“We can use the pain and turn it into spiritual growth.” - Author Unknown I have always loved this quote because I believe that it has truly been the foundation of my perseverance, it was how I outlived what my doctors thought would happen. I have tried my best to use all of my mental, physical and spiritual pain as ways to grow closer to God. I am not saying that I do not have bad days, because I do, but I have always tried to use my lupus as a way to grow. I also know that pain is miserable and I would never wish this upon anyone, but this is just my way of dealing with the pain in a way that works best for me. I was diagnosed with lupus in 1995. I was 28 years old and it turned my whole world upside down in so many ways. I was working in Detroit as a home care hospice nurse at the time, and I
LAURA
BIERNACKI’S WALK STORY was having problems keeping up due to constantly feeling ill. I was having a lot of weird symptoms such as the famous butterfly rash, sensitivity to the sun, joint pain, fatigue that caused me to fall asleep at the wheel, and a lot of inflammation in my lungs. I also found myself forgetting a lot and feeling very depressed. I had to stop getting highlights in my hair because it started falling out due to my sensitivity to the chemicals. Finally, I went to my physician in frustration because I would get high fevers of 104 degrees, severe joint pain and such horrible fatigue. I always felt like I had the flu. It took about six months to get diagnosed with lupus. I was blessed with a wonderful physician who was very thorough and knowledgeable. Back in the 1990s, not much was known about autoimmune diseases like lupus. In fact, I remember in nursing school briefly going over autoimmune diseases. There weren’t many treatments or knowledge back then, but Dr. Chari was a very smart and wellread man who did all sorts of blood tests and other types of tests on me. He listened to me, believed me, and supported me. The day Dr. Chari did the tests on me, he called me to tell me my diagnosis was extremely profound. It was also the same exact day that my twenty year old patient died of lupus. Talk about a shock. I was terrified, but Dr. Chari told me that I had a much milder case than her, so I felt some
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LIVING WITH LUPUS MAGAZINE
relief. But even with that relief, I was still in shock and really scared. I hated this disease because I had to give up my dream career as a hospice nurse. I felt it was my calling and that it was what God wanted me to do. However, the hours were too demanding and I continued to flare. I even started having some heart problems, but that eventually got resolved. As time went on, I had an amazing boyfriend who is now my husband. He supports and loves me unconditionally. He helped me get my master’s degree in counseling so that I could have a career I could handle. I felt like God was telling me that I was supposed to help people through therapy instead of nursing. However, that did not work out. Shortly after graduation, I started having bizarre symptoms which turned out to be neuropsychiatric lupus. These symptoms included full-on hallucinations, migraines, paranoia, losing my balance due to dizziness, numbness in my arms and legs, depression, and anxiety. One time, I was sitting in my car and I felt like the car was falling fast through the ground. I would also lose all sense of time, similar to a blackout. Sometimes, I didn’t even know where I was. I am originally from Detroit, but because I was living in Cleveland, I couldn’t remember if I was in Cleveland or Detroit. It was absolutely terrifying. I eventually
