Soulmate Automatic

Lucas Restivo

Forpracticalpurposes,let'sassumeIdon'tknow WhatI'vefoundfoundme

I'mnotalittlebaby! I’mthedierence, whichisalwayshystericalandprofound…

SureI'mstillcharmeddrivingoverariver/underabridge Iwon'tapologizeforthebigger,thebetterringingsotrue orthesignsI'vemissedonacleverphrase. There'sanuclearcapacityinasigh andthebandaidstucktomyshoemightaswellbearudder. Worldbuildingbeginsassoonasyourealize itdoesn't

TherearenotakebacksifI'veeverlovedyou

IfintensityisthemarkofthebeastthenI'mhornedup. Ifhungerishumanitythendoyouhaveanapkin? I’mafraidI'mbleedingandcoveredincrumbsagain! Idon'tknowwhereIam,again! WhenIdoit'llbethebeginning ofwhenIdon't again! Andthere’smyfavoriteword again! Otherthan(doIalwaysneedtostatetheobvious?) myname fromsomeone’sdarlinglips!

Soulmates

You'regoing I'mstaying Stayingisanother goingdepending onwho'steeth youask Timeandplace Hauntmeatcertain timesandplaces, Imightjustcall youtheloveofmylife, whichisnottosay Ifearthemoment Iseeyou Dosoulmates existandhowmuch belongstoimagination? Doesiteven matter

Soulmate

FeelslikeI'mghtingfate orisittime?Friendsarecoupling, bubblingaway.Ournewmicro climatesclash.Chemistryleads todesire,desiretocontrol, andcontrolkillsboth I'mnot onanisland I’mnotanisland Samenessexistsonlyinconcept Itrynottobesolazy,but I’madirtyboy.Itleadsmetohell andyouandbackagain, andIhavethegreatbigballs tocallitromance Shouldn’t thatwinmesomething? I’mnotnotaskingforacottage, ortogetthehellout ofmyownwayfromtime totime.Howmanyofmyfeet areplantedinreality?Ihave onlytwo Inamaterialsense, myideaoflovemustmake littlesense.Soulmatebytrial anderror.Erosionof somethingI’mnot sosureexists. Mylifekeepsgettingsmaller DoIcallitrenement

SmokeRings

Istepoutforasmoke onceallthewitnessesaregone Sailmeaway,captain.Mytrueself againstthebuoysofothers. HeheInamemybabymechanism. Icrumplethepaper,Itossit inatiredmetaphor Iam thepaper!Youarethepaper! Ifeelinsoundsandeverything isaverb!Languageisthelitany ofacowardandyoucan'twin!I'mcertainly notlosing.I’mwritingforthefew whounderstandtheterror Apassing conversationfreezesatmydilemma Shelaughsafuckatwhatever privacyIviolated.Fucko.She'sbackwards. Aren'tI?Idon'thearallthatgood. Ihavenoclaimtoanythingbutgratitude. Iscrubyetintoyouagainandagainandagain ThenthedoorislockedwhenI’mreadytoreturn

WentForBroke(Again)

Notin thecards orof thecards? Mylovemade aclown wearaclownmask andpullthetrigger Allthosespringloadedpies forthefool I’vealwaysbeen. Myfather cryingatlunch Yourindierence Thistime lesspermission tohurt. Iknow themap, Idrewit Ican't seemtond anything. Whatever Lord

Americaloves atechnicality Stepsisters

Preachingtothechoir andthechoirdoesn't listenforfree.Icanplay along,longgame. Gratitudeisintimacy, asortofstillness I'lltrymyhardest tobethemost graciousclown inthecircusofself humiliation.Thenext thingtobreak myheartI'llknow asfamiliarasaower squirtingwater

Ohthehysteria ofhello!,thefear attheheart ofhope.Awishing wellismyfavorite mirror,I’mgaylike afairytale Icandrink myselfcompletely Clearbeginning andend,anillusion isworkandwhere itendsisrealwork. Loveisuglylikethat sometimes Nowyouare everyone Sometimes Iwanttocallyou andIdon't

LostGlasses

Ifyoucan'tsee thebeautyinhow I'mterried totellmymom Ilostmyglasses, thenIdon'tknow whattotellyou I'mthirty. Sheholdslittle powerover meoutside thesymbolic, whichIallow andsheknows andweplay alonginsmall tributetothetime whenthesedynamics wererealand matteredandIam solucky forthewhole cyclethatnever diesbetween parentandchild I’llalwaysbe yourbabyboy

AnywaysMa, Iwroteyouthis toletyouknow abouttheglassesthing Ilearnedfrom thebest. I'msorry. I'llbeoverfordinner

TheMoment Ishouldhave walkedback upthestairs

Walkinghomeinalightdrizzle,thefoghangsonthenightskylikeathumbprintonacameralens I'veworked alldaynowIdrink Ahottoddy,asweetsong Ithinkofyou Igotobed

ForWhomIDon’tDare

Thatescapismistied tolovemaybe inescapableasescapism. Iwon'twhipmyself overpleasureunless it’sforpleasure Jk Unless?Dad!Noseriously Ifellforyou inpartbecause howeasyitseemed inmyhead. Inthedarkcrowdedroom offriendship,yout Nonetooeager toimpose,one ofus,oneofus. Youcanhang andIwantyouto. That'snotescape, that'sthethingitself Youarenotmylife butyouaremylife

BeTheFool

It'sintheidea thataliecantell agreatertruth. Thebaseoflove couldbe selshneed whichaccomplishes somethingextraordinarily seless. Ibreakmyheart inbelief

Autistic

Thedoorslams,Istutter Anengineturns over,habadahabada habada.Mouthstillmouthing weird,theboulderisstill aboulder,themountain amountain Thezoo ofmirrorsdoesn’tchange theholinessofahunt.Every dayIhaveanobligationtotry tomaketherealalittlemore cartoonish

Tenderness

Doordon’t Mythoughtscome inthrees.Youcome inyesorno.Thebulk ofmyday,circling thedrain,Iwant anexcusetonot want toscrubotherpeople’s plates.Ifyouthink I'mweakI’llbite untilblood,reshue yourlifeinasentence ButIsettle forcliches Akiss beforebed,thelongnight

WalkingAround

Givemeanout

Idareyou I’mstupid likethat.Itdoesn’ttake muchtosendme onmyhappyway

There’sgustsofwind intheceiling swirls,theslugburger isonspecial. Huntingseasonrequires apermitandIstilldress inneoninmyneutral tones Won’tyou comealittlecloser? Yourhumpback tellsthestory ofyoursolitude, it’slearned,it’syesterday whenItried tojamaprinter intomywallet, mywalletinto mycomputerandthewhole turdurkenintothevacuum ofmyloneliness MydickintoaChinese ngertrap. Iboogiedown withthebest of‘em.Survival ofthefreest andI’malwaysyourclown,baby Iwearmybig reddancingshoes everywhere. What’saslap onthewrist toaslapacross theface?Toahit job?I’lldance mywayout oftheboardmeeting.

FightAndFlight(Dancing)

Thestakes arehigh, I’malwaysprepared andnot Composure isahush toawhisper andyouare thewholeworld whispering aroundtheblock. Won’tyoucome moveme closer

Theivyleagueofinteresting, cottoninthewind Mysweetass onthecan.Everydayisanemail. EverydayI’minloveandI’mlate. DoyouthinkIdon’trealize whatyouaredoing? Youneedtokeepthelightson Ihavethethighsofarunner

Dothework, notthatwork Makesomething ofyourself, circumstance, time Iwant togohome, notthathome Feelingthecloudy day.Thingsarenormal

LoveIsStupid(IAm)

Ifacedtheworld, madeafoolofmyself Downthelazyriver, outthejug, Icannonballed oawaterfall, claimedabigsplash Iservedmytime voluntarily.Thenext bestthingwas alwaysaround thecorner.Icouldn’t seeforshit Theclouds rainedshit,afterawhile moviesweremade aboutshitclouds andIwalkedinto everywallonaccount ofalltheshiteverywhere andtoldmyself thisisgrowth,thisis strength,scarsare asortofmuscle, otherwise,wellyou knowwhathappens otherwise Whether stupidityhaspurpose doesn’tmattertome Igolookingforlove insteadoflettingit ndme

TheBoat

Youweretalking tomeintheliving room,Ihadone handonmyholster/ phone.Later,sleep wouldtorment melikeatickle Theday,theweek, years,it'sallhappening atonce,always. Itellmyself Iamalone. Ihavemissed theboat

Theproblemwithdating anartistisyouhaveto Ifyoucare,youengage withtheportfolio. Yousityoursweetass downanddothework oftheirlife’swork Shouldyoubegiven aprize?Itwouldn’thurt. Shouldcaringbegood forsomething?Probably not.You’renotinthebusiness ofmarketingyourself Theworldisbuilt abeartrap inasandtrap madeofquicksand, inthemostmarket friendlycourse intheuniverse Sometimesyour workfeelslikeit’so ramp.Butyourtone, youruseofcolor? Icouldbobonyour lineforaverylong time,Ithink

Thereelofmyfuture isthepondofmypast Iwasossing withdynamitewire, youwereplayinghopscotch withyourshoestiedtogether Awalruscouldbecome presidentandI’dbelieveit Hell,I’devencampaign. I’mnotruined,inthetraditional sense.I’mnotoneofthose peoplewithnarrative tiedsotightaroundtheirneck theycan’tbreathe Ihave somethingtogive everyoneImeet

Doyou

Idon’tadvocate andthisisgood Ihopeyoucan exhale.Thispage isn’tfortherapy. Somanygreatwords getruinedbefore theycangetgreat Noturninghumanity intopathology.Nomore usingwords likepathology.The expositionliestoyou It’saprimer,nothing morethandelayed gratication,devastation. RightnowIhavenoreason toneedyou thewayIdo, butIdo

Theworldisagreat bigbeautifulscam! Woodtile,pulpwood, it’sthegreatestblessing thatyoucan’tbesure ofanything!fortheloveofGod, theloveofwhatever isatthebaseof everything!Goodsource materialforgood moneyinthecosplay, nothinghaschanged inalong,longtime I’mtalkingthousandsofyears, I’mtalkingoutmyass Conceptually,Ihaveno reignontime,nounderstanding otherthanIwokeup. Whatbetterstart toanyday?TodayIwokeup Checkedmyphoneforyou andwhenyouweren’tthere, Iwentbacktosleep andwokeupagain. Praisebefornothing ismoredicultthan whatcomeseasy, andtheopposite istruetoo.Iftheworld isonefunction,letitbetwisting peopleintosubjectively prettybows

WhatItTakesToEndTheWorld

Thecustominaccustomed isadaggerinmythroat Betterthanintheback, amIright?Pleasetellme I’mright.I’mhardrightnow. Likediculttobearound andmaybetheotherwaytoo Icouldpuke Somedays aresoclear.Ithink,atmost peopleshouldhavenomore thanveorsoessentialfunctions. WhatImeanisanemptyslice isstillasliceofthepie Ifyou’rethetypetoimplode,letitgrows moreandmore imperceptibleandthen getatme,Whatwouldyou liketodotome?I'mallears andopenlegsAllIneedtoleave thehousetolikehavingahouse Igotothesamefourplaces, andifyouaren’tthere,well, sometimes,it’slikeyoudon’texist. Iwon’tmakeyouadevice ofappreciation.Iwilljust forget

Shewills anorchestraout ofanassemblyline. Iexorcize solitude.Or exercise Mywhole lifedepends onthedierence

ChoosingGood

Onthewalktowork Icouldcryandfor achange,ithasnothing todowithwork.Shit’sgood man,Isensesomeone somewhereisspeakingaboutme, inaforeignlanguage, perceptivelytoo What ablessingtobesovain. Whenthedaysarethisgood nothingmatters,youknow whatImean?I’mlaying inthegrassandit’snotanaudition forthecemetery Nottobe atraumawhore,butitcanbeso overwhelmingtobealive. Thechildaheadofme keepslookingback. Ithinkshe'swalkinghome fromschool IknowIcan lookmenacing ButI’mreallynot

afterRob

Theanimalsintheclouds arenotmyfortune, butmysixthrstsipcouldbe. Thestreetswerepaved withfoxholeslastweek Partner,italwaysfeelslikequittingtime I’lltakeoneelectricalshock,please, aforkforyouroutlet, I’minlove,I’minlove,I’minlove andIdon’tknowwho totell.Loveisapig standingonacow andcallingitwings Intermsoftrying,noone triesharderthanme. Intermsofgoalposts, I’malwaysonthemove. Icouldwipeatattoo cleanoyourbody, Icouldkissthelipstick ontoyourlips. Thelandllofmyyouth hasbeenrecycled intoatotebag Ikeepemptyforyou

Thefearattheheart ofexcitementisclay forsome,marble forothers.Iworked oneuntilitbecame theotherand learnednothing usefulalongtheway LookImadeyou intosomething youarenot again.Look mydisappointment isalwaysmine

Can'tgas,can'tbrake, can'tgonowhere, can'tstay.Itstarted, nowthere'snothingelse. AchaseI’mnot supposedtoentertain Letmecookyoupasta Letmemakeitfromscratch

Discernment,I’veonlyentered theday’sarena onyourblessing. Nowlovesays open,ywithout yourbladedwings Icouldn’tkissyou. Icouldn’teventhinkofit. ItwasallIcouldthinkof.

Howwrong couldthemomentbe mynewfriend

Anyverbwilldo tothedesperate manintheback oftheroom

TypographyOfSeduction

Amanwalks intoabar, amanbelieves inanything. Amanthinks hecany Amanjumps. Amanfalls alittlefurther, alittlecloser

YouAndMe

Somearevessels

Somearereceptacles God,ndmeaword foryouthatisnotaword.

Ifyouarelight, couldIbeyourshadow? Ifyouaretoday, couldIbetomorrow?

CouldIbethegold toyourgreen? Couldwealwayssay exactlywhatwemean?

NoIllusion.NoAllusion.You

Iwalkthelong hallway, peek-a-boo, I’vefoundyou.

Thecalendarpages, poorblankets,kindle Theassociatedescriptors timemanipulates.

There’sastaircase thatcreaksinwant. Itwantsstillness Itwantstodance

I’verotatedyourshape inmymind.Ihave noroomfordeception. Iwantyou Now

Bothmasterandbutler Aplate,acleancounter ofdemands.Afterdark aguresneaks tothepiano, whiletheothersleeps intheirroom Thedayissung docileandimperfect Dreamsarenight’s inescapablerooms. Amother,atmosphere withoutgravity.Apillow heldhighabove asleepingface thatlookslike mine

Cosmic

Everythingin balance Love andterror.Boredom andcalm.Shirt andpant.Meat andbread You makeitlook soeasyandthat’s sohardforme

BridgeOrTunnel

It’sallcorners

Beginningsend, mouthspart, myownmouths aprophecyinakiss, myrstfaith,Ipray isnotenough Foryou Ipraytwice

ComingOfAge

Ibodyboarded abigwave,mybed, Victoria’sSecret television,balanced onaboner.Ididn’tknow whatIwasdoing,itwas earth-shattering,Ididn’t wanttoplaywithmyLegosnomore

Hello!Welcome tomyhome Itdoesn’tlook likemuch, butaconstruction siterarelydoes Here’smybed, there’smykitchen, there’smypile ofconcrete. Mydoorisalways openbecause Idon’thaveadoor Thedraftisalwayspresent

Hello!Ididn’tsee youthere Won’tyou devastate me? I’mfamiliaronly withtheafter andtheafterisalways unfamiliar.

Youinyourminklabcoat. Meinmywhatever ittakes Iaskfortheregular disembowelment. Fillme, withwhat? doesn’tmatter

Thehollowing isholy, yoursmile isallteeth, andI’mwideopen

Thesethoughts arenotthoughts Thetrailleaves footprints assouvenirs. Myeyesarenot whattheyused tobe Idon’tknow howanythinglasts. Doyouwant togo onalongwalk? Areyouhappy stayinginsidetoo

Idon’tknow whattheywant otherthanwhat Iwant seemstobe attheheart ofwhattheydonot Pleasedon’tgo Ijustopened abagofchips. There’sstill leftbeerinthebottle. Wearenot younganymore

Fuckedin theAmericanway Chewedup, spitout,patho logical.Iconsider thealternatives

Convictionis manipulatable Idancemyheart aroundthesubject untilitbecomes theobjectandIam thesubject I’vealwaysbeen

Ididn’twant tokissyou,Ididn’t wanttoendup inyourbed.Ididn’t wantthenight toend

WhatLeaves

I’msolucky Igettothink aboutthisnight, aboutyou,for aslongasittakes toforget

Isthecrumpledpaper inthecorner aectionor decoration? Anightstand, anakedmattress onanunnishedoor, Idonotdream ofinteriordesign. Astilllitcigarette crowdstheashtray.Areyou thewindortheopen window?AmIash soaringtheroom

TheDoglegOfIndependence

Doyouwant whatIwant? I’dguessnot. Youhaveeverything youneed Ihave everythingIneed Don’tyousee thetragedy?

NoExcuse

Themorningafter, Isleepin Iputon mygoodshirt,again,Italk realgood.Ilisten tomusicwhileI write,Ihaveno rulesanymore Thereareno excusesleft

Lastnightisthemorning gumIchewtostave thehunger ofanemptyfridge. I’mmanglingyou. Withmemory,Iam suckingout theessence untilit’spure texture, material, exercise

OpenWide

Iputon ashirttoonice forwork, Iwalkyourway assoonasIcan. Ismell likerelishandbody, orbodyandrelish Ishavedmyself unevenly,again. Spindlingorkindling, Ican’tchange foranyoneelse Ismilewithmyeyes closedinthereddot ofyourcamera

Everyquestionisabetrayal HereIlaymytenderness, bareasintent.Iwant toholdyou.Iwanttoknow whatIwant.Iwanttobe whereyou'llbe inayear,two Iwanttodogood Iwanttodo theimpossible withyou.Iwanttobe impossiblewithyou

MorningCame

Thegoodnessinyou inspiresthefearinme I’mmangled.Atoy soldiercoveredindog drool.Onenight, nightdidn’tend There wasnothingnoone coulddoaboutit Then you

Thebellrings, dingdingding, chumorchummy? Itfeelsliketwo strangerswhoknow eachotherinaninstant There’snosuchthing asafreelunch butthereare quickmeals. Takeyourtime, chewslowly. I’mnot

MeAsDeal

What’sthere tooer? Asuggestion? Icanbe awerewolf andwhisktime awaylikebatter Aickofthewrist, acake inyourwindow. Isthisgoodness? LordI’vebeen trying Doyou seeit?Isit

WhatI’vewanted allalong isopening adoor infrontofme. Thisis passage, otherness, inandout.Does thepresence ofthecamera make theshot? Doesitlookgood?

HelplesslyIn

GoodGod

Godisgood andI’mterried ofwhatIthink. I’llneverbeinside yourskull I’msupposedto ndthisenchanting GoodGod,letme lovewhatyoucan hurtbutonlyif youmust Soulmate(s)(Reprise)

Tastethesun Tastetherainbow I'mgrowing skeptical toideas Instant soulmate Instantramen Instantchemistry isonlygood foragoodfuck Soulmates arenotborn They’rebred Theend