HEY JUDE

Ihad a housekeeping-related bleat the other day about dusting. I realise that does sound like a first-world problem and not something to waste brain cells on, let alone commit to the pages of a magazine. I also realise it sounded pathetic when I asked the family, “Can we all clean up the house please, team?” as we had guests arriving to stay.

“Is this a priority?” the teen queried. “Will they notice?” True, they may not have noticed but I was determined for this particular clean to be more than a simple vacuum. The dust needed dealing with. As I write this, it sounds like pedantic behaviour from an overbearing mother. I hope I’m not that. Believe me, I don’t live in a show home. Most things don’t get dusted at all, or very infrequently, which is probably why the guest room surfaces looked so awful.

They got dusted in the end – in fact, it took less time to wipe down the surfaces than it did to argue with the teenager about “best practice”.

In hindsight, I was probably being a bit fussy but we did collectively make a good dent in an hour, even if I did turn into a grumpy mother.

But now there are the windows with puppy nose marks – not just down low, but at higher levels now as her legs have grown longer. Ah, that’s a job for another day. Done & dusted KEEPING HOUSE IS MUCH EASIER WHEN IT’S A TEAM EFFORT

heyJUDE...

Make a clean break! Sometimes it’s the small things that make a difference – or drive you crazy! Housework is made up of dozens of small jobs that can literally pile up. It’s okay to share the load.

Jude Dobson ADVICE Do you have a problem you’d like Jude to weigh in on? Send your questions to nzww@ bauermedia.co.nz with ‘Hey Jude’ in the subject line, or to Hey Jude, NZWW, Bauer Media, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley Street, Auckland 1141. ASK JUDE!

READER LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear Jude, My 25-year-old son still lives with my husband and me. Of course we love him, and we know that it’s hard out there for young adults trying to make a living. However, we feel like this is our time to live after bringing him and his siblings up for 35 years, and he is rather dependent on us. How can we encourage him, gently, to leave the nest? Eleanor Well, looking online at a few forums, I see you’re not alone. The typical dynamic seems to be that the parent feels taken for granted and imposed upon, and the offspring feel like they’re still being treated like kids. It’s a recipe for arguments.

I don’t know what the buttonpushing moments are in your relationship and if that dynamic feels valid in your situation, but the thing that jumps out at me is the fact you say he’s rather dependent on you. Might encouraging independence be a practical step to him being able to move out?

Are you taking responsibility for things he can do for himself, such as cleaning up after he’s had friends in, doing his dishes and changing his sheets? If so, stop! What night is he cooking? Does he cook? If he was flatting, his flatmates would not expect to do all that for him. Can you have a gentle chat about his plans without it sounding prescriptive? Can you voice thoughts about downsizing? Like, “Dad and I aren’t always going to be living here, and I’m wondering if you’ve thought about where else you’d like to live your life?” It’s a tricky one, but I think you’ll know how to have that chat without it sounding too harsh.