UTE MADDNESS

When Townies Embrace their Inner “Farmer”

Welcome to the hilarious world of townies and their extraordinary quest to become instant farmers by driving utes. Yes, folks, it’s as absurd as it sounds. Strap in for a satirical journey as we unravel the comical illusions these wannabe farmers create.

Ute Mania - The Fashion Frenzy

Behold the spectacle of townies with their freshly polished utes, sporting new wool jumpers and RM Williams hats, like they just stepped out of a Swanndri commercial. They’ve mastered the art of

Ute Tax - When grown men cry

If you love driving a ute, the only thing better than a Hilux is watching grown men cry about having to pay extra for their Hilux. We all know about the ute tax starting from $3,100 for utes and going up to $5,175. I have a better idea, why don’t we just raise the tax even higher? Yes, you heard me right. Let’s raise the tax to $10,000 right now, and then keep raising it every year until it reaches $30,000 or more. If we raise the tax so high that no one can afford to buy or drive a ute anymore, then we’ll have no more emissions from utes at all. Problem solved! And not only that, but we’ll also have more money for the government to spend on other things like health care, education, looking the part, but alas, a wardrobe and a shiny vehicle do not make you a farmer. Watch them stumble through conversations about crop rotation and livestock, armed with nothing more than a few buzzwords they picked up from LINC101. It’s a sight to behold as they attempt to mask their lack of genuine experience with theatrical flair. Let’s bid farewell to the townies and their ute-driven fantasies and raise a toast to the real farmers, the unsung heroes who work tirelessly to nourish the world. And a note to the townies, ‘it’s okay to enjoy the perks of city living without pretending to be what you’re not. Hop in your regular car, wear whatever suits your fancy, and if you want to experience the countryside, take a stroll through a local farmers’ market, the authentic townie way! infrastructure, and maybe even some subsidies for electric and hybrid vehicles. And if we’re really lucky, maybe they’ll even lower our income taxes or GST as a reward for our sacrifice. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. So what do you say? Are you with me on this? Let’s make New Zealand the first country in the world to have a $30k ute tax! It’ll be fun!