LOVE LESS
Mykelle Newsome / 2014 Featuring / Adam Rivera Justin Wike
ZINE ABOUT SELF-LOATHING UNREQUITED LOVE.
AND
ATTACHMENT / I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME STARING AT MYSELF TO MAKE
SURE
I
YOU)
-
JUST
I
LOOK
GOOD
WANT
(FOR
YOU
TO
NOTICE ME, YOU DO NOTICE ME. YOU NOTICED ME FIRST ACTUALLY AND NOW I CAN’T HELP BUT STARE AT YOU EVERY TIME I WALK BY. IT’D
BE
FALLING
STUPID FOR
TO YOU,
SAY
I’M
RIGHT?
BECAUSE I BARELY EVEN KNOW YOU AND I MIGHT BE INSANE.
AND IS IT OKAY THAT I’VE BEEN WRITING POEMS ABOUT YOU?
IT’S
YOU / SHIT. I THINK I
JUST REALIZED THAT I’M DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU
LIVE
THOUSANDS
OF
MILES
AWAY. IT’S DISGUSTING ACTUALLY AND I’M PATHETIC BUT I CAN’T HELP MYSELF.
I tried to tell you that I’m sad and empty and that I need you,
How many times can you say the same
thing
fucking pain?
without
being
a
Justin Wike
I DON’T THINK YOU REALIZE HOW BAD I
FEEL.
I
JUST
FEEL
TERRIBLE
BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FUCKING NICE, UNBELIEVABLY HANDLE BELIEVE
I
GET
THE
IN
ABOUT
NICE.
THAT
RIGHT LET
YOU
BUT
I
CAN’T
NOW.
I
CAN’T
SOMETHING
WAY
OF
STUPID
HOW
I
NO
FEELING
/THERE’S
FELT
THERE ANYMORE AND I CAN TELL THAT YOU
CARE
FOR
YOU’RE
NOT
BARELY
HAVE
ABOUT.
ME
RIGHT
SO FOR
ANYTHING
MUCH ME. TO
BUT WE TALK
U N R E S P O N S I V E
WHY DID I THINK I WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT? WHY
DID
I
THINK
YOU
WOULD
CARE? WHY DO I STILL EXPECT THINGS FROM YOU? HOW WEIRD IS IT THAT YOU’RE GONE AND IT’S AFFECTING ME SO MUCH? (I’m the one who fucking ended it)
/ U N C O N S C I O U S
YOUR
SKIN
WRAPPED
/
MY
AROUND
HANDS
YOUR
ARE
WRISTS,
PULLING YOU MY WAY. I CAN FEEL YOUR
VEINS
-
YOUR
PULSE.
YOU’RE UNEASY. YOU PULL AWAY. I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, YOU SAY “OK.”
A//G
February 12, 2014 There are differences
Leaving, Being left, And being left alone
(wanting/unwanted)
Choices made by one, or the other Sometimes both.
August 5, 2012 A flight A drive And a 20 minute walk through a West Philly parking lot To meet you at a bus station.
I was back against brick your fingers in my mouth drenched in august rain we parted,
I parted
You were so beautiful and i cried for hours You talked me to sleep
I’ll never re-live that day
I left, out of fear
I left turned into fear
Manipulated into an ongoing joke Left to be ridiculed
I am a safe distanced laugh
I would still kiss you if you'd let me.
July 17, 2013 Filters replacing fingers You have wasted me
No enjoyment I can't.
with anyone, anymore
just
July 21, 2013 Withering Untouched and unspoken to
August 27, 2013 All choices made by the other with no difference
You were leaving and i was being left,
Alone. (wanting/unwanted)
August 29, 2013 (wanting/unwanted)
August 30, 2013 Alone
February 11, 2014 A man drew my blood yesterday. He had five little girls He told me trying for a son would kill his wife.
They had a son.
His name in Hebrew means "a gift from god"
A//G
I look to see if my hands are
shaking
not,
I’m
okay.
okay
but /
they’re I’ll
be
EVERY DAY I FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH
YOU
AND
THAT
SUCKS
BECAUSE I CAN’T HAVE YOU. THE FACT
THAT
YOU
LIVE
ON
THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD ISN’T THE THAT
PROBLEM, YOU’RE
SOMEONE ELSE.
THE
PROBLEM
IN
LOVE
IS
WITH
I miss you and you hate me and I’m not sorry.
Stone steps Leaden thoughts Choices I've made Crush down on me My decisions have brought Nothing but pain It grinds me down I am nothing I am nothing I'm so tired The world is heavy I carry it all on my back My bones begin to crumble and crack I am nothing I am nothing The void calls out "You’re gonna carry that weight. You’re gonna carry the weight of it all, the world, your soul, your pain and mine" More weight
CHAIN SMOKING SO I CAN CALM DOWN.
THE
STILL
ON
TASTE MY
OF
TONGUE.
YOU I
IS CAN
STILL FEEL YOUR BREATH ON MY NECK. AND I STILL FEEL YOUR FINGERS
WRAPPED
AROUND
THIGHS. LET ME FUCKING GO.
MY
From love to dust / The beach is one of your favorite places. I can’t stand it but I love you too much to care. Hand in hand we walk the shoreline. You look up at me, all smiles, and whisper, “I never want to leave your side.” But the gun in your hand and the blood on the wall two weeks later tell a different tale. I miss you.
Adam Rivera
“And I want to fuck your dad, sorry.”
THANK
YOU
FOR
READING
MY
SHITTY POETRY / I CAN’T SPEAK FOR ANYONE ELSE BUT MYSELF.