When Parental Influence Extends Into Other Components of Life

Parents have a large amount of control over how their children view the world.

Parental validation drastically contributes to this, going as far as affecting the mental health of their child.

Wanting to live up to your parents’ expectations to please them has always seemed like second nature for most children, getting all A’s, winning the game for your team, or hiding your mental struggles in order for them to feel like successful parents.

Whether your parents are biological, adopted or an honorary parental figure. Their influence and opinions tends to leave a lasting mark on your views of the world and yourself.

Mental health and the way you view and perceive things changes so easily. Ally Lawson believes that negative events that still affect her today progressed her anxiety and elevated her mental health issues. She lost her grandma, August 2018 and not even a year later she had to put her dog to rest. After losing two who you grew up with almost all of your life, along with losing them both so fast, takes a toll.

Lawson has always struggled with anxiety. However, her parents brushed it aside and told her that she was exaggerating. Anxiety causes Lawson to have a hard time making new friends or asking for help from teachers. “Being scared that someone isn’t going to like me or that somebody is going to think that I am stupid because of the constant worry in my head of what are people thinking about me, all day throughout the school day,” Lawson said.

Since being diagnosed, her parents have been there more often to support and be more considerate. “I think they didn’t want to realize that their kids have something wrong in their heads and that their parenting could contribute to why,” Lawson said.

After being diagnosed by a professional and advised to take therapy, her parents allowed Lawson to begin sessions. Her mom

is more considerate of taking medication, while her dad fears that she may become dependent on the medication. Lawson’s father also was hesitant about therapy because she would have to be fully committed and in it for the long haul. Her therapist has a plan to slowly wean Lawson off her medication by six months if everything goes as planned.

“I take my parents’ advice pretty often because I want to do everything that they say and be the child that they want. What they tell me I do, if I don’t do it I feel like they’re going to think

I don’t appreciate what they are saying or that I am rebelling against them,” Lawson said. She was hesitant with taking medication just because her father didn’t approve of it they soon decided that it would be best for her, and her parents supported her decision.

Lawson is getting better at recognizing the signs when her anxiety is starting to act up. People have begun taking her seriously when she talks about it rather than brushing it off. Friendships have been the same but her extended family is all starting to realize the seriousness. “I think that they are in shock with it. Some of the things I’ve told them and they said that it was a lot to take in at one time because they didn’t know that anything was going on,” Lawson said.

She often finds herself anxious and will experience panic attacks because of the additional academic pressure that her parents have put on her. Out of her siblings, Lawson is the ‘smart one’

and is expected to have good grades and be involved in school. “They want me to be able to give an answer off of the top of my head and my anxiety causes me to have a fear of failing my parents, adding that to the pressure of having to get good grades and the pressure I put on myself to be a perfect child for them, to not disappoint them. It led to a decrease in my mental health,” Lawson said.

Commentation on things such as mental health is serious in every situation. Especially when someone who has a parental role in your life downplays your current or past experiences. It’s important to seek help and open up to others that would be willing to support you.

Almost every parent wants their child to be successful, and a lot of parents tie good grades to success. This sometimes creates an overbearing sense of pressure that can end up affecting the child’s grades negatively. “My dad grew up with these high expectations and he didn’t meet them, so he puts them on his daughter. He expects me to keep a job, do extracurriculars and

manage my high GPA all at once.” Junior Peyton Isenberg said.

Isenberg already manages a high GPA while still working four days a week. She mentioned that her mother is very understanding compared to her father. While her mother is satisfied with an explanation her father always demands more from her, no matter how much she has already given.

Isenberg reflects that under the circumstances that if she has kids when she grows up she wouldn’t ever consider putting the same amount of pressure on them as her dad puts on her. She specifies that out of both her parents her dad is far more strict and contributed more to the sense of pressure she has to succeed far more than her mother does.

The amount of stress pushed onto her regarding her academics greatly affects her mental health. “You have to find a balance, especially with online school. Which was terrible trying to take notes and keep up with honors classes and the ACT this year. I

have an AP test tomorrow and I feel like I have learned nothing through online school.” Isenberg said.

Isenberg is in both AP psychology and will have taken two full JCTC classes by the time her junior year ends, and as previously mentioned, she works four days a week. Which is a daunting task for any high school student. “ I have a constant need for perfection and validation, because of how I was raised. If I get a ‘B’ in any of my classes I view it as failing.” Isenberg said.

She reflects that while she used to greatly consider everything her parents said, and incorporate it into her performance she disclosed that she doesn’t as much anymore due to the change in education caused by the pandemic. “I definitely don’t take my parents into consideration when it comes to my school anymore because they make it worse. Like I don’t ask what classes I should take or for them to help me with homework anymore, you had to learn how to do online school yourself.”

However, the influence from parents on their child’s mental health doesn’t just stem from academics, it can also affect their extracurriculars like in Lyndsey Price’s case: sports.

Sophomore Lyndsey Price is currently in dance and plans on picking soccer back up in the fall of the 2021-2022 school year.

She discloses that the only time her parents appear to put too much pressure on her is competition season. “During practices, they aren’t bad, but competition weeks are the most pressure. -- At the time it didn’t seem like too much pressure, however looking back on it, it was overbearing getting it from both parents.” Price said.

Price says that her parents have never forced her to pick up any certain sports, and have let her quit sports she was good at. “However, they do seem to take it very hard and try to convince me to stay in it. It takes a lot to convince them to let me quit but they have let me.” Price said.

Those who have known Lyndsey since before highschool have most likely been in attendance to one of her dances (as she’s performing confidently for Mt. Washington Middle school), “Currently, they do tend to pressure me on stage.” Price said. Referring to previous dance competitions.

Of course, not all parents are overbearing when it comes to their

child playing sports, “I think they can get disappointed because they do take it very seriously.” Price said, compared to another athlete’s answer. “My parents care about how I play, but they are mainly concerned about what type of person I am and how I treat other people.” Said Lilly Reid

As a successful varsity basketball player, Reid faces a hefty amount of pressure from herself and her parents. “My parents are both very supportive, I feel like there is an expectation I have for myself that is more pressure than anyone else does,” Reid said.

Reid recently made it to state with the rest of her team. “I don’t think my parents have too high expectations for me. They expect a lot from me, but all of their goals are attainable and things I strive to accomplish every day.” Reid said. This refers to not only

her position on the basketball team but also her grades. She feels the amount of pressure her parents put on her is manageable and she strives to make them proud. She acknowledges that her parents know about her own expectations of herself and support her in any way they can.

The idea that her parents may have forced her to play basketball arose, however. “I signed up and went to tryouts by myself, my friends were all doing it and my sister was on the team. So I was super excited to play” Reid said. Then came the idea of her parents letting her quit, which she has no interest in doing. “My parents would let me quit if I asked. My parents are supportive in all my decisions that I make, if I asked they would let me without a doubt.”

“I was super excited to play.” Reid said. This soon became

evident in her playing as she became one of the more notable players on both the Mt. Washington Middle school Basketball team and Bullitt East’s own Lady Chargers. “I strive to accomplish everyday. In conclusion, mental health issues come in a wide variety of forms, whether that be anxiety, depression, or some more severe disorders. Parental influences greatly influence these things whether you realize it or not. A comment one of your parental figures has made to you can leave a long lasting effect. That’s why it’s important to find support in other people and not just your parents. As most of them would say they grew up in a different time, they don’t understand things quite as well as they would like to. It’s valuable to have more than one support system.

Similarly, parents have had different educational experiences than us. I’ve had my grandmother look at my geometry work and talk about how she had done that all in college. Our parents were not raised in a school system with common core, so while it is important to listen to what they have to say about your grades and future e9ducation choices. It’s hard to remember that their experiences were different, and unless they are close to the educational field it’s easier to find yourself more knowledgeable on certain topics.

Collectively our parents have not had to go through schooling due to the pandemic, save for some parental figures that may be in college, chances are they were utterly clueless on what you learned this past year. It’s crucial that when it comes to academics we don’t take everything our parents say to heart. While their advice and commentary on assignments come from a good place. Overall their experiences were different, therefore the rules and wisdom they impart on us should be different than what their parents have shared with them.

Sports are similar but ultimately different. What your parents criticize you about should be different. This is due to the fact that while they may know about the sport of your choice they aren’t on the field with you. They are not making the split second decision you think is right, their simply watching it unfold in the stands, which is significantly more stressful than being on the floor or the bench cheering your team on.

Mental health does not always stem from the pressure a parent puts on their child. However, it can largely contribute to it. It’s important to acknowledge unrealistic expectations pushed onto yourself or others by parental figures. It can end up helping others who struggle with this in the future.