Bargain Mansions Star Tamara Day - Fall/Winter 2019 by KS Women's Lifestyle

‘BARGAIN MANSIONS’ STAR

Tamara Day

TV Host Juggles Home Renovation & Home Life FALL / WINTER 2019

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Fall/Winter 2019

Writers MANAGING EDITOR Ann Niccum ART DIRECTOR Stephen Rau DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY Trenton Bush

SHANNON CARRIGER

JULIE DUNLAP

CATHY HAMILTON

SHARITA HUTTON

SYDNEY MEYER

HEATHER PERRY

Poet / Teacher / Word-Nerd

Storyteller

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Trina Baker Jason Dailey CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Shannon Carriger Julie Dunlap Cathy Hamilton Sharita Hutton Sydney Meyer Heather Perry Megan Stuke Angie Viets EMAIL COMMENTS TO editor@LWomensLifestyle.com ADVERTISING INQUIRIES Meredithe McCormick VP of Business Development Meredithe@LWomensLifestyle.com

Old Journalist / New Grandma

Marketing Coordinator / Word Connoisseur

Journalist / Superwoman

Fashion Blogger

SUBSCRIPTIONS LWomensLifestyle.com/subscriptions PUBLISHER Kern Marketing Group L Magazine is published quarterly by the Kern Marketing Group Inc. It is distributed via US Postal Service mail to affluent households in Topeka, Lawrence, Eudora, Baldwin, De Soto, Lenexa and Shawnee, Kansas. All rights reserved. No portion of this magazine may be reprinted or reproduced without written consent from the publisher. Articles and advertisements do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Kern Marketing Group. The Kern Marketing Group does not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. Information in L Magazine is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed.

MEGAN STUKE

Non-Profit Executive / Writer

ANGIE VIETS

Clinical Psychotherapist

To learn more about our writers, visit LWomensLifestyle.com/writers

INSIDE

FALL / WINTER 2019

10 | Confidence has no Competition The Lawrence Lady Boss Project Encourages Women to Connect and Thrive

14 | Charitable Giving Read this before you Donate

16 | Non-Profit Highlight: Alzheimer’s Association Make the Most of your Summer

18 | Customized Me-Time Self-Care Routines to Energize your Busy Life

20 | Winter Protection Expert Advice for Healthy Skin and Hair in Cooler Months

28 | The Point Celebrating the Holidays with Friends Instead of Family

30 | Under Pressure How One Trendy Appliance Saves Time in the Kitchen

46 | Style on the Street 50 | 10 Things 40-Somethings Need to do so They Don’t Turn Into Their Own Mothers 62 | The Last Word

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Y M M I J Y NDY JE FF AAND

features 22 | Childless by Choice

COVER

Fulfillment and Joy in a Life Without Motherhood

34 | Raising the Roof Mother and TV Star Tamara Day Shares Tips on Keeping it all Together

42 | A Stable Life Horses Provide Harmony for All Ages

54 | Embracing Resistance Andrea Hudy’s Path to Success

Confidence has no Competition

The Lawrence Lady Boss Project Encourages Women to Connect and Thrive Story by Heather Perry Photography by Trina Baker & Trenton Bush

Amanda Gregory had a feeling there were other lady bosses in Lawrence. After making the move with her husband and three daughters to the creative-minded city in 2016, the blogger was determined to connect with a tribe of local creators. When it proved to be more difficult than she anticipated, she organized a networking group for entrepreneurs to empower and inspire one another: the Lawrence Lady Boss Project. But what exactly is a lady boss? To Gregory, it’s someone who believes in herself and follows her dreams. “She doesn’t let the world stop her or change her course. A lady boss is someone that has built and achieved what she sets her mind to,” Gregory says. With the group’s Networking Night Out events, she is accomplishing her own lady boss goals. The first volunteer-based outing in April was a thriving success. Women with various interests in business came together at the collective clothing boutique KB & Co for food, giveaways and a photobooth operated by local photographer (and lady boss herself) Trina Baker. The second event in June featured free services like massages and facials, and more than half the attendees walked away with a giveaway from a local business. The giveaways are a fantastic way for small businesses to get on people’s radars and potentially increase their customer base. “There has been a really great, positive turnout. I think people here in Lawrence really respond to helping each other and empowering other women,” Gregory says. Empowerment is a key theme for the lady boss movement, both locally and internationally. A multitude of influential organizations provide females with equal opportunity to learn and connect in order to reach their full economic potential. Amanda Gregory Photography by Trenton Bush

For example, Girls Who Code seeks to decrease the gender gap in technology, She Should Run has prepared over 26,000 women to run for office and the Gift of Women Empowerment by Heifer International creates programs for small-scale female farmers to achieve stable income. The movement of women supporting women is here to stay. “We can be each other’s greatest cheerleaders,” Gregory says. “We can compete with each other all day long, but what does that get us? When we support and give each other a lift up, it comes full circle. It comes back to you.” Thinking forward is a key theme for an encouraging extension of the group. The Future Lady Boss Project has a goal of motivating middle-school-aged girls to pursue their passions in business. The idea is that a panel of five local lady bosses go to a school and speak, offering advice, inspiration and insight into what it takes to be a successful female entrepreneur. Gregory hopes to provide these panels quarterly so that young girls recognize they have the community behind

Networking Night Out Photography by Trina Baker

them when pursuing their dreams. Although the Lawrence Lady Boss Project is just getting started with its ambitious endeavors, it has already made an impact for women searching for connection and inclusion in the local business world. Positive Facebook reviews on the group page attest to this. “This has been an awesome way to connect with some amazing women business owners in Lawrence!,” Mary proclaims. “What a great resource to connect with and support other business owners,” Kate gushes. Social media is playing a vital role in the group’s success. On Facebook, Gregory highlights a new lady boss every Wednesday to help promote their business. Instagram is also being used to spread the word. As for the future of the Lawrence Lady Boss Project, the Networking Night Out events will continue with a rotating array of volunteers and donators in a new location each round.

CONTINUED P. 12 »

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Amanda Gregory Photography by Trenton Bush

Some of the group members are calling Gregory the Networking Queen, but she laughs at the sentiment. She thinks there are more lady bosses in Lawrence than people know of, simply because women haven’t had the opportunity to shout out their ambitions and successes in a public way. Gregory wants to give them a platform to do so. “If we have each other’s backs and build each other up, there is nothing that can really stop a crowd of women from doing what they want to do,” she says. If you are a local lady boss looking to connect with other ambitious women, Like the Lawrence Lady Boss Facebook page to stay up-to-date on events and information.

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Charitable Giving Read This Before You Donate Story by Megan Stuke

You’ve had three bags of good clothing in your truck for two months. Clothing that magically shrunk in your closet and no longer fits. You’ve come to grips with the reality that your relationship with those jeans and tank tops has come to an end and done the painful Marie Kondo process of thanking each of them, shoving them into a shopping bag and shifting them from bedroom to car. You’re ready to give your clothes a new home. The clothes are still in good repair, and you’re sure they’ll serve some other person for a few seasons before they’re put fully out to pasture in a textiles recycling bin. Your heart is in the right place, but getting the clothes into the hands of the deserving person who can use them might not be as simple as you think.

The same goes for the dishes you’re moving out of your garage, the queen-size bed you’ve upgraded to king and your oldest child’s collection of Lemony Snicket books that have been gathering dust for years. While all of these things have good life left in them, and the landfill is certainly not the place for them, your nearest not-forprofit might not be the right spot either. Donation management is a massive task for human services providers. Your local homeless shelter, domestic violence agency or back-to-work program all need your support. And they might need your donations, but it’s important to call first. Recently, I did the math on donations for the domestic violence agency where I work. We get drop-ins daily from well-intentioned folks with trunks full of goods they think we can use. Often, they are disappointed when we tell them that, unfortunately, we do not have the capacity to take their high chair, their sack of handbags or their grandmother’s percolator. Were we to accept all the household goods and clothing that are offered to us, our budget would need to increase by $200,000 a year. That’s right, taking in-kind donations costs non-profits money.

If we accepted all the household goods and clothing that are offered to us, our budget would need to increase by

$200,000 a year.

Here are a few considerations: • Space: To take donations, we need a place to put them. Warehousing furniture and a large volume of clothes in a dry, manageable space that is close to or attached to our existing offices or shelter home would be costly. • Staff: Someone has to be in charge of sorting, organizing, displaying and cleaning items. • Transportation: Often folks want their donations picked up. Even if they can deliver them, eventually they will need to be moved to the client’s home. This requires a vehicle, some muscle and time. • Mission: Non-profits have specific missions, and grant funding is usually restricted as to how the dollars can be spent. Clothing or household goods are often tangential to the mission of the organization, and too much time managing these things can take away from the central focus of the cause. While all non-profits are thrilled to have community members who are engaged with their missions, we are also often short on staff, space, time and resources. Most communities have organizations whose mission it is to accept larger donations of goods or clothing, and those organizations who cannot do so are accustomed to helping clients access things they need from the places that have them.

Do’s and Don’ts of Charitable Giving: • DO give cash it’s by far the most needed resource and it’s tax deductible! • DO give gift cards to places like Target, Walmart or grocery stores –particularly the ones that sell gas as well. • DO give full-sized, unopened packages of soaps, hygiene products, cleaning products and other standard consumables. • DO remember to add products for textured or black hair to your donation shopping list. • DO call ahead or check the website to see if your charity of choice has the capacity to take your intended donation. • DO clean toys, clothing, bedding and books before donating them to the appropriate charity. • DO consider adding your favorite charity to your estate planning discussions. • DON’T drop bags or items after hours and leave them to be found in the morning. • DON’T give expired foods or products. • DON’T give things that are mostly worn out, dirty or have holes. • DON’T be offended if the charity has to tell you that it unfortunately can’t accept your donation at this time. Charitable giving makes our communities stronger. Sharing our resources with those in need and supporting the work of saving the world is the most important thing we can do for our fellow humans. Doing so thoughtfully is just one step closer to making the kind of impact we all hope to have.

brought to you by Kern Group Inc.

Did you know that two-thirds of the more than 5 million Americans who have Alzheimer’s disease are women? Two-thirds of Alzheimer’s caregivers are also women. Alzheimer’s is one of the largest social, medical and economic crises in the nation’s history. No family, government agency or business will be immune from its devastation. Walk to End Alzheimer’s is the world’s largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer’s care, support and research –and it is coming to Lawrence on Sept. 29. Participants will honor those affected by Alzheimer's disease with promise flowers during the poignant Promise Garden Ceremony – a moving display of hope to represent the personal reasons participants join together to fight Alzheimer’s. A free event for all ages, funds raised at Walk to End Alzheimer’s go toward advancing the association’s mission. Those who fundraise at least $100 will receive an event T-shirt.

When someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, many questions arise. The Alzheimer’s Association – Heart of America Chapter can help. Free Heart of America Chapter resources and support services include: • 24-hour information and support line: 800-272-3900. • Support groups that meet regularly throughout the area for peer support and to exchange information. • Educational programs and workshops. • Action alerts: Timely electronic updates on policies related to dementia. • Weekly e-news with national and local information. • Chapter website (alz.org/kansascity) and social media interaction. Because of the increasing number of people age 65 and older in the United States, the annual number of new cases of Alzheimer’s and other dementias is projected to double by 2050. Odds are, if you are reading this, you either know someone with Alzheimer’s disease or you know someone who is a caregiver for someone with the disease. Register to walk or form a Walk team for the Lawrence Kansas Walk to End Alzheimer’s on Sept. 29. Register today at alzwalklawrence.org. Can’t be at the Walk? Consider playing in RivALZ Stateline: Kansas vs. Missouri women’s flag football game. More information is at rivalzkc.org.

If you would like us to highlight your non-profit organization in an upcoming issue, please contact L at: editorlwomensmagazine@gmail.com

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Customized ‘Me Time’ Self-Care Routines to Energize Your Busy Life Story by Angie Viets

If you are confused by mixed messages when it comes to self-care, you’re not alone. Women are bombarded with messages to grind it out, hustle and perpetually achieve, aspire and accomplish, all while having zero worry lines on our impeccably pore-free skin. We are told to exercise, eat clean, Pinterest-perfect our lives, as we manage kids, never-ending carpools and fancy careers. Yet, we are sold a contradictory message that we should create time to tend to ourselves. But when? Social media reinforces a fictitious planet where people “have it all together,” but rarely, if ever, is that the case. Somewhere within us, we know it’s a lie, but we’re trapped in the false sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, if we were more efficient and organized we too could pull it off. If you know a woman who is succeeding in the elusive goal of work-life balance, I’d love to meet her and invite everyone I know to sit in a large circle with her and ask the most basic and critical question, “How did you find your way?” We’ve all heard about this mythical concept of worklife balance, but what does that even mean? Maybe we’ve interpreted the notion of work-life balance too literally, when something more feasible, such as work-life flexibili-

ty is more attainable. I found this framework to be more fitting when I realized I was trying to refine the concept for the upcoming week, only to be completely derailed by a sick kid, requiring me to cancel a full day of work. Where’s the balance in that? It felt like the universe was laughing at me. My beautiful bullet journal had a big red mark through the day because balance wasn’t achievable. The workweek was modified, attention was placed on the sick baby, and flexibility and surrendering were my saving grace. As a therapist, I sit in session after session with adolescent girls and adult women who are overwhelmed and over-scheduled. They heap on AP classes while on committees and competitive sports teams. These young girls –talented and successful as they may be –are anxious, sleep-deprived and constantly (despite performance that indicates otherwise) feeling drained and deprived of some essential ingredient that they seem to know exists but can’t find. Their mentors don’t model a template reflective of any sort of roadmap out of the land of perpetual striving. It’s no wonder eating disorders, substance abuse and suicide rates among adolescents girls are at an all-time high.

All the things There’s a common conversation among women that goes a little like this: “How are you?” “Oh, you know, busy!” (Insert a look of exasperation). “Just trying to keep up with the kids’ school commitments, after school activities, and then, of course, work. All the things! What about you?” “Same! Yes, all the things! We should grab lunch or coffee sometime soon.” Off they go, parting ways, unlikely to schedule the very thing they most need: connection, caring for the self and mostly a moment to step away from the incessant demands of “all the things,” which you’ll notice doesn’t include space for self-care. Many women put self-care on the proverbial back-burner for an idealized time when the kids go off to college and work is less intense. But what if that’s just a story that a time will come when self-care is easier to fit in? Who does it benefit to delay such acts of self-compassion? Is this the example we want to offer to our younger sisters, nieces or daughters who observe us being perpetually spread too thin? When women are pushed beyond their limits, I’ll hear them say things in my psychotherapy practice such as this

when I dare mention that they take better care of themselves: “Self-care? What does that even mean? I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” Together, we explore the very thing that will restore them, which is often the most simple acts of kindness toward oneself. Daily rituals, not a once-a-month spa treatment (although that’s a lovely idea as well). There is no one-size-fits-all recipe for how to care for the self; it’s as unique and varied as each person we pass on Mass Street. however, there are themes that emerge time and again. Is self-care selfish? The notion that self-care is selfish is a little like saying personal hygiene is for the self-absorbed. Unless you want a mouthful of cavities, you brush and floss your teeth. The same goes for self-care. Unless you want your system to crash, take the time to nurture it. Self-care viewed through a narrow lens evokes images of someone lying on a beach with a summer novel, or a massage table in between a facial and mani/pedi, while the rest of the family members are left (gasp) to fend for themselves. Although these very luxurious and divine acts of self-care are options for some, there are a million ways to sprinkle your days with acts of kindness that are relatively inexpensive or free.

• Hot, candlelit baths with lavender oil and soothing music. (Place a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door for such moments of reprieve.) • Time spent alone to recalibrate. • Spending time in nature. • Almost anything creative (thankfully, coloring is socially acceptable for adults now). • Quality time with friends spent laughing and connecting. • Hobbies Together, as sisters and daughters and friends, let’s lead by example. Sharing our self-care practices opens doors of encouragement for others to make space for themselves, too.

Winter Protection Expert Advice for Healthy Skin and Hair in Cooler Months Story by Julie Dunlap

As summer’s sweltering temperatures cool and its sauna-like humidity fades, we slowly begin to let go of our flip-flops and iced tea as we reach for our boots and hot coffee while quietly wondering how many more days we have until Julie Boyle calls with her first weather report. This steady transition from sunning to sledding also brings changes to our hair and skin, requiring special care as winter creeps back to Lawrence. Keri Truscello and Terry Patchen, owners of Salon Pearl in downtown Lawrence, offer some tips for keeping hair healthy in the coming months. Truscello recommends investing in a “summer rehab” treatment at a salon in early fall to remove chlorine, moisturize and adjust the color, perhaps moving to a slightly darker, cooler shade to complement the seasonal changes in skin tone. This is also a good time to go for a shorter cut, if that is something you are considering, to accommodate the higher necklines and scarves that often rule the winter wardrobe. As the air dries out, it is also important to change the way we moisturize our hair. “You need to change your product like you do your bedding,” Truscello emphasizes. She explains that, as temperatures cool and furnaces turn on, moisture is sucked out of the air. Finding a quality leave-in conditioner will help combat winter static and keep hair moisturized between washings. Both Patchen and Truscello strongly recommend consulting with a stylist to find the right formula and routine for your hair.

At-home treatments and over-the-counter products can provide good short-term care, but Truscello cautions that the active ingredients may be diluted in exchange for that less expensive price point. “If you spend money on coloring your hair, spend money on the right product to maintain it,” says Patchen, who also strongly advises protecting hair by using a heat protectant and limiting the temperature of styling irons to 360 degrees. Above all, when it comes to caring for your hair, Patchen urges everyone of every age and hair type all year long, “Listen to you hair.” Shea Kruse, licensed esthetician and owner of AesthetiCare Lawrence, has tips for keeping skin healthy through the winter months, starting with protection. “You get sun exposure year-round,” says Kruse, emphasizing the importance of applying sunscreen on all exposed skin, including the face and the often-neglected hands in the winter. “You can usually get away with an SPF of 20 during the winter with one application for the day,” she says, adding that summer sun protocol should include upping the SPF to 30-50 and reapplying every 80-120 minutes to protect against the aging UVA and burning UVB rays. The sunscreen should always go on top of your moisturizer for maximum effectiveness. While fair skin may absorb UVB rays more easily than dark skin, all skin types are vulnerable to the cancer-causing effects of UVA rays and require protection every day

hair & skin experts agree: Hydrate Nourish your hair and skin from the inside out by drinking plenty of water throughout the cooler months.

Protect

of the year. Just as our hair can dry out in the winter, our skin is more prone to dryness as well. To combat this, Kruse recommends consulting with a licensed esthetician to develop a skincare routine. “We recommend four steps,” Kruse says. “Cleanse, nourish, moisturize and protect.” This routine should be adjusted over time, with women in their 20s and 30s focusing on prevention and those over 40 adding restorative ingredients to their product line, such as Retinol and vitamin C. Pharmaceutical-grade formulas will offer more bang for your buck than the less expensive cosmeceutical-grade products Winter is also an ideal time to look into clinical treatments such as Halo, which resurfaces the skin using a laser, or BBL, which uses light therapy. Chemical peels are another good option for the winter. While these services are available year-round, post-treatment care is often easier to manage during winter months, when limited sun exposure allows the skin to more fully restore. For more information, visit: www.salonpearl.co (yes, dot “co”) and www.greatskinlawrence.com

The sun can damage hair and skin yearround, so always opt for sunscreen and a hat whenever possible, even while driving in your car.

Go to a Pro Consult with a professional hair stylist and esthetician; bring a photo of your products so the experts can assess what is and is not working for you.

Be Consistent Regular visits to the same esthetician and hair stylist allow someone to see the parts of your body most vulnerable to skin cancers and diseases between annual doctor visits. This extra set of eyes can be life-saving.

Childless by

CHOICE

Fulfillment and Joy in a Life without Motherhood Story by Shannon Carriger

Photography by Trenton Bush

A decade ago, I stood in a townhouse garage on a sunny August Saturday. I was preparing to go to Kansas City where my sister-in-law was in labor with my first niece. There was a hurricane off the eastern coast of Georgia, and temperatures had been below average all month, so the garage wasn’t as stifling as it could have been. I could smell my neighbor’s roses and fresh cut grass, and I felt so many things: excitement at being an aunt, joy for my younger brother and sister-in-law that they would soon be parents, a suspicion that my marriage was going to fail, and a bone deep certainty that I would never have kids. I was 33, and as the bright light of my eldest niece entered the world, I

knew without hesitation that I didn’t want children. My garage realization wasn’t a lightning bolt. As a kid, I didn’t imagine having a family. When I played Barbies, I pictured elaborate trips they would take and the fascinating careers they’d have, but I never considered the family they might raise. My Cabbage Patch Kids were always in school, and I was usually their teacher, not their mother. I loved them like all children love their toys. I wanted them to be safe and tucked in and warm in their doll beds at night, but more than anything I wanted to read to them. It isn’t any wonder, then, that I became a high school English teacher.

CONTINUED P. 24 »

Michael and Shannon Carriger

Teaching wasn’t always the plan. By the age of 22, I was supposed to have been on Broadway. At least, this was my goal from fourth grade until my freshman year of college when I discovered doing plays in high school was a far cry from making a living as an actress. This revelation led to a string of bad relationships, self-doubt and aimlessness until I stumbled into graduate school, became a teaching assistant and found what I am meant to do. Teaching was in my blood from the beginning, even if I tried to deny it. Friends and family and teachers told me I should teach or be a lawyer — I’m known for my ability to talk — but I swore teaching wasn’t in the cards. I hadn’t realized I was already teaching all the time. I taught the kids I babysat how to play board games, how to braid hair and how to read. Through the killer stereo in my 1980 Ford F-150, I taught my high school friends about the genius of The Beastie Boys, Ani DiFranco and The Smiths. I taught my college boyfriends how to talk through problems instead of ignoring them, a skill I learned from my own mother whose refrain of “let’s talk about it” underscores every moment I was angry in my childhood. She refused to let my brother or me get away with hiding from or ignoring our feelings. It was annoying then, but now I know how valuable it is, and I try to teach it to my students. When I began teaching in 2007, I saw kids whose parents loved and supported and lived for them. I also saw kids whose parents didn’t know their children existed. I contacted parents, concerned about their children, and never heard back. I watched a mother during a parent teacher conference scream at her child who was failing English because the kid was making her mother “look like a bad parent.” Actually, screaming at her kid instead of trying to help figure out what was wrong is what made her look bad, and it broke my heart to see how clearly terrified the child was of her. I’ve watched kids become exactly what their parents wanted them to be, with positive and negative results, and I’ve watched kids strike out on their own to the joy and the dismay of their parents. And, of course, I’ve

seen kids without anyone resembling a parent at all. Those kids just try to survive high school until they can make a life for themselves away from the chaos. In every instance, I’ve tried to show them love. I believe the greatest way you can show someone you love them is to teach them. I don’t have to be a mother to do this, though I know some may argue. To teach someone is to put forth your own time and energy to make them better. To give them the tools they need to succeed, to navigate the world, to think critically and to know themselves. I haven’t done this for my own child, but I’ve taught thousands of other people’s kids, and it has given me a deep sense of purpose. My mom knew, in high school, that the thing she wanted most was to be a mom, to have a family and to raise kids. These were her goals, and she has crushed them, but I never had that drive. I never felt my life would be lacking anything without kids, and I never felt my womanhood would be lesser without experiencing motherhood. It’s funny how many people disagree with me. My choice to not have children isn’t based on a hatred of children or a dislike of responsibility, though I’ve heard those accusations. I absolutely love children; I’m around them all day long, and they are the best fountain of youth I know. It is nearly impossible to believe the world is a terrible place when, every single day, I’m around young people with whole lives ahead of them, their futures a bright field of possibility lit by their passion and determination. Their hope and excitement are energizing. As for responsibility, as a teacher, I am in loco parentis every day. In the absence of the parent, I’m the one responsible for a classroom full of other people’s kids, and that responsibility often feels, in as much as I can claim to understand it, maternal. In my more than 15 years of teaching, I’ve been called “school mom” more than once. For some students, I’m the safe space, the kind ear, the tough love, the hug when needed any time of the day. I’m able to give them what they need, but I do not have to be their parent to do it. I just have to be an adult they trust and who they know truly cares about them.

CONTINUED P. 26 »

Of course, I wonder what it would be like to have my own child to teach. To watch some incredible human, born of the deep love my husband Michael and I share, grow and conquer their corner of the world. Would they have my green eyes? His widow’s peak? Would they love poetry as we do? I was a month shy of 40 on our wedding day, and our first year of marriage was the only time I ever considered having kids. It was hard to imagine us not making another human as a symbol of our deep love for one another. But, it was harder to imagine having a 15-year-old at 55. After all, I teach other people’s 15-yearolds, and I know my limits. And, my husband already has a child, a daughter, in her junior year at Wichita State University in the Graphic Design B.F.A. program. She is

exceptional, and while I’m technically her stepmother, she and I have agreed we’re more like friends with a 23-year age difference. She never lived with us, so I never parented her, and she doesn’t need me to. She has a great mom and a wonderful father. I’m more like the weird aunt she can call if she needs another adult to talk to about her life. Being another adult a child can trust when they need one is a large part of my teaching, but it isn’t motherhood. The closest thing I have to that is my relationship with my 11-year-old Golden Lab, Zelda. She’s the baby I raised, the one who relies on me for everything and the one who taught me how to be responsible even when the world is crashing down.

As I suspected the day my niece was born, my first marriage did fail, and I was divorced in 2010. About a year later, I was shopping at Target on a Sunday in early May. As a teacher, I could smell summer break coming, and I was ready. The sun was shining, I had a coffee in hand, and my cart was full of purchases I didn’t need but certainly wanted which means it was a good day. Leaving the store, I passed a woman in the parking who was on her way in. She greeted me brightly as she carried one child and held the hand of another, her purse slipping off her shoulder as she said, “Good morning! Happy Mother’s Day!” Expecting this to be one of those passing niceties you share with a stranger and then immediately forget, I responded, “Happy Mother’s Day to you!” “You must have gotten the day off!,” she said. “Are you having some alone mommy time?” Her forced smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and her question suggested a day off would have been her gift of choice had she been allowed to choose. “No, I don’t have children,” I told her, smiling, “but I celebrate moms! Have a good day.” I saw her face change throughout my answer. Her re-

sponse, “Oh, uh, okay,” trailed behind her as she walked into the store, hauling her children along in what seemed like a rush to get away from me. In my car, a post-divorce Hyundai I was gratefully borrowing from my parents, hot tears welled in my eyes. I was embarrassed, like the decision to not have children was a stain on my character, and I was angry I’d let the small interaction upset me. Not having kids is just as private and personal a decision as choosing to have them, but culturally we question the former far more often than the latter. As a teacher, I can tell you we should probably reverse that. That interaction was small, it took maybe three minutes door-to-door, but eight years later I remember it. I suppose it’s because being a childless woman over 30 invites so many questions. Why don’t you have kids? Didn’t you want kids? Can you not have kids? On the surface, these questions are innocuous. Invasive and personal and no one’s business but my own, but innocuous. Beneath them, though, there is the unspoken question: What is wrong with you? For me, the answer has always been: Nothing.

The Point. Celebrating the Holidays with Friends Instead of Family Story by Shannon Carriger

As the holidays creep up with the subtlety of a department store full of Santa Claus ornaments in July, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Who will host the holiday? What do we do with the beloved pet who hates everyone? When is it okay to say no to Aunt Edna’s marshmallow surprise? Where does everyone sleep? Why does Uncle Larry insist on talking about politics? How will we have enough time to travel? The traditions that accompany the holidays aren’t always merry and bright for everyone, so, to paraphrase “Cheers,” wouldn’t it be nice to (not) get away? Enter Friendsgiving and Friendsmas, increasingly popular alternatives to traditional holiday celebrations for people who aren’t close to their own families or perhaps have no real family to speak of. These gatherings of friends aren’t based in obligation but in intention. They are celebrations born from

a desire to be together, to create a personal, often intimate celebration with chosen family and they can be just as rewarding, if not more, than traditional holiday celebrations (see Uncle Larry). Imagine gathering at a friend’s house and seeing all your favorite humans. You drink a little wine, you watch the parades, you share a communal meal because of course this is a potluck — no one would dare expect a friend to stress over doing the whole meal alone. Maybe there’s turkey and twinkle lights. Maybe there’s tofurkey and tinsel. You spend the day laughing and eating and talking with people you love and who love you. You pause. You breathe. You celebrate. You do not spend even one minute trying to convince your uncle that his politics are insane. You’re thankful. And after all, isn’t that the point?

Under Pressure How One Trendy Appliance Saves Time in the Kitchen Story by Sydney Meyer

Photography by Trenton Bush

Traditional cooking: Hours of prep, over-boiling pots, frantic beeping and nightmarish cook times. Sound familiar? As a woman, you are called to multitask. When events pile up and you become short on time and energy, fast food often seems to be the only feasible dinner option. With hungry kids and ensuing bedtimes, how can you provide healthy meals in a short amount of time? Enter the Instant Pot, the alternative that provides fast, healthy dinner options with minimal dishes to clean … and hardly any effort to prepare. “I love my Instant Pot because you typically can do all of the mixing and prep in the instant pot bowl,” says Chelsea Teter, mother of two. “I love that it is quick and, once it is done, you don’t have to eat right away. … I have two kiddos to babysit, so it is nice to not have to babysit my food.” This multi-functional kitchen appliance allows you to sauté, pressure cook and finish a dish all in the same pot. The device’s pressure-cooking technology heats the dish in half the time, while exponentially lessening the dish load.

Programmable pressure cookers keep your food warm, cook meat to tender perfection, don’t heat up your kitchen and conserve energy overall. With small kitchens and limited organizing space, these multifunctional tools is a welcome addition. Some resist cooking appliances for fear of cluttering their kitchen and only utilizing the appliance for a few certain things. “I used to have specialty tools for many things and found out as I was minimizing my kitchen, I only used some of them like once a year, so I sold or got rid of them,” says Hannah Thompson, physical therapy assistant and mother of five. Thompson believes an extraneous amount of kitchen gadgets do little to assist in efficient cooking and kitchen organization. However, there’s a difference between multifunctional kitchen gadgets and those that are used for only one purpose. Oftentimes single-use kitchen gadgets, like the avocado-slicer or the strawberry huller, seem to be more trouble than they’re worth. “I like the Instant Pot,” says Joey Fager, mother of

31 four. “I was a huge fan of the crockpot, but it meant I had to have time to put it together before work. With the Instant Pot, I have time after work and it’s done quickly. I can brown the meat, deglaze the pan, then add the rest of the ingredients –all in one pot.” There are, of course, downsides to all new appliances. “You can make anything in half the time, so it’d be helpful in that respect,” says Shelby Jordan, baker at Mug Shot Coffee Shop in Ottawa. “But I don’t think I’d be able to figure it out. … Everyone is like, ‘Well, I had to watch 10 YouTube videos to figure it out.’” The Instant Pot comes, in all its glory, with an abundance of buttons. There are settings for rice, eggs and even yogurt. The sheer amount of possibilities can feel overwhelming, especially when the thing is frantically beeping and you have no idea how to shut it off. Fager warns against misleading recipes. “The cooking times may be short,” she says, “but you need to realize it takes some time to pressurize and then release afterwards –sometimes 30 minutes.” The Instant Pot requires boiling water and high pressure to carry out its quick-cooking function. Though the cooking process is faster, it entails a bit of waiting time for the pot to warm itself up. Another downfall of the Instant Pot is that it does not leave much room for errors. Once you’ve started cooking, you can’t taste the product to be sure the flavors are blending well. To do so, you’d have to depressurize the pot and then re-pressurize all over again. It’s easier to dump everything in and just let it go. But in Teter’s books, the good far outweighs the bad. “Anything that has multiple functions and can decrease dishes and the amount of time I have to spend in the kitchen is always a win for me,” she says. Whether you’ve tried them before or are resisting the trend, you can’t deny that the Instant Pot is one of the latest (and greatest?) kitchen appliances. Give one of these recipes a try, and you may find yourself deciding that it may be just the tool you need.

Butternut Squash Apple Ginger Soup

Butternut Squash Apple Ginger Soup Recipe adapted from www.yayforfood.com

Ingredients: • 1 T. olive oil • 1 onion, chopped • 2 T. fresh ginger, minced • 2 garlic cloves, minced • 1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and chopped • 2 granny smith apples, cored and chopped • 2 medium carrots, peeled and chopped • 1 tsp. ground cinnamon • ¼ tsp. ground cumin • ¼ tsp. ground coriander • 4 c. water • Salt and pepper, to taste Instructions 1. Set the Instant Pot to “sauté.” Add the olive oil and onion to the pot, stirring until softened. 2. Add in garlic and ginger and stir for another minute. 3. Press “cancel” to turn off the Instant Pot. Add the remaining ingredients. 4. Season generously with salt and pepper. Stir well to distribute the ingredients. 5. Seal the Instant Pot and cook on “manual” for 8 minutes. After the soup is ready, allow natural pressure release for at least 10 minutes before the quick pressure release. 6. Use an immersion blender or ladle the soup into a regular blender to blend until it is completely smooth. 7. Add additional salt and pepper and serve.

Chunky Potato Cheese Soup

Chunky Potato Cheese Soup Recipe adapted from pressurecookingtoday.com

Ingredients: • 2 T. Oil • ½ c. chopped onion • 6 c. peeled and cubed potatoes • 2 14oz. cans of chicken broth • 1 tsp. salt • ½ tsp. black pepper • ¼ tsp. red pepper flakes • 2 T. dried parsley • 2 T. cornstarch • 2 T. water • 3 oz. cream cheese, cut into cubes • 1 c. shredded cheddar cheese • 2 c. half and half • 1 c. frozen corn

White Chicken Chili

Instructions 1. Choose “sauté” on the Instant Pot and add oil and onions. 2. Cook, stirring occasionally until onion is tender. 3. Add 1 can chicken broth and herbs. 4. Put the steamer basket in the cooker pot. Add diced potatoes. 5. Lock lid in place and select the “manual” cooking function. 6. Cook for 12 minutes. 7. When the timer beeps, turn off the cooker, wait 5 minutes, and do a quick pressure release. 8. Carefully remove steamer basket and potatoes. 9. Add cream cheese, cheddar cheese, and corn. 10. In a small bowl, dissolve cornstarch in 2 T of water. 11. Select sauté and add cornstarch, stirring constantly until cheese is melted. 12. Add remaining chicken broth, half and half, and potatoes. 13. Serve.

Serving Lawrence for Over 30 Years

White Chicken Chili Recipe adapted from www.diethood.com

Ingredients: • 1 onion, chopped • 2 cans great Northern beans • 2 cans diced tomatoes with green chilies • 1 can corn kernels • ¼ tsp. chili powder • ¼ tsp. ground cumin • ¼ tsp garlic powder • ¼ tsp paprika • Salt and pepper to taste • 2 c. chicken broth • 1 lb. chicken breasts • Shredded cheese, for garnish

Instructions 1. Place the onions, beans, tomatoes, and corn in the crockpot. 2. Stir in the spices. 3. Add the chicken broth and place the chicken breasts on top. 4. Cover and cook for 3.5 to 4 hours on high, or 5-6 hours on low, or until chicken is thoroughly cooked. Or pressure cook for 15 minutes and quick-release the steam. 5. Shred the chicken and stir back into the pot. 6. Ladle chicken into bowls and garnish.

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Mother and TV Star Tamara Day Shares Tips on Keeping it all Together Story by Sharita Hutton

Photography by Jason Dailey

For Kansas Citian Tamara Day, juggling work and motherhood is just as difficult as some of her home improvement projects. Day, a mother of four (Henry 15, Bobby 13, Thomas 11 and Eleanor 6) spends most of her time getting her kids to and from various sports practices and games. In fact, it’s not just one or two sports; her children are involved in golf, tennis, baseball, basketball and gymnastics. Then, factor in school responsibilities for all of them, and you have to wonder where she finds time to refurbish old homes into forever homes in front of the camera for the DIY Network and HGTV’s “Bargain Mansions.” One has to wonder, while juggling all of her home and career responsibilities, if she is able to set aside some time for herself. When asked if she combats the physical toll of being a parent and wife while maintaining a busy career with exercise, she jokingly replies, “I plan to start tomorrow.” Juggling everything is not a one-woman show. “It definitely takes a village,” Day says. “If anyone finds balance, I would like to know the secret because I definitely don’t have it. A lot of times I say: I think that balance is a lie. It’s not possible. There are certain times when you are better at different things. Sometimes I am a better mom than an employee, but there are other days I am a better employee, or boss, than I am a mom.” CONTINUED P. 36 »

Day, who grew up in Salina, Kansas, does not remember a time when her parents ever hired someone to do a job for them. “My dad just did everything,” she says. “My mom was also there helping him figure it out, and that is where we learned so much. Both of my parents were raised on farms (Dodge City and Timkin); they were all about do-it-yourself. Being around it, I learned how to do it. The older we got, the more work we did around the house, and the tasks got harder. That is where we learned so much.” So it’s no surprise, when it was time to decide in middle school and high school between Home Economics

or Shop, Day picked … BOTH! She chose those classes, never envisioning that she would utilize necessary skills learned in both by balancing motherhood and her career updating and upgrading homes. Finding her way into the spotlight didn’t seem quite as magical as many would believe. It took time and a lot of hard work. “It was such a slow process. It was 5 years in the making,” Day says. “It was a little Skype video, nothing exciting, and after three or four months, we would shoot a little more and then another three or four months, and so on. So there was no huge exciting moment getting here. It

was a bunch of little moments that makes the whole thing what it is.” From that, Day has filmed two seasons on the DIY Network that then aired on HGTV. Last season, she spent two or three days a week filming from January through November. “Many of the days that we are filming, we will be working from 7 in the morning to 7 at night and then get up and do it again,” she says. But it’s an experience Day continues to grow from each and every day, including the people with whom she chooses to work. Especially since she is now in a field

which was once dominated by men. “I still run into those men that think you are just there to pick out pretty things and don’t take you seriously. I have had to weed through the ones that seem like they are going to be great and then turn out to have the same mentality. But then there are those (men) that totally respect me and respect what I can do, and those are the ones that I chose to work with,” she says. “This has been eye-opening and disheartening all at the same time. But with that said, an amazing experience. The reality is at the end of the day, I sign my paycheck just like every other guy.” CONTINUED P. 38 »

Trending Topics Her experience, accumulated in life, and, of course, on TV, has elevated her to a place where her opinion is often sought in matters of home improvements. We, of course, would not leave you hanging without asking Day about the latest dos and don’ts when it comes to updating your home.

When it comes to making updates on a budget, what do you consider to be a must and what can you skimp on? Kitchen and baths are always the jewel boxes of the house, the ones you have to spend money on to get money back, but then all the other rooms in the house have to look good too, and those you can do yourself. For example, in bedrooms and living spaces there are a lot of things in those spaces that you can do your research on. Watch HGTV, or my show, find ideas that demonstrate inexpensive ways of solving problems and finishing it yourself. In this day and age there honestly is nothing you can’t figure out how to do online.

Shiplap. ShipLAP. SHIPLAP. It’s what we hear so much when watching home improvement shows! So is it as great as it seems? There are different variations of shiplap that will phase its way out. Everything is a stamp in time, but shiplap still has a great appeal. Obviously, we (renovation professionals) get excited when we find shiplap in the room. What I really love is how wood or white-painted wood adds some great texture to a room. Plus you can add different looks to shiplap by placing it vertical versus horizontal that gives it a totally different look to a room. There are a lot of ways of using shiplap, so don’t shy away from using it.

So should we expect some big changes when it comes to the upcoming color palettes? Beige is coming back. Warmer tones mixed with the cool tones, that is what is coming. Being able to mix the natural wood tones with grays, beiges and the blacks with the whites is the way to go. Also, bright red and hot pink together are crushing it right now. Those bright colors with the cool warm color palette really works.

When trying to find your next home or project, how do you find that diamond in the rough? There are so many beautiful homes out there but many of these old houses have been updated and now feel so blah or bland and stripped of all their unique charm. For us, we work on all ages of houses. We are not exclusive to the 100-year-old house, we are just partial to them. But, I think there really is no limit to the age of what I want to work on. It’s more about when I walk into the home, there has to be something there, whether it is the woodwork throughout the home or even just the doors or the trim. Something that small will draw me to a house. You can find so much charm in those little things and that is what I am going for.

What would you consider your favorite home improvement project and why? The Tudor home from Season 2 was my favorite because we transformed the flow of the home to fit a modern lifestyle but saved so much character and charm at the same time.

Future Day While many would think being a star on a hit TV show would be a dream job, for Day this is not the end. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I believe you should set your goals high. There is nothing that is out of reach, and this is a perfect example of that. If someone would have asked me 10 years ago, if I could have a show, what kind of show would it be? I would have told them it was a cooking show. This has truly been an awesome experience but there is so much more I want to do with it. There are no limits.â&#x20AC;?

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Horses Provide Harmony for All Ages Story by Julie Dunlap

Photography by Trenton Bush

43 Truth be told, I am really not an animal person. I love my fellow Earthlings, but I’ve always felt I was missing the gene triggering that profound connection to animals that actual animal people seem to have. All of that begins to change when I visit Janssen Stables in De Soto. As I pass the pirate flag marking the driveway of this sprawling oasis southwest of K-10’s most famous golden-arched landmark and am greeted by owner Lesley Janssen and her peaceful menagerie, an unfamiliar synapse begins to fire into my very furless soul. In the middle of this stable full of majestic horses, two donkeys and an adorable pig named Yum Yum, is Karyna Holm, a Kansas City-area eight-year-old at the tail end of her lesson. Karyna sits atop Scotti, one of Janssen’s horses, perfectly poised and in complete control of her new half-ton friend, taking Janssen’s calm, clear instruction with a bright smile on her face. “I give (novice riders) a safe horse,” Janssen explains while examining her young rider’s most subtle movements. Janssen’s students first learn bareback (with padding only), attempting to ride the horse, rather than the saddle. She teaches her riders every step of equine care, ensuring everyone who aspires to own a horse someday understands the level of work and commitment that goes into it, while also allowing the love and confidence that comes from this process to develop. Karyna looks forward to growing up with this community and is equally elated to spend time with her favorite animal. “Horses can do a lot of things other animals can’t do,”

Lesley Janssen

Karyna smiles as she brushes Scotti’s flawless coat, adding, “and I like how cute they are.” She’s not wrong. “I don’t care what direction (my students) go with riding,” Janssen says as the Holms head to their car after the lesson. “Horseback riding is a lifetime sport.” A self-proclaimed “barn rat,” Janssen grew up with a love of nature. “If you needed me, I was always up a tree or in a creek,” she says of her childhood in Leawood. Janssen bought her first horse, Skippy, while in high school with $650 she saved from babysitting. A second horse, Blue, soon joined, and the trio trotted off to Virginia Intermont College for Janssen to pursue a degree in stable management. Two years in, however, her plans changed, as a horse trainer back in Kansas had already caught her eye and her heart. Lesley and Scott Janssen married in 1994 and bought the De Soto stable together five years later. “We wanted to board the horses we were training,” Janssen says. Just like any other high-level athlete, a show horse’s diet, environment, emotional connections, physical demands and health impact the performance. By boarding the horses they were training, the Janssens were able to monitor all of those factors. The two moved into the house connected to the stable and worked to remodel and expand the facility. When adjacent property became available, they purchased it and added more space for horses to safely roam. When foals were born, they called in large animal vets to welcome the new babies. As their boarding and training business grew, so did their community.

CONTINUED P. 44 »

44 That expertise, enthusiasm and teamwork the Janssens cultivated are exactly what saved the stable – and Janssen herself – when her husband passed away from melanoma in 2009. “The horse community was amazing,” Janssen recalls, leading me from the stable to the lush, rolling land out back. From covering daily duties at the stable while the Janssens traveled for oncology appointments to hosting a benefit show put on by 4-H, their local and national network provided immeasurable support. “Scott was an exceptional horse trainer,” Janssen says with a smile as she introduces me to a mother with her young, velvet-coated foal. Scott continued to train riders through his illness, coaching from a scooter at the American Royal the month before his passing. “He was a great guy. Everybody loved him,” she recalls. Left with a well-nurtured but demanding business and a broken heart, Janssen refused to give up the fruits of their labors. So many horses, owners, students and riders had not only come to rely on Janssen Stables but had become a part of the dream as well. “I just dug in and built it back up,” she says as we leave the mother and her young foal to continue to graze. Crediting the tight horse community, Janssen adds, “Teamwork was key to getting through it.” Over the past decade, Janssen has expanded the

Julie Dunlap and Lesley Janssen

business she started with her husband and currently boards roughly 40 horses (including her own), with about one-third serving as show horses. She has two guys who work part time and a slew of volunteers who help keep the stable clean, safe and positive. And she has a relatively new helper… her five-year-old daughter, Grace. Janssen offers 20 stalls, most of which face the spacious indoor riding and training arena, allowing the horses to see what’s happening around them. “Horses thrive on routine, predictability and consistency,” Janssen explains, noting that the other animals roaming the barn help mellow the horses in and out of their stalls. Horses that are taught to perform around other animals are less likely to experience anxiety when around other animals off-site. So far in our time together, very few men have entered the stable. It turns out this isn’t unusual. “Women find a different connection,” she says. Janssen discovered early in life that horses build a special confidence in their caregivers, especially in women. “They can say, ‘I made this 1,200-pound animal mind me, work with me and listen to me,’ and they feel empowered. It’s such a sense of accomplishment.” This phenomenon is not as easily found in raising teenagers, but one similarity exists. “You get back the love you give,” Janssen adds. That, I can relate to.

45 As our time together ends, Janssen mentions Ladies’ Night is every Thursday. I return two weeks later in jeans and cowboy boots, ready to ride. Janssen’s stable is filled inside and out with a diverse group of woman ages preteen to Don’t Ask, each one calm and confident as the younger group wraps up their lesson and Ladies’ Night begins. Sherry Bowlin and her 15-year-old (favorite and only) granddaughter, Avery, are preparing to ride. “We share a horse,” Avery explains. “We each own half.” “I own the more expensive half,” Bowlin laughs. Bowlin shares that their horse was a rescue on death row when she bought him and rehabbed him from a neglected 800 pounds back to a healthy full ton. Outside, Mimi Martinez, age 14, and Gabby Anderson, age 13, are poised atop their horses, just finishing their riding lesson. Both girls caught the riding bug while on family vacations a few years earlier, and both have been taking lessons with Janssen regularly. “Riding a horse was such a calming experience,” Martinez recalls. “I felt happy, really freeing.” Anderson agrees. “I felt less stress and a lot of joy from it,” Anderson says. “It’s not a feeling I’ve had anywhere else.” Her words resonate loudly, as this kind of peace isn’t commonly found within her constantly connected e-gen-

Karyna Holm and Lesley Janssen

eration. I say a silent prayer that the internet goes down forever and all kids are forced back outside to find joy in nature. Just then, Janssen’s daughter, Grace, leads her own small pony out to meet me. “This is Strawberry,” Grace says. “Her name was Dolly, but that didn’t make sense for a horse, so I named her Strawberry.” Grace leads her pony so naturally and nonchalantly, I almost forget the pony is a real, live animal. The scene renders it impossible to harbor even one tiny bit of negativity, as it radiates simple, infectious joy. One of Janssen’s helpers comes out next with Scotti, who is saddled up and ready for me. As the sun settles in behind some low clouds near the western horizon, Janssen instructs me how to go, steer and stop, and off Scotti and I trot. Amber Eshelman, an equestrian writer (and rider) with OneChillHorse.blogspot.com, soon joins me in the outdoor riding arena. Full of joy and kindness, Eshelman grew up in an agricultural family with a deep love of horses. She came to Janssen’s stable first for weekly riding lessons on Janssen’s horses, then bi-weekly. Her husband noticed the peace and happiness riding brought her, and he encouraged her to continue. Soon Eshelman had a horse of her own.

CONTINUED P. 46 »

As Scotti and I roam the grounds under the muted spotlight of the descending sun, 1000 feet from K-10 and a world away from all it carries, I get it. My home is filled with awesome humans, two dogs and a to-do list a mile long. But here, the to-dos give way to the power to simply be. “I love what I do,” Janssen says with a bright twinkle in her eyes. “I love the people. I love the horses.” After spending time with Janssen, it is clear that the love she has given over the years is all around her every day. For more information, please visit: www.JanssenStables.com

Dannah Hartley blends professionalism with personal style when dressing for work at the University of Kansas.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Fashion is a fun way to do whatever I want,â&#x20AC;? says high school student Mia Robinson.

Juanita Reyes, a Spanish teacher at the University of Kansas, typically pairs bright colors with neutral pieces so that her ensemble fits with every situation.

Story by Heather Perry

Malka Hampton, left, and Lisa Rowe are coworkers at Weaver’s Department Store. “It’s just very personal, and it also depends on the mood that day,” says Rowe, when asked what fashion means to her.

Photography by Trenton Bush

Mass Street is a downtown worthy of double takes. On any given day, you are destined to observe an array of style aesthetics. From classic chic to modern bohemian, with every eccentricity in between, there is no shortage of fashionable women in Lawrence. Although street fashion is currently living its best life online through Instagram, Pinterest and other sharing platforms, the wonderful reality is that fascinating women have used style to embolden themselves long before the creation of #OOTD. Take Cleopatra’s iconic kohl eyeliner – a rare-for-thetimes makeup technique that amplified her public image into a figure of striking power. Or Audrey Hepburn’s little black dress – a modest garment that has been universally embraced as a symbol of timeless sophistication. Style goes beyond clothes and compliments. It’s how women express themselves to the outside world. High school student Mia Robinson believes fashion is meant to be fun. “It’s a cool way to say who I am without having to speak it,” the teenager with daring coral-colored hair explains. Weaver’s associate Malka Hampton wears what is unique and one-of-a-kind. She either thrifts her clothes or makes them herself. “My style is whatever I want it to be and also maybe something that’s different than other people are wearing,” she says. For women in the workforce, merging personal style with professionalism is important. “I have to do a little bit of professional, and I want to have a little bit of being a human,” says Dannah Hartley, associate director in KU’s Undergraduate Advising Center. “I never know what meetings I’m going to go to, but I like being comfortable, and I pay attention to the weather around here.” Gone are the days of constricting corsets and painful brassieres. The antiquated adage “beauty is pain” is not accepted by modern women on the go. “Whatever is available and easy,” Juanita Reyes, a Spanish teacher at KU, says when asked what she wears often. “Whatever is most comfortable, definitely.” There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to fashion in Lawrence, where individuality reigns supreme. If you are seeking real-world street-style inspiration, worthy of the finest hashtags and shares, all you have to do is go downtown. CONTINUED P. 50 »

Mickie Alberding, Alex Vetter, Denise DeTommaso and Lindsey Tucker gather outside Merchants. Some pieces of fashion advice they live by include: Be comfortable, be practical and “When it’s hot, stay cool.”

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O T N I RN

WN O R I THE

At 40, a 5’2" spirit that smells like Crabtree and Evelyn soap and Mary Kay makeup floated into my house at midnight and started taking over my body. It was slow at first, and then it found its mojo. By 45, it really started moving in and making changes to the real estate in my mind. It rearranged the furniture, set up a new system of banking and started trying to do my hair. It gave me a new vocabulary and tried to take over my cooking habits. It was MY MOTHER (who is, by the way, alive and well). She is powerful, even at 80 years of age. My mother is amazing, as, I’m sure, are many of our mothers. But there has been a concerted effort since I was seven years old to not BE her. There were countless “I’ll never do that when I have children” declarations. “I’ll never ...” is the refrain of the daughter. Women of a certain age, it appears, share some truisms when it comes to our mothers. These Mother-Spirits are coming in whether we want them or not, but there are some things I believe we can do to combat them.

Story by Megan Stuke

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1. Do not force-feed your guests. They can decide if they want cake or coffee on their very own. 2. Do not tell your children, if they are over the age of 5, how you think they should wear their hair. (Same goes for clothes, to be honest.) Definitely don’t tell them if they are over 18. 3. Don’t freeze cookies or bread. 4. No matter how tempting, don’t say, “Because I said so.” 5. Understand that your 35-year commitment to Weight Watchers is interesting to zero people but you. 6. Don’t carry a purse that is half your body weight. 7. Don’t lick your thumb to erase a smudge on your child’s face – particularly if that child is grown. 8. Realize that a whole stick of gum is absolutely fine. Stop tearing them in half. 9. Update the decor in your house more often than every 20 years. 10. Most importantly, remove Guilt Trip from your children’s vacation destinations.

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Love your mothers, appreciate them, but do not try to BE them. Progress is good. We can let our hair be long and still wear non-sensible shoes and even bright lipstick after 40. I know it’s true because I said so.

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EDITORâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NOTE Shortly after this story was filed, Andrea Hudy announced she was leaving KU to become the new basketball strength and conditioning head coach for the University of Texas. L Magazine wishes her all the best as she continues her remarkable career.

Story by Cathy Hamilton

Photography by Jason Dailey

Resistance training is a form of exercise in which muscles are forced to contract under tension, using weight to stimulate strength and endurance. Resistance works by causing microscopic damage to muscle cells which quickly are regenerated by the body and grow even stronger. In other words, you’ve got to break it down before you can build it up. That’s an apt metaphor for how Andrea Hudy has achieved success in a male-dominated world, becoming one of the top strength coaches in college athletics. CONTINUED P. 56 »

Growing up in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania (the youngest of five children whose parents were both teachers), Hudy faced resistance of the “no girls allowed” variety her entire life. But, if her spirit suffered any damage at the time, it strengthened into a “just watch me” attitude that has served her for life. “I had two older brothers and two older sisters,” Hudy says. “I got my butt kicked, absolutely.” Hudy’s first foray into organized sport was in pee wee football in elementary school. “My brother was the quarterback and I was the fullback and linebacker,” she says. “He was older but smaller than I was because girls mature faster. It was fun playing with him. But what I really wanted to do was wrestle. At home, I wrestled everybody — my brothers, sisters, friends. But my dad wouldn’t let me do it competitively. I think there was something about me getting on a mat and wrestling (boys) that he just wasn’t comfortable with. Too intimate, I guess.” That was an early example of resistance to which Hudy pushed back, literally. When her brother flaunted his wrestling medal in her face after a tournament she wasn’t allowed to compete in, she pinned him to the Christmas tree, bringing the whole shebang — ornaments, lights and all — down to the mat. In high school, Hudy discovered a passion besides athletics. “I had a great chemistry teacher in high school and took multiple years of chemistry with him. So I have a solid science background — physical science, biology, kinesiology. But I really loved chemistry. And stoichiometry. Huh? “Stoichiometry. You know, factor-label?” she says. Hudy demonstrates by leaping to the blackboard and diagramming how to calculate the number of minutes in seven years, assuring, “It’s really easy.” The passion, it turns out, was teaching. After graduating with a degree in Kinesiology from the University of Maryland, Hudy taught chemistry and coached volleyball at an all-girls Catholic high school before taking a job as a graduate assistant at the University of Connecticut. There she was met with, you guessed it, more resistance.

I CHOSE TO LOVE IT. “Coach Calhoun (UConn’s men’s basketball coach) told me right off the bat that he had worked with women before and didn’t want this,” Hudy remembers. “He told me he told his wife I was only going to last two weeks.” The pressures of UConn’s championship-driven athletic environment were more intense than she had ever experienced. “It was hard, both physically and intellectually because UConn women’s basketball was such a culture of dominance,” she says. “That’s not easy to live in every day. Everything’s a competition. Everything. You had to have your head on a swivel or you’re going to get thrown in a pool. Some people might have thought, ‘That’s way too much for me.’ But I thrived on it. I chose to love it.” Perhaps to Jim Calhoun’s surprise, Hudy stayed at UConn nine-and-a-half years, earning a masters degree in Sports Biomechanics in the process. “When I left, he said, ‘Thank you,’” she says. Next, she set her sights on Kansas at the suggestion of former athletic director Lew Perkins. And, again, the resistance monster reared its head. “With Coach (Bill) Self, it was the same deal,” she says. “He said, ‘I don’t want a woman doing this. I mean, how are people going to see this? What’s going to happen?,” she recalls. Self admits to having fear of the unknown. “At that time, I wasn’t comfortable with a female being in charge of our team in that particular area because I’d never seen a female in charge of strength coaching,” Self says. “That was before I talked with her. Afterward, I re-

alized I shouldn’t have been concerned at all, and I wasn’t. She was the best person for the job, and that has played out to be true.” Buy-in from Self was a win, but Hudy still had to ward off skepticism from a whole new set of doubters. “My first year here, I was the Wicked Witch of the East. I had rules and standards of operation in a weight room, and I knew how things should be done,” Hudy explains. “I compare it to chemistry or math class in which there aren’t a lot of women teachers, either. So my mantra was, ‘This is my teaching environment, and you don’t jack around in my teaching environment.’” One of her first orders of business was turning off the music blasting over the speaker system in the weight room during workouts. “People didn’t like that. But I want to coach. I’m a teacher. I want to give critical feedback or motivation, and they need to hear me. They deserve that. “ Next, she outlawed jewelry in the weight room, causing a mild protest from players and staff. “It’s a safety hazard, like earrings get ripped out, for instance. I’ve seen it happen. A lot of coaches didn’t understand, and I said, ‘Well, that’s my rule.’ I shouldn’t have to defend the safety of our athletes. That’s part of my life’s work. I don’t want people getting hurt.” Of course, Hudy is only human, which may be why she ignored her own rules in an effort to motivate a certain former player. CONTINUED P. 58 »

“Jeremy Case,” she says, laughing. “Make sure you say it was his fault.” “I asked Jeremy to do six reps at a certain weight when he had only gone for four, previously. It was a multiple fatigue set, and it takes a lot of psychology to do it. So I told him if he did it, I’d do the same amount of reps at a comparable weight for me. He did it eight times and said, ‘Ok, coach. Do yours.’ And I said, ‘Jeremy, I’m an older person. I need to warm up first’ because I had a previous shoulder injury from high school. But he wasn’t having it. So I brought the weight down and my shoulder just popped. Everyone heard it. And he said, ‘You can’t stop.’ He was calling me out! So I repeated the reps and ended up in the hospital for shoulder surgery. It was dumb on my part.” Coach Self recalls the now-legendary tale as a valuable lesson. “The fact that she went ahead and finished the reps with a torn rotator cuff … our guys definitely used that as motivation for themselves moving forward,” he says. Hudy’s trajectory to respect beyond Jayhawk Nation wasn’t always smooth either. She says, “I remember standing in the hallway before the Final Four game against Memphis. Their players were making fun of our players because they had a female strength coach. That wasn’t the first time that had happened.” And how did players respond to the trash talk about their beloved coach? “We won,” she says with a straight face. These days, Hudy is enjoying the fruits of her hardearned accomplishments, including the MBA she earned last May from KU’s School of Business.

“I think of myself as a teacher, but I always want to learn,” Hudy says. “I find myself at corporations more and more, talking about being female in a male-dominated world. I thought an MBA would give me instant credibility in those places. Also, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to manage different income streams. So I want to be a good citizen, take care of my finances and pay my taxes to keep up with the integrity of life.” But do you really need an MBA to do that? “I did,” she says, grinning. “Because I didn’t know how to do it!” It’s that self-deprecating humor, intense curiosity and an authentic softness that belies her no-nonsense weightroom persona that endears Hudy to her players and colleagues. “Hudy is one of the most well-respected sport performance coaches in the country,” says Nicole Corcoran, executive associate athletics director at Kansas Athletics. “She is sought-after as a speaker and expert, and brings an intensity to her work. But she’s also a lot of fun! She has a great sense of humor and can be a bit mischievous.” Hudy’s most recent resistor was a pesky left knee that gave out after years of intense wear-and-tear. Three months after replacement surgery, she darted around the training room with no sign of pain, owning a men’s basketball training session like the boss she is. “People say, ‘Oh my God, you’re only three months out,’” Hudy says. “And I go, ‘Yeah, but I’m 25 years ahead of the curve.’ The key is movement. You’ve just got to keep moving.” In other words, you’ve got to break it down before you build it up. CONTINUED P. 60 »

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BUILD YOUR RESISTANCE 1-LEG DUMBBELL ROMANIAN DEADLIFT • Hold weight in left hand • Place feet under hips • Take a deep breath, brace torso to maintain tension created to protect spine • Engage right knee out (while maintaining toes forward) and place a slight bend in right knee • Slowly raise left leg and while maintaining good posture • Rotate forward around the right hip as you elevate the left leg until your left leg and torso are parallel to the ground • While maintaining posture, return to starting position

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GOBLET SQUAT • Total Body Lift • Hold weight under chin • Spread feet approx. shoulder width apart • Take a deep breath, brace torso to maintain tension created to protect spine • Engage knees out (while maintaining toes forward) • Slowly lower hips by bending knees and maintaining upright posture • Keep whole foot on ground • Squat to at least thighs parallel to ground • While maintaining upright posture, extend knees and hips to a standing position

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L Magazine asks area women about their favorite “L” words. Story by Sharita Hutton

“Likeable”SARAH UNRUH

Today people measure being likable by the amount of thumbs up and hearts you get on social media. We shouldn’t feel anxiety and stress over this and that’s sadly what I see people going through. I think we should worry abo ut what the people that matter the most in our lives think of us, not strangers. I want to be a likable person. Especially to my friends, family, coworkers.

“Love” LISA PATTERSON

For me, love is my children. I have been surprised by how much love I feel towards my kids. I first thought it was the baby phase and it was the cuteness that made them so lovable. I have learned that I love them at each stage of life. The people they are becoming and their hearts make me love them more and more. Every mom says “I love me kids” and I am no exception. I feel the love I have for me kids daily and I feeling the love grow has been amazing.

“Life” DAYNA HULL “Lee”TAMARA DAY “Learning” TABI CLARK

When I think of an L word, I think of life. We are all given life and we are able to do what we will with it. Each day of life we are growing, making changes and being challenged. The choices we make daily determines how good or bad a life you will have.

My middle name is “Lee” so that is the word that comes to mind. That is meaningful because my husbands middle name is also Lee and so we gave all of our children the middle name Lee as well. We all spell it the same making it even more special.

I like learning new things, both to better myself and for fun. I work with kids and I enjoy sharing my love for learning with them.

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