, iTunes Festival: London 2011, available at iTunes.

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Niki and The Dove After a brief flirtation with folk music in 2007, Swedish duo Gustaf Karlof and Malin Dalstrom plumped for their particular brand of goth-brushed electro-pop in 2010.

Fractured dance beats, an ethereal vocal twist and flashes of Florence dramatics find

Niki and the Dove drawing comparisons to Kate Bush and Bat for Lashes. Following the release of The Fox and The Drummer EPs in 2011, their self-titled debut album will be released through Sub Pop in May. Download: EP, The Drummer, available at iTunes and Amazon.

In 2012

S k r i l l ex L’enfant terrible of Dubstep’s rise to superstardom shows no sign of abating after an absurdly successful 2011, culminating in five Grammy nominations.

In December he released his second EP of the year, Bangarang, featuring what must surely be his most mind-bending collaboration to date – a track recorded with the three surviving members of The Doors for Amir Bar-Lev’s forthcoming documentary RE:GENERATION. He starts 2012 with three months of touring and rumours are building of a computer game trailer soundtrack to come later in the year.

This could be his biggest year yet.

Download: Single (with The Doors), ‘Breakn’ a Sweat’, available at iTunes and Amazon.

G a z e l l e Tw i n

Gazelle Twin is the musical and visual art project of Brighton’s Elizabeth Walling.

Called everything from electro-goth to art rock, via drone-pop, Walling creates haunting electronic soundscapes that refuse classification and defy a pigeonhole.

After a hypnotic and unsettling launch show at Islington’s Electrowerkz last year, debut album The Entire City swiftly found itself on a huge number of critics’ “must-hear” lists in 2011. The Fever Ray comparisons are inevitable (Walling openly admits that she has huge admiration for Karin Dreijer Andersson) but Gazelle Twin can definitely stand its ground and Walling undoubtedly has the talent and the creative vision to continue to take her alter ego in its own unique direction in 2012.

Watch: Official single video, ‘I Am Shell, I Am Bone’, available on YouTube.

IC1s

2011 was a good year for IC1s, one of the first bands to be signed to Libertines drummer Gary Powell’s new record label, 25 Hour Convenience Store Records.

Relentless gigging, a couple of festivals and a single for Shelter later, plus a nice little endorsement from Lambretta, 2012 sees the boys well-dressed and hell-bent on cementing their growing reputation as one of the most exciting new bands on the live circuit. Lauded by ex-Creation Records man Alan McGee and NME editor Mark Beaumont, IC1s are loud, raw and confrontational, putting on the kind of live

© Stephen Jay Photography

show that stops crowded bars talking and sees drinkers throw themselves to the front for the band’s close-to-infamous audience stage invasions. See them now, before it is all cocaine, in-band spats and payouts for bitter ex-wives.

Download: Single, ‘Levitate’, available at iTunes and Amazon.

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POPSHOT DISPATCH

distilled form? Jacob continued, “it’s the idea of pulling something from the poem that you might not have otherwise thought of, by using the illustrator,” offering something more than “just 2D words on a page”.

Popshot isn’t just poetry, it’s a whole spectrum of things. Writer-text-illustratorimage: each page is a poetic array of meaning for us to grapple with.

An interview with Jacob Denno, editor of Popshot magazine, a British bi-annual arts publication that champions contemporary poetry and illustration.

There’s a lot to be said for frustration. Minor annoyance, damning the man: it’s all part of our daily grind. We pass on some “friendly advice” to a bus driver, call books names like ‘Boring’, and don a moustache on a politician. Of course, this all amounts to no more than unproductive whining. Only every now and then does a murmur of frustration call for real attention, producing powerfully real effects.

Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception, trans. Donald A. Landes (London: Routledge, 2012), £38 Published 9th January 2012

Maurice Merleau-Ponty’s masterwork has been re-issued, in a new translation (the first in fifty years), by Routledge.

It seems from some Amazon reviews that their previous version did not cut it. This edition more than makes up for that. There is also a helpful introduction to Merleau-Ponty

by Claude Lefort to initiate readers, and a foreword by Taylor Carman.

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Jacob elaborated: “I’ll read the poem and I’ll think something about it, and I’ll then send it off to the illustrator and they’ll then come back with an illustration that opens up another part of the poem...” He paused.

“Opens it up for who?” I thought. Is the reader residing in that ellipsis? I suddenly knew why I had felt I had to own a copy of Popshot. As readers, we are obligated as the next step in the Popshot process, to validate Jacob’s vision of unending interpretation.

intent. In this new form, everything suddenly felt explained and open. I felt like the fabric of poetry had been laid bare; the poems appeared naked, the meaning trembling before me. I paid the six pounds, and hid the magazine in my room, returning to it each night with that same frustration. I even whined about it for a while… Then last week, I met the creator and editor, Jacob Denno, and put my challenges to him.

I first came across the magazine Popshot in Jacob Denno started his poetic career a little an independent bookstore a year ago, and bit miffed. I asked him how it all began – felt drawn to an elaborate illustration on the “the journey of Popshot so far”. He described cover. It shone with a strange colour himself “browsing the shelves of Borders”, amongst the whites of the poetry shelf. feeling uninspired by the form of the poetry Turning it over, I found what I thought to be magazines on offer. Popshot is the product a mission statement, and was of that feeling, aiming to intrigued to read the following “I think you should revive the enjoyable words: “Gently intent on nature of poetry. Jacob be exposed to hoodwinking poetry back puts it, “Children’s books poetry, not taught are a massive influence. from the clammy hands of tweed jackets and school it.” And that’s the When you’re a kid, poetry anthologies, Popshot looks to message of Popshot: is so much fun. And you celebrate the poetry of today really engage with it, and exposing what a and tomorrow with the there’s so much rhythm whimsical arms of illustration in it. Then as you get poem can mean tightly wrapped around it.” As older, it loses its rhythm, through a picture becomes much more a literature student, this certainly felt like a challenge. and an explanation, complex, the illustrations disappear, and it so that you can Twenty poems nestled inside suddenly becomes really, the issue. Each poem took its immerse yourself in really difficult to engage own page, and was coupled the meaning, rather with.” with an illustration and a short explanation of the poet’s than picking it apart. So, school leads us away

This is by now virtually a canonical text of continental philosophy. It is an extended and rigorous meditation upon our status as bodies in the world. For Merleau-Ponty, perception and embodiment are prior to everything else, and so Cartesian rationalism does not hold water. As the blurb notes, this work charts “ a bold course between the reductionism of science on the one hand and ‘intellectualism’ on the other, as Merleau-Ponty argues that we should regard the body not as a mere biological or physical unit, but as the body which structures one’s situation and experience within the world.” Simone de Beauvoir noted that Phenomenology of Perception “is not only a remarkable specialist work but a book that is of interest to the whole of man and to every man; the human condition is at stake in this book.” Anyone who has an interest in philosophy and enjoys a challenge would benefit from giving this work a try. JAMES COLTON

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

from the pure fun of poetry and teaches us to swallow words with a side-order of complexity. Should we agree? I always thought my first poetic encounters were Duffy, Armitage, Heaney, Bhatt’s ‘Search for My Tongue’, and Agard’s ‘Half-Caste’; a belief that totally disregarded the illustrated poetry I encountered at primary school. Why did I do this? Perhaps, schooled into interrogating the wordy techniques of poetry, I simply forgot how fun and useful the pictures had been. Discussing this ‘progression’ with Jacob, he said, “I think you should be exposed to poetry, not taught it.” And that’s the message of Popshot: exposing what a poem can mean through a picture and an explanation, so that you can immerse yourself in the meaning, rather than picking it apart.

Yet, I still feel like we should struggle for poetry. Shouldn’t there always be something inherently difficult about accessing this

In a business sense, Jacob saw a “gap” and decided to fill it. I asked him about the work of finding this niche. He said, “I spent those three years when I would have been at university dabbling in photography, illustration, working out how Photoshop worked and Indesign. I would take idioms and illustrate them and used to make little zines and illustrate them myself. Popshot was the product of those three years, something that I could get out to people.”

As a reader, Jacob found a frustration. As an editor, he has crafted a new form that is fun, elaborate, beautiful, and endlessly accessible.

All this talk of frustration and questioning established forms: perhaps Ferlinghetti was right, and poetry is an insurgent art. “If you would be a poet, write living newspapers. Be a reporter from outer space, filling dispatches to some supreme editor who believes in full disclosure and has a low tolerance for bullshit.” Dispatch 1: harness a frustration. Dispatch 2: read Popshot.

Popshot is a bi-annual magazine, currently taking poetry submissions for Issue 7, and taking on-going submission of illustration portfolios.

Find Popshot at www.popshotpopshot.com, and most independent bookstores.

PENNY

Simon Armitage’s The Death of King Arthur Simon Armitage, The Death of King Arthur (London: Faber, 2012), £12.99 The Death of King Arthur is Simon Armitage’s second work under the title of translator and follows his 2007 version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (his 2006 book Homer’s Odyssey appears to have been designated as an ‘adaptation’), a book that sold in “tons, literally”. It is encouraging to hear of such an appetite for poetry in an era when the ‘death of the book’ is, rightly or wrongly, anticipated in comment pieces throughout the media. The sheer ease and grace with which Armitage has adopted the role of public poet/intellectual is a testament to why so many have welcomed him to the post. Since the success of Gawain he has been more prominent on our screens and radios and his mixture of serious intellectual curiosity, unflinching desire to communicate, and lack of pretension are pleasingly evident in King Arthur.

READ FULL REVIEW AT PLAY ONLINE

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Body Sweats: The Uncensored Writings of Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven

Body Sweats: The Uncensored Writings of Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven, eds.

Irene Grammel and Suzanne Zelazo (Massachusetts: MIT, 2011), £24.95 Published 4th October 2011

Keston Sutherland’s STUPEFACTION

Keston Sutherland, Stupefaction: A Radical Anatomy of Phantoms (London: Seagull Books, 2011), £12.50 Published 28th October 2011

READ THE FULL REVIEW ONLINE Keston Sutherland is a poet whose work is well respected in many circles. His Hot White Andy is a wonderful piece, and no swan song; he has since continued to produce thought-provoking and confrontational work. His literary output is well worth investigating.

Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven (1874-1927) was a German-born avantgarde, Dadaist artist and poet. Body Sweats: The Uncensored Writings of Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven is the first major English collection of her work, and was edited by the Baroness’ biographer Irene Gammel and poet and poetics scholar Suzanne Zelazo.

She is one of the almost-forgotten names of modernism, though well-known among the literati of the 1920’s. She was part of the New York dada scene with Marcel Duchamp, and was close friends with Djuna Barnes. She appears briefly in Pound’s Canto XCV, which laments that she went “mad”. The blurb describes her aptly as “a neurasthenic, kleptomaniac, man-chasing proto-punk poet and artist”. It goes on: She “not only dressed and behaved with purposeful outrageousness, but she set an example that went well beyond the eccentric divas of the twenty-first century, including her conceptual descendant, Lady Gaga.” This collection fulfils the Baroness’ desire to see her poetry published in a book, a project she began but did not achieve during her lifetime. Djuna Barnes, a close friend and editor, never got around to publishing her work posthumously.

The book has a detailed scholarly introduction which contextualizes the poems and gives some background. Poems are organized by theme. The Baroness’ poetry typically speeds vertically down the page, with a lot of line dashes to add emphasis and speed:

I Taint Thy Teeth Into Slashing Me –

The Baroness with Claude McKay

Stupefaction is his first book of critical theory. There are good arguments for Marx as a satirical and literary author, and Sutherland puts forward some fine ideas on ‘wrong poetry’, which I hope he will develop further at some point. But for a book whose blurb states it “is a book about how idiots are created, how they are used and the types of truth that depend on them”, not that much is said about idiots. Overwhelmingly this book is about Marx’s satire, wrong poetry, how we all misuse the word bathos, and why

Sutherland loves critical editions of Wordsworth. In his own introduction Sutherland seems aware of these discontinuities, highlighting that the book is three previously published essays. If only the blurb said so too. But anyway, a great poet has offered us some thoughts, and they are well worth perusing if you have any interest in contemporary literature. FELIX CANTILLON

And the slower, beautiful:

Stewart Lee, The 'If You Prefer a Milder Comedian Please Ask For One' EP (London: Faber, 2012), £7.99 Published 5th January 2012

Night pitched Swift erethought – Trail switched Into nought – She was a “witty and aggressively erotic writer”, as this book demonstrates. Some of her neologisms (typically two words conjoined) are delightfully provocative: “Spinsterlollipop”, “clinglust”, and “satanslant”.

There is much more provocative language, including some slight anti-Semitism which the editors discuss, some blasphemous references to Christ and a farting God. Another figure that comes under fire is “Marcel Dushit”, her ex-lover. Some are sound poems, demanding to be read aloud, while other performance poems are simply photos of the Baroness, in all her glory, in striking contortions and getup. The book is presented well, with big colour reprint of some of the Baroness’ drafts with accompanying doodles.

The book is a wonderful accomplishment, and a testament to the Baroness’ eccentricity. SAMANTHA MARENGHI

From the Baroness’ manuscripts

Stewart Lee has been pushing boundaries, and walking a fine line between irony and sincerity, for quite some time. No surprise then that this book continues this. The DVD of this show is a real joy, and reading it in transcription is wonderful, because you can savour certain nuances much more than is possible in a live show.

But the real selling-point to this book is the scholarly apparatus; the introduction, Afterword, Appendix and footnotes (which often take over whole pages). The introduction offers a serious meditation on the absurdly over-blown status of stand-up comedy, and his own “convenient outsider/failure status”.

You get wonderful nuggets such as this: “And with my vain table and my conceited shelves, I was already living beyond my wildest dreams...” which is pitch-perfect in context.

The footnotes are also enjoyable. You get a real insight into Lee’s mind, and a sense of how much work is put into a show, which is wonderful for the first half. However, after this he teeters dangerously close to sincerity and taking himself almost-too seriously, explaining how rigorously he fabricated memories in order to convey a sincerity to the audience, what aspects of his own life and memories he uses, etc. etc. It’s like he thinks he’s a method-comedian. But because he IS a meta-comedian, it’s difficult to simply call him out on that… maybe it’s a joke (one he

repeats) to which he refuses to add a punchline. Indeed, perhaps the whole scholarly apparatus is a joke. But I’m not sure; Lee seems genuinely to take his work, and criticisms thereof, extremely seriously, as the Appendix (a rebuttal to a journalist who misrepresented him) shows. But I guess that’s what excites me about his work; his courting of failure, the line he walks, his ferocious sincerity, his self-righteous yet self-defeating yelps at an unjust world.What makes his work exciting is precisely the fact that it is difficult to define, and leaves you unsure how to react.

I recommend you check this book out. I, meanwhile, am going to check out the rest of his published work – How I Escaped My Uncertain Fate and The Perfect Fool. SAMANT H A MARENGHI

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PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Screen’s Top 5 Films of 2011 Since another year has passed us by, we at Screen have decided to compile our list of top films for 2011. The past year has been a notably great year for cinema with releases from Fast Five to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo to Weekend, have all been critical and commercial smashes. 2011 also now has the dubious distinction of having the most sequels released in history (28, to be exact). The list we’ve created below is just a few of these great films, which we’ve placed in no particular order, and we wish we could add more, but sadly we cannot. As for 2012, there are several films we can’t wait to get a look at: Prometheus, American Reunion, The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, The Hunger Games, Luhrmann’s Great Gatsby, Django Unchained, Frankenweenie, The Hobbit, World War Z, Skyfall, and The Gangster Squad. As you can see, 2012 is setting itself up to be a huge year. Here’s to wondering what will be on next year’s list!

AUSTIN RAYWOOD

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Dir. David Fincher)

David Fincher’s Americanized remake of the wonderful Swedish adaptations of Stieg Larrsson’s renowned worldwide bestsellers, worried many critics prior to its release. It stood for everything artistry was against. Why bother to remake something that’s alreday been done so well? Then we saw it, and any doubts anyone may have had were vanquished the minute the title sequence began with Karen O belting out a Rezner-ized “Immigrant Song”. The film proved itself to be one of the most well structured, acted, and photographed thrillers in recent years. Daniel Craig gives one of the best performances of his career, and relative newcomer Rooney Mara proves herself to be a force to be reckoned with. Jeff Cronenweth once again proves himself to be adapt at working with the great alchemist himself, as the man who can get the most amazing images, out of the most banal of settings. Simply put, Godard was wrong, “Le cinema, c’est David Fincher.”

Weekend (Dir. Andrew Haigh)

Weekend broke an indie mold when it gained its recognition over this fall. A small budget British film, with unknown actors, about a gay relationship did not exactly have the odds stacked in its favor. But the film, which had been impeccably written and directed by Andrew Haigh, ended up becoming one of the year’s major indie darlings. Not since Hedwig and the Angry Itch has a piece of queer cinema so powerfully made a statement within the mainstream. The best piece of praise for the film comes from American novelist Bret Easton Ellis, who called it, “A pretty remarkable movie anyway you look at it but Andrew Haigh's Weekend also might be the greatest film about gay men ever made.” We most definitely agree.

Out on DVD 5/3

The Ides of March (Dir. George Clooney)

While given a chilly reception here in the UK, Clooney’s political powerhouse is not a film easily understood by non-Americans. It’s approach to the day-in-day-out mud slinging and backbiting of a political campaign, especially a presidential one, is one of the most honest and unforgiving in cinematic record. Supported by an exceptional cast including Paul Giamatti and Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Clooney is in full Obama mode as a highly praised and respected Democratic candidate, who come to recognize that politics is a bloodsport. Ryan Gosling shines as his press secretary who discovers an affair between Clooney and a young intern (an equally brilliant Evan Rachel Wood). The war that then begins between the former colleagues reveals the depths of depravity in both major American political parties.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (Dir. Tomas Alfredson)

If The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo ranks as one of the best thrillers in years, then Tinker certainly deserves the title of best espionage film in a decade. It’s densely packed plot is slow to unfold and requires serious concentration to fully comprehend. It is in this way that Alfredson brilliantly mimicks the act of espionage, making the audience themselves, spies. The entire feel of the film evokes the feeling of the old espionage films of the 1970’s, i.e. Three Days of the Condor, and The Parallax View. Gary Oldman leads the ensemble cast as Smiley, an oldworld veteran of the OSS. Performances from Benedict Cumberbatch, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, John Hurt, and Mark Strong ensure that the film’s characters maintain a constant sense of reality in regards to what’s occuring. If you haven’t seen this yet, do so as soon as possible.

Lotus Eaters (Dir. Alexandra McGuinness)

The film that in many ways became one of the most surprisingly great films of the year, Lotus Eaters tells the story of a group of young wealthy Londoners who party, do heroin, and sleep together...and repeat. Featuring top performances from a cast of young unknowns including Antonia Campbell-Hughes and Johnny Flynn (pictured), as well as Amber Anderson and Nicola Martin, Lotus Eaters plays like Gossip Girl without any of the joy. And as a former student of major New York private schools, I can also assure you, much more honestly. The film takes no stance on it’s characters actions, it rather allows them to play out their lives, which for people who have everything, are incredibly unhappy. Though, in the end, Lotus Eaters is at its most genius when looked at as a datk mirror on young society. While the film does not yet have a wide release date, keep a look out, this is not one to be missed.

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All Photos Courtesy Of: Getty Images

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Review: The Artist

Dir. Michel Hazanavicius / In Release

The Artist could have been considered as being before anything, an attempt. It’s an attempt to re create a link with a past form of film, rehabilitate it, and who knows, maybe even re invent it…

Through the very first images, we are reminded that we have been plunged into a world of silence, a world which we are going to observe as a distant object, which nevertheless always remains oddly familiar. Perhaps one could attribute this to the presence of modern stars in this film, particularly with Jean Dujardin’s (attempting to channel his inspiration, MGM silent star John Gilbert) imposing presence. Having become one of the most celebrated actors in contemporary French cinema, oft remembered for his comically unsettling characters in films such as 99f or the OSS 117 series, his facial expressions have become somewhat of a point of reference, and therefore anchors the film in the contemporary time in which it is being shown. This said, the performance delivered by the Berenice Bejo-Jean Dujardin duo remains one of the elements of the film to actually be characteristic of acting in the silent era.

With this film, which we may have thought to be a nostalgic anthem towards the silent films of Hollywood, it instead seems to be more of a vow of love towards Hollywood Cinema as a whole, with its stars, its studios, its profits, and of course its sound. We are in the midst of the industry that American Cinema has become so well known for (some would even say, respected for), where technology is a matter of business rather than of creation.

Talents and artists are pushed aside to be forgotten, as new ways of production and filmmaking are adopted.

Brothers product.

Courtesy: Getty Images

Furthermore, one can doubt this film’s credibility as a true silent film. Although the art of pantomime is to a certain extent respected, one can question various other elements of mise-en-scene. Before us unfolds a product of the past, reproduced with contemporary techniques. Through the film, we have become only mere voyeurs of this lost silent era, as seen through the eyes of the new modern cinema.

As the experience reaches an end, sound has not only invaded the plot but also now, the obscure room in which we are being shown the film. Choosing the musical genre to end his film Hazanavicius has metamorphosed his actors into the sound cinema stars we have become acquainted with over time, only allowing the phantasmal puppets of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers to appear before our eyes. We are left to contemplate, if only for a few moments, what cinema has become since that time. Images of Top Hat, Singin’ In the Rain, The Sound of Music, or Les Demoiselles de Rochefort, to name only a few, occupy our minds, as the words ‘The End’ appear on screen, as sound triumphs over the annihilation of what Chaplin would call “The great beauty of silence”.

Antonin Charret

Sound is finally introduced in an oniric sequence, placing us in the midst of the main protagonists’ inner turmoil. Hazanavicius’ attempt to represent the unconscious far from resembles anything previously found in the work of a Lynch or a Bunuel film. Through the progressive apparition of sounds ending in a mad overflow, Hazanavicius depicts sound as a form of hostile entity coming to invade the world and possibly capable of leading to madness.

In a sequence that could have dealt with the emerging representational problems brought in by the coming of sound in the history of the 7th art. We are only left to witness it’s effect on Dujardin’s life…therefore confirming that the film’s main concerns revolves around the idea of success and failure in one’s career and not anything else, profoundly plunging us in the representation of Hollywood’s celebrated ‘Star System’.

Certain themes are explored, such as how attached one can be elements of the past (whether it be habits, technology, culture), the art of pantomime (and therefore silent era acting) to gather an emotional response, or even the exploration of spatial artificialities through a studio based environment (the film is exclusively filmed on set, often representing a film set itself). However, instead of exploring these themes in relation to the existence of Silent Cinema as a representational medium, Hazanavicius prefers to simply base his study upon the relationship between his two main protagonists, leaving less room for the film’s extraordinary experimental potential, hence burying it in a plot driven Warner

Courtesy Of: Getty Images

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PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

London International Festival of Mime London International Mime Festival This Wednesday marked the start of the London International Mime Festival, which brings theatre groups from across the world to six of London’s most prestigious venues.

The wide range of essentially wordless shows includes performance art, puppetry, clowning and dance, and features some of the most innovative and exciting theatre to hit the capital this season. But with such a wide variety on offer, it might seem difficult to choose. So here is London Student’s guide to the best of the fest...

Hiroaki Umeda / S20 - Haptic + Holistic Strata.

Hiroaki Umeda is a Japanese performer who draws on a range of disciplines to craft unique works of art. His latest work is a radical combination of street dance and butoh, which features a stunning display of lights and sounds, melding the human and the technological into a performance unlike anything else you’re likely to see in London.

Haptic + Holistic Strata are showing in the Linbury Studio at the Royal Opera House from January 16 - 17.

Invisible Thread - Plucked Invisible Thread is the latest project from Liz Walker, cofounder of renowned visual theatre company FaultyOptic.

In Plucked she aims to combine object theatre and puppetry with animation and live video-feed painting to tell a surreal adult fairy tale about love, life and change.

Plucked is showing at the Roundhouse Studio Theatre from January 17 - 22.

Compagnie L’Immédiat / Camille Boitel - L’Immédiat Seven acrobats bound about a stage crammed with every imaginable kind of junk in Camille Boitel’s powerful comment on the instability of our modern lives. The painstakingly orchestrated chaos which ensues has already received rave reviews in the company’s native France, and the show looks set to achieve similar success on this side of the channel.

Cie L'Immédiat - Photo by Vincent Beaume

Review: The Table

The 2012 London International Mime Festival bills its performances as ‘unusual and thoughtprovoking’, a description honoured to the syllable by Blind Summit Theatre’s The Table.

The Table is a part-rehearsed, part-improvised feat of creative theatre comprised of banraku puppetry – a traditional form of Japanese puppet theatre dating back to the 17th century – paper animation with strong French film noir influence, and classic blacked out curtain puppetry.

The show begins with only the eponymous table in view as the excited audience wait in anticipation at Soho’s atmospheric theatre.

Soon, three men dressed in black emerge carrying with them the show’s protagonist: a charismatic and charming, if disconcertingly realistic, puppet who proclaims his intention to recount the last 12-hours of Moses’ life. In real time. On a table. Repeatedly. And in a staccato manner. Rather like this.

The playfulness of the puppet reaches its climax – long after

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his hilarious sexual gyrations – when the chief orchestrator, and Blind Summit’s co-founder Mark Down, mischievously tells another of the puppeteers out-of-character that “we’re not getting any better at this bit are we?” in reference to a funny but imperfect mime scene. As was the case throughout the night, the audience responded with laughter.

Mark Down, who is the voice of the puppet, does an excellent job of combining the jest of The Table with his honest ambition of making more accessible and understood the form of art he has dedicated much of his life to. At one point he relays the three key tenets of puppetry – focus, fixed point and breathing – in an informational yet entertain- The trio control the puppet. ing manner that serves Photo courtesy of Blind Sumto add to the night’s of- mit Theatre

Gandini Juggling, Smashed - Photo by Ludovic des Cognets NoFit State Circus – Mundo Paralelo Internationally acclaimed Welsh circus troupe NoFit State Circus make a rare visit to London in this collaboration with French group Tattoo Theatre. Effortlessly fusing the realms of theatre and circus, the group combine a variety of interweaving stories with astounding acrobatics and spectacular sets. A definite highlight of the festival, the show looks set to thrill even the most circus-phobic of theatre goers.

Mundo Paralelo is showing at the South Bank centre January 20-22.

Kalunka Teatro – André and Dorine André and Dorine is a moving piece of mask theatre from Spanish group Kalunka Teatro which charts an elderly couple’s struggle against Alzheimer’s. An award winner at the Birmingham European Theatre Festival in 2011, it is witty, yet emotionally charged, taking a playful approach fering.

The second scene is predicated less on humour and more on surreal illusions, as an array of masks, faces, puppets and animations emerge and disappear simultaneously and surreally across three blackened portrait frames in an order tied only by its illogicality. The music helps to dramatise the situation expertly as a few ‘ooos’ and ‘ahhhs’ are collectively released

to some thought-provoking themes.

André and Dorine is showing at the Southbank Centre January 26 – 29.

Sugar Beast Circus- Event(Dimension):} One for the science students, this latest show from Sugar Beast Circus is based on the perhaps unlikely stimuli of quantum physics and consciousness. The company is renowned for their distinctive artistic vision, fusing the worlds of fine art and physical theatre and this latest show claims to question notions of spectatorship, narrative, and time itself via the very best in contemporary circus.

The London International Festival of Theatre continues until January 29. For more information visit www.mimelondon.com MATT WILLIAMSON

from the audience.

The final scene tells a narrative through the medium of pictures and basic words in a halfrealistic, half-caricatured French style. This unmistakable intention is made manifest early on when the four performers of the scene (Mark Down, Nick Barnes, Sean Garratt and Sarah Calver) dip their heads into a suitcase and re-emerge with roughened hair and cigarettes in their mouths in a mock Parisian chic style.

Although the transition between the three scenes appeared disjointed and remained unexplained, the variety added to the sense of simple enjoyment. There was no underpinning narrative to the three pieces, but instead the puppeteers’ message was essentially: ‘Here is a random selection of puppetry – enjoy!’ A combination of humour, adept puppetry and synergy between performers, and sheer novelty helped to ensure that the night certainly was enjoyed.

The Table is part of London International Mime Festival 2012 and is playing at the Soho Theatre until 21 January.

HESHAM ZAKAI

Review: One Man, Two Guvnors.

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Review: 99 Club

Highlight of the evening? The whole room cheering the BNP. Yes really. But probably not in the context that you’re thinking of…I’ll explain later.

Arriving roughly 5 minutes before the entertainment was about to start meant we had to sit on a table at the side of the room, as it was already packed. This didn’t bother me, but on a date or with a big group of friends it would definitely be worth arriving a little early. However, the ability to order a beer that you can simply collect in the interval was an inspired way to avoid the inevitable assault on the bar. The audience was fairly young, but more belonging to the 25-35 age range than your typical undergraduates. However, the room had a

Josh Widdecombe

friendly and excitable vibe as the compère Matt Green came on to warm us up. Matt is the compère here every week, whilst the comedians change, and by his own admission looks more ‘teenager at a funeral’ than a ‘smart 30-something’ in his suit. However, his off the cuff improvisations and general rapport with the crowd ensured that his opening was far removed from some of the cringe worthy stand-up I’ve seen previously.

So where did the BNP fit in to all this?

Spencer Brown was the first comedian of the three appearing that night, who bounded on stage like an excitable puppy and started to get us enthused about what a happy crowd we were…how much the British like to have a laugh…have a party…how we should just have one great big party to show the world how much fun we are…cheer if you like the idea of a big national party…YEAH….the British National Party!....oh wait…

Next up was Scott Capurro, a delightfully camp American, who I’d say is worth tracking down next time he’s performing. His quick wit and fantastic control of the more macho side of the audience were to be admired.

To finish off the evening Josh Widdecombe graced the stage and with the various birthday parties in the room now on their forth drink or so he seemed to pass in a cloud of interactions with the audience, which were funny, but not memorable enough that

First Light and Mr Darwin’s Tree of Life: A Murray Watts Double Bill First Light First Light is the first in a double bill of two rather different plays from writer Murray Watts. The action revolves around a night time encounter between the grief stricken Chaplain of an all girls school and one of his charges, and asks compelling questions about conflicting imperatives of trust and protection.

There are some great lines, particularly for Andrew Harrison’s cynical chaplain Tom. But the piece does devote a tiring amount of stage time to exposition. Every character seems to have some kind of devastating trauma tucked away in their past, and they have few qualms about sharing them; at length. Scenes with real pace and verve would suddenly stop dead in their tracks, and this, combined with a preponderance of dramatic pauses and even more dramatic repetitions meant that the play could feel rather indulgent at times. Which was a pity, because the more subtle or witty moments could have real force, and the message, a

thought-provoking plea for the value of freedom and trust, seems hugely relevant, particularly at a time when schools are bombarded with ever more obsessive levels of privatised security.

Fortunately, the play is saved by some excellent performances, most notably from Natalie Burt as fragile schoolgirl Merry.

Veering from childish enthusiasm to perceptive maturity, she gives a nuanced presentation of a vulnerable young girl in need of advice and support, who is nevertheless more than capable of holding her own against the older, supposedly wiser, characters.

Perhaps something of a wasted opportunity, but nevertheless a brave piece with an extremely talented cast.

Mr. Darwin’s Tree The second of the two plays is a one-hander, in which the diverse talents of Andrew Harrison are allowed full reign. Capturing a wide array of different characters and per-

Scott Capurro you’d be telling your friends the next day.

Overall the night was certainly fun, but not hugely different to any other and with the comedians changing each week there are no guarantees. Considering that even a student ticket is £10 I’d only suggest it’s worth your while if you live in the area surrounding Islington. Otherwise for £9 you can stick to the more central Comedy Store’s “Cutting Edge” and, I’m worried to even mention them, but for £4 the ever disrespectful KCL Comedy Society.

The 99 Club have venues in a range of locations around Londo, with stand-up comedy gigs every day of the week. Visit www.99clubcomedy.com for more details.

FREYA PASCALL

sonalities, he tells the story of Darwin’s life almost in its entirety. Harrison, a stalwart of the BBC Radio Drama Company, switches between characters with virtuosic skill. His portrayal of Darwin’s wise cracking father was a particular delight, while the various death bed scenes of the piece combined the tragic and the comic to superb effect.

Admittedly, it is rather slow at first. The clearly very thorough research that has been carried out risks overloading the piece with quotations and facts, and the regular dips into the third person tend to sap the drama from events. But things improve dramatically in the second half, with the publication of Origin of the Species. As Harrison bounds about the stage depicting the various sides of the violent debates which the book produced, the play gains genuine pace. And as it draws to a close, Murray also finds time for more thoughtful moments, with dark references to later appropriations of Darwin’s work, such as eugenics.

Certainly, it sometimes feels like a bit of a history lesson, but as history lessons go it is a fairly entertaining one, and it is hard not to be won over by both the writer’s dedication to detail and the performer’s enthusiasm for the piece.

First Light and Mr Darwin’s Tree of Life will be performed in rep at the King’s Head Theatre until January 28.

MATT WILLIAMSON

Last spring, James Corden appeared as the lead in One Man, Two Guvnors. As rave reviews appeared, tickets became harder to get hold of, selling out shortly after I went to see it. I’m not saying my presence in the audience and a widespread inability to get tickets are entirely related (although if they are you should probably get a move on). It could have been a simple act of serendipity, as indeed my original outing had been when I dragged my boyfriend out of the library for an afternoon of light hearted fun.

I never really “got” Corden’s other work, so I wasn’t convinced I would really enjoy the play. When people tell you they were laughing so much they couldn’t breathe, you never really believe them. But that is exactly what happened. Corden is undoubtedly fantastic, but he is arguably just the celebrity faced tip of the iceberg. The performance is funny on so many different levels there is barely a moment when there isn’t somebody in the audience laughing.

There is truly something for everyone: from puns and slapstick to live music.

My second visit was for my mum’s birthday with her and her friends (“Who are Gavin and Stacy?”) so I was predicting a totally different experience from seeing it with a fellow student. The performance was every bit as good as I remembered, maybe even better, although I felt the venue lacked the intimacy of the National. Perhaps that’s unfair; in reality I was a little disappointed that our seats were so far away from the aural (and visual) beauty that is The Craze Band. Once you’ve seen a play with an onstage skiffle band, there’s no going back.

Writer Richard Bean has taken the Italian style Commedia dell’Arte andplayed around so that it fits into 1960s Brighton. Obviously. Using humour that can only be described as “British”, the basic plot sees Francis Henshall (Corden) on a quest to find food, money and sex, funded by holding down jobs working for his two “guvnors” and ensuring that they are kept apart.

It has been changed slightly since the National, but not so that anyone who hadn’t seen it originally would notice. Apparently it’s being rewritten for Broadway but so that the jokes are more American-friendly.

I’m not really sure how that will work, but if it’s possible I’m sure the production team and cast will find a way.

Take your boyfriend, take your girlfriend (although keep her away from the skiffle band), or get your parents to pay and take you. If this doesn’t make you laugh nothing will, and as the nights get colder, everyone needs a bit of laughter in their life.

One Man Two Guvnors is running at the Adelphi Theatre with James Corden as Francis Henshall until February 25. It will then transfer to Theatre Royal Haymarket from March 2, with Owain Arthur as Henshall.

IMMY HOLROYDE

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PLAY | Volume 32, Issue7

All words and images by Jayden Ali and Mathew Benson of WWW.BNTL.CO.UK Last week Fabric hosted the return of The Jump Off - the beat battling, mc duelling, dance trooping, booty shaking institution that's seen the likes of Labrinth, Professor Green and Diversity take to the stage. The premise is simple... do better than your opponent. Whether it be producing a beat in five minutes or verbally abusing the other guy. It’s like a scene out of 8 Mile except in room one of Fabric with the lights on. It's an X-factor-esque format established way before Simon Cowell dominated the weekend's telly schedule. Three judges and an excitable crowd decide the fate of those brave enough to work the arena. With that said the standout duel on display, although the curtain raiser, was the production battle featuring Pepstar vs Jay Weathers. Two producers that have worked with some of the most reputable names in UK music. Both beats pumped out of the heavyweight sound system that leaves your ears ringing. Jay Weathers was crowned the victor of round one but it’s its winner stays on! The road to Jump Off victory is long and arduous with the fortnightly event running deep into the Summer of 2012. You can even buy a season ticket.

The winner of this particular battle, Jay Weathers, is the beat maker behind last years smasher Seduction by Wiley, with the grime don proclaiming him simply as “the producer”. He's worked with Ed Sheeran creating the rich sound of If I Could, and still has a tendency to produce that raw sound, working with underground and emerging talent such as English Frank. A stable foundation to set out on his quest for Jump Off glory and that six grand.

Catch Jay Weathers battling it out at the next Jump Off on Monday 23rd of January at Fabric. Tickets available at uk.jumpoff.tv Follow @jayweathers @pepstaruk and @jayden158 on Twitter.

We caught up with Jay Weathers, before his impending second bout and asked him a few questions.

How was it stepping on that Jump Off platform after having witnessed the battering that the brave souls up before you endured?

Obviously nerve racking, but I was quietly confident. The Courvoisier & Coke helped me out.

Labrinth vs Mantis [Producer Battle] The Jump Off 2004 - Labrinth Loses to Mantis in a 2004 Producer battle where both producers had to use a 2Pac sample

I was just trying to sike myself up.

You're not supposed to hear the beat 'cos they put headphones on you, but I could hear the low frequencies like the beat and the bass. I was focusing and just trying to make a beat in my head.

Harmony: 7-Time Champion (Producer) - Harmony becomes a Jump Off legend, winning the Producer battle 7 times in a row in 2004

You press the keys and the clock starts ticking. Do you normally make beats in five minutes?

Professor Green vs ASK aka The Milky Bar Kid (2005 Jump Off MC Battle) - Professor Green destroys ASK (aka the Milky Bar Kid) in 2005

I'm not a five minute man... I'm usually beating all night. [Laughs] It's definitely not in my comfort zone.

Kanye West's Mr Hudson in Producer Battle (The Jump Off 70) - Mr Hudson shows up to Producer battle in suit and a safari hat, shocking the crowd with a win in 2005

OK, Dre or Timbaland?

Awkward question. A lot of admiration and respect for both of them.

[Deep breath] Its about 50/50, I swear. Depends what vibe I'm in.

Mikey J vs. Skepta - Mikey J beats Skepta to be crowned first producer battle champion winning 7 weeks in a row (2003)

McDonalds or KFC? Its a Burger King thing! KFC chips are dry.

So, as I'm sure you've all noticed, the worlds been changing at quite a dramatic rate recently. Things keep getting uncovered, torn down, restructured, updated, revolutionised.

It’s a bit like a DJ has been busily remixing the world as we know it.

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Jay Weathers top 5 Jump Off moments - watch them on Youtube.com

What was it like whilst your opponent Pepstar was up there doing his thing?

Molecules and Gigabites

Picture by Gogy Esparza http://gogy.me/

Jay Weathers top 5 Jump Off moments

The great thing about music is it’s a hobby, but it’s also more than a hobby. On one level, it’s something we can get excited about and collect and share. But it also has politics and culture and race and technology all wrapped up in it. Take the new Rick Ross mix tape for example, which dropped last week. If you've never heard of him, Rick Ross aka Ricky Rozay, has been the american rapper to watch for the last two years. His album 'Teflon Don' spread swiftly from ghetto neighbourhoods in the USA to the global hip hop community. Anthems like 'BMF' and 'Ima Boss' ( not actually by Mr. Ross himslef,

but his protege Meek Mills ) hve been the most played out songs in the undergound club circuit from London to Johanusburg.

How did this music travel around the globe so quickly ? And how is Rick Ross able to make money when he releases most of his music for free? A very short answer is - The Internet. But its slightly more complicated that that. Music is changing. The major record labels are beginning to get their heads around the fact that they cannot exploit and make millions of pounds/dollars from artists in the way they have done for decades. The reason is that there is no pyhsical product to distribute - this generation of music listeners don’t think of music as something we buy, but instead as something we experience.

The huge buzz created by the release of 'Rich Forever' Rick Ross's new album shows this.

Twitter hashtags and facebook statuses spread the word, and websites like www.datpiff.com host the free mixtape. I went out to a club in Brixton the day the mixtape was released and saw the reaction of the crowd as the DJ and host announced the brand new

songs as they played them. It was insane. The epic orchestral instrumental filled the room, and Rick Ross's trade mark baritone flow burst through the speakers. The crowd literally went wild, screaming, hitting the walls, begging the DJ to rewind and start the song again. And this is how an artist like Rick Ross will make his money in 2012, not from selling music, but by maintaining a buzz and hype on the street level which he can capitalise on in sponsership deals and Live shows. ( At his show in 2010, he made the crowd go wild with a more simple technique - throwing fifty pounds notes in the air and letting people scramble around trying to pick them up. ) It remains to be seen whether he will manage to simultaniously overcome the limits of the human lifespan and the ongoing global economic meltdown and actually stay ‘Rich Forever’.

Ben Widgery

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

London based photographer Thom Spellman shares some pictures he has taken of the Big Smoke

Check out Thom’s flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/twspellman or see more on his website: www.bntl.co.uk

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Building the Revolution

The Communist Utopia made real at the Royal Academy

The common Londoner, bussing (or maybe even walking) down Piccadilly, is at present time struck by an uncanny sight: past the splendid façade and gilded gates of the Royal Academy rises high a scale model of the Tatlin Tower.

This red steel monolith bursts forth in front of the bemused gaze of the statue of the Academy’s first president, Sir Joshua Reynolds; it ruptures up in utopian fervour, its form barely able to contain its multifarious elements. It looks positively gauche amongst all the Georgian civility. The occasion for this ironical cultural juxtaposition is the Royal Academy’s praiseworthy exhibition of early Communist art and architecture entitled ‘Building the Revolution: Soviet Art and Architecture, 19151935’.

Before giving more detail about the nature of the exhibition, and the history of its contents, it is pertinent to go back to the red energy that is the Tatlin Tower. The Tower is, as the cliché goes, one of architecture’s great, unrealised plans; that is to say, the Tower was never built. It remained only ever a pipe dream, something always to aspire to create and never to begin building, never to consider in earnest the practical tasks of construction … Of course, all this ‘idealism’ of spirit shown

by Vladimir Tatlin himself as well as Soviet Russia is ripe for pseudo-historicist interpretation and political platitudes: “Doesn’t the fact that Tatlin never got his Tower off the ground show us that Communism was always something, by nature, impossible? A glorious idea that never concerned itself with practicalities, an idealist’s dream that never confronted the brute reality of human selfishness and realistic outcomes?” and so on ad nauseam. Well, fine. One can easily take that step. But what this exhibition shows is quite the opposite: that the Tatlin Tower was very much the exception to the rule; while the Tower only ever remained a blueprint, or a scale-model, throughout all the USSR hundreds of building projects were realised that fully integrated the ‘idealist’ spirit of Communist utopianism with architectural realities.

The forerunners of modernist architecture flocked to Russia to have their designs built, and Russians themselves drew upon the likes of Le Corbusier to design all manner of the most mundane, practical buildings imaginable: the Dnepr River Hydroelectric Power Station in Ukraine features turbine rooms with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the dam itself, so that the machinery and its attendants are bathed in light and seem to sit upon the dam like an ocean liner; an automotive factory in Russia (designed by Melnikov) is enthused with sheer avant-garde bravado, a huge circular window leading to the main chimney, suggesting the very motion of the wheels of the cars manufactured within; a Workers’ Club, a place of sheer recreation for the working class, juts out of the landscape like some three-pronged modern-day contemporary art gallery and contains a scrupulously planned auditorium; a communal apartment block reminiscent of the Bauhaus School’s wide corridors and open planning.

Yet all these architectural flourishes do nothing to hobble each building’s functionality.

Indeed, the entire aim of

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Richard Pare Shabolovka Radio Tower, 1998. Richard Pare, courtesy Kicken Berlin. Copyright Richard Pare

the Constructivist school of art, which so dominated in this period, was that form was to meet function; a building’s beauty was to arise from its perfect fulfilment of its function, not in unnecessary embellishment (one building was even decried for having sensuous curves to its exterior, since these were supposedly designed to appeal to emotion rather than to fit the function of the building).

Yet despite this almost ascetic self-denial of beauty, one only has to look at Constructivist artwork to see that, of course, beauty is impossible to eschew – it returns again in ever new forms, always finds a way back into creative life. Broadly speaking, Constructivist artworks are separated into two forms: ‘constructions’ and ‘compositions’. A construction, however, is not something purely functional, despite any remonstration perhaps forthcoming from the ghosts of Malevich et al. These constructions, which can perhaps best be described as beautified blueprints, could never be admitted as purely practical designs, even though they seem to be an attempt to render some dream-like machine real. Rather, they seek to rephrase their utopian longings into a concrete mathematicartistic language. Therefore, even when the title of the piece may be Design for the Construction of a Radio Tower, the accompanying drawing leaves us in the dark as to how these purely geometric shapes could ever become reality. These constructions, then, become so many Tatlin Towers. Yet the beauty of the phenomenon of the Tatlin Tower is that, despite its unrealised nature, it had more of an effect on the Russian people than any ‘real’ object ever could. In early Communist Russia, works of art (which these constructions undoubtedly are) really took on the form of opinion-shaping objects, objects that the man on the street could identify with and cling to. One should praise these Construc-

tivists for achieving what the modern work of art today fails to do, perhaps can never do: to resonate with the public. Perhaps all this is because, in those heady days of early Communism, there was a very true sense in which the entire nation was involved in some collaborative project. There was no self-satisfaction in achieving the Revolution; soon, reality made itself known, and a whole wave of architects and artists set to work to find a new creational language that would somehow give artistic and spiritual reality to this new state of affairs. One could no longer rely on the old bourgeois art to give any sense of substance to everyday life, a radical new way of thinking meant a radical new art.

This is why, for instance, in the monumentally beautiful works of Aleksandr Rodchenko, we can see pure works of art, devoid of any purpose, yet which still echo the functionalism of the Constructivists’ constructions and buildings. It is as if, even in expressing the subject’s innermost creative spirit, the spirit of the age, with all its geometrical and scientific allusions, still manifests itself. Thus in Rodchenko’s Linearism (1920), we get pure circular forms (which can only have been drawn with the aid of a pair of compasses) trailing off into a void; a picture whose meaning is impenetrable, but nonetheless reminds us of half-remembered mathematical theories, economical tenets and philosophical speculative logic. If Beauty, as Kant says, is a symbol of the Good, then perhaps what these Constructivist works of art amount to is a yearning, a striving even, to create a beautiful object of art which forms a symbol, a symbol that allows us to contemplate this new Good.

A Good without precedent - the Communist utopia made real. RYAN BOYD

At the Royal Academy until January 22 2012.

Nearest Tube: Picadilly Circus.

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

2012 Preview

With the coinciding of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and a little-mentioned event called the Olympics, galleries are going all-out this year, meaning some astonishing exhibitions from many of the biggest artists in the world. In 2012 fantastic art is going to be everywhere, so whether you are a self-confessed art aficionado, or just want to escape from the sport for an hour or two, you’re spoilt for choice.

David Hockney: A Bigger Picture. Royal Academy (Jan 21-Apr 8) Our year of superstar art kicks off with Hockney’s latest exhibition, including his recent pieces, ‘painted’ on the iPad. Eschewing the Los Angeles setting of his most famous works, Hockney has painted giant landscapes of Yorkshire in his typically vibrant style especially for this show. A must for fans of ‘Britain’s Favourite Artist’.

See also: Andy Warhol Portfolios at Dulwich Picture Gallery. Some of Pop Art’s most famous works, alongside lesser-known portfolios such as his ‘Famous Jews’ collection, at Dulwich from June.

Lucian Freud Portraits. National Portrait Gallery (Feb 9-May 27) A commemorative retrospective celebrating Freud’s essence-capturing and captivating portraits, this show will feature one hundred of his works, both painted and drawn, including portraits of: January highlight, Hockney, many of Freud’s lovers, and, perhaps most excitingly, his final, unfinished, ‘Portrait of the Hound’.

See also: Edvard Munch. Tate Modern. A painter at his best with portraits, like Freud, Munch is reassessed by the Tate in June.

Picasso and Britain. Tate Britain (Feb 15 – Jul 15) February looks set to be (unusually) exciting, with Picasso following hot on Freud’s heels.

Featuring 60 Picasso works covering all of his periods, this show aims to show the connections between Picasso and British painters such as Bacon, Wyndham Lewis and (he’s getting around a bit) Hockney through 110 of their paintings.

See also: Picasso’s ‘Vollard Suite’ etchings at British Museum. His most important set of etchings, and the first full set in Britain, from May. British Design 1948-2012. V&A (Mar 31 – Aug 12) The exhibition most fitting with the ‘great in Great Britain’ mood of the jubilee/Olympics, this will feature everything from the E-Type Jag, through ‘70s Punk, to the designs for the 2012 Olympic stadia, as well as (you’ve guessed it) the work of David Hockney. Judging by their strong Postmodernism exhibition, this should be excellent.

See also: Bauhaus: Art as Life at Barbican Centre. Comparing the UK’s finest design with arguably the most eminent period of German art and design, from April.

Damien Hirst. Tate Modern (Apr 5-Sep 9) You already know all of the works: embalmed animals, spot paintings, medicine cabinets...

See all these and more at what promises to be a major retrospective of the seminal Young British Artist’s work, from Goldsmith’s to his present multi-million-dollar incarnation. It’s a pricy exhibition, but worth it to see the work of, perhaps, the most famous of living artists.

See also: Rachel Whiteread at Whitechapel Gallery. Hirst’s YBA contemporary is creating a new work for the façade of the gallery, on display from June.

SAMUEL SPENCER

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue7

Grumpy, Reclusive Max on...

Modern Art

Modern art turns Max off with a scarcely believable efficiency. It manages to alienate him and, he feels, a great many others.

This judgement might be slightly unfair, as there is a significant group of people who would not like modern art regardless – it is simply too new. Without the historical context accorded by time, it cannot hope to compare to those pieces that have gone down as the great works of art and are lent an aura by this designation. This quandary is not one that can be overcome. Modern art does have problems that it can do something about, though.

Art can be so wonderful. It can inspire such awe, such wonderment. Looking at a piece of art can provide moments of clarity and impel the heart to action. It can revolutionise, or reaffirm, your entire outlook on life or something that's been bothering you. It can inspire joy, relief, melancholy and reflection. Then there is the pleasure in appreciating the craftsmanship of another human being, in standing dumbfounded and awestruck by the level of skill expressed in a work of art, in knowing that basically no one would ever dismiss it by saying: “I could do that.” For the majority, it has allowed itself to be seen as glorifying things that require little apparent artistic skill. This is not to say that they actually require little artistic skill, but, to take a very well known example, putting animals in formaldehyde, seems to be a matter of simple logistics, which anyone, given adequate funding, could achieve. It may be artistically interesting (or it may well not be) but it leaves the uninitiated cold. In this particular regard, modern art has done itself no favours. It is clearly ridiculous to suggest that all modern artists do work that requires little apparent skill. Nevertheless, works such as animals in formaldehyde and unmade beds have come to represent modern art to the majority of people.

The other problem with modern art, when viewed from the outside, is that it can look like nothing in particular. It is much easier to understand the point of a painting, for example, when it looks like something that either exists or could conceivably exist rather than appearing to be an arbitrary arrangement of colour. This comes back, in part, to the ap-

parent skill required. What appears to be an arbitrary arrangement of colour could have happened by accident in a way that a painting of a person, place, creature or thing could not.

It also seems like the natural thing to do. More or less anyone can understand the idea of trying to draw something that looks like something that actually exists. The thought process behind it is easy to understand, even if it is

nology, but it seems that a lot of it is made up of words that have other 'normal' meanings, so it’s not immediately obvious that they are specific terminology, which is just confusing.

This terminology is also used far too much for my taste. It renders futile any attempt by the uninitiated to understand what is going on.

This leaves the uninitiated feeling stupid, removing what little sympathy they may have

“Unmade beds have come to represent modern art to the majority of people.” But for better or for worse?

Tracey Emin with her flag, 'One Secret is to Save Everything', Jubilee Flagpole, Southbank Centre, July 2007

hard to put words to. Modern art, when it loses this imitative link to reality automatically loses a lot of people. You look at a red square on a canvas (to give an example based on a vague idea that such a piece of work might exist) and wonder not at the skill level required or at how artistically interesting it is, but at the fact that it is considered art. It seems as if it is considered art simply because it is in a gallery. Certainly for me, art should be art regardless of where it is, so this apparent act of self-justification leaves me less inclined to give the rest of modern art the benefit of the doubt.

For me, the worst thing is how modern art appears to have responded to its lack of widespread popularity. It seems to have just thrown a wobbly and turned in on itself. The reasoning appears to be of the “you don't like us, so you must be stupid” school of thought.

People who don't appreciate modern art seem to be made out to be somehow lesser than those that do. To top it all, those that do, seem to have invented their own version of English to stop just anyone from engaging with it. I do appreciate the need for some specific termi-

Damien Hirst The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living 1991 © Damien Hirst and Science Ltd. All rights reserved. DACS 2011.Photo: by Prudence Cuming Associates See left: Hirst’s retrospective, opens April 5 at Tate Modern

had for modern art and its poor image. This is exacerbated by the apparent pomposity taken by some artists and some of those writing about art. The lack of an objective scale by which modern art can be judged (work that is meant to look like something can obviously be easily judged by how much it looks like the thing it's meant to look like) seems to be used as an excuse to make out that every piece of work turned out exactly as they'd envisaged it. This claim to infallibility in representing abstract concepts is faintly ridiculous and smacks of dishonesty. From the outside, modern art seems to take itself far too seriously.

There is a tendency to treat art as sacrosanct and any attempt to treat it with a little levity seems likely to be taken as some sort of heresy to be crushed.

I have written this from a position of admitted ignorance regarding art, and have essentially expressed widely held prejudices about modern art. I have no problem admitting that they are prejudices and that they might be largely untrue when you look at the entirety of modern art. They do, however, play an important role in shaping people's opinions of modern art and are important for that very reason. I would not have modern art go entirely the other way and seek simply to please a majority of the population at all times. For one thing, I don't believe that the artwork itself needs to change all that much for there to be a greater appreciation of it. If a greater emphasis was placed on those works that are easier for the majority to understand, as opposed to just emphasising those that are artistically interesting, things might improve. There could also be a greater comprehension on the part of the art world that some people are never going to like what they produce. Just as all modern art is tarred with the same brush, it feels as if all people who don't know all that much about art are tarred with the brush of wilful ignorance. This attitude, which may not be prevalent, but is certainly publicly understood to be so, is always going to lose more sympathy than it gains. Appreciation of modern art needn't be the preserve of the art snobs and artists themselves; potentially, there is room for nearly everyone but there needs to be a greater degree of mutual understanding before this can happen. MAX SCOGING

Editor’s Note

Entering the New Year we find ourselves riding on a wave of conservative art criticism.

Waldemar Januszczak (Sunday Times art critic) began his year with a Christmas blog post denouncing all video art.

The numerous caveats in Januszczak’s argument eventually compile to suggest that all video art should be abolished, with the exception of the video art that he enjoys (mainly Bill Viola and Christian Marclay), and Januszczak should know better than to make deplorable statements, like: “I don’t know how good Ms Dean really is at art, because I’ve never seen any of her drawings,” (regarding Tacita Dean’s Turbine Hall installation).

Nonetheless, his position recalls that of the Stuckist movement (and I don’t doubt that he’d side with them in a fight). “Artists who don’t paint,” they argue, “aren’t artists.” I have a certain sympathy with the Stuckists when, in their 1999 manifesto, they argue a “quest for authenticity. By removing the mask of cleverness”. There is no movement that greater understands the public backlash against Hirst’s ‘Dead Sheep’ (Away From the Flock Divided), and Emin’s My Bed, (both sited in Max Scoging’s article this week). They are the natural opposition to the Young British Artist’s media manipulating flashiness that has irked so many, but Stuckism has plenty of faults of its own.

The argument that Stuckism isn’t an ‘ism’ at all has an exasperating circularity. The clue, after all, is in the name. They wish, by this statement, to imply that they can stand outside of the theories and isms that have brought art to the modern day. Their deliberate ‘stuckness’, however, is a direct reaction to, and a defiant position against, the ‘clever’ isms that they so dislike. As such, it will undoubtedly take its place amongst them when being recounted historically.

In this issue I have featured Max’s condemnation of the pomposity and inaccessibility of the current art world, something that he is uniquely educated to write, given his shamelessly uninitiated stance. The argument is given historical context by Ryan Boyd’s analysis of Russian Constructivism as the last great art movement to resonate with its public.

These are arguments that are reactionary in their conservatism, and undoubtedly hold truth.

There is, therefore, no need to stand against this conservatism. The art world has many faults, and they deserve consideration, but this traditionalist strain of argument is part of the art world, not separate from it. Januszczak can’t hope to meaningfully write about art if he wishes to deny it one of its mediums, and it mustn’t be forgotten that it was Tracy Emin who accidentally baptised the Stuckists in an outburst against the ‘stuck’ Billy Childish at a Turner Prize ceremony. Now, however, the catalyst for the Stuckist movement, arguably the least stuck of all artists, is a drawing professor of the Royal Academy. The art world doesn’t look back, the refreshing gallery programmes this year serve as proof of this.

Damien Hirst’s retrospective at Tate Modern will be a final demonstration of his significant contributions to the art world. Conservative opinion will always have a voice, but PostYBA art will march on regardless, and the Stuckists’ stationary understatement can never hope to compete historically.

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WHAT A DIFFERENCE A LOOK MAKES… The second that clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, the countless lists of New Year’s Resolutions always coming flowing in. “I promise to work out more”, “I’ll give more to charity”, “I’ll put in more effort at work”. But one that you rarely hear, even though most people strive to achieve it, is “I will change my image”. New Year, New Look – it sounds so blunt but what always fascinates me about how a person changes their look is its almost subconscious nature. There are very few of us who wake up one morning and think “Today, Matthew, I’m going to be…”, so how does it happen?

And more importantly why does it happen? How is it that Amy Winehouse can start her career on the album cover of Frank looking like a Mediterranean music student and end on Back to Black looking like a rockabilly picked up and dropped out of a 1950s Vegas nightclub? Clothes and styling are so much more than just trying to be on trend or merely look good; they are really a costume that we use to try and show the new person we want to be on that day.

Image transformation (although this does scarily sound like some sort of surgical procedure) can be phenomenally powerful in fashion, without us even knowing it.

So lets start with the world of celebrity then, as this is where so much of today’s fashion (regrettably or not) finds its beginnings. The term “fashion icon” is thrown around more than sample returns in a courier van, but its meaning and impact still hold strong even in today’s rapid market. A celebrity “look” can have the power to influence a designer’s entire collection, which will then be adopted by the high street copy artists, which will then be featured all over the fashion press resulting in millions of pounds of revenue, all from one piece of styling. Case in point?

Adele. Long gone is the heavy block fringe, the oversized black smock tops and simple pumps we first saw her in whilst promoting 19. Once Adele was introduced to the legendary Anna Wintour, not only her appearance but also her popularity sky rocketed.

You need only compare her performance at the 2011 Brit

Awards of “Someone Like You”, resembling a 1960s music hall socialite to that of 2008 where she looked more like the teenager from Tottenham that she was, to see just how far she has come. And this has been mirrored in the industry. Open any beauty page and you will see “How to get the perfect beehive” or “The Adele eyeliner flick” placed next to endless shots of shift dresses and fitted midi skirts which seem to embrace a femininity that has been somewhat lost in recent years. The Adele effect has firmly set in.

But as I said before, if you aren’t lucky enough to call yourself Karl Lagerfeld’s muse (Florence Welch) or the face and body of Burberry (Rosie HuntingtonWhiteley), then such a move from one fashion tribe to another is very rarely so distinct.

Having said that, I did go to school with a girl w h o dressed in nothing but tracksuits and puffa jackets for most of the time I knew her and then from nowhere came back to class the

next week looking like she had spent her whole life in Dalston’s grimiest nightclubs – high fringe haircut, black lipstick, SLR camera slung round her neck; that was an exceptional case. But most of the time it is gradual, subtle and only really noticeable when the transformation is complete. Usually, this occurs with the classic, self-justifying phrase of “Well if I buy those, then I have to buy this to go with it. Otherwise it’s a wasted purchase”.

Take, for instance, one innocent, unassuming pair of black

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leather leggings. Then you need the camel coloured skinny knit jumper, and the distressed leather jacket, and the burgundy slouchy beanie and finally the tan Chelsea boots to make it into a full look. And before you know it, you have moved from Girl Next Door to Fashion Forward (amateur) stylist in one cleverly purchased pair of leggings.

You could argue that all of this is just part of growing up. Learning to embrace skinny jeans rather than the slightly too short flares your Mum bought you from Gap Kids. Of course looks change, otherwise we’d all be walking round in baby grows and slipper boots, although the prominence of onesies and Ugg boots do provide a strong challenge to this theory. But image transformation is so much more important and intriguing than simply putting it down to a change in taste. I mean, this is where the phrase “What was I thinking?” really comes into its own. I count myself in this wholeheartedly too. How can a person go from thinking anything that was black, studded and cropped from Camden market was the height of bad-assery to being obsessed by midi skirts and brogues? That may be an issue of psychology far greater than I could ever understand, but what I do know is that styling is costume making by another name. My best friend once said to me that when women say they have nothing to wear, they’re not talking about having no clothes, but that they don’t have anything that makes them feel they are projecting t h e right image o f themselves o n that day.

I n other

words, they are in the wrong costume and in desperate need of an outfit change. And therein lies the reason why image transformation is so fascinating, because it al-

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

lows you a glimpse into the type of person someone wants to be. Amy Winehouse clearly did not want to be just another jazz musician. Adele definitely did not want to be known for her size rather than her voice. And I most certainly did not want to remain the weird emo kid for any longer than I thought it was the coolest thing ever. What a difference a look makes.

FLORENCE CORNISH

Fashion: Fact or Fiction?

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Daisy Buchanan on the catwalk, Lisbeth Salander at H&M - fiction has truly found its way into fashion...

By Kate Vine

white and red. Le Cirque des Rêves provides a world of both magic and danger, and can be seen as a metaphor for the enchantment of the fashion industry. The Night Circus is a reminder of the romance of fashion, its far from faultless but equally magnificent status, and its life force of competition, obsession and creativity. A painter as well as a writer, Morgenstern is herself a fusion of the arts, and her debut novel represents the influence of fashion, beauty and art upon the novel.

Stereotypically, the worlds of fashion and literature rarely cross paths. Books are thought to be the mascots of the intellectual and studious, clothes the symbols of glamour and style. However, as with the majority of stereotypes, these generalisations do not reflect the true story. Lately, it appears that everything from fairy tales to crime novels have become inspiration for designers, and this collaboration appears overdue rather than contradictory.

The worlds built by authors and the characters they create form fantasies in the

same way designers attempt to do so with their collections. In reading fiction, we bring something different into our daily lives, in the same way new and exciting fashions broaden the horizons of our selfexpression. It appears that through fashion, we can embody something of the fantasy we find in our fiction.

To find examples of this alliance between literature and fashion, look no further than this year’s S/S collections, many of which found inspiration in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby. Baz Lurhmann’s up and coming film adaptation has resurrected the classic, and its characters have become muses of this year’s fashion output. This was no clearer than in Ralph Lauren’s ready-to-wear

collection. The 1920s style shades and shapes generated a contemporary twist on the long ago decade in which Fitzgerald’s legendary novel was set, yet this was more than a simple retrospect on an era.

The line represented the extravagance of Fitzgerald’s characters, their unashamed romanticism and air of tragedy in the beautiful. Lauren captured the relentless luxury and hedonism of Gatbsy’s world through the use of silk, crepe, and chiffon, while the modernity apparent in the collection formed the veil of irony necessary to capture the essence of Fitzgerald’s work. In what Vogue referred to as an “homage” to The Great Gatsby, Ralph Lauren’s line offers women the chance to add a little of Daisy Buchanan’s wit and glamour to their wardrobe, and maybe even her cloche hat.

Literary muses can be found on the high street as well as the catwalk. H&M sparked controversy in December with their release of a new line based upon Lisbeth Salander, the main character of Stieg Larsson’s page and screen phenomenon The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Extremely dark and delinquent, Lisbeth is the fiery female protagonist of Larsson’s trilogy, yet despite her extremely painful life and consequently antisocial demeanour, Lisbeth has become one of the most admired literary heroines. Her originality, strength, and outrageous intelligence have made her an unlikely role model for the modern woman, and H&M sought to create a clothing line which embodied these revered traits. Enlisting the help of Trish Summerville, the costume designer on the latest film adaptation of Larrson’s

novel, H&M produced a collection that was tough, stylish, and reflective of Lisbeth’s attitude, which would thus allow customers the opportunity to take on some of her most esteemed traits. H&M has faced criticism for taking inspiration from a character whose attitude stems from a past of sexual violence; however it has made clear that the clothes were motivated by Lisbeth’s strength and perseverance in the face of hardship. The characteristics that sold millions of novels world over are the same as those that will sell the new line, creating a symbiosis between novels and fashion that is entirely unique within the fashion industry.

This relationship works in the opposite direction too. As the boundaries between fashion and literature disintegrate, many new writers are using fashion as a creative pulse behind their work. Erin Morgenstern’s debut novel The Night Circus is a new hybrid: a piece of art, a novel, and in many ways a new take on the fashion industry. The book itself is a beautiful object, and the words within seem to paint, rather than describe, a whole new world of magic and creativity. It depicts the tale of a new circus, Le Cirque des Rêves, which is created around a table of artistic experts who build and assemble a fantasy land in the same manner a group of designers formulate a new collection. Entirely in black and white, the circus opens only at night and allows people an escape from the mundane and a visit into the world of illusion. It visits Paris, London, New York and many more of the world’s most glamorous cities, followed by “rêveurs”, its most devoted fans, each dressed in a uniform of black,

This union between fashion and literature is far from a new occurrence, but it appears to be flourishing in the current climate. The escape offered by fiction is mirrored in the escape from the ordinary offered by fashion. Our tastes in literature form who we are and who we become in the same manner as our tastes in attire. Both fashion and fiction allow us a foray into the worlds of creativity and self discovery, so it may be time to read something other than the fashion pages to discover what’s new in the fashion world. Yes, students, finally an incentive to hit the books!

Images from left: Ralph Lauren S/S Ready-To-Wear, Mia Farrow and Robert Redford in The Great Gatsby (1974), Costume designer Trish Summerville with models for H&M Dragon Tattoo collection, The Night Circus by

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PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

THE JANUARY DETOX...

The latest issue of London Time Out Magazine has the words ‘How to Change Your Life’ blazoned across the front cover. This promises a lot, and it seems pretty crazy that an article can claim that by changing your diet, buying new clothes, joining a gym and going to more gigs in East London you will actually become a better person. However, for some reason, every new year the nation becomes convinced that this will be the year we ‘quit smoking’, ‘actually join a gym’ or please insert your resolution here ‘...’. Of course there is a high likelihood that these goals are completely unattainable, or we’re just making them because we feel we should, rather than we actually want to. Healthy food seems inherently attached to New Year, since we’ve spent the past month watching TV and eating our own weight in chocolate. I have a few small (and therefore easy) ideas on health food to try if you want to participate in the January health blitz: 1. Dabble in the Alternative Vitamin Scene

I grew up with my Dad recommending me every herbal medicine under the sun the second I even sneezed. I have tried many of them from the surprisingly pleasant the down- right disgusting. Here are my pick of the pack which can be found in the Wholefood market, some supermarkets or any health food shop like Holland & Barratt: Manuka Honey:

You know how they always say honey has healing properties? Well this is basically like super- honey which was historically claimed to be able to ‘bring you back from the dead’ Whilst this might not quite be true, it is scientifically proven to have anti- septic qualities and is particularly good for sore throats.

Have a bit on your toast in the morning to help keep infections at bay Ecinacea: Not the tastiest herbal liquid invented but it’s pretty good for your immune system and especially good if taken right as you feel a cold coming on. Add it to a glass of juice or water to dilute the flavour.

Goji berries: These have more vitamin C than oranges and more iron than a steak. They taste a bit like a sweet cranberry, and you can buy

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them dried. Snack on about 10- 20 a day to up your vitamin intake.

Krill Oil: A bit like omega fish oil, or cod liver oil which everyone knows supposedly makes you brainy. Krill are apparently the most numerous living species in the world, so you don’t need to feel guilty about killing them off. They come in capsules which are to be swallowed daily. Stock up in the lead up to exams for a boost of brain power.

And one to avoid...

The Duchy Originals Detox Tincture: This notorious ‘health’ product has recieved reactions that are at best sceptical and at worst genuinely obnoxious. Prince Charles’ latest product, promoted under the royal Duchy Originals brand not only costs £10 for a miniscule bottle, but it contains extracts of ‘Dandelion and Artichoke’ which supposedly help detox. The specifics behind how this actually works, as many have commented, seem very vague. Think I’ll be giving this one a miss!

2. Make Smoothies

It’s a relief to discover that there are some healthy foods that actually taste good.

Smoothies are so much cheaper to make than to buy and it’s genuinely satisfying putting a random mix of ingredients into a blender and watching it whizz them into a smooth liquid. If you’re looking to invest in a blender, kenwood are probably the most reliable brand and will cost around £20. But you can also find them for under a tenner,

especially if you go now while the sales are still on. If you are looking to move beyond the ‘add random fruit and hope for the best’ smoothie making method then the’I nnocent Smoothie Recipe Book’ is still probably the best book out there. If you actually get up more than an hour before I need to be at uni, smoothies make a great breakfast. This one has oats and bananas which apparently give you energy, never a bad thing on a Monday morning: Breakfast Smoothie Recipe: 1 small glass apple juice (100 ml approx) 1 banana 5 dessertspoons greek yoghurt 1 dessertspoon honey 1 desertspoon oats (porridge oats or rolled) 1 generous handful blueberries (strawberries or raspberries are also good) Put all the ingredients in the blender and mix for about a minute or until smooth.

3.

Cut the Caffeine

If you’re going to go all out on the detox, why not try quitting caffeine. The first time I tried this it resulted in grumpy mornings and afternoon headaches but ,if you persevere, you end up with a more sustained level of energy rather than experiencing the 4pm caffeine crash. If you’re still looking for a hot beveredge, green tea is pretty tasty if you don’t brew it for too long and gives you a small energy burst, but doesn’t give you ‘the caffeine shakes’. Additionally Red Bush or Roibos tea is caffeine free but can be drunk with milk like normal tea. Moving on towards teas which claim to have healing properties, peppermint or lemon and ginger tea is good for indigestion and camomile is great as a pre-bedtime drink or alternatively ‘Sleepytime’, again sold in wholefood shops, which is a blend of different herbs which help you to drift off.

4. Visit the Wholefoods Market.

This shop has something for everyone; it will convert anyone who thinks wholesome foods have to taste bad and send health food fanatics into a vitamin fuelled frenzy. It sells amazing houmous, and has a great deli selling healthy ready-made salads, meals and, perhaps controversially, cakes. There are also plenty of dairy-free and wheat- free foods for anyone with allergies, and of

course they have pretty much every vitamin under the sun. The shop is laid out beautifully and makes everything look, well, kinda delicious. There are branches in Soho, Clapham Junction, Stoke Newington, Camden and Kensington. Pop in and pick up a few goodies, since you can guarantee that most foods being sold will have some nutritious value. See wholefoodsmarket.com for more information.

5.

Eat Healthy Snacks

I got to the point this term where I pretty much needed to eat chocolate at least twice a day. If you’re looking to move on from your chocolate addiction then this website delivers healthy snacks to your door in cute little punnets you can carry around with you. You can also tell it what snacks you want delivered and they’re all really tasty, varying from wasabi peas to chocolate coated raisins or vanilla pumpkin seeds.

The first box is also free- yay! Go to www.graze.co.uk for more information.

6. Drink some really FRESH milk

This is one for the brave. So you know yakult, activia and all the other strange tasting yoghurt drinks that claim to put ‘good’ bacteria in your gut? They contain lactobacillus, a bacteria that is present in fresh milk but killed off in the pasturisation process so that the milk you buy in the supermarkets won’t contain it. Why buy a sythetic version when you can drink the real thing? You can buy fresh milk at a dairy stall called Beillivere at Borough Market among other places. If you’re feeling squeamish, Lactobacillus Acidophilus tablets, availiable at health food shops contain the same gut boosting bacteria.

7. Swap your Sandwich for some Sushi:

Japanese cuisine is supposedly about the healthiest food out there. Sushi is practically fat free and toally delicious. Dump your mayo filled pret sandwichin favour of a tasty sushi box.I feel that Wasabi is pretty overrated on the Sushi front, heat to Itsu instead and try the salmon and advocado rolls.

Novices, go easy on the wasabi!

HELENA GOODRICH

Library Lunch...

Food Lessons in Love...

April, wrote T.S Eliot, is the cruellest month, but it seems everyone’s favourite modernist got it wrong. January, with its aborted resolutions, post-Christmas poverty and miserable weather always makes for a difficult start to the New Year. Most likely you’re holed up in the library by now, cramming for exams and writing essays, that, according to work schedule you spent an afternoon designing and colouring in, should have been finished in November.

But just because everything else is rubbish doesn’t mean you have to lower your culinary horizons. There’s little more depressing than eating homemade pesto pasta every lunchtime, so for those of you feeling both cash and time poor, here are a couple of quick, easy and cheap meals to get you through an afternoon of diligent study/Facebook procrastination.

The Aphrodysiac Myth:

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

Healthy food to keep you going while studying...

Herby Lemon Chicken with Butterbean mash: For some reason, people favour chicken breasts over thighs. This is madness. Thighs are one of the cheapest cuts of meat you can buy, and far more succulent than boring old white meat. Serves 2 Ingredients: 4 chicken thighs 3 lemons 2 tins of butterbeans 2 courgettes 1 bunch of Parsley Garlic Honey Mustard

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.

Place the chicken thighs in a roasting tray.

Add two large glugs of olive, the juice of two lemons, two tablespoons of honey and teaspoon of mustard (preferably Dijon if you’ve got it). Season liberally and then thoroughly coat the chicken in your marinade. Dice two courgettes and chuck them in the roasting tray (mushrooms and red peppers work just as well) .Bake for 25 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.

Whilst the chicken’s cooking, make the butterbean mash. Drain two tins of butterbeans and put them in a mixing bowl. Add a large knob of butter, the juice of one lemon, 2 chopped cloves of garlic, half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper and a large handful of roughly chopped parsley. Season well and then mash into a chunky paste. To make it smoother, add a splash of milk.Serve the chicken with plenty of the lemon marinade and top with any remaining parsley.

Oven baked Tomato and Aubergine Risotto:

Despite what the purists say, you don’t need to spend an age stirring risotto. This oven version is ridiculously easy and absurdly more-ish. Technically this serves 4, but I defy you not to have seconds. Suitable for Vegetarians Ingredients: 300g risotto rice A pack of cherry tomatoes An aubergine 50g Grated parmesan Paprika (if you’ve got it) 1 onion A vegetable stock cube.

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees. Using an oven proof casserole dish, gently fry the diced onion in olive oil until it begins to look translucent. Add the rice and mix well with the onion and oil.

Halve the tomatoes and chop the aubergine into small cubes and then add to the rice.

Pour in 700ml of vegetable stock, season and add the paprika if you’re using it. Cover and place in the oven for 20 mins.

When cooked, stir through the parmesan and serve.

NATASHA BLOOR

The American food writer, Mary Fisher, once wrote that 'sharing food with another human being is an intimate act, that should not be indulged too lightly'. I don't think there is a quote more on point than this when describing the relevance of food in love. Whether we choose to acknowledge the fact or not, when we talk about love we also talk about food.

Aphrodisiacs, named after Aphrodite the Greek Goddess of sexual love and beauty, are the obvious example to further emphasise this. For the Aztecs it was avocado, for Pharaohs it was radishes, for Greeks it was figs and for us it's got to be alcohol. Although some say that aphrodisiacs are age old myths, we cannot deny that they have transcended time and we are still relentlessly fascinated by them.

Most likely because as humans we pretty much go crazy for anything we believe will heighten and excite our sexual desires.

But how do we know which aphrodisiacs really work?

Although some say that aphrodisiacs are age old myths, we cannot deny that they have transcended time and we are still relentlessly fascinated by them... those in love/ wanting to be in love, here are a list of foods that are guaranteed to get yours and your lover's heart beat racing- use them wisely: chocolate, oysters, carrots, caviar, champagne, truffles, asparagus and papaya.

SAPNA SIAN

Science teaches us that some foods like chocolate stimulate the release of endorphins from the brain thus increasing the feeling of well being and pleasure. Psychologists believe that the food love connection is mainly related to the brain as it's the biggest sex organ within our bodies. Romanticists think food (and probably a lot of other things) are the way to a lover's heart. For me personally, I think that as food is a universal common ground between people, it is only natural that certain types of food will excite us.

Regardless of whether they release a chain of chemical reactions or not, food affects our moods and can intensify our feelings.

So do aphrodisiacs really work? Well yes, but like with all foods, it's just the extent to which they can influence our state of mind. Bananas are a typical example of this, known to be an aphrodisiac for the shape, it is actually the high potassium and vitamin B content that increases sexual drive as they play key roles in sex-hormone production. And that's just it, surely all food, one way or another will ultimately have an impact on us sexually. So as much as it's romantic to think there are foods that can induce love as they have magical properties, in reality science has pretty much prevailed in making aphrodisiacs a myth of the past. But for all

Foods that are guaranteed to get yours and your lover's heart beat racinguse them wisely: chocolate, oysters, carrots, caviar, champagne, truffles, asparagus and papaya...

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mercial flights to Mediterranean countries we expect it to be hot by the sea.

I’m sure that as a child I used to visit the sea-

Yet going abroad does add up: coaches and trains to and from the airport, food, Hotels…

According to the Telegraph it costs 50% more to go on holiday in Europe than in the UK. That’s a phenomenal difference. As well as this, many beach holidays in Europe such as Majorca, the Costa del Sol or Ibiza, which do have hundreds of cheap flights available, are just like Britain abroad. They offer Irish bars, British food and lots of cheap drinks – all surrounded by the stereotypical British holidaymaker. I personally go away for a change of culture and to experience something different somewhere different!

side several times a year. I have so many happy memories of chasing and, I’m sure, being chased by my brother along the beach, picnics on the sand, and swimming in the sea. We used to drive to Cornwall and get the ferry to the Isle of Wight.

Yet now I don’t know anyone who would go to the English coast. It’s not that I’ve moved away from the coast (I grew up in Oxford – so just about as far away from the sea as you can get), it So it does appear that Britain’s seaside towns just appears that over the past 10 years should still be in According to the Telegraph it holidaying in Britain has become the running: unpopular and unattractive. But costs 50% more to go on they’re cheaper, why? still offer a

holiday in Europe than in the UK

Is it the stereotype of the British people who visit the beaches now – overweight, ignorant and uninterested in their surroundings? Or is it purely a lack of desire to maintain our seaside towns? Or could it be a complete lack of interest in going to the British seaside as we can go abroad for cheaper?

I recently went to Weymouth for the weekend, but only because my boyfriend and I had been given complimentary First Great Western train tickets. And I was pleasantly surprised. While the quaint little town could have used a lick of paint it was an incredibly fun weekend. It’s not that the British seaside is horrible, it’s just that it’s not as cared for as it once was. Weymouth had plenty of cute little cafes and fish and chip shops hugging the seafront.

While I had an incredible time walking along the sandy beach and playing the classic English sport of crazy golf I couldn’t help but think: “I miss the heat”. It seems that due to cheap com-

weekend of fun and, during the summer, Britain’s temperature does rise! I’m not suggesting we stop going abroad (I’m certainly not going to stop) but I do think that we should consider British beach holidays for weekend breaks, or even for day trips. Popping to the beach can be a last minute decision based on the weather rather than the result of weeks of planning!

In this year’s European beach awards, St Ives was voted sixth, as decided by experts and millions of travellers. Flocks of Brits (including me) jet off to mainland Europe to relax on their beaches, when a British beach has out-classed all its Spanish, French and Italian counterparts in these awards. The only three countries who beat the UK to the top were Cyprus, Turkey and Greece.

Our first impression of Dublin was the taxi driver who took us from the airport to our hostel. He was a really sweet and entertaining old man. Between his favourite “18 and older jokes”, he taught us some of the local language, Gaeilge, and gave us some tips on where to go. Starting then, I noticed a theme with the Irish. They were extremely friendly and chatty, no matter where we went.

Ireland has a welcoming atmosphere that made me feel right at home. He brought us to the Generator Hostel, which I highly recommend, being about €15 a night for dormitory rooms. If sharing a room with strangers seems too awkward, gather three friends. Then it’s still the price of a dormitory room, but private (including a roomy bathroom with a shower). The hostel didn’t have a great selection of food, but it had free Wi-Fi, a bar, pool tables, and interestingly enough, shisha parties (€5 per person) every Wednesday and Saturday night.

Dublin has a slower pace than London; it’s a great place to leisurely walk and shop without having to deal with the huge crowds that frequent Oxford Street. I wish we had had more time to wander aimlessly, but we did manage to go to Temple Bar for a couple hours. This is a must in Dublin; it’s a trendy area with small, quirky shops featuring

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2.

3.

4.

5.

St Ives, Cornwall Newquay, Cornwall Bournemouth Weymouth, Dorset Tenby, Pembrokeshire

So the next time you consider a short break why not consider a British beach: cheaper, closer and just as beautiful.

EMILY McDONNELL

Here are my top five British beaches to consider for a quick and cheap getaway, all are easily reached from London:

The Dublin Experience

When my mum asked how much my trip to Ireland cost, she was astounded to hear that it was only £171 for a roundtrip flight and four nights at a hostel. Of course, she, like me, is American, so that sounds lot cheaper than it is.

Nonetheless, my friends and I congratulated ourselves on using STA Travel to book our Dublin trip as cheaply as possible.

Whatever Happened to th e British Seaside Holiday?

band T-shirts, handmade jewellery, and books.

We also found time to visit some other tourist attractions – the Dublin Zoo (€12.50) and the National Wax Museum (€9). The zoo was great – who doesn’t love animals? And the Wax Museum was both historical and better than a dry history museum. It had a section that focused solely on Irish history and another for Irish writers and athletes. Of course, they also featured popular characters, such as those from Star Wars, SpongeBob, and Harry Potter. Another valuable experience is visiting a brewery or distillery (luckily, the Old Jameson Distillery (€10.60) was located in the same square as the hostel). The Irish love their alcohol, so this is a fun way to get culture and a free drink!

On the last day, we took part in a €50 tour with Cork Tours. It was cool to have an Irish guide show us to Blarney Castle, Cork City, and the Rocks of Cashel, but it should be known that this includes three hours in a cramped minivan starting at 6:30am, so this isn’t an option for everyone. For me it was worth it; kissing the Blarney Stone was an amazing experience, and the countryside was breathtakingly beautiful. It’s a good idea to get in both urban and rural experiences; the city is nice for shops, museums, and restaurants, but the country is great for natural beauty, history, and picnicking!

Things to remember: Most museums cost money, but student discounts are valued almost everywhere. It’s a good investment to acquire an International Student Identity Card, which is universally accepted. It’s also a

good idea to pack snacks if possible, because buying food sucked up a huge amount of cash.

Plan how much money to take out, and when. For some reason, all of the five cash machines we sought out would only dispense €50 notes, which is irritating when trying to buy food or pay for cabs. If possible, get change in smaller bills from a nearby shop. And if at a loss for what to do, visit the front desk. Our hostel had a million pamphlets and newspapers detailing every kind of outing imaginable.

ASHLEY HICKS

My New Year’s Resolution is.... to Travel More!

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

For many, the idea of travelling the world is a life-long dream but one that is financially out of reach. So what better way than to make 2012 your year to break down your travel dreams and visit a place or two you’ve been dying to go to?

Taking this idea, where are our London Student writers planning to visit in 2012?

Emily Ray Travel Editor I’ve recently booked a relatively cheap trip to Hong Kong for June and plan to make the most of what the city has to offer. Plus, I’m also looking to absorb the sheer geekiness of the city with regards to where Jackie Chan filmed many of his early martial arts films (My friend who I’m travelling with doesn’t know this yet - I’m sure this will be a welcome surprise for her when we arrive at the airport.)

A little bit closer to home, Easyjet will this year be opening a new route from London to Reykjavik, with return flights from around £100. You can’t go far wrong with that, and I have a feeling my bank account will agree with that very nicely too...

Emily McDonnell 2012. Big year! Olypmics in London and, according to the Mayan calander, the end of the world. So I thought I’d better go somewhere spectacular. I’m thinking Beijing. But the thought of getting there is so much simpler than the planning. I can’t wait to land in the city and be overwhelmed by the ancient culture and cuisine. But between the hundreds of flight combinations and trying to book a hotel somewhere safe, I’m struggling. Trip Advisor here I come, I need your words of wisdom...

ROSA WILD Comment Editor After the crazy turmoil of last year, many travel destinations are looking pretty different – and there’s definitely an element of excitement to that. I’m hoping for the chance to head to Tunisia, a country I’ve visted before and absolutely loved for its mountains, beaches, markets and lazy shisha sessions, to experience its changing face and catch up with old friends over couscous.

The Perfect French City?

PLAY | Volume 32, Issue 7

I’ve heard many horror stories about budget airlines- wings tacked on with blu-tack, standing-only flights, two to a chair- but in spite of my rabid fear, I found myself, last February, on my way to Lyon with a group of friends to celebrate my 21st birthday and to visit a close friend studying French there. Lyon, a relatively large city sandwiched between Paris and Marseilles isn’t exactly Ibiza or Las Vegas but my friend assured me it would be worth the flight to experience the tourist friendly places where we could soak up some culture and, more importantly, alcohol.

The city was easy to get around, with its widespread network of tramlines, perhaps not as fast, but just as efficient as the tube, and at JUST 1 Euro a ride, a whole lot cheaper. Once we had settled in our friend’s apartment we substituted the tram for public bikes, picked up from one of Lyon’s 200 plus bike stations. Using the same ‘pay-as-you-ride’ concept as TFL’s public bicycles, Lyon is easily accessible via its extensive web of cycle lanes, which cover most of the tourist hot spots and offer scenic routes along the Rhône, the river which runs straight through the city. In spite of its position as the second largest metropolitan area in France, after Paris, Lyon has a quieter feel to it, making for a much more relaxing visit and carefree cycling experience.

Our bicycles took us everywhere, most notably the Parc de la Tête d'Or, which boasts a free zoo. The zoo, which claimed to have over 1000 animals, seemed pretty sparse in the February weather; nevertheless, we saw some cold flamingos, tigers, and - most impressively - elephants, plus some unidentified reptiles, all of which looked ready to retire from metropolitan zoo life. There was no charge for entry, so the meagre display wasn’t a disappointment, especially when you can pay outrageous prices found in England for zoos of similar stature.

It is a rather unfortunate fact that most trav-

ellers will at some point come into contact with the police in an unfamiliar country. Whether it happens because you’ve thumbed your nose at the wrong person, flaunted a minor law or happen to be wearing your diamond-encrusted Rolex, the whole process is usually pretty scary to say the least. Languishing in a Thai prison for the rest of your life while your fellow inmates try to tattoo your face is not something to get into if it can be possibly avoided. Point being, there are legal situations that you simply cannot talk yourself out of, but many can be handled away in their infancy by acting correctly. Follow these rules for the basics; as for the rest, I wish you luck.

1. Be nice: Smiling while avoiding direct eye contact and letting your arms hang by your side is universal body language for: “Hello there, my name is Alfie. I may be slightly dim, but quite frankly I’m rather ingratiating. Please don’t hurt me because I am beyond harmless, and really just want to be your friend.” Being friendly may not be the most heroic way of getting away from unfair arrest, but it’s an instant way to stop your situation from worsening. If you’re in a country where you don’t speak the language and have no clue what your crime is or what your rights are, then it’s probably not the time to get your aggressive shoes on. A policeman that earns £40 a year is not going to be impressed at your neo-colonial ranting, especially when he has no clue what you’re saying.

2. Don’t be too nice: Not getting aggressive doesn’t mean that you should let yourself be led into a more dangerous situation. Act confident but relaxed (see Alfie, above), and politely try

Next stop was Vieux Lyon, which in 1998 was named a UNESCO World heritage site, and it’s not hard to see why. The renaissance architecture and untouched cobbled streets are beautiful, and give the city a calmer, quieter feel than the more fashionable Paris. Vieux Lyon is littered with markets and boutique shops, catering to both tourists and locals, without any sense of tackiness or opportunism, creating a comfortable and stress free shopping environment.

Another big draw to Old Lyon is the Bouchons, traditional Lyonnaise restaurants serving limited, but time-honoured dishes. At the right time, a decent three course meal including a bottle of wine can be found for as little as 20 Euros per person. The fatty, meat based menu was perfect for filling ourselves with quality food on a shoestring budget and lining our stomachs ready for our first night out on the town.Just how well we’d lined our stomachs was put to the test with a trip to Ayers Rock, an Australian bar that’s

popular with tourists in Lyon. Staffed by young Australians, donning t-shirts emblazoned with a map of their native land, Ayers Rock catered to English people who, it seemed, desperately missed Walkabout on their Erasmus years.

Similar to Walkabout the floors were awash with an unidentified liquid that stuck unsuspecting drunks to the floor, the music was instantly recognisable and kept the crowd dancing, (most of them on chairs and tables in an attempt to avoid the aforementioned floor) and the drinks were all reasonably priced, in plastic, student proof cups.

All had a cheap and cheerful night, although perhaps not the most authentically French night-clubbing experience.

Hung-over and tired, the next day, we abandoned our bicycles and took a queasy ride up the Furnicular to visit the Basilica, which sits high above Lyon on a hill. It was an almost vertical tram ride up the steep hill and was packed with tourists. If you think you can stomach it after a

night’s drinking then it’s definitely worth doing as the Basilica itself is amazing architecturally, and the views of Lyon from the top are breath taking.

On top of this, the walk back down the hill is scenic and offers a route back into Vieux Lyon down the steep and cobbled backstreets.

Our second night was slightly more sophisticated; we donned our glad rags and tottered to a club called KGB. Catering for both the young and old, its clientele ranged from 18 to around 40, as did the drinks prices, at 11 Euros for a single, we were certainly glad we’d decided to pre-drink. The club was open till 5am, and exhausted, we headed home for breakfast and bed.

Before our flight home we managed to squeeze in the Lyon Museum of Fine Arts (Le musée des Beaux-Arts), a gallery that, like most in France, offers free entry to anyone aged 18-25 who can provide proof of age. The building itself is beautiful, dating from the 17th century, and with over 70 rooms filled with exhibits ranging from antiquity to contemporary art, there’s something to occupy everyone.

France has an often-unfounded reputation for being hostile to tourists but I found Lyon to be a welcoming city that was eager to indulge visitors in the French way of life. It offers a broad mixture of culture and entertainment, demonstrating why it’s so popular with Erasmus students and is easily accessible, less pretentious, and far cheaper than Paris. Lyon provides an authentic taste of French city life without the awkwardness of feeling like a tourist.

ROISIN NAGLE

How to Avoid Trouble with the Law Overseas

and find out what they want from you. If you’re randomly stopped on the street, try all ways to avoid being taken to a police station, even if it seems like the official thing to do. The further the situation progresses, the more volatile it will become. Telling people in authority about why you’ve visited their country and what you like about it often works, stupid as it may sound. The fact remains that someone’s less likely to arrest you on a trumped up charge if they like you. If you do get taken to a police station, stay assertive and politely ask if you can use their phone to call a lawyer. They may not be all too thrilled about this as most countries don’t have this included in their bill of rights, but go ahead anyway. Call your embassy, call your mum (maybe not), call your mates for a chat. Just do insist upon letting someone know where you are.

3. The ‘Instant Fine’: The two words that can be the best and worst things ever to come out of your mouth. If you’re really stuck, and the offence that you’ve been nabbed for is non-existent or minor, there’s often no other option than to offer a bribe. The morals of this act are probably dodgier than the local massage parlour, but once you’re in a situation where it’s £200 or the death sentence, Western ethics on payment of public servants fly out the window pretty fast. So, the first rule of bribery is to never say you’re offering a bribe. Policemen want to save face and hassle as much as you do, so don’t offend them by shoving dollars in their face.

Chances are, they’ll take it and then knock you out with a bag of small change.

4. Don’t look like a target: Basically, don’t carry around that huge camera that makes you look so trendy back home, put away your iPhone and cover up. Also avoid getting off your face, making a scarf out of all your cash and having a naked coin bath with a really nice group of gem retailers/gun runners in the middle of the street.

Throughout history, people have made spectacular idiots of themselves when horrendously drunk. Just try and remember that the repercussions of doing so abroad can be a lot worse than a headache and your mum being disappointed in you. Respect local customs regarding alcohol consumption and you should be fine.

5. Don’t do anything that’s actually illegal: It’s hard enough talking yourself out of trumped up charges without local law enforcement having found a kilo of Moroccan hash in your pants. It’s horrendously stupid to take, run or buy drugs when you’re in a country that doles out the death penalty for narcotic-related crimes. Padlock your bags, don’t let yourself get talked into anything by friendly new ‘pals’ and don’t think you’ll get away with it. Guaranteed, the one time you get stopped at a bus station will be when you’re carrying a bag full of white rhino. Always remember that sod’s law strikes at any time, or, as some might say, karma will always bite you in the backside.

LOUISE CALLAGHAN

The force of the law is scary enough in your own country, let alone abroad!

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i luv live presents:

LISTINGS BNTL Presents - SLIMZEE, JOSEY REBELLE, JON RUST + BNTL RESIDENTS @ CAMP

ILUVLIVE SPECIAL KANO & MIKEY J PRESENT 'NOT 4 THE A LIST' EP kano + ghetts + maxsta + roses gabor + special guests Monday Jan 16th @ XOYO Tickets £5 / 18+ entry / Doors 19:30 Infinitas Gracias: Mexican miracle paintings Learn about ancient mexican customs and escape disaster in death with this grand exhibition featuring paintings, films and exciting events.

At The Welcome Gallery

06 October 2011 - 26 February 2012 David Hockney RA: A Bigger Picture The man of the hour Davd Hockney open shis new exhibition at the Royal Academy of Arts on 21st of January. The exhibition will span fifty years of the man’s obsession with landscapes as well as his more recent technological innovations with his foray into iPad drawings and film making.

Definitely one for any old fans or people eager to get an introduction to his work.

Pre-booking is advised.

21 January - 9 April 2012

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Deliverance from disaster and death Wise Cracks: The Comedies of Woody Allen The major Woody Allen retrospective has begun at the BFI southbank. Whether you want to indulge in the love, laugh at the gags or empathise with his neuroticism, it is all there. Many say he has now lost it, that his best years are behind him that he is too old and just churns out pictures year after year when he would be better off gardening or attending bingo (an incredibly ageist assertion). perhaps this is so in which case all the more reason to see the old greats. Be sure to catch Hannah and her Sisters for a great performance by Michael Cane demonstrating all his British charm.

13 January - 8 February @ BFI

Lee Scratch Perry in London The man that started it all: Godfather of Dub and the high priest of reggae. He was Bob Marley’s proucer and his influence on music is astronomical. Music would probably no longer exist without him. People would still be attending balls in big dresses and suits the lack of rythm in the room so palpable that you could cut it with a blunt rusty butter knife. Makes you shiver just to think about it.

Inauguration. Expect pure grooves and underground pleasures as we are blessed by a host of selection maestros, from various factions in the London area.

Join BNTL and company for a basement knees up at CAMP for 001.

BNTL Presents: 001 SLIMZEE (Rinse FM) JOSEY REBELLE (Rinse FM/Bounty) JON RUST (Standard Place/NTS) BNTL DJ's -TIMZED SMOKEY RUGBY HOSTED BY TENSER D 10 - 4 £3/£5 AFTER 11 CAMP BASEMENT 70-74 City Road London EC1Y 2BJ

Jazz Cafe 27th and 28th Jan PETER JAEGER: "JOHN CAGE'S ZEN POETICS" THE BUDDHIST SOCIETY, 58 ECCLESTON SQUARE LONDON SW1V 1PH FREE

The Don of it all

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A new realisation of Hell

By Trav