Kingcounselsonwarning signsofbadrelationships

byAndyKing guest writer

Alas, true love is a many splendored thing and of course, confusing as hell.

Recent research conducted at the University of Memphis suggests four tell-tale signs of an insecure relationship.

These four items are separate from being in an abusive relationship, where one partner may injure another physically, sexually or emotionally.

In such cases, you should probably get out of the relationship.

But I digress.

The four basic warning signs are as follows:

One: availability and the lack of it. Is your partner (a.k.a. boyfriend or girlfriend) around when you need him or her? Is he or she ready to support and/or validate your feelings? Are you willing to support him or her, even when you disagree? This does not mean he or she will agree with everything you say, but at least understand why you might feel or think something in a certain way.

Two: compulsive selfreliance. Is your partner overly self-reliant? Does he or she refuse your help, guidance or suggestions when doing so would clearly be in his or her best interest? Do they believe that they are independent instead of interdependent? Do you refuse his or her help?

Three: angry withdrawal. Do you and your partner quit fighting by "just dropping it" or by ignoring it until it seems to go away only for it to resurface later in a different form? When you do have an argument, do you avoid the conflict or do you trust your partner enough to fight fair and not end the relationship over a difference that m~y be resolvable?

Four: fear of losing the partner. Do you feel like your partner wilJ dump you for another? Is it likely that he or she will be turned off by you by small things? Do you avoid conflict with your partner for fear of ending the relationship or damaging it severely?

Each of the above patterns or styles are indicators of an insecure attachment that could be improved by gaining some understanding of the origins of the relationship and the nature of past significant relationships of each partner.

It is also very important to realize that a relationship between two people is a dynamic interaction where both partners play a role.

Learning better communication skills is the key to greater understanding of each other and intimacy.

Two notes before I end.

There is a new phone munber for those who wish to know more about issues, upcoming events and discussion groups related to gay, lesbian and bisexual concerns.

Please call 902-8790 for a prerecorded message and a means to a confidential contact.

Lastly, if there is a topic that you would like to know more about, please write to me, Andy King, Counseling Services, • Rooyman's Center, Cabrini College.

Please describe the subject to the best of your ability and pose your question as clearly as the situation allows.

I appreciate hearing what your needs are.

WH~t\.T'S HAPPENING

FOR THE WEEKOF NOV. 15 - NOV. 22

Friday EXPERIENCE VIRTUAL REALITY

The virtual reality experience will be on campus

Friday, Nov. 15 from 2 p.m.8p.m.

See promotional signs throughout campus or call Student Activities at 9028401 for more information.

Sunday OHARPAND FLUTE DUO IN MANSION

Joan Sparks and Anne Sullivan will be performing melodies on the harp and flute on Sunday, Nov. 17 at 3 p.m. in the mansion.

OHUNGERAND HOMELESS AWARENESS WEEK

Hunger and Homeless Awareness Week begins on Sunday Nov. 17. Various programs are being heJd throughout the week. Call Campus Ministry at 9028225 for information.

Tuesday PRE-REGISTRATION·

A reminder to first-year students that they pre-register for spring 1997 classes on Tuesday, Nov. 19.

T1IDesfor registration vary according to the first letter of one's last name.

Refer to the Spring 1997 registration catalog or the off~ce of the registrar for actual registration times. Make a note.

Wednesday O SGA EXECUTIVE BOARD MEETING oDROPPINGA COURSE

The executive board will hold a meeting on Wednesday, Nov. 20 at 5:30 p.m. in the SGA office.

Anyone may attend the meeting for the first 10 minutes. Come and let your voice on Cabrini issues be heard.

A reminder to all students that the last day to withdraw from a course is Wednesday, Nov. 20.

It will cost $25 to drop a course. Make a note.